by Hazel Kelly
My chest pulled tight. She was so wrong. I meant every nice thing I’d ever said to her and every nice thing I didn’t have the guts to say.
But the timing wasn’t right. It was too soon. She was too young.
Besides, I knew what she didn’t, which was that if I let myself hold her even once, I’d never be able to let go.
T H R E E
- Margot -
By two in the morning, most of the older guests had retired to their respective hotel rooms. Many of the younger ones had done the same, too, though I suspected for entirely different reasons.
When I noticed that the band was busting out their grand finale playlist, I stepped outside onto the large balcony that overlooked the manicured grounds of the country club.
The navy sky was filled with stars, and while I couldn’t make out the individual trees in the distance, I could see them swaying collectively in the gentle breeze.
I closed my eyes and inhaled the fresh air, relishing the way it cooled my nose and lungs. Deep down, I knew I’d have to go to the city if I was going to seriously pursue a career in advertising, so there was no telling when I might enjoy another clean, suburban breath.
Then again, maybe the crisp air in Central Park would surprise me as I traveled to meetings with other top ad execs or lunches with the bohemian roommate I could only hope for. After all, I’d learned in college that having a free-spirited roommate was good for me. I responded well to peer pressure and enjoyed giving in to the frivolity I so easily resisted when left to my own devices.
“Hey, stranger.”
Landon’s deep, dreamy voice interrupted my drunken train of thought, and I opened my eyes as I turned towards him.
He was leaning against the stone railing, his tie hanging loosely around his neck and his hair wet with sweat.
“If it isn’t the Dancing Queen himself.”
He shrugged. “Once the funk breaks out, I break out. You know that.”
“Some things never change.”
“I thought I might find you out here scoffing more cake.”
“Sorry to disappoint,” I said, “but I already tried every tier.”
“And?”
“The strawberry one was the best.”
“I liked the chocolate myself,” he said. “But you’ve always been partial to strawberries.”
“Loyalty is a virtue in my book.”
“Didn’t you get a strawberry cake for your eighteenth birthday party?”
I shot him a look. He’d never mentioned that day since. “I did, yeah. I can’t believe you remember that.”
He fixed his eyes on mine before shifting his weight so his face dropped into the shadows. “I remember everything about that day.”
I took a sip of my drink.
“Fondly.”
A tense silence settled between us, interrupted only by the breeze.
“So just drinking alone then?” he asked. “Not eating?”
“Isn’t that more socially acceptable?”
“I think anything goes at weddings,” he said. “Especially when you’re the groom’s little sister.”
“Or the best man.”
“I don’t know. I think the best man has a few more boundaries that need to be respected.”
I wasn’t sure, but I could swear I felt his eyes drip down my body. “What brought you out here?”
“I saw you go,” he said. “And I sensed you might be feeling…”
“What?”
“Fitful.”
“Fitful?”
“Anxious?” he guessed.
“You needn’t try to read me. I’ve been told it’s a difficult thing to do.”
“Not for me. I can read you like a book.”
I folded my arms. “Is that so?”
“For better or for worse.”
“What am I thinking now, then?”
“You’re thinking…how is this guy so attractive and charming all at once? And boy, am I having a better time out here now that he showed up.”
One corner of my mouth twitched.
“I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Not exactly,” I said, though all of those things were true.
“Enlighten me, then.”
I sighed. “I was wondering about my own happily ever after.”
“What about it?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I guess I’m just eager to get there already.”
“It doesn’t work like that, babe.”
“Babe?”
“Sorry.”
I wasn’t. Just surprised.
“That was the drink talking.”
“Consider yourself officially pardoned,” I said, knowing he’d never understand how much that slip made my night.
“My point is, nobody gets to jump to the happily ever after bit. Not if it’s a good one, anyway.”
“I’m listening.”
“Take Cinderella,” he said.
“My favorite of all the princesses.”
“No shit. I remember the day you got your blue Cinderella dress caught in the spokes of your bike.”
My face fell. “That was the worst.”
“You taught me an important lesson that day.”
“What lesson?” I asked.
“That when it comes to women, clothes are not just clothes.”
I smiled. “You’re welcome.”
“Anyway, the only reason Cinderella can appreciate her ecstatic bliss when the shoe fits is because of all the shit she went through to get there. It’s the contrast that makes her happiness possible.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I think I could still enjoy myself if I jumped right to the end.”
He shook his head. “Not a chance. That’s like reading the last page of a book first.”
I cocked my head and considered his analogy.
“Please don’t tell me you do that.”
“I’ve done it a few times,” I said. “But only when I have absolutely no intention of reading the whole book.”
“It spoils the whole story.”
“I suppose it does.”
“You suppose correctly,” he said. “Besides, today is your brother’s big day. You’ll get your turn. A girl like you? No question.”
“What do you mean a girl like me?”
“I mean a girl with everything going for her.”
Why did he always have to say the right thing instead of saying too much? Or better, saying what I wanted him to say? “It’s good to see you,” I said softly. “No one picks me up like you can.”
He stepped towards me so his face came out of the shadows. “It’s good to see you, too, Margot.”
My eyes fell to his lips, and my body burned at the thought of having them on me.
“I didn’t realize how much I missed you.”
It felt good to hear him say that. It gave me hope that he might come around. That he might even want me back. Someday. Like I wanted him. With everything.
I wanted to tell him I’d missed him, too, but I didn’t think I could without my voice cracking. Plus, he already knew. How could he not? He must’ve recognized the longing in my eyes, the way I startled at his touch. Especially if he could read me the way he claimed he could.
After all, I did more than pine for him. I craved him. I ached. I was sick with something I was convinced only his touch could cure.
But even then— with him so close every hair on my body stood at attention— he felt just out of reach. As if behind glass. And even after all these years, I feared my heart would never learn to tolerate the strain caused by that feeling.
“Well, well, well,” my brother said, his shoes clacking across the stone tiles. “If it isn’t my two favorite people.”
F O U R
- Landon -
The smile on my best friend’s face made my chest swell with happiness. Matt was like a brother to me, had been as long as I’d known him.
“I don’t think you can say that anymore,” I said. “Don�
��t you mean two out of three of your favorite people?”
“Obviously,” he said, combing some sweat through his hair with his fingers. “I thought it was understood that I meant besides my wife.”
An expression flashed across Margot’s face that I recognized instantly. It was the one she always pulled at the moment she realized her brother was shitfaced.
“God, that sounds weird,” Matt said. “My wife. Crazy, isn’t it?”
“That someone would marry you in the first place or that someone as lovely as Kelsey would do the honors?” I asked.
“Very funny,” he said. “But both.”
“It’s crazy, all right,” Margot said.
“I know.” Matt put his arm over her shoulders and hugged her to him. “But let’s keep that between us ’cause she thinks I’m a catch.”
“Of course,” I said, wishing I were the one with my arm around Margot. “Your secret is safe with us.”
“Great,” Matt said, throwing his other arm over me and hanging his weight loosely between us. “I knew I could count on you guys.” He hugged us both, losing his footing slightly, and when I went to grab his waist, Margot beat me to it so I ended up laying my hand across her arm.
Her eyes caught mine for a moment, but I didn’t move. Not only because I was glad for the excuse to touch her, but because I had far more experience holding up her brother in these situations.
Still, I admired how quick to step up she was, no matter how unglamorous the task at hand. So many of the women I knew were fragile, or at least, they insisted they were. But Margot wasn’t like that. She didn’t want to be treated like a delicate flower.
If anything, that was part of the problem with us, because I still saw her that way. Like a precious gem that ought to be put on a pillow atop a pedestal behind closed glass…whereas she wanted to be the hammer a robber would use to smash the glass.
Matt stayed quiet for a moment, happy to hang on us and look out towards the golf course in the distance where we’d caddied in high school and gotten into all sorts of trouble. When his voice finally broke the silence, it was too loud, as if he were still dancing in front of the speakers.
“I wonder how long I’ll think it’s fun to call her my wife,” he wondered aloud.
“Hopefully forever,” Margot said.
I nodded once. “Hopefully.”
Matt pulled his arms from our shoulders and turned to me. “So did you offer her the job yet?”
I furrowed my brow. “What? Who?”
“Margot,” he said, pointing his thumb at her. “Don’t you think she’s the perfect replacement for that intern that didn’t work out?”
I glanced at Margot. Her eyes were wide. Unfortunately, I don’t think she realized this idea was news to me, too. “I hadn’t thought about it,” I said. “And even if I had, I’m not at liberty to do that. She’d have to talk to HR.”
“But you could put in a good word, though,” he said, making the same persuasive face he’d made since we were kids, the same face that had gotten me into deep shit more times than I could count. “You know she’s bright,” he continued. “And you’d be doing her a huge favor ’cause she’s been going crazy since she moved back home.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Is that true?”
She shrugged. “I wouldn’t say ‘crazy.’”
An expression of disbelief twisted Matt’s face. “You asked me last week if I could get my hands on some Xanax.”
My eyes grew wide.
“Not for me,” she said, raising her palms. “For my mom. I thought I could slip it in her smoothies or something… I meant it as a joke.”
“Right,” I said. “Of course.”
“Is there an opening?” she asked. “At your agency?”
I knew she went to school for advertising, too, but we’d never really talked about it. And working with her had never occurred to me. I didn’t even think she wanted to live in the city.
“There might be,” I said, worried about overpromising anything, which had been my biggest worry since I was old enough to know that I wanted to promise her everything.
“What’s with the hesitation?” Matt asked. “Are you worried she’d outshine you? I mean, I know you’re the golden boy over there, but surely you’re not afraid of a little competition?”
I rolled my eyes. “Easy, Matt. Your smack talk isn’t necessary. I’ll see what I can do.”
He pointed at me. “Make sure you say that no one would have to worry about that shit the last intern got up to.”
“What happened?” Margot asked, crossing her arms.
“It’s a long story,” I said.
“No, it’s not,” Matt said. “She tried to seduce you and a bunch of your colleagues, and as soon as she got traction, she filed a sexual harassment suit.”
Margot scrunched her nose. “Sounds like a pretty sticky situation, all right.”
“Good one,” Matt said, elbowing her.
She shook her head, revealing that the pun hadn’t been intentional. “Sorry to hear about that, anyway. That’s an unfortunate situation.”
“Yeah.” I shoved a hand in my pocket. “Especially when you consider all the time and money we wasted going to court.”
“What happened in the end?” she asked.
“Everybody lost,” I said. “Our former intern didn’t get a penny, and our company lost a trusted and talented asset who should’ve had a long future with us.”
“The point is,” Matt said, “Margot needs a job, you’ve got a job, and she’s the perfect replacement.”
“Matt.” Margot laid a hand on his shoulder. “He heard you the first time. He said he’ll see what he can do.”
I smiled at her gratefully, relieved that she understood.
“Maybe it’s about time you go check on your wife,” I suggested.
“Good idea,” Matt said, saluting. “I only meant to say goodnight to you guys anyway.”
“Goodnight,” Margot said. “And congratulations again, bro.”
“Thanks.” Matt gave her a hug before turning to give me one. “Meant a lot to have you guys here with me today. I hope you had fun.”
“Tons,” Margot said.
“Me too.” I patted his back firmly and let him go.
“Good.” Matt inhaled one more deep breath of fresh air. “On that note, I’m going to go tuck my wife in,” he said, winking at me.
Margot groaned.
I lifted a hand. “Have fun.”
“You kids stay out of trouble,” he said, taking a few steps back towards the door.
I felt myself relax a little with every step he put between us.
“Oh, and Landon,” he called across the balcony.
I looked over my shoulder.
“In case you haven’t noticed,” he said, “Kelsey’s Spanish host sister has been licking her lips at you all night.”
I swallowed.
“So if you’re up for an after party, she’s a sure bet.”
“Goodnight, Matt,” I said, waiting for the door to click shut behind him. When I turned back around, Margot was leaning against the railing and looking down at the manicured garden below.
“Sorry about that,” I said, the awkwardness of his comment lingering like a bad smell.
“No need. He was only pointing out the obvious.”
“Was he?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice,” she said, glancing at me. “She was practically undressing you with her eyes all night.”
“Then I hope she enjoyed my man thong.”
“You are not wearing a man thong.”
“Of course I am,” I said, wondering if I was genuinely trying to lighten the mood or if I just wanted her to picture me naked. “As if I’d risk having panty lines in my tux.”
“Well, it certainly did the job. I can’t say I noticed any panty lines on you today.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think that meant you checked out my ass.”
“Everybody che
cked out your ass, Landon. You were shaking it so hard on the dance floor, Aunt Tillie started watering down her Scotch.”
“In that case, remind me to bill Matt for the entertainment.”
“Will do,” she said, deciding against a sip of wine when she noticed her glass was empty.
“Can I get you a nightcap?”
“No thanks,” she said. “I think I’m going to call it a night. See you at breakfast.”
My heart sank.
“If you make it.”
I forced a smile. “I’ll be there.”
And as I watched her curves drift through the night one last time, I wondered why—despite all the practice I’d had over the years—it was still so hard to see her go.
F L A S H B A C K
- Landon -
“Why don’t you go explore the neighborhood,” my dad said, feigning enthusiasm. “See if there are any kids your age knocking around.”
I was doing my best to stay out of the movers’ way, but I could tell when I wasn’t wanted.
“Come back in a half-hour and we’ll make those special peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you like.”
“Are there chips?” I asked, stepping onto the grass as two men carried our couch up the path to our new front door.
“I’ll try and dig some out for you, honey,” my mom said as she opened the trunk of her car. “Otherwise, we’ll put them on the shopping list.”
“If there aren’t any potato chips to stick in the sandwich, I’d rather have a Cup Noodle,” I said, making up reasons to keep talking so I wouldn’t have to walk around on my own.
My dad’s eyes went wide, and I knew he was onto me. “While you’re out,” he said, “will you check and see if any of our new neighbors have that SUV I pointed out on the drive here?”
“Sure, Dad,” I said, shoving my hands in my pockets and dragging my feet down the driveway.
“First impressions are everything,” he called after me, apparently picking up on my reticence.
I sighed and looked up the quiet street. Our house was right at the end near the cul-de-sac. Our old street had a cul-de-sac, too, but it was way better. It had big rocks you could jump off and two nice trees, one of which had low branches that made it easy to climb. This one just had grass and flowers, though, so unless its manicured appearance was caused by a heard of wild goats, I couldn’t imagine it ever interesting me.
