by S. H. Kolee
He opened the door and stepped aside, letting me walk in first. I was too busy soaking up every detail of Simon's room to notice him closing the door behind us.
Simon's room looked more like a small apartment. There was an area for his bed along with all the regular bedroom furniture, like a dresser and desk, but then there was a separate area that looked like a living room, complete with a couch and TV. The bathroom door was open and I could see his toiletries scattered on the counter.
The room was decorated in dark colors and, except for its size, looked like any typical male bedroom. There were pictures tacked to a board beside his desk and I leaned closer, studying them. A younger, more youthful Simon looked back at me, laughing and smiling with his friends. I saw there were a fair number of girls in the pictures and tried not to read too much into it. At least there were no photos of him alone with a girl. They were all group photos so I comforted myself with the fact that they were probably all just friends. Not that it mattered. They looked like pictures from high school and Simon hadn't even known me then. There was no point getting jealous about girls he had known before we had met.
His room was neat but there were a few clothes scattered about. I turned around and saw Simon leaning against the closed door, his arms folded across his chest. Watching me.
I swallowed as his eyes met mine. He was looking at me in a way that made heat shoot up inside me. I gave him a weak smile. "Aren't you getting your coat? We should get going."
I walked towards him, intending to open the door when he stopped me with a hand circled around my wrist, pulling me against him.
"I thought it was killing me, waiting to kiss you for the first time. Now that I know what it's like, it's even worse." I was speechless as he bent his head down. Simon's lips softly met mine and I felt the same desire as last night rise in me. My reaction to Simon hadn't been a fluke. I felt my coat slide numbly from my fingers as he deepened the kiss, cradling my face in his hands. His hands slowly moved down, caressing my back until they settled at the base of my spine. I wrapped my arms around Simon's neck, surrendering myself to his kiss, becoming an active participant as our mouths caressed each other, our lips clinging together.
Simon increased the pressure of his hands, pulling me closer until my body was flush against his. I could clearly feel the hardness of his arousal and liquid warmth rushed between my legs in response. If Simon hadn't been holding me so firmly, I would have sworn I would have melted into a puddle on the floor.
I threaded my hands in his hair, deepening the kiss and Simon growled in approval, laving my tongue with his. My breasts were pushed against his unyielding chest and I felt my nipples harden painfully, begging to be touched. Simon seemed to instinctively know what I wanted as his hands moved up, slipping beneath my shirt and roaming to the front. He pushed his hands in between our bodies, roughly shoving the cups of my bra up to release my breasts. I whimpered in a wordless plea, excited by the raspy feel of the pads of his fingers scraping against my delicate skin.
Simon breathed raggedly against my mouth. "God, I want you so bad. You taste so fucking good. You're driving me crazy."
Simon continued the assault on my mouth and I eagerly met his with mine, feeling the same ravenous hunger he was feeling. All reservations were forgotten. The only thing that existed in that moment was Simon's mouth and hands. His tongue feverishly mated with mine as he pushed my shirt up so my breasts were completely bare. He cupped them with his hands, caressing them but circling around my nipples, teasing me by not touching them. They were rock hard and aching for his touch and I whimpered in frustration. I reached down and grabbed one of his hands so that his fingers were on my nipple. Simon made a guttural noise and took hold of my nipple, twisting it between his fingertips. I cried out against Simon's mouth as a piercing arrow of desire went straight from my nipple to between my legs.
"Fuck, yes," he whispered as he did the same to my other nipple. He was kissing me ravenously, twisting both of my aching hard nipples with his fingers until I felt like I was going to explode from just those sensations. My arms clung around his neck, hanging on for dear life as I met each thrust of his tongue with one of my own.
"I need to taste you," Simon groaned. He moved his hands down so they were spread against my back, supporting me as he pushed his hips against mine. He leaned down and flicked a nipple with his tongue and I felt my insides spasm. I must have made a noise because Simon lifted his head slightly, looking at me hungrily. His blue eyes were almost black with desire and he looked at me possessively, as if he were branding me with his touch. "You're fucking mine."
Simon's words should have shocked me with their crudeness, their baseness, but instead it ignited my desire even higher. All I could do was nod, knowing that his words were true. No matter what happened, whether we ended up together or not, I knew that I was his. I felt a little broken by my admission, knowing that I would never feel this way in anyone else's arms, but I pushed the thought aside. Now wasn't the time for analysis of my thoughts. I only wanted to feel.
Simon smiled with satisfaction at my agreement and leaned back down, catching my nipple in his mouth and abrading it softly with his teeth. I moaned, the sensation so exquisite it was almost painful. When he pulled my nipple deeper into his mouth, sucking hard as he laved the hard nub with his hot tongue, I was convinced I was going to lose it.
As much as I wanted this to continue, I knew that soon I would pass the point of no return and I would let anything happen. As much as I wanted Simon, as much as I had admitted to myself and to him that I was his, I knew this was a line I couldn't cross yet.
There was so much at stake, and I needed to get some answers from my aunt tomorrow before I could make any decisions. As much as I wanted to just lose myself in the sensations, I realized I was doing this more for Simon than myself. I didn't want to make any promises I couldn't keep. And I knew if we made love, he would take that as a promise.
So I pulled away, breaking the embrace and straightening. Simon looked almost dangerous as his mouth lost hold of my nipple. He stared at me fiercely as he fought to control his shallow breaths. "You want this." It was a statement, not a question.
I silently put myself back together, pushing my bra back into place and pulling my shirt down. My swollen breasts strained painfully against the confines of the bra cups, wanting to be touched again by Simon. I didn't know how to explain myself so I just bit my lip, trying to think of something to say.
Simon took a deep breath, some of the passion clearing from his face. His eyes still looked at me hungrily but the corners of his mouth quirked up. "So much for taking it slow. I seem to lose control around you." He shook his head, as if he didn't understand it himself. "I didn't mean to scare you. Sometimes I forget myself because I want you so damn bad."
I gave him a small smile. "You didn't scare me. I think I scared myself." And it was true. Simon had been so different as he kissed me. Darker and dangerous. Seductive. So different from the Simon that made lighthearted jokes and gave me tender hugs. But it thrilled me and I still recognized the core of Simon, knew he would never hurt me.
I didn't want Simon to think he was the only one feeling the fevered attraction, although I was pretty sure I had made it obvious.
"I want you too." I stuttered a little at the words but forced myself to continue. "I just..." I trailed off, not being able to explain that I wanted to wait until after Sunday.
Simon came closer, cupping my cheek with a gentle hand. "I understand. It's too fast." He gave me a sweet smile that made my heart ache. "I can go slow. We can take this however you want to."
I latched onto the excuse that he gave me. "Yes, let's go a little slower. It's all a little overwhelming." That much was true.
"Of course." Simon leaned down to pick up my coat I had dropped. "I promised you a tour of outside."
I took a deep breath to steady myself. It was a sudden switch from being locked in a passionate embrace to talking about a tour of the grounds. S
imon seemed to be a master at switching gears and I tried to keep up.
Simon held my coat up so I could slip my arms inside. As I did, he lifted my hair and I felt a fleeting kiss at the base of my neck. I turned around with a raised eyebrow. "What happened to taking it slow?"
"That doesn't mean I can't steal a kiss here and there." Simon grinned and I couldn't help but smile in return.
We went outside and even though it was chilly, it was fun to have Simon lead me around as he held my hand tightly, showing me the different parts of the grounds.
Grounds was the correct word to use. To call it a backyard would be laughable. There was a large pool complete with cabanas, although the pool was covered now. There were tennis courts, a basketball court and a sprawling field with volleyball nets. The most fascinating part was the garden. Even though it was November, there were plenty of hardy bushes and plants that were thriving, and they made an intricate maze that we lost ourselves in.
"Wait until you see it in the spring," Simon said. "With all the flowers blooming, it's amazing. I can say that without even feeling emasculated."
I smiled at Simon, both at his comment about the flowers and his assumption that I would be around to see it in the spring.
As we explored the garden, Simon was affectionate but didn't push the boundaries. His seductive kiss and caresses earlier had excited me, but his easy affection thrilled me too. He seemed to do them unthinkingly, brushing my hair off of my face with a gentle stroke, kissing the back of my hand that he held continuously while smiling down at me, listening to me talk.
Simon was able to draw out details about my life and I shared with him what it was like growing up without a mother and a father that seemed disinterested. Simon told me about growing up in this house and his parents, pausing every now and then to lightly kiss me on the lips, or sometimes on the forehead. For someone who had grown up with little physical affection, I felt like Simon was the sun and I was a flower that had been in the shade, finally blooming from his ministrations.
I shook my head at my maudlin thoughts. Pretty soon I was going to start writing bad poetry about Simon's eyes.
"There you guys are!" Sarah was rounding the corner of a high bush with Grant trailing behind. "I was looking everywhere for you two." Sarah glanced at our interlocked hands and she tried to suppress a smile, somewhat unsuccessfully, but thankfully didn't comment.
Simon glanced at his watch. "Wow, I didn't realize so much time had gone by."
"What time is it?" I leaned closer to Simon to look at the face of his watch. "It's already past noon!" I couldn't believe Simon and I had spent the past two hours lost in our own world. It had seemed much shorter than that.
"Aunt Beth said we're leaving for lunch at one," Grant said. If he noticed that we were holding hands, he pretended not to.
"Caitlin, can you come with me up to my room? I want to change my top. This sweater is too heavy. I thought it was going to be colder." Sarah looked at me as if she was trying to communicate something with her eyes. I could imagine what it was. I knew her inquisition was inevitable so I figured it was best to get it over with.
"Sure." I started to slip my hand out of Simon's but before I could, he tightened his hold and pulled me closer so I was facing him. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and grinned at my shocked expression. I knew he was affectionate but I hadn't expected him to kiss me in front of Grant and Sarah, no matter how quick the peck.
"Meet us in the foyer at one," he said, letting go of my hand. I nodded, having nothing to say, and walked over to Sarah who was looking amused. We left the boys behind as we made our way into the house.
"What the heck is going on between you two?" she asked in an excited whisper.
"Shhh," I whispered back vehemently. I glanced behind us and saw Grant and Simon watching us leave. "They'll hear you. At least wait until we're in your room before you start the interrogation."
Sarah rolled her eyes but she obliged my request. When we got to her room, she closed the door behind her. "Okay, tell me everything."
I laughed at her eager expression. She was practically hopping from one foot to another in anticipation.
"There's not much to tell. Simon came back last night to check on me to make sure I was okay. And we...ended up kissing and he spent the night in my room."
"What?! You guys slept together?!"
"No, no," I replied quickly, shaking my head. "He slept in here. As in literally sleeping."
"Oh." Sarah seemed a little deflated by this revelation but it was then replaced with an expression of outrage. "You waited all this time to tell me this? You could have told me this morning!" Her mood quickly shifted again as she looked thoughtful. "What were you guys doing when we couldn't find you?"
"Sarah, slow down." I laughed at her huff of impatience. "Okay, okay. Well...when we came upstairs to get our coats, we kissed again. It went a little further than kissing."
"How much further? Horizontal further?"
"No! We kissed, then he..." I blushed, not able to finish the sentence. There hadn't really been much to talk about in the area of my love life in the past and I was unused to giving details. I waved in the general direction of my chest, hoping Sarah would get the message.
"Wait, shirt on or off?"
"On. But kind of pushed up."
"And?"
"That's it. I mean, it was getting a little too...heated. So I asked Simon to take it slow."
Sarah flung herself on the bed with a sigh. "Wow, this is a lot to process. You went from swearing Simon was just a friend to making out with him." She propped herself up on her elbows. "Why'd you tell him to stop? Are you really trying to take it slow? Or is it because of your visions?"
I sat down next to Sarah, taking a deep breath. Even though Sarah didn't know everything that I had discovered about my visions, she still knew that they were a hurdle for me. It would be difficult to let anyone in, let alone someone who had been in one of my visions.
"I'm not sure. I'm getting tired of denying that I feel something for Simon. Even though we've only known each other for a short period of time, it's like I'm irresistibly drawn to him. I keep telling myself it's crazy, to feel so deeply about someone I don't know very well. But that's just the thing. I feel like I know Simon better than almost anyone. And I feel like he knows me better than anyone." I grabbed a hold of Sarah's hand, giving it a quick squeeze. "Except for you, of course."
Sarah gave me a sad smile. "Caitlin, I would be ecstatic if you and Simon were together. If you told him everything. You've been so careful all your life to stay on this path you've locked yourself in. And I understand why you've done it. Believe me, if I were you I'd probably be in some corner in a fetal position. But you're strong enough to take a chance. A chance for yourself. And Simon."
Sarah paused, seeming to ponder her next words. "I've mentioned before that Grant's told me that Simon always talks about you. I'm not kidding. That Sunday after Jenny's party, when you pushed him away, Grant said Simon was a mess. I mean, a real mess. Grant told me that Simon had been ranting and raving about making a fool of himself over you. That he was done. But then in the next breath he was pleading with Grant to try and find out from me why you were pushing him away. If there really was a Bob. And if there was, where Bob lived. Apparently, Simon wanted to go to him and tell him to man up and be with you, or he was going to do everything in his power to take you away from him."
I was shocked at Sarah's confession, at the intensity of Simon's feelings. Even though Simon had expressed the depth of his feelings, I had still felt like I was the only crazy one feeling the unbelievably strong connection.
"Simon met up with Claudia to try and figure out your connection to her. He saw your reaction to her Saturday night while he was on stage so he basically asked her to meet him and interrogated her. They went to the Cove and I think the poor girl thought he was asking her out on a date until the entire conversation was about you." So that explained why Samantha had heard they were
now an item.
"Do you know if they went back to his place?"
"Grant said something about Claudia showing Simon where some past assignments were online since Claudia is a fine arts and music double major and they share some classes. Grant was actually at Simon's place when Claudia was over." Sarah paused before continuing "I think...I think Simon loves you."
My eyes widened at her words but I didn't speak as Sarah continued. "He pretty much told Grant that he had never felt this way about a girl before, that he was going to do whatever it took for you to trust him. Because he knows you're holding something back from him."
"How can Simon love me when he doesn't really know me? The real me."
"He does know the real you!" Sarah said fiercely. "The real you is everything you've shown him. A funny and sweet girl who's so smart yet doesn't realize her own worth. Just because Simon doesn't know about your visions doesn't mean he doesn't know you. They don't define you, Caitlin." Sarah gentled her next words. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't share that part of you with him. Simon wants to be there for you, Caitlin. Let him. As much I value being your closest friend, you deserve more in your life than just a best friend. Open up to him. I doubt he'll disappoint you."
"But we've only known each other for a few weeks. To feel so strongly...it just doesn't make sense."
Sarah smiled sadly, looking wiser than her years. "Sometimes it doesn't matter how long you've known someone. You just know you're meant to be with them. And Simon knows. He's not afraid to try and grab what he wants. And what he wants is you. Doesn't he deserve a chance?"
I inhaled and exhaled slowly as I absorbed Sarah's words. "I think I'm willing to try," I said slowly. "But I need to think about it. It's not something I can decide overnight." I didn't add that it was something I couldn't decide until Sunday. "But I'm willing to consider it. And that's about all I can do right now."
