Broken But Breathing (Jinx Tattoos Book 2)

by Colt, Shyla

  “Yay,” Es muttered.

  Snake snickered. “It’ll get better. At least the horrendous tantrums have stopped.”

  “True,” she said, offering up a smile.

  He bent down, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him with every ounce of feeling she possessed for him. The road was a scary place to be because anything could happen. He never told her what he was doing, so she had no idea how much danger he might be in. She knew better than to ask, so she treated every run like it was perilous. They surfaced for air and she breathed deeply, resting her head over his heart.

  “That thing under your head beats for you and that little girl upstairs. I’m coming back as soon as I can to you both.”

  “I know,” she said, smoothing her hand over his pec.

  He placed a kiss on her head. “I gotta go or Mike will skin me again. You need anything, call Enzo and Aibhlinn.”

  “I know the drill,” she said.

  “Yes, but I know your stubbornness is on expert level,” he replied, stealing a kiss. “Walk me out.”

  She agreed knowing she’d be receiving calls from the sweet couple. The last thing she wanted to be was a burden when Aibhlinn when she had a two-month-old Padraig at home. The curly haired redhead was the miniaturized version of his father sans the russet curls. She feigned neutrality as she led him to the bike and stole one more soul shattering kiss before he climbed on and she watched him drive away. His motorcycle disappeared on the horizon and tears welled up in her eyes.

  She’d been thrown into the deep end of parenting with no instructions. Knowing the theory of child rearing was nowhere near exercising them. All the years of teaching small ones hadn’t prepared her for the angry girl inside. She wanted so badly to help the two find their happiness. Wiping away the tears, she took the opportunity to update Jole about their plans. Her best friend had been less than enthusiastic about the fact that Snake had a child.

  “Hey, shouldn’t you be heading to work about now?” Jole asked.

  “Change of plans. Snake had to go out of town for work last minute.”

  “And your shifts?”

  “I had someone else take them off my hands.”

  “Wow, you’ve got an understanding boss,” Jole said.

  You have no idea.

  “Perk of the job, I suppose.”

  “I’ll say. I guess that means no girl’s night out?”

  Es sighed. “No.”

  “How about a girl’s night in? After the little darling goes to sleep we’ll celebrate.”

  “That sounds amazing. I can already taste the wine.”

  Jolene laughed. “See you tomorrow at six o’clock?”

  “Perfect. Thank you for understanding.”

  “Hey, I have kids. I know a parent has to be Gumby ready to be flexible at the drop of a hat,” Jole said.

  Es sighed. “I’m quickly figuring that out.”

  “Hang in there, mama bear. The good comes with the bad. That little one just had a shit storm come her way. She has to process and begin to recover.”

  “I know. I’m just hoping it’ll be sooner rather than later.”

  “I know, love. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “With two bottles?”

  “Just for you,” Jole said.

  They disconnected and she couldn’t help but feel lighter. She moved inside from the porch and began dinner. Hoping to entice the girl down she made one of her favorites—fresh garlic bread and spaghetti with meat sauce. It was nice to cook for someone else. The sound of the door clicking open made her smile. She kept her back to the stairs as she continued to chop the salad. The back door opened and she decided to give Joc her space. The girl had a real fondness for the backyard. The deck had a great view of the wooded area behind their property. She spent much of her time out there or in the gardens Es was slowly building up. Fifteen minutes later, she shut off the eyes on the stove and walked out back. She opened the door and frowned when she didn’t see the girl seated at the table.

  “Joc,” she called.

  When the girl didn’t answer she scowled. “Jocelyn, this isn’t funny.” She walked down the steps of the deck, scanning the large yard. “Joc, come on, dinner’s ready.” She’s not here. Her heart began to race, and the blood drained from her face. She took off, yelling her name as she made her way around the house. One of the draws to their home was how close it was to everything. They could easily walk to the local strip mall.

  She ran to the back, and closed the door, leaving it unlocked in case the girl returned. As she headed out the front, she grabbed her keys, hoping she’d find the young girl still walking. Grabbing her phone, she walked toward the door.

  “Hey, Es, Snake told me he was headed out today, everything all right?”

  “No, I can’t find Joc.”

  “What?” Enzo exclaimed.

  “She stepped out on the back porch like she usually does, and when I went out to get her for dinner she wasn’t there. I don’t want to call Snake yet. He just left and I know he’s needed. But I want eyes looking for her.”

  “Jesus. Where are you looking?”

  “By the strip mall.”

  “I’m on my way,” Enzo said.

  Relieved to have help, she dialed up Jolene and delivered the same message. When she reached the strip mall with no sign of Joc, her stomach plummeted. The almost eight-year-old could pass for older with her long legs and sassy attitude. She parked the car and hit the sidewalk, eyeballing everyone she passed. If I was a child trying to run away where would I go? Oh, dear God! The gas station. She ran back to her car, praying for protection over the protected princess who had no clue how cruel the real world could be. She skidded out of the parking lot burning rubber as she punched the gas. Pulling into the first available space along the store front, she froze when she spotted a man speaking to Jocelyn. Her vision went red as she bounded out of the car and stalked toward them.

  “Get away from my daughter before I rip you limb from fucking limb, you disgusting maggot.”

  “Watch your mouth, bitch,” the man barked.

  “Try me, asshole,” she growled, balling up her fist. Due to her height and frame, she’d taken her fair share of self-defense courses. Blocking Jocelyn from his view, she stared him down, waiting for him to make his move.

  “You best back the fuck up,” said a masculine voice full of the promise of violence.

  She turned and saw Enzo stalking up in jeans, and a T-shirt that showed off his bulging arms. She breathed a sigh of relief. The man held up his hands.

  “Why don’t you keep an eye on your kid, bitch? I was just trying to help.”

  Her jaw ticked.

  “I’m going to give you to the count of three to disappear. One, two—”

  The man bolted, and Es’s stomach soured. What if I had been a few minutes later? Turning, she grabbed Jocelyn’s arm.

  “Do you have any idea what could’ve happened to you? If you were my daughter, I would tan your ass right now.”

  “But you’re not. You’re nothing,” Jocelyn snapped.

  The words were a slap to the face. Es literally took a step back.

  “You’re out of line, little girl,” Enzo said.

  Jocelyn crossed her arms and looked down at the floor.

  “Thank you so much for coming, En. I’ll take her from here. I know we need to tell Snake, but I want to wait until he gets back, and let her tell him.”

  She looked up. The fear in Joc’s eyes made Es sure she’d chosen the right action.

  “Hey, I’m good with not being the one who brings this to him. You need anything else, call, okay? I want to see you both home to make sure psycho doesn’t try to follow you.”

  She nodded, unable to speak for fear that she’d let something nasty slip out. She escorted Joc to the car like a
prisoner and watched as she got in and buckled up. She called Jolene once she got into the car.

  “Please tell me you found her,” Jolene begged.

  “We did, thank God.”

  “Okay. Jesus. What was she thinking?”

  “I’m not sure she was,” Es said.

  “You need me?”

  “No, but I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow even more.” She wondered once again if her presence was a hindrance to the bonding process Jocelyn needed with her father. Suddenly she missed her one bedroom and the solitude it offered. Pulling into the driveway, she honked at Enzo who’d pulled up behind them. Silence reigned as they walked to the front door and she opened the door, allowing Jocelyn to enter in front of her.

  Enzo beeped and pulled out of the driveway with a wave. She felt completely divided. In so many ways she’d found her place to belong. In others, she felt like the odd man out. There was no way in hell Joc would’ve pulled this if her father had been home. What am I doing wrong? Does she think I’m trying to be her mother? She locked the doors, armed the alarm, and came into the kitchen to find Jocelyn seated at the kitchen island.

  “Aren’t you going to call my father and tell him what I did?”

  “No, I was serious when I said you were going to do that. But if you call him before he gets back and mention this I will spank your ass, whether it’s my right or not. He needs his wits about him when he’s out there on the road working. It’s dangerous otherwise.”

  Jocelyn’s eyes widened.

  “There are so many things you didn’t consider when you pulled this stunt tonight. You could’ve been killed! Your father just got you back, what do you think that would do to him, or me? I’m the one responsible for you right now. You’ve completely broken my trust. I won’t believe a word out of your mouth for a long time. All for what? Where did you think you were going?”

  “Home.”

  “This is your home now. Your name is Jocelyn Kolton. Nothing you do will change that until you’re eighteen. I know this isn’t easy. But there are so many people here to help you through it.” Es shook her head. “You’re going to eat dinner and go directly to your room. I’ll be removing all the art supplies while you do that. The alarm is on and armed. I’ll know the minute you try to leave.”

  “I won’t do that again,” Jocelyn whined.

  “No you won’t on my watch,” Es agreed.

  The girl look shocked. She almost felt bad for her. She’d been overindulged in her last life. It was time for a lesson in humility and realism.

  “I’m sorry,” Joc mumbled.

  “Show me, don’t tell me,” Es said, not about to ease up after the years she’d taken off her life. Her father is going to murder me.

  §

  Snake

  There was something in his old lady’s voice that nagged him his entire trip. It pushed him to make the ride back on minimal amount of sleep. It was sheer will that had him pulling up in front of his house just after noon. Everything looked good from the outside, but his gut told him otherwise. The front door opened, and he was struck by the exhaustion visible in Es’s face. He hurried up the walkway and took her into his arms, lifting her off the floor. She buried her face in his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist.

  “What’s wrong, sweet girl?”

  “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you, too,” he murmured, kissing her temple, thinking about the velvet box in his cut. It’s time.

  He rubbed her back, inhaling her sweet scent. “How’s Joc?”

  “She’s waiting for you inside. I think I’m going to spend some time in the garden for a bit.”

  He pulled back. “She have a hard time?”

  “You could say that,” Es replied elusively.

  Snake frowned.

  “It’s her story to tell, not mine.”

  “All right,” he said as she lowered her feet to the ground and all but ran for the back door. He stepped inside the house, and dropped his saddle bags gently by the front door. Jocelyn sat on the edge of the couch with puppy dog eyes. I’m not going to like whatever she has to say.

  “Es said you had some problems while I was away,” he said, running his hand through his windblown hair. All he wanted right now was a long, hot bath, food in his belly, and the feel of his woman pressed against him.

  “I did something really stupid,” she whispered.

  He arched an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

  “Yeah.” She nibbled her bottom lip.

  “Come on, out with it, girl. Stalling won’t change the facts.”

  “I ran away.”

  “I’m sorry, what did you say? For a minute there I thought my daughter just said she ran away.”

  “I did,” she mumbled.

  “What the fuck were you thinking?” he roared.

  She flinched. The gesture pained him, but he refused to soften.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Jesus Christ, do you know what could’ve happened to you? There are so many sick fucks out there—” He bit his jaw hard enough to taste the metallic flavor of blood.

  “I know, that’s what Es said.” She burst into tears. “I hurt her so bad. I just… I was so mad about moving here, leaving everything, and then you left.” She hiccupped.

  Her words were a flaming red flag. “What did you do?”

  “I told her she wasn’t my mother.”

  He closed his eyes and went onto one knee in front of her. “But I want her to be. She loves you like one. You’re lashing out at the wrong person, baby. Without her, we’d be screwed, plain and simple. She’s a common wealth of knowledge and constantly helping us through this.” He shook his head. There was no choosing between her or Estelle Noll. They were both his.

  She sobbed harder, and he knew her guilt would be worse than any punishment he could think you.

  “Do you like Es?”

  “Yes,” she wailed.

  “Then why?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He sighed. “That’s not a good enough answer, little girl. You’re too old for me to accept that without punishing you properly. But first you are going to apologize to Estelle and mean it. I plan on putting a ring on her finger, and making us an official family, which means she will be your mother, if we’re both lucky. Then you’re going to be grounded for the next month. That means no television, no outings, and you’re going to do some volunteer work. You have no clue how good you’ve had it. I think seeing the other side of things will bring clarity.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “I’m disappointed in you right now, but I don’t love you any less, you understand?” he asked, careful to drive the point home. The Miles had been hung up on the right behavior. He wouldn’t have her feeling that way here. Kids messed up and you steered them back to where they should be. It’s how it went.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Can I get a hug?”

  She launched herself into his arms, surprising him. He stroked her hair, grateful for the break through. “I want you to go upstairs to your room until it’s time for lunch, okay?”

  She nodded.

  He kissed the crown of her head. “Love you, little one. Now get.”

  He released her small frame and watched her make her way up the stairs. Finally, he had his baby back in his life where she belonged. Now to take care of my other girl. How her words must have cut. He forced his aching body to rise and sought out Es.

  She sat in the rocking swing they’d purchased, staring out at the woods.

  “You got room for one more?”

  “She tell you what happened?”

  “Yeah, she did.”

  “I almost lost her, Xavier. What the fuck kind of guardian does that make me?”

  “One dealing with my spawn?” />
  She turned to him. “How can you joke about this?”

  “It’s easier than voicing the horror running through my head about what might’ve happened if you hadn’t gotten to her in time.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he brought her up against his side. “You want to tell me your version?”

  She hiccupped and nodded, pouring her heart out between gut-wrenching sobs. Thank God for Enzo.

  “You asked me what kind of guardian you are…well, you’re one who places herself in the path of harm to protect my daughter. She loves you, Es. She lashed out, and you were the closest, so you took the brunt. Don’t take too much of this onto yourself.”

  “How can I not? I should’ve followed her. What was I thinking? God. I don’t want to be responsible for losing another child.”

  “You didn’t lose the first one. That was a freak incident. You know this.”

  “That’s not how it felt when I realized she was gone.”

  “Oh my sweet girl,” he whispered pulling her up into his lap. “You love so hard. This is exactly why you’re the perfect mother for my daughter, and wife for me. You are a part of this family and I think it’s time we make it official.” Reaching inside his pocket, he pulled out a black case. “Estelle Poppy Knoll, will you marry me and be Jocelyn’s mother?” He opened the case to reveal the flower-shaped platinum ring with diamonds around the two karat square in the center.

  “You still want me?”

  “Sweet girl, I will want you until my last breath. You owe me a yes.”

  She sniffed. “Yes.”

  He grinned like an idiot. “I’m holding you to this. I’m not doing that long engagement bullshit. I’m giving you a month to pull something together.”

  “Yeah?” she asked, giggling.

  “Yeah, and that’s me being generous.”

  She held out her hand, and he slipped the ring onto her finger, feeling complete.

  §

  The rest of the month was a blur of insanity as Es made plans with Kali and Jolene. He did his best to stay out of their way as they poured over magazines, ohh-ed, ahh-ed, and teared up. He’d taken to spending as much time at the Clubhouse as possible. They’d avoided a war, presenting a strong front as they visited their sister chapters during their run. The incident with the I.R.A. coming in under their noses had people wondering if they had gone soft. He hadn’t understood why Mike had chewed him out until he came clean about the rumors going around. Now they were in a good place, and he was back on track as Vice President.