by Mark Mihalko
III
February 15 (Continued)
We made it Eli; we are finally at the doorway. I want to go in, no, I have to go in and find some food, but this door is shattered, and I can hear something inside. I just don’t know what to do. I feel trapped out here and I am starving.
Plus Eli, your kicks are becoming more and more brutal with every passing second. This pain has been excruciating, and it feels as if you are clawing your way through my placenta and shredding my stomach lining. Please, hold on a little longer, I can tell you are ready to be free. Are you hungry too? I know I am; I’m starving. I’m just so afraid something evil will be waiting on us inside that store and I could never protect you in this condition.
I’m sure something will notice us or hear my cries. Right now, I can’t help you in my state, and I don’t want us to end up like those decaying corpses that line the empty streets. I’ve never seen such terror frozen inside a person’s eye. The way those lifeless eyes stare deep into your soul is something I wish I had never seen. Worst of all, this plague is unforgiving, and in no way discriminates against anyone. Everyone in its path has been torn to shreds, and all that remains of their bodies are ravaged piles of limbs and mangled flesh.
I can’t believe how the paths of fetid rot blur the body count. I’m so tired of seeing the scarlet puddles line the streets with the sewers overwhelmed by the rotten remains of our brothers and sisters. I would do anything for this nightmare to end and for you to be safe.
IV
Go inside Gabrielle; you will be safe! There is no way you can survive outside by yourself. I know you are in pain, but keep moving. You have to keep Eli safe from those monsters. Oh, wait, what am I doing? Sorry about that, sometimes I find myself becoming one with the characters and the dire situations they find themselves in. This has become extremely apparent with Gabrielle and her precious cargo.
When I look back, and I often find myself, glad that I came into contact with her account. She is such a strong woman, and her story must be heard. I know there are thousands of young girls out there starving for a strong role model. Especially some of those out there protesting today that could learn a lot from her story and the resolve she has demonstrated throughout this ordeal. Another strong woman that could be a solid role model is Morgan. I wonder if she has found everything she needs, or at least, found some safety in the store.
It’s a good thing I had some bullets left, one shot, one shattered door. Now, I just hope that they have my ammunition in stock. I’ll get there soon enough to see. I have to find some food so I can finally take some of my pills. If this warning label is correct, the side effects could be even worse on an empty stomach.
So far, I haven’t stumbled across anyone or anything in here. I can only hope that it stays that way for the duration. Never in my life would I have thought that silence would be so beautiful, although, I would gladly trade this silence to hear Esther one more time. I don’t think I have ever talked aloud to myself this much. I wonder if that’s why the side effects hit me so hard. It could be that or when I think of it, this is the first time I have run completely out of my medication.
What’s that? Do I hear something near the entrance? Maybe it wasn’t a hallucination at all; maybe there was something following me. The food will have to wait; I have to find some ammo for this gun. Let’s hope they have it. I don’t want to be trapped in here with no real way to defend myself. I think its back in this direction.
V
I’m not sure exactly how this is going to turn out. Hopefully, Gabrielle attempts to identify herself before Morgan comes out guns blazing. It would suck if she made it this far only to be mistaken for one of those walking corpses. Especially, since she isn’t out there looting like the vultures, I see on the television.
Oh damn, look at the time, I have to stop here and head out to my evening group session. Who knows, maybe Natalie will show up tonight. The day did start off like an episode of the Twilight Zone, and I have heard stranger tales. I doubt it; my luck is never that good. I swear that God or whatever our great creator is has it out for me. I have spent too much of my life imprisoned inside a nightmarish corridor that I can’t escape, and I doubt that a doorway is anywhere in sight.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“And the nations were angry, and thy wrath is come…”
November 19
Stop; please stop! I just can’t take this anymore. The voices, the screams, make them go away! Damn you bastards; I don’t know anything about the whereabouts of Natalie. If I did, would I be torturing myself? Everything was just fine until early this afternoon when those men stopped me to discuss her disappearance. Fucking soldiers, why are they even interested, isn’t this more of a case for law enforcement? You waltz in here in your blue uniforms; I don’t understand how you could think that I or any of us had anything to do with her disappearance.
It pisses me off the way they think the can barge in on a group session with no good reason or even an inkling of what they want to find. These pigs are not above the law. They should not be able to intrude on our therapy. We have rights, and some of us have done more in the service of our country than they could ever imagine. Do something to her. Fuck you; I miss her; she was the only one helping me, why would I do anything to jeopardize that or hurt her in any way?
Shut the fuck up! I can’t believe those assholes would toss around baseless accusations and follow that up by questioning my work on this manuscript. How would the even know what I was working on at the house? They must be monitoring me. I wonder if my house is bugged; do they know what I am thinking, or even committing to paper. Snowden was right; they are capturing all our data. This is wrong; the government said they would stop invading our privacy. All I know is that these men had better leave me alone, I didn’t fucking do anything. Natalie left this house safe and alive. I don’t have any idea of what happened to her; I wish I did.
I’m still appalled at the fact those guys wanted a copy of this book. What does that have to do with Natalie, and if she were their true concern, why would they be interested in it? There are no clues inside these pages to where she is. This book only contains the truth about what happened during the outbreak and revisits some of the lost eyewitness accounts.
Damn you, God, this is your fault. Why should anyone ever trust you or put their faith into your hollow words? How could you have forsaken us down here and allow the tyrants to rage against the devout? I prayed to you, I believed in you, and I defended you at all costs, and still, you turned your back on me and led me further down a path lined with misery.
Who knows, maybe these rich puppet masters are right, Moloch is the way. It definitely seems as if those who follow a darker path are more enlightened all they did to achieve this is turn away from the toxic verse pontificated from your pulpit. I really believe that when I am finished with this book, I am going to search for the Revelation of Moloch and embrace all it has to offer. His words may not lead me astray.
I
Through the screams of the tainted prophetess, Heaven and Hell awoke,
And the idols cried out in fear,
Repent, for the son of man nears the canyon of sorrow,
And the loathsome sinners weep as the almighty Father applauds their damnation.
(Revelation of Moloch 10.12)
Behold, the cries and screams piercing the desolation on the summit. The agony and suffering entwined in the wailing tears marks the blessed altar upon which thy Fathers’ chalice will be filled. Be vigilant as our destiny nears, for the final crescendo of prophecy will open the sacred cavern to the gates of our redemption. Our passage has been met with the remnants of oppression and our faith has been tested. Still we have not wavered in the face of the demons, and will continue to baptize the unholy sinners in the blood and the flames brought forth from the valley of despair.
Look not to the fading sun for absolution, for the son of man lay ahead within the womb of the fornicator. Fear not, her disease and wicked
ness, for the seed of the Almighty has cleansed her of all sickness and depravity. Inside her bowels, the Messiah has at last opened his eyes as he prepares for his journey into the light. Bless his arrival with the sanctified marrow harvested from the festering hosts and make a final sacrifice to thy Father.
Honor his wisdom and precepts with the blood of the martyr rising from the east. This battle will not be easy, as many before us have fallen short of salvation and their souls are forever entombed inside the iniquitous scepter that sits in the right hand of Judas. We must stand tall and profess our everlasting allegiance to thy Father as we crucify the witness upon the oaken cross and set him ablaze with the vestiges of the fornicator.
As was written in the Gospel of Abaddon, we must cast them into the abyss known as tribulation, bind the stone crypt with the flesh of an innocent, and adorn this tomb with consecrated iron spikes in the name of the savior. For through this final blessing, our liberator will rise, and all will know his name.
Let Us Pray
Lord of Light
Bless our passage into the desolate wilderness
For the signs of the Gospel, appear on the mount
And we fear we are unworthy disciples of your wisdom
We stand in the face of condemnation ready for battle
Our prayers strengthen our resolve
And our faith will not waver in the face of the enemy
As the cries rise from the frozen ash
And one heartbeat becomes two
Grant us the power to stand before your son and baptize him in the light
For through this Christening
Eternal deliverance will be at hand
And your prophesized rapture will commence
In your name, we pray
Amen
II
What is that? The cries have changed; they are surrounding me like they are preparing for a mass or vigil. I wonder; can they hear these accounts? Do they want me to be their sacrifice? If that is the case, they better come take me. I would never condemn myself to Hell by taking a blade to my wrists or a gun to the mouth. Besides, I have already spent decades inside Hell trapped here on Earth and I don’t ever intend on going back into the depths.
I can’t believe the hopelessness of these voices today, they are driving me mad with their moans and sighs. Fortunately, they at least quieted during my work on the project and allowed me to focus on that last account. It was probably the extra attention I often give to our religious leader, I am always captivated by the black-shirt and his way of massaging words to fit into coherent thoughts full of power and might. I feel such a connection to him; even my personal feelings on life seem to match some of his thoughts, as I frequently feel unworthy of following in the footsteps of some of our demonic elders. As much as I would love to receive the sacred wisdom, the unspeakable losses I have suffered continue to ensure my banishment from the depths of eternal pleasure.
I do wonder about this martyr from the East that was mentioned inside the account. I really feel sorry for whoever that is. I have dreamt of the pain one could feel inside the lake of fire and I can imagine that the agony inflicted on the believer will be prodigious. I wonder of it could be our scientist; he was preparing to scale Mount Washington, which sits to the east of our current location and there were multiple references to a Mount inside this last account. It’s actually past the time that we should have checked on him. I wonder how the latest leg of his trek is going. If his athleticism and luck were anything even close to that shared by his team, the odds are great that he will be struggling with the decision he made.
III
(Play) I think I see a path down there by the opening in that fence. As bad as I feel for Mark, I am so thankful that I was able to escape from the clutches of those infernal beasts. I do wish he could be here with me, I know that if we put our minds together, we would have been able to come up with the exact remedy that is needed to combat these fiends. Not to mention the fact that he would have been a huge asset in the lab. Right now, I have no idea how I am going to get anything done by myself.
Fortunately, I am pretty sure that my plan has outlined every test that could assist in finding a solution. I know what data must be analyzed and what type of link I am looking for inside the results. All I know is that there has to be a way to isolate the cannibal tendencies within the genetic code. Maybe I should do an abstract comparison of animal and human DNA to see if there are any major differences. I know there is a link somewhere; our ancient ancestors lived their entire lives with an appetite for flesh.
God, I hope that I can find something to help us. I have to find a cure for the disaster I have created. I do not think I could live with myself if I fail again. I am also interested to see if there have been any changes to the rats since the evacuation. Prior to the onset of the outbreak, there were no noticeable changes to any behaviors in the test subjects or rats. Once the human symptoms started to materialize, we never went back in and checked the other living specimens to see if the apparent dosage level or gestation period may have differed between species. At this point, the answer could exist anywhere, so I will not take anything off the table.
Hello, is someone there? I feel like I am being stalked. Hopefully, I can make it to the fence without incident. Hello, I know you are out here. I know there is something out here; I can feel your eyes watching my every step. The faint stench of decay emanating from your shallow breath, betrays you; I know you are here. I may not be able to physically stand against you, but I will not run either. If you are here, show yourself, coward.
Oh God, what have I done! No, I am so sorry. Is that you in that dark silhouette inside the blinding squall? I am sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen. Please forgive me, and let me pass so I can find a cure. Better yet, just stay back there and I will find a different way to make it to the facility. I have no desire to cause trouble-stay back, please. Please don’t come any closer, I beg you. Please stay away.
Oh Lord, oh God, I am sorry for discounting you and your genius. Please forgive me for-no stop, please no…(Static-Stop)
IV
No, not our scientist, he had to survive. No, this can’t be happening, he couldn’t be dead. I know, I must have another SD card here somewhere, this story must continue. I know I wanted him gone, and I despised him, and I may have threatened him, but I didn’t want his story to end this way. Maybe he isn’t dead, maybe he has been captured by that religious cult and he is going to be sacrificed as the martyr mentioned in the last scripture.
Somehow, I doubt that’s the case. From the descriptions in the account and the visual evidence captured on film, the area does not seem to be in the vicinity of the religious pilgrimage and there were also no signs of any type of group converging on him. In fact, from what I could tell it was a man’s shadow breaking through the overcast sky and dense snow showers.
After all this time, I can’t believe he is gone. Just the thought of his passing pains me, as I saw no reasonable way on the video that he could have survived the vicious attack. Even if he was able to miraculously escape, there is no way he could have managed to hold on to his test data or research; yet, another setback to developing a vaccine.
Please stop tormenting me! Go away, I want to keep working on this. Stop, I beg you. Damn you, I will have to stop, the voices won’t go away. I was doing so well at keeping them at bay, but that last entry did me in. It brought me down to a point where the visions and screams came together to overwhelm me. Shut the fuck up! Stop already, I can’t take any more! Sleeping pills, I must find my sleeping pills they may be the only thing that can help me right now. God, no, Stop!
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“…Neither was their place found any more in heaven.”
November 20
As I sit here tonight, I am still devastated from the accounts from last night. I feel such a loss inside. As much as I despised that man for what had done, I didn’t want to see him go out that way. I really thought that
he would be the one that found the cure for this madness. Hopefully, today’s account will not cause such an emotional response and I will be able to push through.
With his loss, I am starting to get the feeling that our days together, exploring these lives, may be coming to an end. Trust me, I wish that this project could last forever, but I also realize that I must get this information out there. Plus, as I look at my desk, it is clear that the tapes and notes are winding down and I can only do so much to keep these doorways open. I don’t want to leave you, but these accounts must be shared, so the sheep of the world can be informed.
Incredibly, as much as I dreaded this project when I started, I am going to miss every aspect of it once I am finished. Over the past few weeks, I have found some type of connection to all of these characters, as they have basically become my family washing away the emptiness as I sit here. This has been extremely important, especially since Natalie disappeared and I could not thank them enough. The loneliness I feel is something that I would not wish upon anyone. Everyone I have loved has gone, leaving me alone to face society with no real outlets for my troubles. I just hope that I don’t experience any more death today; I really can’t stand the thought.
I did find it funny today, as the grey dreary skies eventually gave way to brilliant bursts of sunlight. It was like the scientist looked down on me and attempted to dry my tears. That didn’t work though. As I opened my eyes, I found a world of remorse mourning the loss of our friend the scientist. Things got so bad that I wanted to escape and turn my back on everyone causing my pain. There was a part of me that debated giving up on this project and moving on with my life. I have lost enough already. First Renee to her afflictions, then Natalie disappeared, and now the unlikely family, which has given me hope, is starting to go. I don’t know how much more pain I can handle.
It’s hard to explain, but the bond I feel with these characters is so strong and the connection we share is like nothing I have ever experienced. When they cry, I feel their tears. When they bleed, I feel their pain. And, as I have just discovered, when they die, a part of me becomes lost in the abyss that binds us. However, the have also given me the strength to remain strong in the face of turmoil. Deep inside my soul, I realize that I could never turn my back on them and must persevere no matter how difficult things become. I know that’s what Gabrielle and Morgan would do, so I much follow their lead and finish this.
