“Em?” Rebecca stood in my doorway and looked a little pale.
“B, are you okay?”
She nodded woodenly and walked into my room. Sitting on the end of my bed, she ran her fingers over the knitted blanket that sat neatly folded beside her.
“You should take this.” She went to hand it to me and I shook my head.
“Keep it here for me, I’ll be back soon enough.”
She looked on the verge of tears, so I sat down beside her, wondering exactly how I should go about soothing her. I wasn’t accustomed to helping alleviate other people’s worries.
“Maybe you should leave,” Rebecca whispered. Her words were like a slap to my face. She obviously noticed the pain her words inflicted as she quickly tried to clarify what she meant. “I don’t mean I want you to leave...well, I do, but not because I don’t love you or don’t want you here. I mean I don’t want you here if it’s not safe for you. Maybe you need to go away and hide for a while. Let Braiden, Dillon, and their team deal with Jonas while you go off and have a nice little vacation on a tropical beach, away from the snow, somewhere warm. Ella went to Hawaii this time last year, she said it was amazing.” Rebecca was rambling.
“B, Donovan women don’t run away and hide.” She raised a brow and I offered her a small smile. She seemed as shocked by the gesture as I was. “It wouldn’t do me any good anyway. Braiden spent six months trying to find Jonas. His stepfather couldn’t even find him, and trust me, if anyone should be able to find a dirty scumbag like Jonas, it should be Alexander Toporov.”
Rebecca turned to face me. “Who the hell is he? Charlie said something about Braiden’s stepfather being the boogie man.”
There was no way in hell I was giving up that information. “I haven’t met him and I’m terrified of him.”
Rebecca sighed and played with a perfectly sculpted curl that hung over her shoulder. Half her hair was up in a stylish knot on the top of her head, the other half falling into beautiful twists and curls down her back. “If Braiden doesn’t have you home safe and sound soon, I’m going to kick his ass so hard my foot will come out of his mouth.”
I snorted a small laugh and Rebecca again looked a little shocked. “Please don’t hurt his ass, I kinda like it,” I admitted.
“I knew it!” screamed Rebecca, and I winced. Her hand flew to her mouth when she realized how loud she had been. “Sorry,” she whispered. “You like him?” I nodded. “I have to admit, when Braiden went all crazy in the head over you and Jonas Levier, I was a little worried. I thought maybe you didn’t need that kind of attention.”
I sighed. “I probably shouldn’t want that kind of attention, but I do.”
“Why shouldn’t you want it?” Rebecca sounded honestly confused.
“After everything I’ve been through, I feel like I should become a nun and abstain from men and sex for the rest of my life.”
It was Rebecca’s turn to snort. “Don’t be melodramatic, Em, if anything, after all you have endured, you deserve to be handled like an exquisite treasure. You deserve a man who will fight for you, protect you and show you just how a woman should be loved. Strangely enough, I think Braiden is the right man for that. I just worry about his...lifestyle.” I raised a brow wondering just how much Rebecca knew about Braiden’s lifestyle. “You know, he is a dominant, right?”
I nodded slowly. I wonder how she knew about Braiden’s preference for a dominant/ submissive relationship. “Yes, and as sick as it sounds, I kind of like that dominance.”
Rebecca seemed to be struggling to understand that little nugget of information. “Really? I mean, I just assumed, after Jonas...”
“B, I have no intention of asking Braiden to buckle me onto a St. Andrew’s Cross and whip me.” Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You know what that is?” I wondered out loud. “A St. Andrew’s Cross?”
“I’ve read a few books,” she said, still blushing.
“Books about BDSM?”
“Erotic novels with kinky sex have become hot commodities in the book world.”
I shook my head with disbelief. “Seriously? What, like book porn?”
Rebecca giggled and it reminded me of when we were teenagers. I paused for a moment, recognizing how comfortable I was sitting with her here, talking with her like this. It felt familiar.
“Oh yeah. Really, really good book porn. I’ve learned all about floggers and butt plugs.”
I internally winced at the thought of the toys that had not been uncommon in my life with Jonas.
“Does Charlie know about your little book porn fetish?”
Rebecca laughed out loud. “Of course, hell, he buys me the darn books. Apparently they make me lusty,” she said grinning.
“B!” It was my turn to yell, hitting her unceremoniously with my pillow.
“So, no St. Andrew’s Crosses?” Rebecca deftly changed the topic of her sex life back to mine.
“No, definitely not.” I shuddered at the memories and forced them away. “I don’t know if it’s because of what I experienced, or if I would have liked it anyway, but I think I prefer a man who takes charge. But I don’t like being forced to do things I don’t want to do.”
“You think you want that?” Rebecca pressed.
“I guess I’m not sure.”
She sighed. “Well, there is only one way to find out. Braiden seems like the kind of man that would help you discover what you like and don’t like. I don’t think he would push you to do something you didn’t feel comfortable doing.”
“No, he wouldn’t. Braiden told me that our relationship could move at whatever pace I wanted it to. He said I’m in control, and if I want to stop or slow down, then I say so.” Silence fell over us. Rebecca seemed lost in thought while I became lost in thoughts of Braiden.
“Just make sure you come home soon, Em. You’re the only family I have. I won’t lose you, even if I have to come along and beat some asshole over the head with a bedpost again.”
I smiled at the memory of my sister beating William with the steel bed post. “I have no intention of going anywhere. I’m going to finish this thing with Jonas so I can finally breathe and move forward.”
Rebecca surprised me by throwing her arms around me and squeezing me tight. I only hesitated a moment before returning her embrace.
“I love you, Em,” she whispered.
“I love you, too, B.”
***
I lay under my covers, my breathing finally evening out after hours of just lying here, gripping Braiden’s tattered old mantra tightly in my hand. Having seen Nate earlier in the day rattled me more than I realized. I forced myself to eat a few meager bites of my dinner; my stomach was too upset with worry to comfortably hold down food. Braiden was in his room, right across the hall from me. His door and mine were open, so he was close by if I needed him. I released my deathly grip on the piece of paper in my hand and pushed it back under my pillow. I rolled to my side, closed my eyes, and finally succumbed to sleep.
“Be sure to count for me, Pet, otherwise we start all over again.” His voice was smooth as silk and laced with enough arrogance and rage that I knew I had no choice but to obey. My arms were pulled taut, my hands blessedly numb, and my toes just barely reached the floor. I was hung and displayed on a sturdy wooden St. Andrew’s Cross. The room was warm, but my naked skin was cold as ice. All I could see in front of me was the course red brick wall, but the murmuring voices at my back reminded me the room was far from empty. The crack that echoed through the air was the only warning as the heated sting on my skin throbbed without mercy.
“One,” I whispered. The room was so quiet, I knew he would have no trouble hearing me. Crack...”Two.” Crack...”Three.” My voice grew hoarse as I struggled with the pain and emotion.
“Disobedience will not be tolerated, Pet, I thought you had learned this lesson. You’ve disrespected me for the last time.”
Crack...”Four.” Crack...”Five.” My entire back was a blaze of fire. I barely
noticed the trickle of blood running down the backs of my legs. By the time I reached fifteen, I had removed myself from the pain and humiliation, taken my mind into the meditative state I rigorously practiced. I didn’t even notice Master Jonas standing before me. My foggy gaze recognized his disappointed frown. With a rough hand he grabbed my hair and drew my head up so I looked directly into his eyes.
“You will never disgrace me like this again.” His fury was barely contained, even after he unleashed his torrent of rage on my back, whipping me until my skin was a shredded mess. “After tonight, William will take over your care.” My heart stuttered with fear. Regardless of how much I hated Master Jonas, his son’s temper and crude lifestyle frightened me even more. Master Jonas liked to live with an air of sophistication and power. William liked to party hard with even harder drugs. He was unpredictable and wild. I would choose the heartlessness of Master Jonas over his son any day.
“I’m s...sorry,” I breathed.
“So am I, Pet,” he sneered, looking at me like I was nothing more than an undignified animal. “Enjoy my gift for tonight, my friends,” he murmured as he moved away from my line of sight. My eyes clenched shut with fear and loathing. Not only had he whipped me to the point of blood and permanent scars, but he was allowing his guests to fuck me. The shame and degradation was buried so deep, I prayed for a death I knew would never come. Hard hands grabbed my waist, shifting me, moving me to the required position. The man who I couldn’t see entered me ruthlessly.
“Fucking dry as a desert,” he growled in my ear. Pulling out he reached around me and opened his palm. “Lick it,” he demanded. I obeyed. I couldn’t find the energy or will to fight anymore. Using my saliva as lubrication he re-entered me and used my body like the empty vessel it was. As soon as he was done, another warm body moved in behind me. My head hung loosely as I forced my mind to leave this hell. I imagined myself in a forest, surrounded by quiet trees, alone and safe. I gritted my teeth as hands squeezed my breasts so hard they would no doubt bruise, reminding me I wasn’t alone and would never be safe.
I woke up with a start, my breathing coming in short bursts, my lungs screaming for air. As I gasped in a blessed breath, my stomach recoiled with the memory of the nightmare. Throwing the blankets aside, I scrambled to my bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before emptying the contents of my stomach. A warm hand on my shoulder made me flinch.
“Shhhhh, Malen’kaya. It’s just me.” Braiden’s low voice came from close by. When I finished throwing up, he handed me a washcloth. Unable to stand the lingering memories of the cruel hands on my body, my gaze settled on the shower. Struggling to stand, I pushed Braiden away and began removing my clothes as I moved into the shower stall. I turned the water up as hot as I could stand it then began the methodical task of cleaning myself, scrubbing my skin till it was red raw but still not finding the cleanliness I sought. As soundless tears fell, I concentrated on scouring the evil away until Braiden’s strong hands caught my own, and trapped them in front of me.
“Stop,” he whispered.
“I need to get it off,” I sobbed.
“I know,” he said in a stern voice. I knew he was struggling for his own composure. “Let me.” He took the soap and began gently washing my skin. His large calloused hands were so tender, a stark contrast from the heavy hands in my nightmare. My trembling slowly subsided, my tears washed away, and the fear and humiliation I had been consumed with gradually subsided. It didn’t completely disappear, but instead became a faraway discomfort, barely noticeable. “Turn around please, Malen’kaya,” Braiden murmured. Facing him, I noticed he was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs. His hard sculpted chest and abs were directly in front of me. His hair hung low over eyes that watched me cautiously. Braiden continued to wash my body in an impersonal, yet soothing manner, and in doing so, he was methodically rinsing away the pain and replacing it with something else. A feeling began to burn deep within my soul, a feeling that made my skin tingle with a new type of awareness. It made my heart beat hard and fast and my nipples tighten. My hand rose to Braiden’s face, tracing the line of his strong jaw.
“Why did you ask me to call you Shakhta?” I whispered. Braiden’s eyes fell closed for a moment, and I missed the dark depths that always watched me with such care and longing. When I used Rebecca’s computer to research the name I had first used for him, I was confused by what I had discovered. Mine. Braiden had never been mine, yet he asked me to call him as such.
“I was always yours, Em, ever since the first moment I laid eyes on you. I didn’t think you would see me as that though, ever. Hearing you refer to me as yours, even though it was in Russian and you had no idea what it meant, it filled me with a sense of pride. It was also as far from master as I could possibly imagine. Rather than you belonging to someone, you had someone who belonged to you.”
My eyes fluttered shut with the emotion those words filled me with.
“Show me what it’s meant to be like,” I breathed. Braiden’s hands stopped, his dark eyes searching mine. I could see the conflict in them: the desire fighting the need to protect me. “Show me how a woman is supposed to be loved.” I saw the moment he caved, the moment his eyes went from conflicted torment to lust.
“We stop any time you want. Remember, Em, you’re in control here.” He turned off the water and led me out of the shower, wrapping a big soft towel around my heated skin.
“Finish up in here and meet me in my room. If you don’t come, Em, I won’t hold it against you, and I won’t care any less for you. As I told you, we’re in no rush to do this.”
I simply nodded as Braiden turned and left me alone.
I brushed my teeth and opted not to wear clothes. I left the towel wrapped around my body as I wandered across the hall to Braiden’s room. I was so nervous my hands shook, but the nerves were not a result of fear. This was pure, feminine insecurities running through my veins. Would I measure up? Can I give him what he needs? Will I make a fool of myself?
His door was slightly ajar and I pushed it open. He stood before me, his own towel hanging dangerously low on his waist. Braiden’s dark eyes followed me as I entered the room. I pushed the door closed, leaned against it, and stared back. He reached for my hand and pulled me into his chest as his lips crushed against mine. Kisses like this didn’t exist in the world I had come from. Kisses like this burned with promise and need. Kisses like this were for women who were cherished by men who adored them. Braiden didn’t break the kiss; he pulled me with him across the room, turned me, and finally allowed me to breathe. As his lips left mine, his hand rested on my chest. With gentle pressure, he pushed me back, and I laid on the bed before him, ready to be shown exactly what a tender caress was supposed to feel like.
CHAPTER 20
BRAIDEN
An honorable man wouldn’t have touched her. An honorable man definitely wouldn’t have kissed her. But I had never been an honorable man, and I wasn’t about to become one. The need to touch Emily was seared into my brain. If she said no, it would end immediately. I might be an asshole, but I wasn’t a rapist. In this moment, the need and yearning I saw in her eyes was guiding me. She wanted me to touch her, and unless she asked me to stop, I would gladly do so. Emily’s skin was soft, warm, and far too tempting. I wanted to see her glow with the pleasure she had been denied for far too long. Rather than grab her wrists, pin her pliant body beneath mine and slam myself deep inside her like I wanted to, I laid down beside her and gently pushed her hair back from her face. I could do gentle. It wasn’t something I did often, but I always gave my woman what she needed, and right now Em need sweet and tender.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked. I already knew the answer, but I needed her to say it out loud.
Her brow creased with confusion. “I...” She wasn’t used to being asked. I leaned in close and nuzzled my face in the sweet soft spot where her shoulder met her neck, and inhaled the honeyed fragrance of soap that clung to her skin. She shuddered beneath my to
uch. “I don’t know,” she quietly confessed.
“Do you want me to touch you?” I offered, the asshole in me prayed she said yes, while the man I should be hoped she said no. I nibbled at her jaw knowing the asshole would win.
“Yes,” she sighed.
I couldn’t help the small smile that fell to my lips at her breathless answer. “With my hands?” My lips barely touched her skin as I trailed feather light kisses across her shoulder.
“Yes.”
With her permission granted I raised my hand to the towel still wrapped around her body and pulled it free. Her body was so soft and warm, her skin was like satin, and her gentle curves demanded my attention. Looking at her was almost torturous; she was a sight that played havoc with my control. I wanted to tie her down and fuck her hard, but I also wanted to enter her slowly and watch the desire in her eyes as I leisurely brought her to orgasm. Unable to resist her lure any longer, I ran my fingers over a pink nipple, enjoying the sight of her body as it shivered under my touch.
“So beautiful,” I growled, placing a kiss on one of the small scars on her chest. Emily’s hands tangled in my hair, holding me close. Loving her encouraging hands, I fought a grin as I moved lower until my mouth closed over her nipple and sucked hard. The small moan that escaped her lips didn’t help my restraint as my hand closed over her other breast. I wanted to close my eyes and simply enjoy her, but I kept an eye on her face and the rise and fall of her chest, making sure she was here with me in the now and not slipping into an ugly memory. Her hips rose, seeking for the release that was building. I slid one of my hands down her soft tummy and over the bare skin of her pussy. I moved my mouth to her other breast as my fingers glided between her smooth, wet folds. Another long moan of satisfaction urged me on. Gently rubbing the warmth between her thighs, I pulled my lips away from her breast and took her mouth in a deep kiss. My tongue explored her mouth with a demand that was simply impossible to restrain, and when I pulled away I nipped her lower lip like the greedy demanding asshole I was.
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