by Rica Grayson
“Windows?” he asked again.
“I don’t know. I don’t remember,” I replied, grimacing. I pushed an errant curl away from my face in irritation. “I think I have a headache.”
He then moved to pull a curtain aside and slid his balcony door slightly open.
“You want to take something for the headache?”
“I’m fine, I think it will clear. Thanks.”
I gazed up at him expectantly. “Can I use the kitchen? I won’t burn anything, I promise.”
When he didn’t say anything, I added, “I’ll even wash all the dishes.”
I saw the precise moment he gave in. He let out a little sigh, like he couldn’t help himself. “I’ll watch so there aren’t any disasters.”
“Yay!” I flung my arms around him. His arms went around me almost in surprise. “Oh, you don’t need to babysit me,” I tried to reassure him.
I felt the slight pressure when he tightened his arms ever-so-slightly. I bit the inside of my cheek and moved back.
Maybe some space was good for now.
“I’m not. Making sure my oven will still function correctly. What are you making?”
“Baked tuna pasta. Pretty simple,” I said, holding up the plastic bag containing the ingredients.
I laid them out on the table.
He watched me as I worked, helping when I needed it. But there wasn’t much work that needed to be done, since I basically just needed to add some finishing touches before putting it in the oven.
I’d just placed it in the oven when he spoke.
“You keep trying,” he observed, nodding towards the oven.
I wrinkled my nose. “Because I’m finding the more I try, the less I suck. Even though it’s slow-going.”
Then after a pause, I added, “I don’t want my failures to define me.”
Because for so long, I thought it had.
I thought everything was wrong with me.
“They don’t,” he declared, his gaze unwavering. “It only means you keep trying.”
Fifteen minutes later, the cheese melted and formed a golden brown at the top.
I cut a portion for him, and set it aside on a plate.
He offered to help carry the tray and my plastic bag back to my apartment after.
“Thanks so much,” I said appreciatively as I set it down. Then I remembered what happened earlier today. “Oh. Wait. I have a confession,” I said cryptically.
He shifted his full attention to me and waited.
I took a deep breath. “I met your aunt today.”
“You did? Where?”
“I was passing by the salon. She overheard stuff. She, um… She thinks we’re together. Which I didn’t really get a chance to refute, because she was so intent on getting out of the place she…”
I stopped, my mind wandering towards the incident. I wondered if he knew about her hair.
“Did you know she was wearing a wig? Her hair’s green. They said she went to a pool after she dyed her hair. Pools are a bad idea,” I declared.
He looked like he was struggling with the idea of his aunt and green hair. “Her hair is green?”
I nodded.
He put a hand over his face and started to laugh. “I was wondering what she did to her hair. It looked strange.”
Suddenly, there were three sharp raps on my door. I wasn’t expecting anyone.
I walked towards the door and took a peek, and almost immediately leaned my back on the door.
My mom.
She stood there impatiently, both hands on her hips, as if she had every right to be here, and she couldn’t understand what was taking me so long.
Again, it was getting harder to breathe.
“Hey,” Luke said soothingly, noticing my response to my visitor. “What’s wrong?”
I managed to contain the panic. Just.
“Shhhh.” I put finger over my lips. “She’s here,” I told him, voice hushed.
Bemused, he asked quietly, “Who?”
“My mom. She’ll go away. Eventually.”
“Sierra, I know you’re there,” she demanded.
His eyes darkened. “She won’t go away,” he replied, his voice low. “You need to talk to her.”
“Luke, I highly value my sanity. Talking to her is like talking to a wall—it never works.”
“Then let’s try something different.”
“Different?”
“Do you trust me?” he asked, his expression grave.
The question surprised me.
Finding someone you could trust was a hard thing to come by, because trust had to be earned. But he’d seen more sides of me than most people had, and for all the things we didn’t have in common, he was with me when it really counted.
I nodded.
“Open the door. We’ll sort this out.”
Did he say we?
“But…” I trailed off.
I could do it. I could try to trust him. There was nothing bad with trying, right?
I took a deep breath.
This was likely going to end up badly, but I’d try.
I turned the knob and opened the door.
Her hair was pulled back into a bun, and two familiar eyes stared back me.
Cold eyes.
A wide smile stretched across my mom’s face. “There you are, darling. What took you so long?”
“Mom,” I said cautiously. “Why are you here?”
“You stopped answering the phone.”
I had her number blocked, but I didn’t tell her that.
“When that happens, maybe it should tell you something.”
She ignored my reply. Her eyes settled on Luke. “Who is this?” she asked, eyeing him curiously.
“He’s—”
I stopped.
My friend? Somehow that seemed… lacking. We’re dating? Well, that wasn’t exactly accurate, considering we haven’t even been on a real date.
So, we weren’t really friends and we weren’t really dating.
I drew a blank.
Luke seemed to be calmer.
I looked at him in panic, hoping my eyes were flashing panic signs—
NEED HELP. MIND BLANK.
“Luke Diaz,” he said holding his hand out. “Her boyfriend.”
My jaw nearly dropped.
What?
How? When?
I was waiting for him to come out and say he was joking, but he remained firm.
“You mean to say, you and this man—you’re together?” she sounded a little hysterical.
“Yes,” he replied, leaving no room for any misunderstanding.
“No,” I corrected him, finally finding my voice. “He means—”
He squeezed my hand, and I looked up at him, confused.
“We’ve never formally confirmed it, but we’ve been seeing each other for a while, and there’s no one else.”
He brought his mouth to my ear so only I could hear, “Sweetheart, let me handle this. I’ve got you.”
And because I was tired of fighting, I let him.
“Of course you’d find a man. Use them like you’d use so many back home.”
That wasn’t true.
But I froze. I didn’t know what to say.
Luke snapped me out of my state, his voice hard. “Don’t talk about her like that.”
He whispered low in my ear, “Might want to go inside. I got a couple of things to say. I’ll handle it.”
“But—”
I stopped. He asked me if I trusted him.
I did. And the depth of it surprised me.
I didn’t want to be in her presence any longer than I had. It was toxic. I had my fair share of toxic growing up.
I nodded.
Then I went in.
He told me he would handle it.
And whatever doubts I had in my mind, whatever fears I clung to, in that moment, I let them all go.
Chapter Sixteen
Stranger
I was probab
ly wearing my carpet thin when Luke came back in.
To my surprise, he didn’t leave.
I didn’t realize how much I was scared he’d do exactly that until now.
I didn’t know what he was thinking. Maybe he’d think I was complicated, or I wasn’t worth his time. And now that he’d met her, he’d understand what kind of childhood I had.
“Is she gone?” I managed to ask.
“Yes. I don’t think she’ll bother you for a while.”
He’d done that for me.
I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I swiped it away with a finger quickly.
“What did she say?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing good.”
“What did she say, Luke?” I repeated.
His eyes glittered with anger. “She wasn’t proud of her daughter, that’s for sure. All you need to know, Sierra. The rest of it won’t touch you.”
Oh. That meant it was another one of her times when she told everyone I disappointed her as a daughter. Wonderful.
“Thank you,” I whispered, my throat tight.
My uncle tried to shield me from my parents as much as he could. When he passed away, the only other person who’d done that for me was Eva. And now Luke was doing it, too.
“I’ve only been in two serious relationships before,” I said, feeling like I needed to explain. I’d never been the graceful and pretty one that people sat back and admired. I think, growing up, some people even chose to stay away from me, preferring to stay out of trouble. It seemed to have a knack for finding me. “I’d never use anyone.”
His gaze softened. “Never thought you would, sweetheart.”
“My mom… She’s a mess. You know what she’s like now.”
“My family isn’t any more perfect than yours is.”
“I doubt it,” I muttered.
“Don’t. You’ve met my aunt,” he said, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
He was right.
He came closer, and I stepped back. I didn’t know if I could stand the contact right now. I didn’t need his pity.
“How did you live like that?”
I moved towards the windows, looking out. The sun was out today, the faint clouds dotting the sky.
Persistent as ever, he closed the distance between us, his arms going around me, waiting patiently.
I’d only told one person about my past before—Eva. It was hard for me to go back to that moment in my childhood. It was a time when I’d been weak. When I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. When I thought it was me against the world.
I took a deep breath, absorbing his quiet strength.
He was still here, wasn’t he? He hadn’t left.
“When I was young, my mom and dad used to argue all the time. That was the norm for me. I don’t remember a day they didn’t fight.”
My voice was shaky, but I went on. “I wasn’t one of those smart ones. I was never particularly gifted. And yet… If I wasn’t lazy, I was worthless. On a good day, they forgot about me.”
“Sierra—”
“I need to finish this, Luke.”
“My dad liked to drink, while my mom liked to gamble. Not exactly a great combination. There was a time they weren’t always like that, although I don’t really remember that time anymore. They inherited some money from my grandparents. That’s how I got to go to school. Looking back at it now, I was really fortunate. I had a reason to leave home.
“Then one day, a friend gave me chocolates for my birthday. His name was Peter.” I smiled humorlessly. It didn’t get any easier, even though years had passed.
“Dad hit me. And I thought it was just in the heat of the moment. I thought he wouldn’t do it again, because that’s not what parents did, right? They loved. They protected.”
His arms squeezed around me.
“He did it a second time.” My voice broke. “When a classmate called, asking about a school project. They said I should be focusing on school, not chatting with friends.”
“How did you get out?”
“I played it smart. I found their phonebook. And when I was ten, I called my uncle. He brought me here. And for the first time, I found out what home was.”
I didn’t know how he’d react. Now he knew everything. His body was tense around me, his heartbeat fast.
“Luke?”
“Yes,” he acknowledged. But his voice was tight, and it caught my attention.
I turned my head to look at him. “Why are you mad?”
I cupped his chin, wanting his eyes to meet mine.
I saw the fury in there.
And I realized he was mad for me.
“You made her go away,” I told him, trying to soothe.
“It doesn’t undo what they did.”
“No, it doesn’t.” My voice trembled as I spoke.
His phone pinged, and a quick glance at my clock told me he probably had other places to go. I didn’t want to keep him away from what he usually did at this time. “It’s late… Maybe you want to go.”
I tried to stand, but his arms didn’t let go.
“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly against my hair.
His words surprised me.
“Why? It’s all done anyway.”
“I had you,” he murmured. “Then I didn’t, and now you’re still fighting it.”
“So presumptuous,” I replied softly.
“I’m not.”
He kissed my neck. “You keep fighting tooth and nail, sweetheart, I’ll keep breaking those walls.”
I shuddered when he kissed my shoulder. The warmth lingered, enough to make my toes curl.
“And I’m collecting on my dinner you agreed to a while ago.”
He just kept coming at me, didn’t he?
“Tomorrow good?” he asked me.
I only nodded, burying my face in his neck.
I didn’t remember falling asleep in his arms.
But in the early hours of the morning, I felt him wake to tell me he had to go. I felt his lips touch mine briefly.
I woke up with a blanket over my shoulders, feeling warm despite the early morning chill.
The pasta bake was in the fridge, and I found a note.
See you at 7.
Luke
There were nerves, but I was more excited than anything.
I wore a dress that I’d bought a while ago, but hadn’t found an occasion to use. It was a high-neck, bronze color that hugged me, ending with a curved hem. I put on a tear-shaped necklace to go with it and wedged shoes that were a dusted gold color.
Dinner was at Anton’s. Going there was a statement of sorts. Couples that usually went there were serious about each other.
I got seated when I arrived, and I waited. Last night came back to me, the way it had crossed my mind so many times today. The way he’d patiently listened as I told him everything. And the way his arms went around me, as if he wanted to take away my pain, too. Just like that, the butterflies were back.
It was twenty minutes later.
He could be late, right? He could just be busy with paperwork or he hasn’t closed some deal. Or… why wouldn’t he call?
Five more minutes later, I sat there, ordering myself a risotto. I was here, anyway. It seemed like a waste not to, and I was hungry.
It came ten minutes later, steaming hot in a bowl.
I couldn’t taste it. I set my spoon down, feeling too anxious to eat.
He would come. He’d asked me out last night, when he held me.
I dialed his number and waited.
“I’m sorry, the number you have dialed is—” I ended the call.
I did it again. Same response. Then I ordered myself tiramisu—an attempt to calm myself with dessert.
My phone started ringing as I had the first taste.
Luke.
My heart sped rapidly. I swiped my finger to answer the call immediately.
“Sierra? I just got signal out here.” He paused a beat before he sa
id, “I’m sorry. Something came up. I can’t come.”
Out where? “Is something wrong?” Worry started to creep in. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just… I’ll come home later.”
“Luke, where—”
“We’ll talk later. I’m sorry,” he said again.
He hung up before I had a chance to finish the question.
I sat still for a moment, trying to absorb what just happened.
We’ll talk later.
Later.
An afterthought. Something to be dealt with at a later time.
I told him my past. It wasn’t easy for me to do, and still I found it in me to trust him.
But we weren’t on equal ground at all.
Because he hadn’t really told me a thing.
Looking back on the past couple of weeks, I realized there were a lot of things I still didn’t know about him. Already, I was realizing that what I already knew only revealed to me that we were vastly different.
Who was Luke, really? Who was he when he was away for most of the day?
The truth was, Eva was right.
He got to me. I hated to admit it, but he managed to seep in the cracks. I put a hand over my heart. Because right now it hurt.
I didn’t know how to ease it. I’ve never felt like this before. And I was learning maybe this wasn’t a simple crush after all.
“Do you want to come over?” Eva offered.
I took her up on her offer without really thinking about it and quickly packed an overnight bag.
Do you trust me?
I clutched the handle of my bag tighter.
Luke would want to talk to me later. But at my current state, I could barely string a few words, let alone explain how I really felt. I’d probably just throw a bunch of things at him and tell him to go away.
If he wanted to talk, he was going to have to wait.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out.
I didn’t know what was more pathetic—
That I was running away now, proving him right… Or that I was falling in love with a stranger, and he didn’t even know it.
Chapter Seventeen
