One Little Secret

by Eliza Lentzski

  Julia arched an eyebrow. “Did you expect me to be rude?”

  “No. Of course not,” I denied. “But you’ve been downright bubbly tonight. And, you ordered a cheeseburger and ate the whole thing!”

  “It’s all part of the plan, my dear.”

  “Which is?” I was curious, but hesitant to ask.

  She batted her long eyelashes and pressed even tighter against my shoulder. “To charm your parents so much that they practically beg me to date their hapless daughter.”

  I didn’t have time for a response before my mom returned to the table.

  “The animal sounds are even in the bathroom,” she chuckled. “I almost had a heart attack when I flushed the toilet and heard a lion roar.”

  I didn’t bother to jump away from Julia or put more space between us. But I was curious as to what my mom might have seen. She may have missed the chaste kiss, but she would have at least observed the intimacy of our close proximity. I inspected my mom’s face, but saw no sign or signal of recognition. She either had an excellent poker face or was still too enchanted by the animatronic monkeys to notice anything else.

  My dad returned from the bathroom shortly after my mom. ”Time to hit the road, Nancy. We’re losing daylight.”

  I spied our server and waved her down. “Can I get the check when you have a second?”

  “Oh, he already took care of it.” She pointed in the direction of my father.

  “Dad!” My voice pitched in complaint. “You weren’t supposed to do that!”

  He only shrugged.

  The heels of Julia’s ankle boots clicked crisply against the concrete floor of the parking garage as we walked back to her car. Her black Mercedes chirped when she unlocked the doors from a distance.

  My loud exhale echoed in the cavernous parking lot.

  “Having second thoughts about finishing my French fries, dear?” Julia playfully teased.

  “They didn’t even ask.”

  “Who?” she questioned.

  “My parents. They didn’t ask who you were.”

  “Are you surprised?”

  “I guess not,” I shrugged. “They’re too passive aggressive, disguised as politeness to ask about the stranger at the table.”

  “That’s a good thing though, isn’t it? At least you didn’t have to lie,” she pointed out.

  “But they didn’t give me the chance!” I practically whined.

  “Were you having a change of heart?” she asked. “Did you want to tell them?”

  I reached for Julia’s hand and intertwined our fingers. We’d been play-acting as ‘roommates’ for far too long.

  “I’m sorry I’m not Out and Proud,” I apologized.

  “I don’t expect you to wear a rainbow, dear,” she pacified.

  I stopped walking. With our fingers entwined, Julia had no choice but to stop as well. “I don’t want you to think I’m embarrassed or ashamed to be with you. Because look at you. Who wouldn’t want to show that off?” I gestured with my free hand. “You’re the sexiest woman on the planet. Plus, you’re a brilliant lawyer.”

  Julia silenced my effusive praise with her mouth. Her full lips pressed against mine, and I couldn’t hold back a guttural moan when she trapped my lower lip between her top and bottom rows of teeth.

  She twisted her fingers around the lapel of my leather jacket and drew me closer. “I don’t think you’re ashamed of me. And I never want you to feel like I’m embarrassed to be with you either. I know I’m not always comfortable showing affection in public, but I’ve always been a private person. I’m not about to put on a show for anyone.”

  I wiggled my eyebrows. “I wouldn’t mind a private show.”

  She lightly swatted at me and laughed, showing off her perfect teeth. I knew I’d interrupted a serious moment, but I couldn’t help myself.

  Julia curled her fingers around my blonde tendrils. She leaned in close so her lips brushed against the outer shell of my ear. “Well now that I know when your birthday is …”

  + + +

  I lay on my stomach in bed, flipping through one of the many police catalogs I’d somehow gotten on the mailing list for. I skimmed over bulletproof vests, tactical sunglasses, combat boots, and more—all of the accoutrement that used to get me excited, like a kid at Christmas. These days, shopping for that kind of gear only made me wistful, now that I spent the majority of my time behind a desk.

  Beside me, her head propped up by the headboard and a pile of decorative pillows, Julia flipped through file folders and yellow legal pads. She didn’t bring work home often, but if her case load started to pile up she had to sneak in a few hours of work before bed. I didn’t mind though; I typically watched some sports event on TV in the background. As long as we were together, l was satisfied.

  I rolled onto my side and watched her, unnoticed, while she worked. A skinny headband held her thick, glossy hair out of her face. Her black-framed reading glasses had fallen halfway down her nose, but she didn’t bother to rearrange them. She picked up a thick book from the floor, maybe one of her case law encyclopedias. She licked the tips of her fingers before carefully turning its pages.

  “I love you,” I announced.

  Julia hummed in acknowledgment, but she didn’t look in my direction.

  I ran my hand across her smooth stomach. Her silk nightgown was nearly transparent. “I adore you.”

  Julia smiled down at me. “And I, you,” she returned.

  “I worship you,” I growled.

  Julia’s smile was replaced with a raised eyebrow. “Worship. Really?”

  “Yes.” I jumped to my knees on top of the mattress, suddenly more sure of myself. “Marry me.”

  Julia slowly lowered her legal pad. “Cassidy,” she said in a disapproving tone.

  It was the most brilliant thing I’d ever thought of: “Marry me, Julia.” I was emphatic.

  Her lips pursed. “I’m not the marrying kind.”

  “Bullshit,” I exclaimed. “You weren’t the dating kind either when we first met.”

  Julia’s caramel gaze steadied. She took off her reading glasses and carefully folded them on her lap. “You’re serious about this?”

  “As a heart attack.”

  “I don’t see a ring,” she pointed out.

  “You can pick out whatever you want.” I would give her the moon if I could.

  She paused and tucked her lower lip between her top and bottom rows of teeth. “Let me think on it.”

  “What’s there to think on?” I chafed. “It’s either yes or no.”

  “Cassidy,” she said more sternly. “Let me think on it.”

  I swallowed hard. “Okay.”

  The rush of adrenaline I’d experienced from the proposal left my body, leaving me feeling like a deflated balloon. I crawled under the top covers and rolled onto my side, giving Julia my back.

  “How much longer do you need the light on?” I asked.

  Julia ignored my question. “Are you pouting, darling?”

  “No,” I huffed. I pulled the cotton sheets tight under my chin. “I’m tired, and I’m going to sleep.”

  “Not much longer,” she promised. “Don’t you have some writing to do yet?” She gently referred to the dream journal that my therapist, Dr. Susan Warren, had me write in before I went to sleep.

  “I’m skipping it tonight,” I grunted.

  I expected to receive a lecture about consistency with my therapy, but she wisely left it alone: “Okay.”

  The mattress shifted as Julia leaned over me. She pressed her lips against the back of my head. “Sweet dreams, dear.”

  I shut my eyes and lay silent, certain I wouldn’t get any sleep at all.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Give it up, you little fucker.”

  I smacked my palm against the clear glass that separated me from the bag of Skittles I’d just paid for. The red rectangular bag swung in the balance, not quite sold, not quite mine.

  Just like Julia.

&
nbsp; To say I was having a hard time concentrating at work would be an understatement. I’d lost count of how many times I’d picked up my phone that day, intent on texting Julia that I’d changed my mind about wanting to marry her or that I hadn’t really meant it. But each time I returned my phone to the top drawer of my desk.

  “Come on,” I mumbled. I smacked the clear partition again. The bag of candy wobbled, but stubbornly continued to hang on.

  “I’m still waiting on those files, Miller.”

  Detective Jason Ryan appeared at my elbow. He’d forgone the suit jacket that day or had left it at his desk. His badge continued to hang from a chain around his neck like a desperate plea for attention.

  “What for?” I challenged.

  “Because Homicide is taking over Bloom and Petersik cases.”

  “Like hell you are,” I denied. “You wouldn’t even know there was a connection between the two cases without us.”

  Ryan pressed a hand to his heart. “And we’re eternally thankful to you all,” he said with mock sincerity. “But this is now an active investigation, so I’m gonna need all of your files.”

  “You’re right. They’re our files. So why don’t you give us everything you’ve got on Kennedy Petersik, and we’ll take it from there?”

  “Because it’s an active investigation,” he reiterated.

  “I’m a detective, too, you know.”

  His lips ticked up. “Yeah. But you’re …”

  “I’m what?” I cut him off. “I graduated top of my class in the police academy. I’m a decorated war hero. I’m a goddamn national treasure,” I spat.

  I never threw around my accolades—in fact, I tended to hide them—but Jason Ryan’s attitude was wearing on my nerves. Women were supposed to be timid. They were supposed to let men feel superior. But I’d never been any good at being a woman. I was a Marine.

  Ryan’s eyes widened comically. “Jesus, Miller. Is it that time of the month?”

  A loud, booming voice interrupted our interaction: “Detective Ryan, get in here!”

  I didn’t have time for a smug look before I heard that same voice calling me as well: “Miller—you, too!”

  The disembodied voice belonged to my previous supervisor, Inspector Garnett. He was old school and liked to resolve conflict internally rather than getting the higher ups or Internal Affairs involved. When my FTO had refused to clear me from my probation, following my voluntary leave of absence from the Minneapolis Police Department, it had been Inspector Garnett who’d recommended me for Cold Case. He was probably the one person within the entire city police department whom I respected the most.

  Sitting in the Inspector’s office felt a little like getting called to the principal’s office, although I had no experience with that. I’d kept my head down and my nose clean in school. Detective Ryan looked more injured than I felt. I guessed he was used to being teacher’s pet.

  Inspector Garnett gave us both a hard look. “I’ve got this girl’s parents breathing down my neck, busting my balls to find their daughter’s killer. And apparently some senator’s kid might be involved, too,” he told us. “I can’t afford to throw more resources at this, but I can bring in another department.”

  Ryan raised his hand to be recognized. “But—.”

  “No. Not another word from you, Ryan,” Inspector Garnett shut him down. “You’re collaborating with Cold Case on this one. They’ve got resources that could prove valuable to the Petersik case. And I think it would be good for you to work on this with someone.”

  Ryan tried again: “But Inspector—.”

  “This is not up for negotiation. I’ve made up my mind. Now go play nice and do your jobs.”

  I didn’t want to look like the bird who’d eaten the canary, so I schooled my features. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t take at least a little bit of pleasure from the outcome of our meeting.

  I followed Ryan’s sulking form out of Inspector Garnett’s office. He dragged his feet over to the vending machine that had confiscated my money earlier and struck the side of the machine with the flat of his hand. The whole machine shuddered and the Skittles bag that had been denying me fell from its metal coil. Ryan retrieved the candy bag from the bottom dispenser and handed it to me.

  I was slightly taken aback, but I managed to find my words: “Look. I don’t like this anymore than you. But if the end result is us clearing two unnatural deaths, I’d say that’s a pretty good day.”

  “Two: you think it could be a serial killer?”

  I could practically see the gears churning in Ryan’s head. If he was overly ambitious like I suspected and was using Homicide to catapult his police career, I could only imagine how much he was salivating at the thought of a potential serial killer.

  “Easy there, tiger. Let’s not put the cart before the horse. We don’t even know if the Petersik girl’s death was a homicide.”

  “Her parents say there’s no way it could be suicide,” he dismissed.

  “Sure, that’s what they say. But how many parents actually know what’s really going on in their kid’s life?”

  Ryan shrugged. “Just relaying to you what they’ve been telling me, Partner.”

  I held up my hand. “I’m gonna squash your buddy cop dreams right now, Ryan. We’re not partners. We work in totally different departments.”

  “Yeah, but ‘partner’ sounds so much better than ‘teammate’ or ‘colleague, don’t you think?”

  “Just call me Miller,” I grunted.

  + + +

  My serrated knife skid across my plate as a stalk of steamed asparagus dodged out of the way. The utensil shrieked against the ceramic plate below.

  “Sorry,” I winced.

  From across the dining room table, Julia offered a placating smile.

  Polite conversation about our respective work days had dominated that night’s dinner. Neither of us had broached the topic of my wedding proposal from the previous night. Julia was playing avoidance, and I was too terrified of her rejection to bring it up again.

  Julia set down her knife and fork. It hadn’t escaped my notice that she’d barely eaten anything. She’d barely nibbled on her baked chicken and several stalks of asparagus remained whole on her plate. “I have to go to Duluth tomorrow.”

  I dug into my own skinless chicken breast. “You don’t have to run away to avoid me,” I said, only half joking.

  “The timing is a coincidence, nothing more,” she assured me. “I have to try a child custody case.”

  “Don’t they have lawyers in Duluth?” I questioned. I hadn’t realized her public defender duties might take her out of town.

  “It’s a favor for a friend. Charlotte had hoped the custody dispute wouldn’t actually go to trial, but it looks as though there’s no getting around it.”

  “You’ve never mentioned this friend before,” I noted.

  “She’s more like a former student of mine. I was the teaching assistant for one of her classes when I was in law school and she was an undergrad.”

  “Oh. Is she …” I hesitated, “one of your college flings?”

  Julia laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. She was far too young for me.” She laughed again.

  Her words did nothing to satisfying me and her bubbled laughter made me even more self-conscious. “What’s so funny?”

  “I just realized that you and Charlotte are about the same age.”

  I dropped my knife. “That’s it. You’re not going.”

  Julia arched an eyebrow. “I’m afraid you don’t get a vote in this, dear.”

  I poked at the chicken on my plate, no longer very hungry. “How long will you be gone?”

  “It’s hard to say.” She folded her long, elegant hands on the table. “I’ll know more once I get there.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” I refused.

  She shook her head. “It’s only a short while. And just think of all the fun you’ll have when I’m out of town. All the dirty dishes you can leave in
the sink, the socks you can leave on the floor.”

  I grumbled unintelligently and resumed eating my dinner. The food on my plate had lost all its flavor.

  I plucked the decorative pillows from my side of the bed and threw each one on the floor. Julia sat on her side of the mattress, applying lotion to her hands and quietly watching my temper tantrum.

  “Why do you want to get married?”

  Her question made me feel a little wild. “Because I love you.”

  “And that’s what people who are in love do?” she calmly posed.

  “Well, sure.” I rubbed at the back of my neck.

  She pressed her lips together. “I’ve made my decision. I’ve decided to say no.”

  I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I bit down hard to distract me from the tingling in my tear ducts.

  “We’ve only been dating a handful of months,” she carefully reasoned. “We’ve barely been living together.”

  I turned away from her steady gaze.

  “Cassidy, please,” she called to me. “Don’t be upset.”

  I cleared my throat to dislodge the remorse that had settled there. “It was premature, I get it.”

  I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I pulled back the covers and slid into bed. I thumped at my pillows and flopped my head deep into their feathered comfort.

  I heard the rustle of Julia climbing into bed and adjusting the sheets. She wiggled closer to me and pressed her ice block toes against the back of my calves. I knew she was doing it so I would say something, but my stubborn pride had me ignoring her.

  “Would you be able to drive me to the airport in the morning?”

  Her question had me rolling over. My forehead crinkled. “I thought you were going to Duluth?”

  “I am. But the sooner I get there, the better. I’ll already be playing quite a bit of catch-up when I arrive. The flight is less than an hour compared to at least a two and a half hour drive. And who knows what morning traffic will be like.” Her lips pursed. “If it’s too much of a hassle, I can order a car.”