by Wolf Specter
I frowned, not liking the idea that someone else had felt Dane’s heat. The story made me unreasonably jealous. Which made me bitchy. “So Dane’s another guy who wanted to get with you, and just had to settle for me? God.”
“Nah, bro. What are you talking about? It was nothing like that,” he looked at me like I’d overreacted. Which was probably true. Okay, definitely true. Jesus. Ty hadn’t been talking about Dane wanting him at all. Just because he’d felt Dane’s heat, too… what was wrong with me?
“Nothing like that, trust me,” Ty repeated. “It’s just that, when I left yesterday… shit, it was probably just some fucking deja vu or, I dunno.” He huffed out a breath, then changed the subject: “Listen, I don’t mean to be all over your business, but I feel kind of responsible since I brought him here. So are you going to call him, or what?”
“I don’t have his number,” I admitted, deflating.
Ty straightened up, his brows lowering as he went into protective mode. “He fuc—, uh, left you, without giving it to you? What the fuck?” He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his contacts.
“Ty!”
“I’m gonna text him. He better not be a dick about this, especially after the way he got all weird about needing to meet you. I drove by his place on the way here, and he wasn’t there. ”
“You what? Jesus, Ty. It’s really not your business.”
“What? It was on the way. I didn’t stop in or anything, I’m just sayin’, the guy’s truck was not there. I kinda thought I might find him still here.”
He found the number, but when he started tapping at the screen I grabbed the phone out of his hand. “Tyler, stop. I’ll take his number, but stay out of it.”
“You gonna shoot him a text?” Dog. With. A. Bone.
“Ty.” Enough was enough. I appreciated the fact that he wanted to look out for me, but sometimes he took it too far.
“Fine,” he huffed, waiting until I’d punched the number into my own phone before he accepted his back. “You should call him.”
He was relentless. I smacked his shoulder, which only made him laugh.
“Fuck, Dub, that all you got?”
I rolled my eyes, then pressed a hand against my stomach again. God, I hoped that wasn’t all I got. The thought of not hearing from Dane, not seeing him again, actually made me feel a little nauseous.
“I’m gonna fire up your PlayStation,” Ty said, heading back into the living room.
My finger hovered over Dane’s number on my phone for a minute, but then, with a sigh, I deleted the contact. I was getting way too weird about this. It would be better to just let this one go.
If he wanted me, he knew where to find me.
“If you really do have a stomach bug—” Ty smirked, making it clear just how much he believed my excuse. “—sweating it out will do wonders for you.”
Ty had talked me into meeting him at the gym, and I ignored my queasy stomach as I settled back onto the weight bench and gripped the bar my brother had loaded for me. Ever since he’d joined the army, Ty had been doggedly persistent about trying to get me to work out with him. I managed to avoid it often enough that I wasn’t in any danger of looking as good as he did, but even for me the last two weeks had been a new record of how many times I’d managed to avoid it.
Unlike him, I hated working out. If I was going to sweat, I’d much rather have it be in the bedroom.
Do not think about Dane, I ordered myself with a grimace when just thinking the word “bedroom” immediately brought him to mind.
I groaned, adjusting my grip. I really had felt under the weather, but I’d given in to Ty’s pressure today because — on top of feeling sick — I’d been spending way too much time thinking about a man I’d never see again.
Dane still hadn’t called.
Or texted.
Or shown up.
I sighed. Usually my time at the gym was bearable because I got to ogle the hot army guys who worked out here, but today I couldn’t even enjoy that. The sight just left me cold, and I hated that I couldn’t seem to stop comparing every one of them to my still-too-vivid memories of a one-night stand.
Ty was standing above me, spotting me as I strained to push up the heavy bar, and he frowned down at the expression on my face. We hadn’t talked much about Dane since the day after he left, but I knew my brother was nurturing a grudge against the other soldier. As usual, though, he could read my face like a book.
“Bennett’s gone,” he said flatly, almost making me drop the bar.
I nodded, hoping I managed to look like I didn’t care.
“I mean, Wes, just so you know, he’s gone gone. Moved out of his apartment. Discharge complete. None of the guys have heard from him. Fucking prick.”
“Where did he go?” I blurted out. Not that it mattered.
“I don’t know.” He frowned. “I thought he said he was moving back from wherever he’s from, but… fuck. I can’t remember where that is. Neither can anyone else in the unit.”
“You asked them?”
“Quit slacking. Do another rep. And yeah, I just thought I’d check around. It’s kind of weird. Or, well, maybe not. Bennett was a pretty private guy. No one had a problem with him, but he mostly kept to himself. I thought it was just me, but now that I’ve asked around, it seems like everyone found him a little unapproachable.”
I nodded, pausing to wipe the sweat out of my eyes. God, sweat could be so gross.
Ty’s words made me remember the odd impression I’d had of Dane the first time I’d seen him. He’d been in the middle of a group of friends, obviously a part of it and yet, at the same time distinctly separate.
“He, uh, still hasn’t called you, right?” Ty asked.
“Right,” I answered, grabbing the bar again and using my frustration to heave it up. Huh. Maybe exercise was good for something, after all.
I wished I could forget Dane’s voice. His touch. His heat.
So much for “claiming me,” I thought wistfully.
I didn’t think I’d miss him so much — obsess over him, really — if it weren’t for the dreams. They’d come every night since he’d left me, and maybe, if the dreams had been bad, I could have let it go.
The problem was that they weren’t.
They were the opposite of bad.
Sometimes, I dreamt of sex — not too surprising, since that was all that had happened between us — and it was fucking amazing sex. Sex that always left me hot and trembling and oh so satisfied in my dreams, but then had me waking to an aching emptiness and sticky sheets, day after day.
But it wasn’t always sex.
Sometimes, all I could remember when I woke was his scent. That primal, musky odor that had surrounded me when he was buried deep inside me. It was arousing as hell, but it also left me aching in a different way — wanting things that I’d always looked for but never found, like forever and family and the knowledge that there was one person who was utterly mine, just as I was his.
I also dreamt of flying, and of flames, and sometimes, of forests and mountains and gorgeous views of places I’d never seen… things that had nothing to do with Dane, but still made me feel somehow connected to him.
Pathetic. Everything made me think of Dane.
And my twin had all but confirmed that I would never see him again.
Just the thought of it made my stomach cramp.
“You okay, Dub?”
No, but I tried to fake it.
“Fuck, bro. For real. You don’t look good.”
I sat up, clutching my stomach as it cramped again, harder.
“Yeah... I think I need to head home.”
“Sure. Sorry, Wes,” he said, giving me a hand up. “I thought you were just dodging me. I wouldn’t have pushed you to come if I’d known you were really sick.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I gave him a weak smile. “I’m sure it will pass.”
6
~ Dane ~
Even though Maks
didn’t approve of what I’d done, he’d put up with my brooding presence for the last month without complaint. The pressure of denying my need to go back and claim Wesley made me want to bite his head off, but his attitude actually seemed to soften toward me the worse mine got. Still, there was a strain between us that had never been there before.
It was his boyfriend’s absence that finally broke the ice.
As much as I appreciated Maks allowing me to stay, the need for my own mate had made it painful to watch the casual happiness he shared with his human. Every morning, John filled the house with the smell of brewing coffee and something deliciously breakfast-y, but today the kitchen was conspicuously empty.
“Where’s John?” I asked, fumbling through the cupboards until I finally found a tin of instant coffee. Instant. God.
“He’s gone,” Maks answered tightly, pouring cold cereal into a bowl with a scowl.
I arched an eyebrow, inviting him to elaborate.
Maks sighed, splashing milk onto the unappetizing squares in his bowl. “I liked him, Dane, but you know how it is.”
“Temporary,” I agreed, nodding. It was always best to keep humans at a distance. We were simply too long-lived to make any sort of attachment workable. “Sorry, Maks,” I said, meaning it. “He seemed really sweet.”
He nodded, shrugging in a way that I knew meant he cared more than he was letting on. We’d both had to say goodbye to our share of lovers before their time, and even if it was necessary, it didn’t really get easier.
But at least it’s not as painful as leaving a mate, I thought uncharitably.
I missed Wesley.
As much as I’d resisted my dragon’s insistence that he was our mate, I couldn’t deny that it was true. From the moment my dragon had reached for him, a mating bond had connected us. It couldn’t have happened if Wesley hadn’t been receptive. If he hadn’t been mine.
I stifled a groan, my inner awareness of him flaring to life the moment I let myself think about him. I’d become good at pushing thoughts of him aside and ignoring the dull ache that being apart from him left in my chest.
At least, while I was awake.
At night, when my guard was down, my other self always reached for him. My dreams were filled with the taste of his breath and the feel of his skin and an overwhelming longing to be with him again. They left me feeling utterly hollow inside. Waking up was my only escape — and every time I did, I mourned the loss of what I couldn’t have.
“What are you thinking about?” Maks asked, cocking his head as he watched the yearning play across my face.
The question caught me off guard, and I forgot to censor myself: “Wesley.”
After my initial confession we’d both avoided talking about what I’d done. I expected to see Maks tense with anger now that I’d finally broached the subject again, but instead he just looked at me compassionately.
“Did your Wesley want you?”
Please, Dane, fuck me. Smooth skin, tight heat, soft lips, breathless, whimpering pleas… I shook my head, trying to deny the need that slammed through me once I let my mind go there.
“Of course he did,” I said tightly. “I put him in heat.”
“So, why did you leave him, Dane?”
I stared at him incredulously. “I’ve killed him, Maks,” I finally answered. “My dragon forced me on him, and now my mate is going to pay the ultimate price.”
“And you thought he’d be better off facing that alone?”
“Better that than what I might do to him. I’ve fought my true nature for all these years, but when I was with Wesley…” I scrubbed a hand over my face, not wanting to admit the extent of my weakness to my oldest friend.
“You think your ‘nature’ is to be a killer,” he said, filling the silence after a couple of beats. “You’ve told me so often enough.”
“It’s true, Maks. I wish it wasn’t, but I can’t deny it. We both know that Wesley can’t survive the pregnancy. That alone would be enough to condemn me, but the truth is… even when I was buried inside him, my dragon was pushing me to do worse — and God help me, I wanted to.”
“What do you mean, ‘worse’?”
A part of me was relieved to finally admit it out loud, even though the truth shamed me. “I made myself take him from behind, because the beast wanted me to breathe my fire — into him. And at the end, when he came undone, he was so fucking beautiful. Perfect. And still, it took everything inside me not to flip him over and let the flames pour down his throat.”
Maksim’s eyes widened, and I waited for his disgust. The fact that my dragon had wanted me to end Wesley that way was horrifying… but not half as much as discovering that I’d wanted it, too.
I really was a killer.
“That doesn’t make sense,” Maks finally said. “If the dragon wanted you to impregnate him, why would he push you to kill him before the hatchling was ready?”
I stared at him blankly. His words may have made sense, but I’d felt it, and I knew what my dragon had been pushing me to do. Unless… it had been me. I felt the blood drain from my face. Could I really be that depraved?
Maks looked at me thoughtfully, then took his empty bowl to the sink and started washing it. With his back to me, he started talking. “If you hadn’t been there when I first shifted, I think my sire could have convinced me that what I was gave me the right to live as he does. To take whatever I wanted, just because I could. The strength of my dragon was too overwhelming at first, and having such power available so easily was confusing… tempting… after living my entire life within the limitations of my human body.
“I don’t think I would have liked the person I became, if it hadn’t been for you, Dane.”
“Dragonkind has a lot to answer for,” I agreed bitterly. “Humans have no idea how much of the suffering in their history was due to the way we’ve used and manipulated them.”
“Not ‘we,’ Dane,” he corrected me. “You’ve always been so certain that the cruelty of our kind is the inherent nature of the dragon, but I’ve become convinced that it has more to do with the man, than with the beast inside. Knowing you, more than anything else, has convinced me of that.
“How many of their wars have you fought in? Using the powers inherent in your ‘true nature’ to protect and save as many as you can? Did your dragon ever push you to go on a killing rampage when you were surrounded by their deaths and violence?”
I shook my head. It was one of the reasons I’d thought my beast was finally tamed.
“There are things that you and I have never had a chance to learn about our own kind, Dane, but one thing I know for sure is that you are a good man.”
I wished I could believe him, but I knew what I’d felt.
“Have you ever met Anik? The old dragon up in the northern territories?” he suddenly asked.
“No,” I answered, confused by the abrupt shift in the conversation. When Maks and I had arrived in this land we’d both sensed the markings of another dragon’s territory, but the old beast stayed far to the north and had never been interested in the warmer lands we’d claimed in what was now southern Canada and the United States.
“I’ve met him several times,” Maks told me. “And his son, Ben, who still shares his territory. I consider them friends, and neither one of them are cruel to the humans that they share the land with.”
“Except, if Anik has a son, he was obviously cruel enough to mate one,” I said bitterly.
Maks looked pained, but he didn’t deny it. “I don’t know the story of Anik’s mate, but Ben told me that his father raised him. He wasn’t fostered with humans. When he first shifted, he knew what to expect and was prepared to deal with his dragon’s power. Can you imagine what a difference that must have made?”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I know you never planned on taking a mate, Dane, but now that you have, there will be a child. I can’t think of anyone better to raise a hatchling than you.”
�
�That child is killing Wesley,” I snapped.
Maks raised his eyebrows at my tone, then his eyes softened. “I’m sorry, Dane. I’d assumed your Wesley was a stranger that your dragon chose. I didn’t realize you had feelings for him.”
I laughed, even though it was anything but funny. “No, you’re right Maks. I don’t know him. And yet, my dragon’s insistence that Wesley is our mate… there’s something to it, beyond just the drive to breed. I do have feelings for him, and I don’t know why. It’s different than what humans call ‘falling in love.’ I can feel him, in my head, and—” My hand moved to my chest, covering my heart. It may not make sense, but I couldn’t deny it. “It’s as if, out of all the humans that ever were or will be, Wesley is the other half of my soul.” Maks’ eyes widened. He knew I didn’t get attached to humans. “I just hope it never happens to you, my friend, because I’ve barely touched him, and I already don’t know how I’m going to go on without him.”
The cute little apron John had always worn in the kitchen was folded neatly on the counter next to the sink. Maks started fussing with it, unfolding and refolding it, and then just smoothing his hand over the soft material. “We’re used to keeping our distance from humans, Dane, but let me ask you something: are you being fair to your Wesley?”
“None of this is fair to Wesley.”
“No, it’s not,” he said bluntly. “But it’s already done. You’ve always tried to atone for dragonkind’s sins against man, but this human — the one you’ve claimed as your own — you’ve left alone when he needs you the most. If your mate has to die—” the words stabbed at my heart “—then going back to him may be the penance you’ve earned.”
Maks was right, but he was forgetting that I’d wanted to burn Wesley, from the inside out. I didn’t know if I’d be able to stop myself if got close to him again, so no matter what was right, or what my mate deserved from me, I couldn’t risk it.
But a week later, my dragon took the choice out of my hands.
