by Sienna Parks
When I’m finished making dinner, I plate it up and take it outside. Eli rarely comes inside since we got back. Before, he didn’t realize how lucky we are to live out here. Now, even at his age, he seems to have a newfound appreciation for our way of life. It’s still cold, but no matter the weather, he wants to be outside. The past few weeks have been fun. I thought he’d be back in our old routine by now, but he’s still awed by everything around us. It’s great to see.
“Hey, champ. Grub’s up. Come on.” Covered in dirt and smiling ear to ear, he runs toward me. “Go inside and wash your hands first. What have you been doing?”
“Making mud pies for dessewt.”
“Yum.” Thankfully, I manage to convince him that marshmallows make for a better dessert when dinner is done.
“What shall we do tomorrow, little man?”
“Can we go to town?”
“Why do you want to go there? It’s a lot of walking for little legs.”
“I’ll wide on your back, Daddy!”
“Lucky me.”
“I wike the store. They have chocowate.” Now, I’m getting to the reason. LA gave him a sweet tooth. As much as I tried to avoid it, his grandparents love to spoil him. I’m weaning him back onto our regular diet of whatever nature provides, but the daddy in me wants to make him happy after uprooting his life the way I did.
“Sure. We can go, but you only get one bar. Deal? He jumps into my arms, knocking me clear off my seat.
“Deal!”
I haven’t been to Cricket since we got back. I went to the store next to my house on the edge of town. I wasn’t ready to see everyone. They know who I am now. If they didn’t hear the news, they still know I’m the sasquatch on the mountain—the one who brought Juliet to town when she was injured. I don’t want to answer any more questions.
It’s a beautiful day for a trip down to Cricket. The air is crisp, and the sky is azure blue. There’s isn’t a cloud in sight. Eli is giddy at the prospect of our supply run. This is the first time he’s walked most of the way down. I think he could’ve managed the full journey if he hadn’t been running in circles the whole time. He probably did twice the distance before he tired out and jumped on my back. His tiny breaths brush against my neck with the faintest snore as I step onto Main Street. It’s cute as hell, but I need him to wake up now.
“Come on, champ. Chocolate time.” Like magic, he slides down my back and makes a run for the store at the end of the street.
“Can I go in, Daddy? Can I? Can I?”
“Yes. Don’t touch anything!” I shout after him knowing my words fall on deaf ears at this point. There are a few locals who give me a pleasant nod. Others are far from subtle with their whispers and stares.
“Morning.” Avoidance has always been my tactic here, but that’s not going to work anymore. I may as well embrace it and make them as uncomfortable as they make me.
“Good morning.” Just when I think they’re going to follow the pleasantry with a snide remark, they surprise me. “It’s so nice to have you back. If you need anything, we’re here and rooting for you.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” The grocery store is abuzz when I step inside—not because of me, but because Eli is talking to anyone who’ll listen. All the usual suspects are here. Babs is helping him pick out chocolate at the back of the store—a small crowd gathered around him, genuinely happy to see him.
The moment Babs sets eyes on me, her smile widens, and her arms open.
“If it isn’t our resident knight in shining armor.” She squeezes me tight. “I’m so glad you came back. I’m sorry about what happened.”
“You guys heard about that?” My heart sinks, but I’m grateful she ripped off the Band-Aid.
“I’m afraid we still get newspapers in our little corner of the world. I could tell you’d had your fair share of heartache, but I never imagined…” Eli stares up at me with a chocolate covered grin. Everyone wants to spoil him, and at this moment, I want to let them. I’ve spent a long time shutting the people of this town out, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to accept that some people don’t care about fame or fortune. “You deserve better than a trashy article like that. She should be ashamed of herself.”
“I… maybe she is.” I don’t know why I just said that.
“Well, she’s getting no sympathy from me. I can’t believe she had the audacity to come back here.” My heart stops.
“What?” She pats my arm, her face telling me everything I need to know.
“You didn’t know?”
“No.”
“She turned up a few weeks ago asking if anyone had seen you. Obviously, we didn’t know you were back, but we weren’t about to fuel another story.”
“Is she still here?”
“Yes. She sits in that coffee shop across the street. Watches this place all day like she’s waiting for you to turn up. I’m surprised she’s not over here already sticking her nose where it’s not wanted.”
“Can you watch Eli for a few minutes?”
“Of course.” I’m out the door before she has a chance to continue.
My heart is thundering in my chest as I walk outside only to find Jules standing on the sidewalk across from me. We stand, frozen to the spot for what seems like hours, our eyes fixed on each other, before stepping out to meet in the middle of the road.
“Why are you here, Jules?”
“I came for you.” Her voice quivers as she attempts to control the emotion I see roiling behind her eyes.
“It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think? I told you I never wanted to see you again.”
“And then you came to the café. I saw you that night.”
“Shouldn’t you be in New York at your new high-profile job?”
“I quit.”
“Still doesn’t explain why you think hanging around in Cricket is going to get you anywhere. Get a job running the damn newspaper here?” She tucks her hands in her pockets scuffing her shoes on the concrete.
“I didn’t just quit my job in New York. I quit journalism.” My pulse quickens against my will.
“So?”
“Please, Travis. Hear me out.” My body aches to pull her into my arms and kiss her until she can’t remember her name, but my willpower wins out.
“I need to get back to Eli.”
“I’m not going anywhere. We’re not guaranteed our tomorrows. You know that better than most.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t use Angela against me.”
“I got a job writing blurbs for a publisher. I can work from anywhere. I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to realize I love you, Travis.”
“I have to go.” I ball my fists trying to stop the uncontrollable shaking of my hands. I turn on my heels and head back to the store—my mind reeling from her declaration of love. I was prepared for her to beg forgiveness in LA. I even understood her attempt to make peace before moving to New York, but this… this is a bolt from the blue.
During the time we spent together, Juliet’s thirst for journalism was insatiable. It’s the reason I didn’t divulge my past. She’s strong and driven. I don’t believe she would give up everything she’s worked for… for me. I’ve given her no encouragement or hope for a future.
Rattled by our interaction, I let Eli pick anything he wants loading up my backpack with a ton of non-essential, nutrition-free foods. By the time we leave, he’s receiving hugs from everyone in the store. Especially Babs.
“You’ll come back and see us soon, won’t you?” Eli nods, turning to me for confirmation.
“Sure. Thanks for keeping an eye on him.”
“Anytime. Is everything okay? You look pale.”
“Fine. I said what I needed to say. I’m sure she’ll be gone by the time I return.”
“Good.”
“We better head out or it’ll be dark before we get back to the house.”
The journey home is always harder. Gravity isn’t on our side as we make an upward
climb toward the cabin. Eli gets tired out much quicker, and I end up carrying him on my front with my backpack full on my shoulders.
We beat the sunset by fifteen minutes, but Eli is already fast asleep in my arms. Too tired to wrestle him into pajamas, I lay him in bed, removing his shoes and heavy coat before tucking him in with a kiss on his forehead. I’ll never tire of watching him sleep.
By the time I unload all the food, I’m too exhausted to eat any of it. I slump down onto the couch and put on some music to try and drown out the war waging inside. Physically and emotionally drained, my mind is racing from my interaction with Jules. Why does it affect me to hear her say those three little words? They don’t mean anything without actions to back them up.
I drift into a fitful sleep, images of Juliet plaguing my dreams. She’s always just out of reach screaming for me to save her, but I can’t quite get to her in time.
There’s never enough time.
Two weeks later, we make our usual supply run getting back to some semblance of normalcy. That is, until Jules appears in the street once more. This time she doesn’t stare, or beg, or force it in any way. Instead, she walks past me, smiles, and says, “Good morning, Travis. I love you.” Then, she just kept on walking without a second look back.
“Was that the wady fwom LA, Daddy?”
“Yes.”
“And she woves you.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.
“It’s complicated.”
“Wove isn’t hawd, Daddy. I wove you. You wove me. We wove gwanny and papa, and gwan and pop-pop. They wove us. See? Easy.” The rest of our day is uneventful, but again, I find myself unsettled by what Jules wants from me.
The next time, two weeks later, we repeat the same pattern again, only this time, she crouches down to talk to Elijah.
“Hello, Eli. I’m Jules. I look forward to seeing you again soon.”
“I wemember you… fwom LA. You made Daddy sad.” I’m surprised by his attention to detail. We say kids are too young to understand emotions, but at times I think they understand them better than any of us.
“Yes. I’m afraid I did. But, I’m here to make it better. Is that okay?”
“Yeah. Daddy says we need to give people second chances. And if someone says sowwy, we should fowgive them.”
“Your daddy is a very wise man.” She lifts her eyes to mine.
“I’ll see you again soon, Travis. I love you.” She disappears down the street as if nothing has happened. I’m at a loss.
I never feel more alive than I do in the handful of minutes it takes to have these small interactions. She’s on my mind night and day but telling me she loves me still doesn’t explain why she screwed me over. Can you build a relationship from a betrayal of trust?
All I know for sure right now is this—I’m beginning to grow excited for these exchanges. Every time I see her, she gives me the smallest shred of hope that she’s changed—matured. But, no matter how fast my pulse quickens when she’s around, I keep my distance.
Trust once lost is almost impossible to regain.
17
JULES
Giving up journalism was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. Cricket isn’t New York or LA, but it’s where I want to be. I need to show Travis that I’m in this for the long haul.
I’ve been renting a cute cottage just off Main Street. It’s bigger than any of the apartments I ever had, and it came fully furnished. My new job isn’t what I envisaged for myself, but to my surprise, I’m enjoying it. It pays the bills, and I can still send money home to my dad. I don’t know how much longer he’s going to be able to care for my mom. He’s adamant she won’t go to a care facility, but she’s deteriorating fast, and I’m scared that there won’t be another option soon.
To my delight, Cricket is a dark horse when it comes to technology. Wi-Fi and cell reception are amazing wherever you go. It’s unbelievable, but I reckon it has something to do with Travis. He told me after my stint at the cabin how kitted out it is for him. Now that I know how much he’s worth, I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole area was upgraded so he could check emails in the middle of nowhere.
I’ve taken to working from the local coffee shop. It allows me to wait like a creepy stalker for Travis to turn up. The residents of Bear Paw aren’t too enamored with my return, and if they weren’t so polite, I think I’d be refused service in every place in town.
It’s not easy being alone here—I miss my friends and family. My brother recently got engaged, and everyone seems to be moving on without me. I check in with my dad every day to see how Mom’s doing, most of the time he’s the only person I have a conversation with.
I’ve seen Travis a few times now, and it gets harder every time—reiterating those three words that are never returned. I love you. It’s not like I can bump into him every day. It’s at least two weeks between his visits to town, yet I still sit in that coffee shop day after day just in case he appears.
There has to be a better way to get through to him. If I could get him alone, somewhere he can’t avoid me…
It’s been in front of me this whole time, and I didn’t even think of it.
I’m going to climb the mountain. I’ll find the cabin and show him how serious I am. He can’t ignore me then… can he? I’ve accumulated more winter clothing since I moved here than I’ve owned my entire life in LA. But, I need a tent. I can’t expect Travis to let me stay in the cabin, but if I set up camp close by, I can talk to him without imposing.
I grab my purse and head to the store.
When I have my tent, sleeping bag, and some food supplies, there’s one last thing I need—directions to the cabin. Against my better judgment, I start walking in the direction of the B&B. If there’s anyone who can help me, it’s Babs, but even with her, my chances are slim. She’s not been the welcoming, cheerful old lady I met the first time I came to Cricket.
I ring the doorbell and wait… my stomach churning at the prospect of having the door slammed in my face if she even answers. Arron appears.
“Hello, Juliet. What can I do for you today?” He’s surprisingly pleasant.
“Is Babs here? I mean, your mom. Sorry.”
“Yes. Come in out of the cold.”
“Thanks.” The second the door closes behind me, Babs comes storming out of the kitchen.
“What do you want, young lady? I thought I made it clear that you’re not welcome here anymore. That poor boy. He saved your life, and you repaid him with nothing but heartache.”
“I understand. I’m not proud of myself, but if I could just have five minutes of your time to explain.” The mother in her can’t deny my request.
“Fine. But don’t expect any sympathy from me.” She ushers me into the living room, and Arron sits down without a thought of giving us some privacy. I wait for Babs to ask him to leave, but when she doesn’t, I figure I’m going to have an audience for my latest confession of shame.
I start from the beginning, leaving nothing out. I tell her how heartbroken I was when I first left Cricket, and how I reluctantly gave my story to the paper when I needed the money. I explain the situation with my mom and how I’m trying to help. She gets a detailed list of my attempts to contact him, and how he showed up at the café. By the time I’m finished, her expression has softened. Arron looks disgruntled, but it’s not him I came to for help and advice.
“Babs, I messed up, and I hate myself for it. But, I want to make it right. I love him. It took me a long time to realize he’s the man I want to spend my life with, but I can’t give up on him. Please, I need to know how to get back to the cabin.”
“You silly girl.” She beckons me over to where she sits in a blue wing-backed chair. I’m tentative as I approach worried she’ll tell me to get out of her sight. A smile cracks the weathered plains of her face. “You’ve got more than one mountain to climb.”
No one knows the location of Travis’s cabin, but I give Babs as
much information about the surroundings and the paths we took to get down. My memory of that night is sketchy at best. I can see from Arron’s expression, he knows the landmarks I mention.
“I know where you need to go. It will get you to the vicinity, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll find the cabin. He’s stayed hidden all these years. You could get lost and injured like last time… or worse.”
“I have to try. I can do this. I’ll be careful and stick to daylight hours.” Travis can walk these trails in a matter of hours, but I’m not going to be stupid this time around. I have to take my time and watch my ankle. If I don’t strap it up and wear proper hiking boots, I’m going to end up with permanent damage.
“I have my phone. I’ll keep it with me at all times, and I’ll call if I get into trouble.”
“You said that last time and look what happened.”
“I’m not the same person I was then.” It’s the truth. I was callous and dismissive of this town, these people, and nature itself. How naïve. I’ve learned some harsh lessons.
“Are you going to do this no matter what we say?” His tone is dismissive, but I don’t care what he thinks of me. The only people I care about are Travis and Elijah.
“Yes.” Babs reaches out to grasp my hand in hers.
“I hope you find him. But, if you hurt him again, I’ll hunt you down myself. I may be old, but I’m wily.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
With my mind made up, Arron finds a map of the mountain and starts marking my route. I don’t relish the thought of going out there on my own again, but if it’s the only way to get through to Travis, I’m willing to take the risk.
When it’s time to leave, Babs pulls me into her arms before slipping something in my hand. I look down. It’s a long, antique necklace with a large, gold pendant of some sort. I open it with care, scared it’ll break. It’s a compass.
