“Why can’t you come in?”
“Mrs. Swenson thinks it’s better if it’s just her and you and Ben.”
“But what if he…?”
Shep knew this was too important to say with half of his attention on the road and half of his attention on his son, so he pulled over to the shoulder. Turning to Joey, he laid his hand on his son’s shoulder. “You don’t know what Ben’s going to say or do, but you do know what you can say and do.”
“I don’t know what to say.” He looked scared.
Shep turned to look at Roy, too, who was sitting in the backseat, before he offered his advice. “I want you to both listen to me. You need to stand up for yourselves. Do you know what that means?”
“It means he should punch him,” Roy mumbled.
“No, that’s exactly what it doesn’t mean. Always try to be respectful. Standing up for yourself means you tell the person who’s done something wrong to you exactly how you feel.”
“I’m not telling him I cried.” Joey seemed horrified at the thought.
Shep almost smiled. “I can see this isn’t easy. It’s not easy for anybody. But you can tell him what that medal meant to you, who gave it to you, and why it’s something you always want to keep. I’m not going to tell you what to say. You have to figure that out. Say the truth and what you feel. But do you understand where I’m going here?”
After staring out the windshield for a moment, Joey turned back to Shep. “So I could say something like—if he had a medal his dad gave him, he wouldn’t want me to take it, would he?”
“That’s right. You say the important truth that’s inside here.” He tapped Joey’s chest.
Joey took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s go.”
Shep winked at Roy, put the truck in Drive, found his way into traffic again and headed for the school.
Shep’s thoughts weren’t just on Joey and what was about to happen to him. He couldn’t stop thinking about Raina, either. He didn’t know what had gotten into him last night. He seemed to want her more each time he was with her—not only want her, but claim her as his. The thing was, last night after he’d brought her to climax, he’d felt vulnerable afterward…like his soul had been ripped open and he couldn’t sew it back together again. He knew he kept his guard up with everyone, except Cruz. Only the two of them understood what they’d gone through. Only the two of them knew the insecurities of being abandoned, the bravado of toughing through it, the need to succeed, the determination to wipe away everything that had gone before. Shep didn’t open up with anyone else. It was too dangerous.
Yet with Raina, he found himself doing things he’d never done before, saying things he’d never said before. Marrying her had probably been an exceptionally foolish thing to do, yet she was the mother of his baby. Could she be a real mother to his sons, too? When their own child was born, would Raina be too busy for Joey and Roy and Manuel?
He didn’t know.
Say the truth and tell how you feel, he’d told his son. Sometimes, as Joey would learn in the future, the truth was a little too much to tell, and protecting one’s pride or heart or soul might be more important.
By the time Shep parked at the elementary school, took Roy to his classroom, then proceeded to Joey’s, Joey looked less nervous and more determined. His teacher wore a serious expression and informed him Ben was already there. She’d make sure the boys were through before the other students started arriving.
“Are Ben’s parents here?” Shep asked.
“No, they’re not. His father said he’d stop in after school, and I hope he does.”
Fifteen minutes later, Shep was pacing up and down outside the classroom, wondering why standing here waiting was harder than gentling a two-year-old colt. He’d taken off his hat and run his hand through his hair at least ten times by the time Raina came rushing up the hall. He couldn’t name the feeling that filled his chest, but seeing her there felt better than making tons of money on a business deal, felt as good as a phone call from Cruz on Christmas, felt different than any feeling he’d had before. Yet the self-protective armor he’d kept in place for so many years kept his voice steady and his expression neutral.
“You came,” he said simply.
She didn’t look as if she knew exactly what to say, either. “I rearranged a few appointments.”
Shep still felt a little caught up in what had happened last night, and he could see in her eyes that she was remembering, too. They were newlyweds. Why should they be embarrassed by passion? But they weren’t really newlyweds, were they? Not in the ordinary sense. They’d married for practicality’s sake. A lifelong history of women coming and going had taught him that Raina could be gone just as quickly as she’d said “I do.”
The door to the classroom suddenly opened and Joey stood there, his dark eyes big and wide as he clutched his St. Christopher medal in his hand. He rushed to Shep and said, “Mrs. Swenson made Ben clean out his desk. He still had it there. The chain’s broken, but the medal’s okay. Can we get a new chain?”
Shep crouched down. “Yes, we can get a new chain, a nice strong one that won’t break.”
“I told him what you said,” Joey went on. “That he had no right to take my medal, that my dad had given it to me and he was dead and…” Joey looked up at Shep.
“It’s okay,” Shep said, encouraging him. “What else did you say?”
Glancing over at Raina, who’d come to stand beside him, Joey went on. “I told him that medal was supposed to keep me safe, and if there’s any more trouble my new dad will take care of it.”
Shep gave Joey a tight hug. “I’m real proud of you.”
Joey looked up at Raina. “Will you take me to buy a chain? Dad doesn’t like to shop.”
With a smile only mothers could produce, she laid her hand on Joey’s shoulder. “Of course I will.” Then she leaned down and whispered in his ear, “I’m glad you told me. I won’t make your dad go with me to the mall.”
Joey laughed and glanced over his shoulder back into the classroom. “I’d better go in. The other kids will be coming soon.”
As he turned to go, Raina said, “You have a good day.”
Shep called, “See you later, cowboy.”
Suddenly alone with Raina, Shep felt…nervous. That was crazy. He didn’t get nervous around women, and he shouldn’t be nervous about Raina when she was living under the same roof and sharing his bed.
What happened next really knocked him back on his heels. She turned away from him, tossed over her shoulder, “I’ll be back,” and took off down the hall. He would have thought she might have spotted Roy and was chasing after him, but he’d caught a glimpse of her face. It was pale, almost green.
He raced after her, stopping when he saw the word girls on the door. On top of that, kids started pouring in the front doors, swarming down the hall.
“Raina, are you in there? Are you okay?”
It seemed that minutes went by, though he supposed it was only seconds until her voice carried softly to him. “I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”
That minute seemed to be a very long one, and kids looked up at him as they passed, some pointed, some giggled. He knew it was unusual for a man to be standing in front of the girls’ bathroom.
Finally, when Raina came out, she didn’t look much better than when she’d gone in. He took her arm, gripping her elbow. “What’s going on?”
“Morning sickness. Or rather, Danish sickness. I should have known better. As long as I have a piece of toast in the morning and a little bit of juice, I’m fine. Somebody at the office had put out a tray of Danish, and my sweet tooth reared up. I don’t think I even had a sweet tooth before I was pregnant.”
He couldn’t help but smile at her chagrin as they walked toward the school’s entrance, then exited into the sunny October day. “Cravings are a part of pregnancy, aren’t they?”
“I never believed it, but I guess they are.”
Holding her arm as he was, he could fe
el her tremble. She looked really pale again. He was tempted to swing her up into his arms and carry her to his truck. Instead, he pointed to a bench under the shade of the building’s overhang. She gratefully sank down and took a few deep breaths.
“This has happened before?” he asked.
“A few times. The first time was the day before our wedding. I thought I was just jittery. But Angie had made French toast, and I guess that didn’t go down very well, either.”
“Do you have a doctor’s appointment soon?”
“In a couple of weeks.”
He could suggest she go in sooner, but Raina was independent enough to make her own decisions. She wouldn’t like it if he made them for her. But he was about to make one now, in spite of the consequences.
“I’m driving you to Lubbock, to your office.”
“Shep, that’s not necessary.”
“I think it is. You’re still pale and you don’t seem all that steady. When I get back, I’ll have Ed bring me out here to get your car.”
“But I have to get home tonight.”
“Give me a call when you’re ready to leave, and I’ll come pick you up.”
“I can possibly hop a ride with Gina or Lily.”
“Whatever you decide. I just don’t want you taking any chances.”
“I won’t take chances. I’d never do anything to put this baby in harm’s way. You know that, don’t you?”
He studied her beautiful brown eyes and wanted to believe she was as loyal and kind and committed as she seemed. The thing was, if he believed it, he could be blindsided all the more easily.
Raina transferred the last of the chocolate macadamia nut cookies from the cookie sheet to the plate. She hoped Shep would like them.
It was almost 8:00 p.m. on Friday night and he wasn’t home yet. Roy and Joey had gone to a sleepover at one of Joey’s classmate’s, who had a younger brother Roy’s age. Shep had asked her if she minded putting Manuel to bed by herself so he could get caught up on some paperwork at the lumberyard.
No, she hadn’t minded. But she did have to wonder if he didn’t want to be alone with her. They hadn’t made love since the night they’d both gone a little wild. He’d come to bed late the past two nights and she’d fallen asleep before he had. That bed seemed very big—and a bit lonely—when they were each on their own sides.
Two gray-and-black-striped kittens raced from under the table into the living room. She knew they’d probably end up on Roy’s or Joey’s bed.
Suddenly she heard the crunch of Shep’s truck tires on the gravel drive. Her breath caught. She heard the engine go quiet, Shep’s footfalls on the back stoop, the squeak of the screen door as he entered the kitchen, and she felt her heart race.
Settle down, she told herself. She was a married woman now, with a baby on the way. Still, her husband’s smile could curl her toes.
Her husband. Was she even used to that term yet?
In the kitchen now, Shep breathed in the aroma of chocolate and butter and sugar. “Someone’s been busy.” He was staring at her curiously, wondering why she had baked cookies.
“Eva didn’t have time today to make a treat for the weekend, so I thought I would.”
He gestured to the plate she’d already fixed. “Are those for sampling?”
“Manuel’s sound asleep. I thought maybe you’d like to get comfortable and go out on the front porch. It’s such a beautiful night.”
Through the kitchen window, they could both see the moonlit darkness stealing the last of dusk.
Shep was quiet for a while, then said, “Sure. I don’t think the two of us have tried out the porch swing. We can put the baby monitor in the open window.” He came closer to her, touched her turquoise earring with his forefinger, then grinned.
“Making out on a porch swing could be the perfect end to a long day.”
“We can make out,” she agreed. “And maybe…we can talk.”
His expression changed. “Talk about…”
“I got a phone call from Mrs. Sumpter. I have an interview with a psychologist the week after next.”
His focus entirely on her, he asked, “Are you worried about it?”
“Some. I just don’t want anything to hold up the adoption. I know how important it is to you and Manuel.”
“What are you concerned about besides that?”
“I’m worried that whoever interviews me will think we married too quickly and for the wrong reasons.”
“And what will you say if he or she asks why you married me?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to blurt out “Because I love you,” because that’s what she’d tell the interviewer. But she didn’t think Shep would accept that. It was too soon. Not only that, but a little voice in her mind whispered, He hasn’t told you what he feels.
“I’ll tell him or her that I want a family as much as you do, and you’re a good man and I’ve always felt a…bond with you. We’re having a baby, and I believe two parents are better than one.”
“You’ve thought about this.”
“Of course. I want to be prepared.”
He wrapped his arm around her and brought her close for a kiss. Hoarsely, he said, “I’ll change and be right down.”
Ten minutes later they were sitting side by side on the porch swing, the dish of cookies on a table beside them accompanied by glasses of homemade lemonade. Before he’d come outside, he’d switched on the CD player in the living room. Trace Adkins sang “You’re Gonna Miss This,” and Raina knew it was so. Every moment was precious. Children grew up too fast and intimate moments were gone before you could catch them.
After all the passion they’d shared, Raina had thought sitting close together would seem natural. However, they both seemed off balance, and she supposed that was her fault. Shep didn’t like heart-to-hearts, and that was really what she wanted to have with him.
He ate one of the chocolate cookies and offered her the plate. She shook her head.
“They’re great,” he said.
“Thanks.”
After he finished another one, he gave her a considering look. “Morning sickness today?”
“On and off most of the day.”
“Are you sure that’s normal?”
“When I see Emily next week, I’ll ask her.”
“Are you sure about giving birth with a midwife? A hospital room with doctors around sounds better to me.”
“I really believe a baby should come into the world with soft lights and lots of love surrounding him. You can be with me. The kids can even be around at the beginning of it. Emily won’t take chances. If there’s any problem, I’ll go to the hospital and Jared Madison will take care of me.”
“My stress meter will be off the charts,” Shep muttered.
When the strains of the soft ballad floated through the open window, Raina suddenly stood, then held out her hand to him. “How about a dance? You can forget about your long day and the stress of my labor.”
When he took her hand, the look in his eyes went from concerned to heated. Rising to his feet, he circled her with his arms. “Do you know how pretty you look tonight?”
She’d changed into a smocked, gauzy dress, the color she loved most—turquoise. She’d wanted to put on something soft and sexy, yet not too obviously so.
“When I’m away from my office, I like to look more…feminine.”
He buried his nose in her hair and murmured against her ear, “You succeeded.”
Instinctively, Raina wrapped her arms around Shep’s neck, wanting to be as close as she possibly could to him, maybe closer than he wanted to become. Had it been a mistake to think that one day they could bare their hearts to each other completely?
With their bodies pressed together, their desire was obvious. Yet in some ways, she felt as if she had to take a step back from the physical aspect of their relationship to make the rest of it work.
The three-quarter moon cast its glow over the yard around the porch. It was bright eno
ugh for Raina to see Shep’s face as she leaned away, allowing a few inches between them.
“Tell me about your ex-fiancée,” Raina requested.
Shep stilled. “Why would we want to talk about that at a time like this?”
“Because we’re good in bed, Shep, but I want to feel close to you in other ways, too.”
His shoulders stiffened and she thought he was going to drop his arms. But he didn’t. He held her loosely. “What if I don’t want to talk about her?”
She met his question head-on. “I’m not going to pull away or sulk, if that’s what you think. But sometimes I still get the feeling that you think I won’t stay. I just want to know more about her so it doesn’t become a forbidden topic between us. I want to know you.”
“You’re in a funny mood tonight.”
Maybe he was hoping she’d say “Just forget about it,” but she wasn’t going to do that. “How did you meet?” she asked, knowing she was prodding.
With a sigh, he answered, “On the golf course. There was a tournament for charity. She and I got paired up and it wasn’t until after we broke up I found that she had asked to be my partner.”
“I imagine a lot of women would have wanted to have been your partner.”
“I think you’re seeing it in a different way than I did. I never realized how manipulative she was. I think she was looking for someone with money to marry, and purposely went about it.”
“Did you break off the engagement?”
“It was mutual. As soon as I started talking about returning to Texas to ranch and adopt kids, Belinda began getting cold. The day I bought Red Creek Ranch, she said goodbye. Apparently, when we got engaged she figured my money would buy fancy cars, a penthouse and servants.”
“Were you living a different lifestyle in California?” She really couldn’t imagine him anyplace but here.
“I had an office in Sacramento and a condo nearby. I had to wear suits a lot more often than I do now.”
From his wry smile she could see he was much more comfortable with this conversation, rather than revealing his romantic past. But she wanted to know more.
The Texan’s Happily-Ever-After Page 14
