I could see they were mollified by my meek penitence. I knew that even the slightest hint of defiance or aggression now and I’d be banned for the year.
There was a short silence. The man in the middle looked steadily at me for a minute or two. I kept up my wide eyed penitent butter-wouldn’t-melt expression and looked steadily back making sure to blink occasionally so it wouldn’t be confrontational. Then he scribbled something down on a piece of paper and passed it first to one side and then the other and they both nodded.
He cleared his throat. “Ok, here’s the position. Violence holds a mandatory year long ban, and we have to be seen to be upholding our own rules, so we have no option about the sentence we have to pass. However we understand why it came about, that Tyler himself isn’t concerned about it and that you are aware of what you have done wrong and have expressed an intent to make sure you control your temper in the future. So what we have decided is that you are banned for a year from immediate effect, with nine months of that suspended, so you can return to racing on the second of August. However if you offend again in any way, that nine months will come into effect immediately and you won’t be allowed to appeal it.”
“Ok,” I said. “Thank you, that’s fair.”
“You may go,” he said sternly.
“Thank you,” I said politely, looking them each in turn in the eye, and then I left.
Behind me I heard them start chatting to Tyler starting with a light hearted quip about it being a long time since they’d had to haul him in there.
Outside, Wentworth was lying down along the bench, obviously having given up hope of us ever being finished.
He sat up. “God you were hours in there! What was it like?”
“Fucking awful,” I said. “Just make sure you’re polite and respectful and really, really, sorry…”
“Oh g-a-a-w-d,” he groaned.
Back at the pits heads were turning as I walked along. Everyone would have either seen it or heard about it by now, and they’d all be waiting delightedly for the outcome.
“Well?” Paul said severely, hands on hips.
“I’m banned for a year with nine months suspended,” I said. “I can race again on the second of August.”
“Shit you utter idiot!” Jo threw at me. Her expression was furious. She was working all the dates out. “You’re going to miss virtually all the Championships and there’s no way you’ll be getting the Silver roof now! Why the hell did you do it?”
I sighed. “I lost my temper because it was such an important race and Tyler just freaked out when he saw me coming through so near the wall and instead of just trusting I could do it, he braked and pulled out. It just made me so mad, that’s all, and then he said he didn’t want me getting hurt and he didn’t seem to think that the fact he’d pulled over mattered! But how can we race if he’s going to get like that? I’m sorry everyone. I’m really sorry. He told me to calm down like I was a hysteric who was making a fuss over nothing and that just finished me off. Sorry,” I said again.
Paul continued to look severely at me. He pointed at a low concrete wall behind us. “Go and sit on the naughty step.”
I went over and sat gloomily sat down. It was beginning to sink in. This was, in effect, the end of my racing year.
“You such a fucking idiot Eve!” Jo launched. “Why can’t you keep your temper?”
“No talking to people on the naughty step,” Paul said sternly to her. “People on the naughty step must be ignored. Go and get the cars loaded.”
She stared at him as though he’d gone completely mental, and then she stomped off.
I put my head down on my arms and tried not to cry. She was right. I was a complete idiot. And I’d allowed my relationship with Tyler to affect my driving career, which I’d sworn I wouldn’t. Paul ignored me and went about his tasks. How was I going to stand the shame of being banned? What would Fay think of me? I wasn’t sure if I was really on the naughty step, or whether he’d done that to get Jo off my back and give me time to think. But I didn’t dare move. I figured he’d eventually come and talk to me, or call me to do something.
Suddenly I heard Tyler’s voice saying something to Paul. I looked up. Tyler was glancing across at me and I heard Paul telling him, “You can’t speak to her, she’s on the naughty step.”
Tyler took it as a joke. “It’s meant to be one minute for every year of their age isn’t it? How long has she been there?”
Paul looked at his watch. “Fifteen minutes, so she’s still got four to go.”
Tyler laughed. “You run a tight ship I see.”
“I heard you being called over the tannoy to go to the steward’s office, what was going on in there?” Paul asked.
“There was a row of the most uncomfortable middle aged men I’ve ever seen,” Tyler reported with a laugh. “Apparently Eve had been getting all feminist with them.”
I tried to speak up to explain myself, but without even looking at me Paul cut me off on the first syllable. “People on the naughty step aren’t allowed to speak.”
I made a low angry growling noise in my throat but put my forehead back down on my arms. I had no idea if Paul was signalling with his eyes to Tyler that this was just a bit of a laugh or whether he was deadly serious.
“How did she behave in there?” Paul asked.
“Impeccably,” Tyler reported. “Calibrated perfectly to undermine any initial intention they had to throw the book at her.”
“Oh well, that’s something…” Paul sounded relieved.
“And I grovelled as well for throwing the race just because I over-reacted to the idea of her getting hurt. She’d made out it was because she was a female, so I left it at that.”
“You need to trust her Tyler,” Paul said. “You can’t get like this out on the track. How can she enjoy winning if she always has in the back of her mind that you’re not going to go all out to beat her?”
Tyler sighed. “You’re right of course and she was right to be angry with me. I need to sort my head out.”
There was a short silence and Paul glanced at his watch.
“I was a bit shocked at one thing though, they brought up some incident which apparently got into the newspapers about Eve glassing someone?” Tyler commented.
“I don’t know anything about that,” Paul said with a frown.
Jo was passing and came to a sharp halt by them. “She was with me. Some unpleasant drunk started calling us dykes so she broke a glass and went for him. His friend quickly dragged him away, so I guess it worked well enough as a tactic, but I was shocked too.”
“Well I was a bit taken aback to hear about it,” Tyler remarked.
“Have you met her Dad?” Paul asked him.
Tyler shook his head.
“When you do, it might explain a lot,” Paul said. He glanced at his watch. “Nineteen minutes now, Eve.”
I got up and made to go over to them. He pointed at the Beast. “Go and check everything is packed properly,” he ordered sharply, “then get in the cab.”
“Don’t be too harsh on her,” Tyler pleaded on my behalf. “If she wasn’t able to get aggressive, she wouldn’t win any races.”
“She’ll be making amends for letting her team down,” Paul told him inflexibly. “And she’ll be contacting all her sponsors personally to apologise for letting them down as well.” He said that loudly to make sure I heard.
Oh crap, I thought. I’ve got to tell all my sponsors too.
At the inevitable team meeting a couple of days later I was told in no uncertain terms what I needed to do to make things up to everyone.
First of all I’d offered to take on the management of Fay, but Paul told me that I wasn’t a good example while I was banned and that Jo would have to do it. So then I offered to mend Fay’s car whenever it needed it, and sort out whichever of Pete’s wasn’t in use. That offer was accepted. And then I was dismissed from the meeting.
I walked out to the barn and sat dismally looking at my car
s. I knew the other three would all be out from the meeting soon, so I needed to be found working on the cars but I wasn’t exactly motivated. Jo was right – I was a complete idiot.
Inclined to feel depressed, I took up the running again. Often I just went on my own and ran for miles with music playing into my ears. It was the only thing that worked off my tension and frustration. Quinn noticed that I was suddenly going off out again and started to come with me. I found that I’d got so good now I was keeping up with him. Daisy then tried to come along, but she couldn’t keep up.
Several times a week I went down the gym and worked out like a fury. Daisy didn’t ask to come. I was driving back from the gym one night when I noticed a familiar car and number plate in the next door street. I slowed down and frowned. When I got back in I checked it out with Quinn. “Isn’t that one of the cars we thought belonged to the pimps downstairs?”
He frowned too and nodded, “Yes.”
“Do you think we should tell the police?” I rang them, but they didn’t sound that interested. I never heard anything back from them.
Every few days I saw it around and I slowed down, noting where it was. But I never caught sight of the driver.
Downstairs, the basement flat was still boarded up.
I stayed behind sorting out the cars on the days Pete and Fay were away driving.
“Tyler always comes over to see us,” Jo reported to me at work. “He pretends he’s just coming over to say a casual hello, but he’s clearly just there to find out whether you’re with us. Then his face falls and his shoulders go down and he goes away.”
I felt like crying.
I had to do something to feel like my goals were being advanced, so I rang up the Reivers and spent several evenings over there learning how they set about building their version of an F2. Then I moved onto the next construction team. I was a bit surprised that they all proved so willing to talk to me about their designs. But when I thought about it I guess I was under the protection of the Satterthwaites, seen regularly hanging out with Tyler, received accolades from Rob Rudd, and had been heading fast up the points table until I was banned. I guess they figured I had been accepted by the top guys and was obviously here to stay.
Not that I had any idea how I’d set about starting my own construction and design business. How could I possibly find the money to set up? And I was too shy to ask any of them how they’d got their business going in the first place. I suppose I’d have to start out by just building one for my own use and keep fettling it till I felt I’d improved on what everyone else was doing.
I had an unexpected phone call from Rob Rudd. He was really short of mechanics for the next Belle Vue meet, would I consider coming along to help him for the day? Yes I would. Yes that would be great!
Working with the F1s was really interesting. And I was made really welcome. Of course all of the drivers already knew Quinn and had been avid followers of Thrills and Spills so they knew all about me too, and appeared to have a worryingly intimate knowledge of my private life. I got a lot of twitting about having socked one to Tyler and piss taking about my fall from grace, but that just showed I was accepted.
“I wish I was good,” I said plaintively to Rob, “but I’m just not.”
“Join the club,” he said wryly.
I felt better just being with Rob. Since he’d been so ignominiously banned for nearly the whole of last year for alcohol usage, he knew how I was feeling.
“Any way, no-one likes a goody-two-shoes,” he pointed out. “So you won’t find it counts against you with the other drivers. They’ll be thrilled you’re no longer the golden girl and when you come back you’ll be more accepted.”
“Ok,” I said thoughtfully. I could understand that. And it might help not to be winning too much in only my third season. They’d be less jealous if they felt I’d had to really struggle for it.
Tyler finally sniffed me out.
“What are you doing helping Rudd?” Tyler sounded a bit aggrieved. “Why aren’t you helping me?”
“Rob needs me, you don’t,” I told him tartly.
“I need you more than you can ever imagine,” Tyler said mournfully.
Rob glanced swiftly at him.
“Come back later Tyler, we’re busy right now,” I said briskly.
He retreated.
Rob looked hard at me. “He’s got it bad, hasn’t he?”
I tried to ignore him.
“Why did you slap him one?” He pried nosily.
I explained.
“Hmm,” Rob mused uninformatively.
“Where’s Quinn today then?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Got a gig apparently.”
“Oh yes, I’d forgotten. It’s his first ever with the new band and I’m banned!”
“Why’s that then?” Rob asked idly.
I paused in what I was doing and stared straight ahead of me for a moment, frowning. “Not sure really, Quinn just seems to have got self-conscious in his old age.”
“I’ve noticed he seems to have lost confidence in all sorts of things since his mother died,” Rob observed. “He seems to suddenly panic. The other day he pulled over when he was driving one of the RAC vans and said he didn’t want to drive anymore and would I take over?”
I pulled a face. “That’s unlike him. But come to think of it, since he’s got his car he hardly ever rides his bike and he’s even suggested he puts me on the insurance so I can get some use out of it, and until recently that was his pride and joy…”
And he’d been unusually subdued around the flat. Just the occasional glimmer here and there of the old Quinn.
Rob nodded. “Guess it’s the grief. It takes people odd ways.”
I went up on the stands on my own to watch Rob drive. He won. On the way back I passed Jo and Paul as they went up to watch Fay and Pete in their race.
“What are you doing here?” Jo asked, looking shocked at bumping into me so unexpectedly.
“Helping Rob out,” I said defensively. “He couldn’t find any other mechanics today.”
“Why haven’t you come to see us?” She demanded.
I looked at her in a slightly perplexed way. “I got the impression I wasn’t welcome,” I said.
“I think you’ve got a bit missing!” She exploded at me, tapping her head graphically. “What’s wrong with you?”
Paul put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it as though to warn her to lay off. “Have you been to see Tyler? He’s been like a dog with no tail for weeks now.”
“He did find me over with Rob but I haven’t spoken to him yet because we were too busy.”
“Did he know you were going to be here?” Jo demanded. “Because he never seems to know if you’re here or not. Don’t you ever text him?”
I shook my head.
“What’s wrong with you?” She said again, looking so angry I thought she was going to slap me.
I shrugged. “He hasn’t contacted me, so I figured he was busy at the moment.”
She stared at me as though I was an alien being. “What colour eyes has he got?” She suddenly demanded.
“What’s that got to do with anything?” I said, giving her a weird look.
“Well?” She said aggressively.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve never taken much notice…”
“What colour eyes have I got?” She pursued doggedly.
“Oh, that’s easy,” I was able to answer this one. “You, Pete and your Dad have all got exactly the same eyes – hazel. Only Pete’s got a few more green streaks in his, and you’ve got a few more orange flecks and I don’t look Paul in the eye enough to be sure which colour he tends to. And your mother has bright blue with a tiny, tiny, ring of almost mauve just near the iris.”
There was a short silence into which ripped the roar of the race engines heading away at the green flag. Paul glanced at the track to see what sort of start Pete had made. He put a hand on my shoulder. “You’re always welcome to come with us
anywhere Eve. And make sure you pop over to see Tyler won’t you as I’m sure he’s been missing you.”
I nodded and left them.
However it was hard to fit in a visit to Tyler as whenever the F1s weren’t driving, the F2s were and he didn’t try to come over to see us, maybe because he was facing the same logistical difficulties.
Finally, during the Ministox I managed to wend my way over. He was sitting on his own in the back door of his van, bent over with his elbows resting on his knees, looking absently at the ground. I sat down beside him and nudged his shoulder with my own.
“Hiya,” I said. “How’s it gone today?”
He didn’t look round at me. “Yeah, fine.”
I slipped my arm through the crook of his. “You don’t look fine,” I observed. “What’s up?”
“What do you think’s up?” He said aggressively.
“Why’s everyone so angry with me today?” I said wounded. I took my arm out of his and got up to go.
He looked suddenly up at me. “Why haven’t you got in touch with me?”
I stared blankly at him. “You didn’t contact me so I thought you were too busy to see me.”
“You haven’t even come to any of the races,” he said plaintively.
“You know my allotted job now is to stay behind and mend the cars while the others drive?” I said. “That’s my penance for getting banned.”
“Right…” He said uncertainly.
I sat back down beside him and wormed my hand into his. “Are you going to the Skeggie Speed Weekend?”
He nodded.
“Well how about I come and support you for the four days you’re there? And maybe we could stay over somewhere together?”
He glanced sideways at me looking a bit more cheerful and squeezed my hand.
“If you want to see me you need to text me…otherwise I don’t know, do I? I’m not a mind reader…” I pointed out. “I have to go now, Rob’s on his own.” I got up.
“Wait,” he said quickly. “Could you stay over with me tonight?”
The Way Barred Page 16
