by Jacob Chance
What the hell, I might as well have a new and improved attitude too.
So, regardless of who awaits on the other side of this door, I’m committed to being outgoing, fun, and relaxed. No one’s going to ruin my good time.
We’ve barely stepped inside when Clover mentions her need for a drink. Weaving in and out of the crowd, we head toward the kitchen at the back of the house. I’m astounded at the number of people here.
Clover smiles when we both have an ice cold beer in our hands. She taps the neck of her bottle against mine. “Here’s to having fun at your first B.U. frat party.”
“Cheers,” I reply, and take a sip of the ice cold liquid. “Not bad.”
“Do you see anyone you want me to introduce you to?” she asks.
My eyes sift through the people, longing for the sight of Shaw’s familiar face, yet dreading the possibility of seeing him at the same time.
“Maddie.” I turn my head and find Donovan, one of my classmates next to me. “How’s it going?”
I shrug. “So far, no complaints. This is Clover.” I tip my head toward her. “This is Donovan.”
Clover smiles. “I know who he is. I’ve been to a few hockey games.” Judging from her smile and Donovan’s, they wouldn’t mind getting to know each other better, and I immediately feel like a third wheel.
“I’m going to…” I hook my thumb in the direction of the living room. Donovan clasps my arm briefly. “Let me introduce you to some of my friends before you run off.”
“I’m going to find the girls’ room,” Clover says, pointing toward the front of the house before walking away.
“Are the parties here always so crowded?” I ask.
“Pretty much. We know how to have a good time, and word gets out.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being around so many people.”
“Didn’t you transfer from U.N.H.? That’s known for being a party school.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I was hanging out at frat parties.”
“So, did you leave a boyfriend behind or are you single?” His eyes graze me from head to toe in obvious appreciation. Donovan is gorgeous, but I have no interest in pursuing anything with him.
“I’m single, but I have no plans to get involved with anyone. I’m here to focus on school. This might be the only party you’ll see me at.”
He nods, my message received. “Come on then. I’ll introduce you to some really cool people.” We walk side by side down the hallway and step through the wide doorway to the living room. “Hey, guys. This is Maddie. She just transferred here for the second semester.”
“Hey, Maddie,” they chorus.
I smile. “Wow, that was a great greeting.”
“Maddie?” I hear a deep, familiar husk that makes my toes curl. The same one I’ve been hearing for most of my life.
I turn and find his dark brows drawn together. “Shaw,” I whisper, feeling like I’ve seen a ghost. Even though I knew there was a chance we’d bump into each other one of these days, there was no way for me to be fully prepared when it actually happened.
“You two know each other?” Donovan inquires.
Shaw crosses his arms over his muscular chest, the wrinkle between his brows digging deeper. “You could say that.”
“He was my next door neighbor growing up and my brother’s best friend,” I explain.
Shaw runs his hand through his thick, dark hair. “Marshall is her brother.” He points at Donovan. “Don’t even think about touching her.”
“Shit. I didn’t know Marshall’s your brother.”
“Well, I don’t advertise it for this exact reason.” A soft touch on my arm has my head spinning to the side.
“I’m Ava.” A beautiful brunette introduces herself. “Welcome to Boston University. I hope you like it here.”
“Thank you.” I smile appreciatively. I know she’s trying to help me by making things less awkward, but there really isn’t any way to do that when Shaw is involved.
“Where did you transfer from?” she asks.
“University of New Hampshire. It’s been nice meeting you all. I’ve got some friends here I need to find. I hope I see you guys again.” I wave and head toward the kitchen.
“Maddie, wait,” Shaw calls out, hurrying after me. He catches my arm in a firm grip, leading me to an empty hallway.
I shake free from his hold. “Shaw, what do you want?”
“What were you thinking coming to this party?” he scolds me, as if I’m a child.
“I was thinking it might be nice to meet some new people and to have a drink.” I raise my bottle to my lips and take a deep pull. He plucks it from my hand and drinks the rest down. “What the hell, Shaw?”
“You’re not twenty-one yet, Maddie.”
“Screw you. You’re not my father or even my brother.”
“Well, you need a babysitter to keep you out of trouble.”
“Fuck off, Shaw. I’m not drunk. I’m not doing anything wrong. Go find something else to do besides bothering me. I’m a big girl.”
“Maddie, there you are,” Clover calls out, interrupting us. Relieved to see her, I step around Shaw without another glance in his direction.
“Sorry, I got stuck talking to one of my brother’s friends. Let’s go.” I can feel Shaw’s eyes burning into my back with every step we take.
“We’ll talk soon, Maddie,” he warns.
I hold up my middle finger behind my head in reply.
“Jesus, your first frat party and you’re already bumping into Shaw. But I guess that’s to be expected when he’s one of the most popular guys on campus.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Shaw. But you knew damn well that bringing me here would mean bumping into him. Don’t deny it either.”
She bats her lashes at me. “Well, I might’ve known he would be here. He does live here after all.”
“Remind me why I don’t hate you.”
“I keep your life interesting and push you outside of your comfort zone. Everyone needs a friend like me.”
“I feel like I’m in enemy territory. And I have a feeling my brother and he are going to scare every available guy away from me. I’ll be treated like a leper by the time they get done.”
“Don’t worry about that. There are always plenty of other frats having parties, and there’s no shortage of hot, single guys.”
“I’m not even sure I want to date anyone, but I want the option to do whatever I want.”
“Let’s grab more drinks and see who else is here,” Clover suggests, and I hook my arm through hers.
We meet up with Tonya and Shauna. The four of us live on the same floor in the same building.
“Glad you guys are here,” I say. “It’s nice to see some friendly faces.”
“Don’t worry. Before you know it, you’ll know more people than you want to. Give yourself a few more weeks to settle in,” Shauna offers.
“Maddie, what are you doing here?” Marshall barks as he walks over.
I hold up my hand. “Don’t start on me. I’ve already heard a rash of shit from Shaw.”
“Good. Glad he’s looking out for you when I can’t.”
“Marshall, you both need to back off. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m sober and hanging out with my friends.”
His eyes go to the three girls. “Ladies.” He smiles, charming them all, except for Clover of course. “Can you give me a minute with my sister?”
“We’ll be over there.” Clover points to let me know where to look.”If you’re a jerk to your sister, I’ll cut your tiny balls off.” She trails her fingers across his chest as she walks away.
I give a tight nod toward Marshall. I’m annoyed that he’s treating me like a child. Once they’re out of earshot I bark at him, “What is your problem?”
“Maddie, you didn’t think you were going to come to school here and not have me looking out for you, did you?”
“Actually, I did. I went to school for three sem
esters without you just fine. Now that I’m here, nothing should change. Pretend you don’t know me. We don’t need to hang out together or run in the same circles. This will be the last time I come to a party here.”
“That’s never going to happen. And if you’re going to a party, it better be here, where no one will spike your drink. Not to mention, I have a houseful of guys who can look out for you.”
“Yeah, no thanks. I don’t need babysitters ruining my life. Tell Shaw to back off me or he’s going to be sorry.”
Marshall chuckles. “I’m sure he’ll be extremely scared when I relay that message to him.”
“Whatever. Don’t be a dick. I know this is all hilarious for you, but it’s not for me. I just want to do my own thing without people knowing we’re even related.”
Marshall clutches his chest. “Ouch, sis. That hurts. You don’t want people to know we’re related? Are you ashamed of me?”
“More like embarrassed by the way you treat me.”
“You shouldn’t care what others think,” he tells me.
“Oh, okay. I won’t.” I roll my eyes. “Wish I’d thought of that myself.”
“Don’t be sarcastic, Mads. It doesn't suit you.”
“I like my sarcasm just fine, thank you. Now, I’m going to go find my friends, and you’re going to forget I’m here.” I wave my fingers like I’m shooing a bug away.
Marshall raises an eyebrow. “Did you forget you’re in my frat house? The same frat that I’m the president of?”
“Nope, but I want you to forget we’re related for the rest of the night. It was nice meeting you, Marshall.” I wink and walk away. Moving in the direction my friends went, I pass by Shaw talking to some statuesque brunette. Of course some girl is falling all over him. It’s nice to see some things never change.
His gaze burns into my cheek as I pass by. I force myself to keep my eyes focused straight ahead and not give him the satisfaction of looking his way. Even though I want to more than anything.
Saying Shaw Masters is easy on the eyes is a gross understatement. He’s the most attractive guy I’ve ever seen, and I’ve had the pleasure of watching him grow up, since he’s my brother’s best friend. And now at the age of almost twenty-one, he’s the definition of tall, dark, and handsome—the trifecta of my weaknesses. Even after not seeing him for so long, nothing has diffused my attraction to him.
Thinking about Shaw is a waste of my time and I need to just accept that as fact. But he can never know that no matter how unwanted and annoying it might be, I still have feelings for him, and I probably always will.
They say you never forget your first love. And since Shaw has been a part of my life for as far back as I can remember, I’m not likely to. You’d think after he broke my heart I could hate him or forget about him, but I haven’t. And there’s nothing I want more.
After all these years, it’s time for me to give up the fantasy of Shaw and I being together. Last year, he made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t enough for him. Maybe being at the same school will be the medicine I need to cure me of all feelings for him. Maybe I’ll see him for the jerk he really is and no longer find it possible to romanticize our past. There has to be a way to get him out of my heart, since the passing of time sure as hell hasn’t taken care of it.
Chapter Fourteen
Shaw
My entire body buzzes with awareness as Maddie walks by. My eyes glide over every inch of her, and I swear I can smell the vanilla scent of her shampoo. Her hair is blonder than I’ve ever seen it, and she looks even better than I remember.
A hand lands on my arm, drawing my attention back to the conversation I’m currently involved in. “You know what I mean?”
I turn to the girl talking to me and smile because I have no idea what she said. “Sure, Doreen.”
“My name’s Dana,” she huffs, stomping away. I shove my hands in my pockets and shake my head.
“Struck out, did ya?” Marshall laughs.
“I got her name wrong.” I grin sheepishly.
“Hey, it happens to me all the time. Sometimes it’s even after I’ve screwed them.” Marshall doesn’t do commitment. And the girls who he’s with know that and don’t seem to mind.
I’m not like him. Since I’ve been at college I’ve had one girlfriend, Joanna, and even after we broke up we still continued to have sex.
And these days, I’m more the friends-with-benefits type. Joanna and I still mess around occasionally, and there are a couple of other girls who are okay with having a sex-only arrangement.
Obviously, Dana, the girl whose name I couldn’t remember, isn’t one of them. And I can’t say I’m looking for anyone new to be my bed buddy.
Unless it was Maddie. But that can never happen. She thinks I cheated on her, and now she hates me. How could she think I’d do something so heartless? I told her that I was falling for her. She’s the only girl I’ve ever said that to. The only one who’s made me feel so much.The only one I’ve actually been in love with. Maybe I should’ve told her how far I’d actually fallen.
“Hey, thanks for looking out for my sister. She told me you played big brother before I was here. I appreciate it.”
Big brother? If he only knew my feelings for her are anything but brotherly, he’d be reacting differently.
I give a stiff nod. “Happy to help out.”
Marshall crosses his arms over his chest and a muscle in his cheek tenses. “I have a feeling looking out for her is going to be more work than we anticipated.”
“How much trouble can she get into? She’s always been focused on academics, I doubt that’s going to change now.”
“Did you see the guys checking her out?”
Unfortunately, it was impossible not to notice. “Yeah, I might have.”
“I’m going to need to figure out a way to protect her from the wolves.”
“Don’t stress out about it until you have a reason to,” I advise.
“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s grab another beer and forget Maddie’s here.”
Like that’s going to happen.
“Sure, man,” I agree.
We spend the rest of the night hanging out with our closest friends, most of whom live in this frat and play sports. But my eyes never stray from Maddie for too long whenever she’s in sight. Having her at the same school as me is definitely going to complicate my life in ways I don’t need.
When she ghosted me and went to U.N.H., it broke my heart to know that I was the reason behind it all. Instead of looking forward to returning to school, it made me want to take a semester off. If it wasn’t for my dad and his sage advice, I would’ve sat at home in my room and fallen into a depression.
Once I was back at school, I was able to fool myself into thinking that my feelings for her weren’t as strong as I’d thought. However, having her around will be a constant reminder of how I’m only fooling myself. Maddie Winters, the girl I want more than anything, is the one person I can never have.
I set my tray down on the table and sink down onto a chair with a muffled groan. I’m still sore from hockey practice yesterday and we have another one this afternoon. Picking up my sandwich, my eyes bounce around the large cafeteria, coming to an immediate halt on Maddie. In line getting her lunch, she smiles at one of the food service ladies and replies to something she said. That’s Maddie for you. She always has a kind or friendly word to offer a complete stranger. This is my junior year and I don’t know if I’ve ever said more than thank you to any of them. Maddie’s been here a couple of weeks and probably knows them all by name.
She pays for her meal and starts to walk toward an empty table. I shout to gain her attention and gesture her over. She hesitates for a second, her face revealing every bit of uneasiness she’s feeling before she continues my way.
I hate that she’s conflicted about talking to me, but after the way our relationship ended, I’m not surprised.
Since that memorable summer, she’s barely spoken to me at all. And on o
ccasion I’ve had to play the older brother role for Marshall. Sometimes it seems as though I’m stuck there.
“Hey.” I smile. “Want to have lunch with me?”
She arches her brow questioningly. “Why do you want me to sit with you?”
“Do I need a reason other than the fact that we’re friends?”
“We’re not friends.”
“Sure we are. Sit down, please.”
She lowers to the seat across from me. “I guess you and I have different definitions of friendship.”
“How so?” I slip a french fry into my mouth.
“My friends don’t tell me what to do or try to control me.” She flicks a quick glance my way before biting into her cheeseburger.
“I look out for my friends and make sure they’re safe,” I retort. “If telling them not to do something keeps them from harm, then I don’t see a problem.”
“You should try being more diplomatic about it instead of steamrolling the person.”
My brows press together. “I didn’t steamroll you.”
“Telling me I need a babysitter wasn’t exactly subtle or necessary.”
She may have a point. I shouldn’t have said that to her, but I wasn’t expecting to see her at the party, and then there she was—gorgeous and too innocent for that environment. It threw me for a loop and I reacted poorly.
“I’m sorry for saying that. I shouldn’t have. You’re an adult.” I place my palm on her forearm and she stares at my large hand before her eyes swing up to meet mine. Her blue eyes are clear as a cloudless sky, and I get caught up in the varying shades, losing my focus for a few seconds.
“Thank you.” Her voice is husky, as if she noticed her effect on me. She clears her throat. “I hope you mean it, though, and you aren’t just apologizing to keep this newfound peace between us.”
“I do mean it.”
“If we’re going to bump into each other, we should probably be cordial. Do you think you can stop trying to play the big brother role with me? I already have Marshall to deal with, and he’s enough.”
