by Jacob Chance
Back then, I was in a daze whenever he was near because I couldn’t believe he was interested in me. And now, I know that I’m worthy of his attention. I’m not saying I’m unaffected by him. That’s not even close to being true.
Every time he touches me, my heart races so fast, I half expect it to fly right out of my chest. And when I watch him speak, I have to force myself not to look at his full, masculine lips. The urge to kiss him is real. I hope he can’t tell.
Since that summer were together I’ve painted Shaw as the bad guy in our story, but that was more of a coping mechanism than anything else. His actions hurt me, and I reacted poorly. We were both young and stupid.
If I could go back, I would handle things much differently. But since I can’t, I’m happy with how things are going. He’s back in my life, even if it’s only as a friend. I can finally admit to myself how much I missed him.
“Earth to Maddie.” Shaw waves his hand in front of my face.
I smile. “Oh, sorry.”
“You were pretty deep in your thoughts. Is something on your mind?”
Should I tell him what I was thinking about?
“You can tell me anything, you know,” he reassures me.
“I was thinking about us and what happened in the past.”
His lips tighten and he nods. “What about us, specifically?”
“I think I owe you an apology for not letting you fully explain. I ran away from the situation, instead of dealing with everything.”
“You don’t owe me anything. If anyone should apologize, it’s me. I didn’t fool around with Tara that night or any other. She must’ve climbed into the bed while I was sleeping. I didn’t know she was there until you woke me up.”
I shake my head. “I’m sorry.”
He takes hold of my hand. “Don’t apologize again. I mean it. We both made mistakes, but there’s nothing we can do about them today except move on.”
What does he mean by move on?
Move on as friends?
Or move on as more?
“Hey, anyone here?” A male voice calls out.
Shaw releases my hand like it’s on fire before whoever called out can see. I rub my tingling palm along my denim covered thigh, wishing his touch didn’t make me desperate for the next one—the next one that many never come.
Donovan walks into the kitchen, his cheeks flushed from the cold outside. “I thought I smelled pizza.” He reaches down, grabbing a slice from the box.
“Help yourself,” Shaw drolls.
“Don’t mind if I do,” Donovan replies with a mouth already full of pepperoni. He sits down in one of the vacant chairs, which happens to be next to me. “How’s it going, Maddie?”
“I’ve got no complaints. How are you?”
“You’re not going to complain about that horrible history paper we have to write for this week?”
I smile at his look of disgust. “I’ve had worse assignments. And I like history.”
“Want to write my paper for me?” He leans over, bumping my shoulder with his.
“I think I’ll have enough to do writing my own.”
He bumps me again. “You could help me write mine.” His voice lowers suggestively.
“Donovan,” Shaw grits his name out. “Knock it off.”
Donovan grins and holds his hands up. “I was just having some fun, but I know Marshall will kill me.”
“Never mind Marshall, I’ll kick your ass.”
Donovan chuckles. “So it’s like that?”
Shaw lifts a brow. “You bet.”
I’m a little confused about what’s going on here. Did Shaw just stake some kind of claim on me?
Or was his warning delivered merely to keep Donovan away from me?
But not because Shaw wants to date me—maybe he’s trying to look out for me.
Maybe he’s worried I’ll fall for a dog like Donovan and get my heart broken once again.
Rising to his feet, Donovan plucks another slice of pizza from the box. “I’ve got a paper to work on. I’ll see you in class, Maddie.” He winks.
Shaw’s dark stare follows him from the room before he looks at me. “Are you interested in Donovan?” His unexpected question throws me.
“No. I mean, he is gorgeous and nice.”
He frowns. “Are you sure you’re not interested?”
“Not at all. He’s not my type.”
“What’s your type then?”
You are.
“I’m a sucker for tall, dark, and asshole.” I laugh.
“Have you had a lot of boyfriends?”
“If I count you, I’m at a whopping two.”
“Hey, me too.” He holds his fist out to bump.
Yeah, but how many girls has he slept with? I bet it’s more than two.
“How long were you with your ex for?” he asks.
“Around nine months.”
“Did you meet him at school?”
“Yeah, he’s the older brother of my roommate. Or ex-roommate now.”
“When did you get together with him?”
“Are you wondering if I got over you quickly or something? If you are, just come out and ask me. I’d rather you be direct and avoid the bullshit.”
His eyes widen at my outburst. “Okay. How long did it take you to get with him?”
“I’ll answer your questions as long as you’re prepared to do the same in return.” He crosses his arms over his chest and nods. “He started asking me out pretty much from the moment I arrived at school. But he was a junior, and I was intimidated.”
“How so?”
“He’s a football player and well-known on campus.”
“Gotcha.”
“I didn’t agree to go out with him until after winter break, and we were together until this past October.”
“He was your first?”
My next breath delays in my lungs. I don’t want to reply, but I have questions of my own that I want answers to. “Yes.”
I watch for any reaction. A muscle in his cheek flexes.
“Was he good to you?” he husks.
“He was.”
“Why did you break up?”
Because I couldn’t love him like I love you.
“He wanted more than I did.”
He uncaps his water, taking a long pull. I watch the muscles in his neck when he swallows, wishing I could place my lips there. Feel his pulse under my tongue.
He sets the bottle down on the table and meets my gaze.
“Did you love him?”
I half shrug. “I suppose I loved him in my own way, but I was never in love with him. If that makes sense.”
“It does.”
“So, what about you?”
“What about me?” he plays it cool.
“When did you have this girlfriend?”
“Freshman year.”
Before we were together?
“Before you and I got together,” he voices my thought.
I school my features into a semblance of disinterest while my stomach whirls like a tornado stirring up unwanted emotions. “How come you never mentioned her to me before?”
“You never asked, and it was over and done with. I try not to look behind me.”
Tell me about it.
“How many girls have you had sex with?” I ask the million dollar question. The same one I haven’t allowed myself to think about.
“Four.”
That’s not so bad.
“Hmm.”
“Hmm that’s a lot, or hmm that’s not many.”
“I expected a larger number.”
“I’m not running around screwing every girl I come in contact with.”
“Good for you.” I clap my hands.
“Trust me, it could be a lot higher. It’s not like I haven’t had offers.”
I snort. “Mine could be a lot higher too. I’m pretty sure Donovan didn’t really want help with his paper.”
He scowls. “Stay away from him.”
“Why do you care?” I push.
“He’s not interested in a girl like you.”
“He seemed pretty interested ten minutes ago.”
He sighs, closing his eyes. He thrusts his hand through his hair, and I know he’s trying to gather his thoughts. His chocolate orbs connect with mine. “Maddie, any guy would want you. You’re beautiful and smart and a hundred other wonderful qualities. But not every guy deserves you.”
The lump in my throat grows with every word he says until it’s difficult for me to swallow. My chest is so tight, I can barely draw in a breath. And my eyes are filling with tears.
“I don’t deserve you,” he states, and the tears fall, trickling slowly down my cheeks. Rising, he walks around to my side of the table and draws me to my feet. Cupping my face in his large palms, his thumbs sweep the tears from under my eyes before he enfolds me in his arms, holding me tightly to his hard chest. “Maddie, don’t cry.”
“I’m crying because of what you said. Did you mean it?”
“Why are you asking me when you already know the answer? You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“I guess I was surprised you think that about me.”
“Seriously? You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more. Since you came to B.U. I’ve been asking myself why we’re not together anymore.”
I lick the dryness from my lips and force myself to be brave enough to ask the question that I need to know the answer to more than any other. “Then why aren’t we together?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Shaw
Her question is like a dream come true. If she’s asking me that, then she must want to be with me.
My lips arch into a smile. “At this point, I’m not sure.” Leaning forward, I press my forehead to hers and will my rapidly racing pulse to slow down. “What do you say we give this dating thing another shot?”
“Hell no,” she snaps, and I straighten, my spine so rigid it feels like it might crack.
“Forget I said anything,” I mutter.
“Shaw.” She grabs my arms and tries to shake me. “I wasn’t turning you down.”
“It sure sounded like you were.”
“You didn’t give me a chance to finish. Now listen.” She shakes me again. “I said hell no to dating you.” She holds up her finger to keep me from jumping in. “If we’re going to be together, then I want to be your girlfriend. Never mind this dating crap. We’ve already been there and done that.” She tips her head, studying my stunned face. “What do you think? Put me out of my misery one way or another.”
Gripping the back of her head, I slam my mouth down on hers. All the pent up longing rushes through me—I feel like I may explode if I don’t taste her. My tongue slips between her parted lips, plundering and getting reacquainted. I can’t be gentle when I’ve missed her so much.
Our reunion makes everything right in the world.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Marshall’s voice is the last one I want to hear.
I tear my lips from Maddie’s and turn around, facing my best friend. An arm slips across my stomach before Maddie steps in front of me.
“Oh no you don’t.” She points at Marshall. “You are not going to waltz in here and ruin the best thing to ever happen to me.”
“You can’t mean Shaw?”
“Well, I do.”
“Over my dead body,” he shouts.
“Whatever it takes, brother. You better listen to me good. I’m done letting you control my life. I’ve cared about Shaw for years now, and you’re not going to stop us from being together.”
“Maddie, you’re not thinking this through. He’s my best friend. You guys will end, and Shaw and I will still be friends. You’ll have to see him for the rest of your life.”
“I can deal with the risks involved. What I won’t put up with is your meddling. You can either accept us as a couple or keep your distance.”
Marshall shakes his head. “You’re my sister. I’d never cut you out of my life, no matter what.” He turns to me, poking me in the chest, hard. “But you’re a different story. If you don’t stay away from her, our friendship is over.” He pokes me again, and I catch hold of his hand, pushing it away.
“Don’t make that threat, Marshall. I won’t choose you over Maddie. I made that mistake once before and learned the hard way.”
“What do you mean once before?” He glances at Maddie.
As much as I want to cut in and answer for her, I don’t. She needs this. She needs to stand up to him. It’s long overdue.
“Shaw and I dated when you were a counselor at summer camp two summers ago.”
“And you never told me?” He looks hurt.
“Marshall, you’re older now than you were then and you’re still handling it poorly. How do you think you would’ve reacted back then?”
He grips both sides of his head. “This is too much to take in right now. I don't care how you resolve this,” he wags his finger between Maddie and me, “but it needs to end.” He walks away without another word. The front door slams so hard I’ll be surprised if the hinges are still intact.
Buddy stirs in his crate and whines. Maddie steps toward him, and I catch hold of her hand, tugging her back. Wrapping my arms around her back, I stroke up and down her spine soothingly. “Before you get busy with the puppy or anything else, we need to talk.”
“Shaw, if you’re going to choose your friendship with my brother, tell me now.”
“You really have a problem letting me speak.” I grin.
She shrugs. “Maddie Winters, I’ve missed you every single day we’ve been apart. I’ve never regretted anything in my life until I let you go. I won’t make that same mistake ever again.” I suck in a deep breath, slowly expelling the air. “I love you.”
“Oh my God.” She covers her mouth. “I love you too.”
My arms tighten around her. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Yes.” Her eyes glow with happiness.
“What do you say we walk this little guy, and then we come back here and take advantage of the house being empty?”
She bites her lip and looks at me from under her eyelashes, a flirtatious move I’ve never seen her do before, and my dick grows semi hard.
“I like how you think.”
After the walk, we move the crate to my room and get Buddy situated inside. Maddie rocks from one foot to the other, and I know it’s nervous energy. I understand how she feels. This is our first time, and I’m so nervous it seems like I’m a virgin all over again.
Never has any sexual experience been this important. My hands are literally shaking as I close Buddy’s crate.
Kicking off my shoes, I lie on my bed and pat the mattress. “Come here.”
Maddie’s eyes are open so wide, she looks like she’s standing in the path of a runaway train.
I pat the bed again. “Come here. I just want to hold you.”
She visibly exhales with a sigh, then walks over. She seems more relaxed. Pausing to remove her boots, she crawls onto the bed, settling next to me.
I turn to my side. “Get over here with me. I’ve been denied the pleasure of having you in my arms for too long. I need you against me.” Gripping her hip, I tug her across the comforter until she lies cradled in my arms, facing me. I press a kiss to the tip of her pert nose and smile. “I don’t think we can be close enough, no matter what we do.”
I shift my leg between hers and catch hold of her thigh, draping the limb on top of mine.
She snuggles into me, burying her face against my neck, and a groan of appreciation slips from my lips. “Christ, you feel good. I think we should stay just like this forever.”
“But think of all the orgasms we’ll miss out on.” Her teasing words are a warm whisper on my neck.
My hand cups her ass, grinding her into my hard cock. “I’m positive we could still manage a few.”
She giggles. “Why settle for a few when the sky’s the limit?”
&nb
sp; “I hope you’re serious, Maddie. If not, speak up, because your clothes are about to disappear and I may never let you out of this bed.”
“As long as I’m with you, that’s all that matters.”
I palm her cheek. “I fucking love you. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I love y—“
I cut her off, connecting our lips. I know she loves me. I see it when she looks at me. I feel it in our shared kiss. Every nuance of her tongue and sinuous roll of her hips tells me.
Her fingers gather the hem of my thermal shirt, raising it as our mouths duel in the best possible way. We only separate so I can aid her in getting rid of the garment. And then it’s her turn to lose her shirt.
I shudder when I see her lying under me in her dark blue, lacy bra, her nipples barely covered by the cups. “Goddamn, Maddie. Are you trying to kill me?”
“Not before we have sex.” She winks.
I stare down at her, meeting her confident gaze, and marvel that this moment is happening. And I realize, I couldn’t love her more if I wanted to. My heart is so full, it feels like it might explode.
Dropping my head to her chest, I listen to her strong heartbeat, drumming out her love for me. Her hands stroke the back of my head.
“Are you okay?”
I clear the hoarseness from my throat. “I’m perfect. We’re perfect.” Raising my head, I know she’s seeing the tears in my eyes. “I can’t believe I got you back. I’m never going to do anything to hurt you again.”
She tenderly strokes my face. “I know you won’t. If I thought you would, I wouldn’t be here.”
Wiping my eyes on my upper arm, I fight off the embarrassment of letting her see me at my weakest moment. For better or worse, she’s the only person who can bring me to my knees.
“Are you going to make me yours or what? I’ve never had to work so hard to get someone to have sex with me.”
“Hey.” I growl. “I don’t want to hear about that. I should’ve been your first, but I’m damn sure going to be your last.” My hands go to her jeans, plucking the button open and dragging the zipper down in one smooth motion. Gripping the sides of her jeans, I tug them from her hips, down her lean legs, throwing them over my shoulder.
