That made me grin. “Damn, sis, you don’t know me then. I’m all for rolling in mud.”
“I know. Which is why you’re an idiot.”
“I’m not going to argue with you there.” I took the clothes from her. “Thanks. I’ll make sure you get them back.” I was trying to be nonchalant, but Charlie had given me a touch of fear. Ali didn’t like Bella. If she found out Bella was with me she was not going to be thrilled. “I’ll be back later today.”
When I got back into the living room Bella was on the floor with Camp, reading him a book. It made me want to punch a hole in the wall. I wanted that for my son, damn it. I wanted him to have a mother. And whose fault was it that he didn’t? Mine.
I didn’t know how to make that up to him.
I couldn’t. But that was also the reason I couldn’t date right now. I couldn’t bring someone into his life who would disappear. He had already suffered through that in losing his mother. That was why I stayed casual with women.
It didn’t explain why I was handing Bella clothes to wear and ushering her and Camp into my car like we were a family going for a fucking day at the park.
Maybe Bella had planned a fantasy wedding, but what would we call this?
Stupid. That’s what I called it.
* * *
—
Camp was the sweetest, quietest little baby I had ever seen. He watched his father and me with wide, intelligent eyes. He didn’t laugh when I played patty-cake with him. Instead he kept reaching for my face, like he was on to me. Which he probably was. He obviously wasn’t a nine-month-old, he was double that. But it was easy to mistakenly think he was younger because he didn’t talk much. Or maybe he was just solemn. He had the words but didn’t care to use them.
I imagined this was what Sophie was like as a baby. Intelligent, watchful. Quiet. Serious.
I wanted to coax as many smiles from him as I could.
Christian was grilling us burgers back at the cabin for lunch and I was sitting in the same chair as the night before, Camp on my lap. I was tired from lack of sleep but I felt oddly serene. I didn’t even mind that I was hiding out and should be taking advantage of this time to have sex with Christian and instead we were entertaining his son.
It was like I had dumped every worry and fear from my head and was living someone else’s life. Just for a minute. It was bliss.
“You seriously want two burgers?” Christian asked me as he expertly flipped the patties on the grill.
“Yes. I’m starving.” I couldn’t get over how hungry I was. I was making up for lost time, clearly. “I can’t wait to eat meat. I mean, other than chicken and fish. I’ve been eating lean for…forever.” I couldn’t remember the last time I had a burger with a bun; probably my senior year in college.
“Did you ever think maybe life should be about balance?” Christian loaded a burger onto a bun and then a plate. He made quick work of putting the remaining three on the plate, which he carried across the yard. “They’re ready.”
“You think my life isn’t balanced?” I stood up, stroking Camp’s soft cheek. He made happy sounds and reached out to touch my necklace. It was a horseshoe. Just a tiny delicate silver piece my father had given me for my sixteenth birthday. It had been in my overnight bag, intended for me to wear on the plane to Bora Bora for good luck. I had found it and put it on.
“No, I do not think going eleven years without a doughnut is a balanced life.” He opened the door for me. “Or years without beef. And no, that is not an innuendo.” He winked at me as we sat at the table to eat.
That made me laugh.
The burger was heaven. No question about it. It was like an explosion of flavor, the meat tender and juicy. “Oh my God.” I handed Camp a French fry from the pile Christian had baked in the oven. “Here you go, baby. Don’t be like me. Don’t deny yourself.”
Camp crammed it into his mouth without hesitation. It must be nice to be guilt-free.
“Again. Balance.” Christian took a bite of his burger and nodded. “Damn, I’m the grill master. This is good.”
That made me roll my eyes. “Modest too.”
Christian put down his burger and frowned. “Is that a car pulling in?”
I froze and listened. There was the distinct sound of tires on gravel. “Yes. I think so. Is it your brother?”
“If it is, I’m going to murder him. This is the last night I can really stay here with you. I want to enjoy it.”
I knew that Christian wouldn’t be able to stay with me more than a few days, but hearing him say it out loud, so casually, bothered me. I didn’t want to think about reality, but I had to. “Should I go, uh, strip the bed?”
Christian grinned. “I forgot about that. Let’s see who it is first.”
We both stood up.
Unfortunately, it was not Christian’s brother. It was my father. He saw me as he was stepping out of the car and just shook his head. “What are you doing?” he asked me. “Everyone has been worried sick about you. No one knew where the hell you were!”
Dad looked tired, but mostly annoyed. He was wearing khakis and a golf shirt, his Sunday uniform.
“I sent you a text,” I said, feeling a little defensive. “I told you I was fine. I called Bradley.”
“For the record, Bradley Alexander can go to hell.” Dad slammed the door shut. “That kid is not who I thought he was. I don’t appreciate his behavior yesterday.”
I didn’t even want to know what he had done, but I imagine it had something to do with the boozing and the boob pics he had posted. That was validating. “Right? Daddy, he’s got something wrong with him, seriously. I think he’s a pathological liar or a narcissist or something.”
“Or both.” Dad eyed Christian, who was holding Camp and frowned. “Aren’t you the tent guy?”
That made me want to wince. God, sometimes my father was so unintentionally pretentious. And other times he meant to be pretentious. But this time I don’t think he was going for ironic. He had just convinced himself Christian was someone we had hired.
“No. I am not the tent guy. I’m Christian Jordan. My brother Cain is dating Sophie.”
Dad’s eyebrows shot up. “Sophie isn’t dating anyone. And you’re doing what exactly with Bella?”
My father was intimidating. He hadn’t earned his money by backing down. A lot of men would have looked away or fumbled over their words under that hard stare. But Christian looked perfectly at ease. He never broke eye contact.
“I’m giving her a place to stay for a few days.”
My father actually just nodded. I had expected him to be more inquisitive.
“So, Dad, how did you know I was here?”
“The GPS on your phone. For the record, honey, don’t ever try to fake your own death. You wouldn’t get very far.” He actually looked kind of amused.
“Oh, right, my phone.” That I had thrown into the woods. “I wasn’t trying to disappear. I just needed to be alone. But I’m okay. And I’m sorry about everything. Honestly. I thought I could do it.” Just saying that made my throat constrict. “And then I couldn’t.”
He nodded. “I know. It’s okay. All I want is for you to be happy.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say. This was awkward. My father didn’t seem pissed off at me. I wasn’t sure what he was feeling or thinking. Then I had a thought. “Oh, Daddy, hang on. I have something for you.” I started running down the path to the caboose.
I heard my dad say, “Where the hell is she going?”
“I have no idea,” Christian said.
I dashed into the dim interior and glanced at the rumpled sheets and the sex toys. I would die if my father followed me in here, so I grabbed my engagement ring and left immediately. Slightly breathless, I returned to the driveway and held it out for him. “Here. My ring from Bradley. You can sell it
and keep the money. It should help pay for some of the wedding bills.”
He took the ring from me and gave me a long look. “Why don’t I hold on to it for a while? You might decide you want it later.”
“For what?” I asked, astonished.
“The money.”
I shrugged. I didn’t want Bradley’s blood money. “No, thanks. You should keep it. So it’s not a total waste.”
“Just a warning, Bradley went to Boston last night but he’s coming back tomorrow to take care of some business.”
“What business?” Everything related to the wedding had been handled by the wedding planner and my parents. The thought of running into him made me cringe.
“He bought you a house here as a surprise and I think he plans to just put it right back on the market so he doesn’t lose the summer selling season.”
“He bought you a house?” Christian asked. “Damn, that’s a wedding gift.”
For some reason it embarrassed me. It also ticked me off. “You know what, if you think about it, not only was it his way to keep me happy without having to be monogamous, it’s kind of rude to pick out a house without consulting me. What, my opinion doesn’t matter?” The whole thing seriously annoyed me. “A bracelet is a surprise. Earrings. Even a vacation. Not a house. It’s just a way to control me.”
“Not anymore,” Christian said.
I smiled at him. “Yep. Not anymore.” Then I went over to my father and wrapped my arms around him. So he wasn’t a hugger. So what. I was. Why did I let him intimidate me still? He did love me. There was no question about that, and it was high time I made it clear that even though I was his daughter I was an adult. I wanted to be treated with respect, not patronized.
So I was going to hug him even if it made him uncomfortable. Even if he resisted.
Surprisingly, he didn’t. He hugged me back, tightly. Then he pulled away and eyed me. “I sorry if what I said to you last week influenced your decision to go ahead with the wedding. I feel like if I had kept my mouth shut, you would have called it off sooner and we could have avoided the whole wedding day fiasco. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
That meant a lot to me. “I know. Thanks, Daddy. I can’t really say what I would have done. It was just so awful and confusing. So don’t feel bad.”
He nodded and cleared his throat. Then he glanced over at Christian. “So this is your son?” he asked him, clearly wanting to change the subject.
“Yes. His mother left when he was three months old.”
I felt like Christian said that so my father would know he wasn’t being unfaithful.
“That’s a shame. I’m sorry to hear it. Some women aren’t cut out to be mothers. My daughter Sophie might be that person.” My father jerked his thumb at me. “This one will be fantastic at it.”
This was literally the world’s most uncomfortable conversation. I wasn’t sure if he was warning Christian I might attach or he was endorsing it. Either way I was standing there barefoot with no makeup just a few feet away from the man I had let strip me naked after only knowing him for a few hours, really. And on my other side was my father. Awkward.
“Well, thanks, Dad.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “I’ll be home tomorrow, okay?” Christian had to return to his regular life. I knew that. So I would go gracefully back to my own. I couldn’t hide forever.
Yet I was selfish enough to want just one more night.
Chapter 11
Bella’s dad wasn’t as big of a prick as I would have expected. He seemed surprisingly chill about her bailing on her wedding at the absolute last possible minute. He had to have lost a fuckton of money, but he hadn’t even mentioned that.
Maybe he had so much it didn’t matter.
Maybe his daughter mattered more than money.
If that were the case, then I respected him despite his air of arrogance. Hell, if I had that much money, I’d be arrogant too.
Some people might argue that I was anyway, and I didn’t have jack shit.
After Bella’s father left she wrinkled her nose. “Sorry about that.”
I shrugged. “No big deal. He seemed cool about everything.”
“So…I threw my phone into the woods last night. I think I should go look for it.” She bit her fingernail and looked at me, expression sheepish.
That seemed out of character for her, but it had been a hell of a day. “Why don’t you finish your burger first? Then I can call your phone and we can see if we find it.”
She nodded and followed me into the house. “Do you think I’m being irrational for being annoyed about Bradley buying me a house? I mean, am I crazy?”
I was pretty sure if someone bought me a house and handed it to me I’d be cool with that. But I could see her point. “I think that seems like a romantic gesture in theory, but that yes, maybe you would want to be a part of that decision. It seems like couples should choose a house together.”
Bella yanked her chair out and sat down hard, picking up her burger. She made a face. “It’s cold now.”
“I’d throw it back on the grill but it will just dry out. Let me make you a new one.” I handed her Camp. Then realized how readily I did that. Like we were a couple. A family. Bella was a woman born to be a mother. Her father had said that straight out and I agreed with him.
It was terrifying.
Because I liked it.
She gave a vague Bella kind of polite protest. “No, that’s okay, silly, I don’t need a new burger. I can eat this one. Even if it is cold.”
That made me snort. She wanted nothing more than for me to grill a fresh burger, it was obvious on her face. “I’ll grill you a new one.”
She was feeding Camp a tiny piece of her hamburger bun. I really needed to get this kid on vegetables. Between Bella and my sister he was going to be a carboholic. It was like they were living vicariously through his baby metabolism.
Bella gave me a smile, my son on her lap, that made my gut clench. “Thank you. You’re the best.”
“You’re welcome, beautiful.”
I grilled that burger patty and I knew I was in way over my head. We were playing house. That’s not what this was supposed to be. I had met her the week before and been both attracted to her and annoyed by her and had wanted to have sex with her. Now it went way beyond complicated.
I was fucking grilling her lunch.
My son was on her lap.
Times like these I wished I were closer to my twin brother. This was the kind of thing I should be able to talk through with him. He would commiserate, make fun of me. We’d laugh. But I had ruined that relationship and I wasn’t sure we would ever get it back.
“Here you go, princess.” I placed the fresh burger in front of Bella.
“Thank you,” she murmured, but she looked pensive. “Do you think it’s okay to have secrets?”
Oh man, did I ever. “Give me some context here. That’s kind of an open-ended question.”
“So, like the house thing. That’s a huge secret. And cheating. That seems like a no-brainer. But even small stuff shouldn’t be a secret. Because isn’t a secret just a lie?”
“No. Not at all.” I had never lied to my sister about her father. I just didn’t tell her because it would hurt her. “I have a huge secret and I will never reveal it because it’s not going to be good for anyone if I do.”
“You won’t even tell me?” She pouted, then bit into her burger.
I laughed. “No. I will not tell you. Ask me anything else, I’ll be truthful, but if I have a secret, I have a reason for it, and it’s not because I’m a dick doing something awful. It’s because sometimes you have to keep your damn mouth shut.”
Obviously she didn’t like my answer. “I don’t think a couple should keep secrets from each other.”
That would be alarm bells going off. Was
she thinking we were a couple? That was not good. At all. I mean I fucking liked her. A lot. But this was just…whatever it was.
“I don’t know what to tell you.” I suddenly felt like Cain. I wanted a drink. A large one.
“Okay, so tell me this. Why did you and Ali break up?”
This wasn’t even fun anymore. “We were never together. I liked her in high school, and so when I had the opportunity I had sex with her. She lied and told me she and Cain were broken up already.”
Her jaw dropped. “Wait, what? She was with Cain?”
Now it was my turn to be surprised. “You didn’t know? I thought everyone knew. Yes, Ali and Cain were together for like two years. She told me they were broken up. They weren’t. So I mean, technically, Camp could be Cain’s, but we’ll never know. Because, you know, we have the same DNA.”
Bella was looking at me like I had grown two heads. Or maybe even three. “Are you serious?” Her voice had risen three octaves.
I nodded. “As a heart attack, baby.”
She covered Camp’s ears with her hands. “Why would you have sex with your brother’s girlfriend?” she whispered urgently.
“I told you. Ali said they were broken up.”
“For how long? So what, they broke up on like Tuesday and you banged her on Wednesday?”
I really didn’t like having my sins thrown at me like this. It was fucking uncomfortable. Mostly because I knew she was right. So I got defensive. “Yeah. Something like that. What? She threw herself at me. I didn’t pursue her. It was one time. Then I found out the truth and I felt like shit about it and here we are.”
I stared Bella down. There wasn’t anything I could do about the past. I couldn’t really justify my behavior. It had been a dick move to jump on my brother’s ex and I had regretted it every day since then. But it was complicated because I couldn’t regret Camp.
“That’s really horrible,” she said.
“I never said I was a saint.” I stood up and took Camp from her. My son didn’t belong on her lap. I set him down on the carpet in the living room and gave him my phone after pulling up a baby game app he loved. This had been stupid to bring him here. This was my day with him, our guy time, and now I was just annoyed that I was being lectured.
The Breakup Page 14
