by Leanne Davis
Finn smiled. “Hello, Mrs. Rydell. It’s very nice to meet you.”
“You too.” Hailey released a breath as if she were relieved to have survived the conversation.
“He’s staying for dinner, Mom.”
“Oh. Of course. Okay…”
Brianna frowned hard at her mother. What was going on with her? She’d never heard her mother sound so flustered or off, even with such a simple banality as saying hello. Was it really just because Finn was deaf? How could that completely fluster her mom?
She took Finn’s arm and mumbled, “Call us when dinner is ready, okay, Mom?”
“Sure.”
She dragged Finn to her room. He stepped inside and glanced around but didn’t turn towards her. “Does your mom mind that I’m in here?”
She waited until he was facing her again. “A decade ago, yeah, she would have. But now she’s used to it. I’m twenty-four now. I’m just staying here for a few months, I don’t actually live here.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s right.” He walked around, checking out the figurines displayed on a shelf, browsing her books and pictures. “Very feminine.”
She touched his back to get his attention. “I’m sorry about my mom. I’m not sure why she acted so weird.”
He shrugged it off. “She wasn’t too bad. Don’t worry about it.”
Brianna didn’t like it, nor how easily he accepted it. There was no explanation besides the most obvious and blaring one: he was deaf and she let it affect how she treated him.
Brianna heard her mom calling and she felt odd to be back home, having dinner made for her like that. But now that Jacob was home, Mom had specifically requested both their presence at dinnertime. She touched Finn’s hand. “My mom’s calling us for dinner. Ready?”
He nodded, but his expression was off and his nerves were more than evident. He wasn’t used to any of this, of course. They entered the dining room. Mom preset the six-person table and the food was already in the middle. “Sit down, Finn, I’ll help my mom finish serving.”
Brianna helped her mother carry in more food as Jacob entered and flopped down in a chair. Joey sat down too with a quick hello her way. Finn and he exchanged mild pleasantries. When all were sitting, they dug into the food, passing the aromatic dishes all around. Finn, of course, could either eat the food or watch the people and not talk. Brianna noticed he didn’t do both. He couldn’t eat if he were talking or reading lips.
“Finn? Where are you from?” Hailey asked. He was looking down and missed her question so an awkward silence filled the room. Naturally, he had no idea she’d spoken and besides, his mouth was full of salad. Brianna thought about bumping him with her foot but let it pass.
“Try again when he’s looking up, Mom.”
“Oh, right. Duh.”
Finn glanced up and began drinking water. He eyed her and looked around the table. In no time, he realized he missed something or else something was going on. He looked at Brianna curiously. She smiled to ease the tension. “My mom was just wondering where you were from.”
“Oh. Sure. Uh… Idaho, originally. My parents were missionaries when I was young so I spent some time in South Africa.”
Brianna glanced sidelong his way. She never heard that part. Wow. He shrugged a little when she tapped him with her knee under the table and gave him a brief dirty look. She wanted to know why he didn’t tell her that part.
“Are you serious?” her mom exclaimed.
He nodded. “Yes. From what I know, we lived there for three years. Ironically, despite the exotic location, they died in a normal, ordinary car wreck.”
Hailey’s eyes bugged out and Joey’s mouth dropped open. Finn glanced her way. “I take it you didn’t know that. Sorry. I didn’t mean to shock you. They died when I was six. I came back to the States and lived with a relative.”
“Oh, Finn. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.” At least her mom’s sympathy was sincere.
Once again, Finn hammered home his sense of loneliness. To Brianna, that was far worse than his deafness in the way it isolated him.
Eventually, things quieted down and the meal finished. Brianna carried some dishes to the kitchen. Her mom bought a pie for dessert, which she placed at the center of the table.
Finally, when the honeymoon truce ended, her mom turned towards Jacob and asked in a soft tone. “So, where have you been staying? I assume now that Cami has left, you’ll disappear too at some point. It might be nice to know where you intend to go.”
“A friend’s house.” Jacob didn’t elaborate.
“What friend?”
“No one you know.”
“I’m sure I don’t. But are you okay?”
“As if you care.”
“Jacob,” Joey’s tone had a definite warning to it.
Hailey shook her head. “I don’t want to start anything. I’m just glad to have you here. I’d be grateful if you told me though.”
Jacob glanced around and cleared his throat. Brianna observed his raw nerves and unease, which she hadn’t witnessed in her brother’s behavior for a very long time. What was going on? Why did he seem so agitated? Since when did her brother care about what anyone thought? Especially when it came to what he was doing?
Finally, her mom caught on and said, “What is it? What do you need to say?”
“I’m… I don’t know how…”
“Just say it,” she said, squaring her jaw and preparing for the worst.
“I don’t know how to say it.”
“It can’t be any worse than the things you’ve said all your life,” Brianna snapped in a sarcastic tone. He glared her way.
Finally, Joey said, “Just tell us, Jacob. What’s going on?”
“That friend? The one I’m staying with? Her name is Teresa and… well… she’s pregnant… and it’s my baby.”
Stunned silence followed his proclamation. Finally, Hailey wiped her mouth as she said, “Oh, Jacob… no.”
“How far along is she?”
And so began the litany of questions to Jacob. Hanging his head, he mumbled answers and opinions as she stared at her brother in disbelief. He could not be serious. He was so ill-equipped to be saying such a thing, all she could do was stare in amazement at him.
“No. You’re not for real, are you?”
“Yeah. I know. I was pretty shocked too.”
“Are you still doing drugs?” Joey asked, point blank.
“Who said I was ever doing drugs?”
“You were and you are,” Brianna interrupted. “Quit pretending. Man up. If you’re going to be a father, you’ll have to start acting like one.”
Soon Joey jumped in, and then her mom again. Jacob answered. Upset, Brianna glanced at Finn and her heart dropped as she realized he had lost the thread of conversation. His head was bent and he simply stared at the table. Not eating. Not drinking. Not listening.
****
On and on their discussion went. It wasn’t long before Finn lost the gist of what was happening. It was obvious the family was in distress. He knew Jacob had a baby on the way with someone the family hadn’t met and the question of using drugs came up. Brianna suddenly jumped to her feet and fled the room. Hailey left too, crying and Joey got up to go after her. Finn stared at Jacob, and he was shocked to find them alone. Jacob glanced his way.
“Fuck. Sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen tonight.”
Finn shrugged. “I don’t even know what the fuck happened.”
Jacob laughed out loud. Or at least he appeared to be. “I like you.”
“Because I have no idea what you did to fuck up so epically?”
“No. Because you’re not a prick or a punk and I don’t think you’re using my sister. She attracts a lot of pretty-boys because she’s so pretty that they think they’d make a good match with her. Wait. You catch all that?”
“Yeah, I’m with you. Brianna… she’s pretty… and a whole lot of assholes chase her because of it.”
Jacob nodded. “Doe
s it offend you if I ask?”
“No.”
“I have to admit I was confused why my sister was attracted to you and the whole deaf-thing… but clearly, you like her. Probably shouldn’t refer to it as the deaf-thing… What do you prefer that I say?”
Finn smiled and carefully suppressed the laughter he felt. Brianna and Jacob were certainly siblings. Blunt. Truthful. Foot-in-their-mouth honest. And model worthy for both genders. “Deaf-thing works. I know what you mean. You’re a lot like your sister, you just ask me what to say. I like that better than pretending to know when clearly, you don’t know for sure. Perhaps neither of us do.”
Jacob leaned forward. “Look, I might be a total ass and all, and I don’t deny giving Brianna a hard time… but she’s my sister, you know. It’s my job to annoy her. But I don’t allow any of the shitheads she ever dated to use her. They aren’t good enough for her. You, Finn, you seem like a quality guy. So, yeah… the deaf-thing might be hard, but in the end, she’s worth it.”
“She’s also upset because of you… I think I’ll go check on her.”
Jacob got up, flipping open the latch on the hutch door. He leaned down only to pop back up with a bottle of rum. “Yeah. I’m upset too. Think I’ll go drown my worries away. Always a thrill to disappoint my family… again.”
Finn didn’t mean to, but he laughed out loud. Her brother was kind of an ass. Uncaring and unsmiling. He didn’t share much or sugarcoat anything. Yet Finn believed whatever he said was the truth and Finn preferred that to anything nice. As he told Brianna, he couldn’t distinguish the fake from the genuine. Not in tones of voice, so getting the bare truth directly from someone mattered to him far more than false congeniality.
He went up the stairs and slid into Brianna’s bedroom. She was face down on the bed, her torso shaking. Crying? He assumed so but wasn’t entirely sure why. So what if her brother was expecting a baby? He was twenty-one or more. Not fourteen. Still, she was upset. Brianna, he believed the longer he knew her, took life a little too hard. She cared deeply for each of them and took their issues on as her own.
Finn slid up behind her. Brianna jumped with a start and lifted her head with a sharp jerk. She realized it was him and instantly flipped to her side. With as much vigor as she did everything, Brianna flung her arms around Finn’s neck and pressed her wet face against his neck, getting him damp. He didn’t know why she was crying. He just knew she was.
He held her waist and squeezed her tightly against him. The warm breath on his skin indicated she was talking but his head remained silent. There were no sounds. No sobs. No words. No clock ticking in the background or family members moving about beyond the door. He had no idea where they were. They could have been knocking for him to get out of her room. He had no clue. And never would. Closing his eyes, his entire world was plunged into dark silence.
But this time, he felt the sensation of her against him. Warm, moist air on his neck caused by her breath. Her body felt soft and pliant against his, all tucked up, tight and warm. Her hands combed through his hair and he felt strange and… wonderful.
When his eyelids opened, the room was dark. He couldn’t see her mouth so he simply kept her tightly against him. She finally stopped sobbing and he believed she fell asleep in his arms.
How could he possibly ever be enough for her? Any other man could whisper into her ear and she could whisper back, telling him what her thoughts and emotions were. Any other man sitting at that table would have known exactly what went on. Finn had only bits and pieces. Wherever he happened to look and whatever he managed to catch. But they were all mad and their escalating words and tensions were mostly missed by Finn. Words were slurred and exaggerated, with faces turning this way and that, so Finn could only follow a small percentage of it.
All he could do was hold her and offer her his physical presence. His hands felt warm on her back, and he rubbed the small cleft between her sharp shoulder blades. He slowly descended towards the indentation of her lower back and waist. His touch was totally platonic. He set his mouth against her ear, having no idea if she were awake and said, “I’m sorry.”
She flipped her head up. Yes, she was still awake. No one could have missed her jerky, big movements.
She set her hands on his face and ran her thumbs over his lips. He sensed the gesture was Brianna’s way of trying to say something profound to him. Then she moved away from him. A moment later, he saw the glow of her phone. She typed and handed it to him. “You need to get a phone.”
He sat up and typed in. “We could turn on the light.”
“My eyes hurt and I don’t want to.”
“I lost most of the conversation.”
“Jacob got this terrible skank pregnant. She’s a meth-head. For real. She’s bad. He’s bad.”
“I talked to him after he left.”
“I can only imagine.”
“Actually, he was glad you weren’t with an asshole.”
She typed quickly. “I like being able to talk like this. You’re getting a phone. It’s stupid not to have one. Safety… convenience. Just being a normal twenty-three-year-old. Get a DAMN phone.”
He smiled at her capitalized curse words.
“Okay.”
She suddenly launched herself on top of him. He braced himself to prepare for the unexpected and kissed the top of her head as she snuggled up against him, bending her legs at the knees. He could only marvel that this was happening. That any of it had happened was still a surprise to Finn. He’d all but written her off as messing with his head. He never expected to kiss her again after the first time. If they had, he would have assumed she was experimenting with him out of pity… What else could he think? She was breathtaking. And fuck. She was so Brianna. So big and loud and caring in her heart that it was impossible for Finn not to respond in kind.
Chapter Eight
BRIANNA DIDN’T SEE HER brother the next day. Finn left her after midnight. Surprisingly old-fashioned, he refused to stay because her mom and Joey were in the house. Her mom looked wrung out the next morning. Brianna kept quiet as she walked about before getting toast and coffee. She kissed her mom on the side of the face. “I won’t fuck my life up like Jacob is.”
She gripped Brianna’s face with her hand and pressed it to the side of hers before turning to embrace Brianna. “I love you, Bri. I’m so grateful for you.”
“I love you, Mom… and you didn’t do anything wrong. Jacob’s got his own issues. You can’t blame yourself or else I’d be as screwed up as he is. I’m not. So don’t forget that.”
“You can’t imagine how glad I am to see you here today.”
The thing that annoyed Brianna was no more than a sidebar for everyone else: Finn’s first impression and experience being there. Jacob overshadowed it with his problems, rebellion, and general fuckery so none of the issues regarding how her family treated Finn came up. Brianna, however, fully intended to address them soon.
Finn couldn’t follow most of her family’s conversations. With only four of them, there had to be a better way for him to understand. Otherwise, his physical presence may have been there, but Finn was not. Sure he was present, but not a participant in the discussion. His presence there did not mean they included him. Hailey and Joey were overwhelmed at her brother’s news, as usual, so it was not the day for Brianna to address her concerns about her boyfriend. Eventually, she’d be sitting down with them to set some ground rules for dealing with Finn. But for today? She went to work and avoided her brother and let things just “be”.
But the way Finn couldn’t keep up with even her small family’s conversation bothered her. She thought of it incessantly and came up with a few functional ideas of how to increase Finn’s ability to interact with everyone, not just her.
But first, she wanted to figure out fully what a day in Finn’s life was like.
So, days later, Brianna had that Sunday free and she decided after witnessing Finn’s experience with her family she desperately had to understand wh
at exactly Finn’s general experience was like. She decided to try the ear plugs she hunted up a few weeks back along with the expensive noise-canceling headphones. Starting at eight o’clock, she put them on.
All day long.
She was trying to experience Finn’s world at least once in her life. She read about it in one of her searches. A group who was learning sign language did it for two hours, and several reported it that it changed their entire perception of what deafness entailed. She wasn’t doing it for a joke or to mock him, she was trying to understand something she couldn’t really imagine.
“I’m going to wear headphones all day, so I won’t be able to hear you.”
Her mom still looked glum and stared at her. She could have announced she planned to strip naked and walk outside to ride a wild mustang and would have probably received the same reaction. “Why?” Shaking her head, she answered her own question. “Never mind. Finn, right? You’re figuring out what the world is like for Finn.”
“It’s the least I can do,” Brianna replied, slipping the headphones back on so her mom’s next words were completely muffled, as if they never existed even though Brianna saw her lips moving. What? Weird. Wow.
She started working and used her phone to write several things. When she ran into Joey and later, Jacob, they both questioned her about the earphones and gave her odd looks but didn’t try to argue with her.
All day long.
By noon, she was more than exhausted. She had no communication unless she typed it into her phone or wrote it down on the small notebook she kept close by. But it took much longer than she expected to write the words to express what she had to say. And then she had to wait for the other person’s responses. After a couple of encounters like that, no one wanted to keep talking to her. So they left. She was alone and bored. Not socially conversant. She flipped the TV to closed captioning but it was too much like watching a foreign film with subtitles although not the same. It was still muted. No voices. No background music. No inflection or change of tones to build climaxes or fear, or denote sadness or joy… Speech offered so much more than cold, flat, written words.
