“Because I know you,” she said, her voice suddenly firm. “Better than just about anyone. So I can tell when you’re spouting bullshit.”
I stared at her. Where had that come from?
“I would rather not talk about this anymore,” I said flatly.
“Too bad,” she said. “Because I want to.”
“Okay, girls,” Jen said wearily. She’d had many years of experience diffusing mine and Ginny’s bickering. We were best friends and we loved each other to death, but we’d also known each other since we were five. A bit of bickering was only to be expected, I guess. “Let’s order first, and then we can choose a topic, okay?”
I looked down at my menu, feeling irritated with Ginny for reasons I couldn’t really put into words. I knew that she loved me and had my best interests at heart, but it really bugged me when she acted like she knew what I was feeling better than I did.
After our waitress took our order, Ginny leaned back in her chair. “Look,” she said. “I didn’t mean to piss you off. I just don’t understand why you feel like you can’t be honest about this kind of stuff with us.”
“Are you calling me a liar now?” I asked, color flooding my cheeks.
She just rolled her eyes at me. “Stop being a drama queen,” she scoffed. “All I’m saying is you seem to be terrified to tell us that you have feelings for someone, even when we all can see that you do. What do you think, that we’re going to judge you or something?”
“I don’t think you’ll judge me,” I said.
“Do you think it will mess up your tough girl reputation?” she pressed.
“Jesus, Ginny,” I muttered, not liking this conversation one bit.
“Nate is crazy about you,” she said. “Anyone can see it. He’s totally fallen for you. And I can see you starting to sweat right now, just from me bringing it up. So I think that’s something we should deal with.”
“I just…” I stammered, not knowing how to respond. “It freaks me out, okay?” I finally snapped.
“Okay,” she said, smiling at me.
“Something funny about that?”
“No, I’m just happy that you told me something real.”
I glared at her and didn’t respond.
“Listen to me, okay? You don’t have to respond and you can hate me when I’m done, but you need to hear this.” She waited until I met her gaze before she continued. “I get that all the stuff that went down with your dad made you feel freaked out about guys—”
“Oh, God,” I said, throwing my napkin down. “Can we please not have the whole ‘her-dad-abandoned-her-so-she-mistrusts-men’ conversation? It’s so cliché. And not true.”
“I was actually talking more about your mom,” she said sharply.
That shut me up.
“I know that you’re terrified of being like her. We both do.” She gestured to Jen, who looked at me sadly. “We understand that, okay?”
“No you don’t,” I said quietly. “You didn’t live with her after he left. You don’t know what that was like.”
“No, but my parents did have their own special set of issues,” she said flatly. “And so did Jen’s.”
I fell silent at that. Ginny was totally right, of course. She had a terrible relationship with her parents, had since she was a little kid. They never approved of anything she did, and in response, she acted out like crazy. Partying, drinking, hooking up with random guys—that was Ginny’s life until she met Josh.
Jen, on the other hand, had parents who were crazy about her. But her father’s alcohol addiction had destroyed their family and nearly killed him. Her mom had turned into a work-obsessed robot in order to cope, and did her best to pass those traits off onto Jen.
“Did you ever think that there’s a reason the three of us are friends?” Jen asked quietly.
“We’re friends because Ginny and I lived on the same street since we were babies,” I said, not interested in some pseudo-psych babble. “Then we met you in high school and the three of us hit it off.”
“That’s why we became friends,” Jen said, refusing to be put off by my tone. “But why are we still friends? How many of the girls we went to high school with are still close with their former best friends? Who do you know that stayed as close as we are?”
“No one,” Ginny agreed.
“We stayed this close because we became each other’s families,” Jen continued. “We all came from screwed-up homes, right? None of us had someone in our family to connect with. We all needed someone when we met.”
I had a sudden mental image of Ginny sneaking into my house when we were ten. I had finally admitted to her that I was having nightmares when my dad was gone. So for two months one summer she snuck into my room every night after her parents had tucked her in and slept in my bed with me. I met her eyes, and I knew she was thinking about the same thing.
“All I’m saying,” she said softly, “is that we know you, Annie. You’re our family. So you can talk to us about stuff.” She paused. “And you don’t have to get mad at me when I tell you this: if you keep throwing away guys the way you’ve always done, you’re going to end up every bit as unhappy as she is.”
I stared at her, taking in her words as my heart sank. Everything I had done since I was thirteen years old had been an effort to escape my mother’s fate. And now Ginny was telling me that it was hopeless, that I was going to end up like her anyhow. The thought made me sick.
“Don’t throw Nate away,” she said softly. “That’s the last thing I’m going to say on the subject. But please think about it, okay?”
I nodded, unable to speak. Luckily, the waiter arrived with our food and I was spared the rest of the conversation. Jen deftly steered discussion away to safer matters—something ridiculous that Kiki had done in front of a client. As Jen talked, Ginny laughed and drank her margarita like nothing had happened.
But under the table, she reached out and grabbed my hand. And she didn’t let go for a very long time.
Chapter Twenty-four
“Annie, can you come in and talk with me for a minute?”
I looked up to see Jenner Collins standing in the doorway to my dressing room.
“Sure,” I told him. “I’m just about done here.”
I swept the rest of my cosmetics back into their case and stood up from the dressing table. We had just wrapped the second-to-last Sunday matinee of the run. Next weekend we were closing. So far I hadn’t heard anything but rumors regarding the fate of our show after this run, but looking up at Jenner I had a feeling that was about to change.
Jenner gestured for me to follow him, and headed down the hall to the small room he had been using as an office. Tabitha was sitting there on one side of his makeshift desk, and he gestured for me to join her, going around to sit across from us.
“I’m sure you’ve heard all the rumors about Chicago,” he said, not wasting any time.
I nodded. “People are saying the announcement is imminent,” I told him.
“Well, the gossipers are bound to get it right once in a while,” Tabitha said drily. I looked at her in surprise. Did that mean…
“Annie, we’re taking the show to Chicago in the New Year to do an eight week run,” Jenner said. “Beyond that, we have investors showing a lot of interest in New York. If the Chicago run goes well, we could be off-Broadway by the spring.”
“Wow,” I said. “Congratulations, Jenner. That’s a huge accomplishment.”
He smiled at me from across the desk. “Annie, we think you’ve done a wonderful job in this show. We really couldn’t be more pleased. We’d be very happy if you came to Chicago with us to reprise the role.”
I stared at him for a minute, trying to form words.
Tabitha laughed next to me, the most human thing I had ever heard her do. “I think you’ve shocked her,” she said, smiling at me.
“Oh my God,” I finally whispered. “This is for real?”
“It is,” Jenner said. “We’ll all be off for
the holidays then get started in Chicago the first week of the New Year. I hope you’ll be with us.”
“Of course I will,” I said quickly. “Of course. Thank you so much. This is amazing. Thank you.”
“You’re quite welcome,” Jenner said, standing up and holding out his hand to shake mine. Tabitha followed his lead and did the same. “We’ll see you next Friday for the closing weekend. Enjoy this, Annie, but remember that we still have work to do.”
“Of course,” I said. “I won’t forget that.”
I left the office, feeling like my feet weren’t touching the ground. This was amazing. I was going to Chicago!
I didn’t stick around the theater long enough to see if anyone else had been offered a spot. I had to get home to talk to the girls.
***
I made the drive from the city to our house in record time. I was relieved to see Jen’s car in the driveway. I thought of calling Ginny and asking her to meet us, but she generally worked at the bookstore on Sunday. I would have to wait.
“Jen?” I called as I opened the front door.
“Up here!” she called from the second floor. I ran up the stairs as quickly as I could.
“Oh my God, Jen, you’ll never—”
I stopped in the doorway to the upstairs bedroom. Jen and Matt were sitting on the carpet, pieces of metal spread out in front of them. They appeared to be building something. “What’re you doing?” I asked.
“Matt bought a new bed at Ikea,” Jen said. She didn’t look quite like herself, and it took a minute for me to realize that she was actually disheveled. She had her hair up under a bandana, and was wearing paint-splattered clothes. I could count on one hand the number of times I had seen Jen Campbell look anything but perfectly put-together, and the sight threw me.
“Then he lost the directions,” Jen continued, laughing. He grinned at her sheepishly. “So yeah, we’re trying to figure out how to put this thing together.”
My brain, on complete overdrive from Jenner’s news, took a moment to process what she was saying. In all of my excitement I had completely forgotten what was happening at the house today—Matt was moving in. Looking around the room, I saw boxes stacked against the walls. Jen and Matt were going to live up here, in Ginny’s old room, which was much larger than Jen’s current room downstairs.
“Oh,” I said, feeling off-balance. “Of course.”
But Matt and Jen were barely listening to me. Their attention had returned to the project in front of them. “Seriously, Matt?” Jen said, laughing. “You really think you should just start hammering when these two pieces clearly don’t fit together?”
“I don’t see you with any better solution,” he said. But he didn’t sound annoyed. They both looked totally pleased with themselves, with each other. Normally Jen would be going nuts over anything this disorganized. Instead, I had the feeling she was having the time of her life, here with Matt trying to build a bed in their new room together.
Something about the way they looked at each other, the happiness that exuded from the pair of them, made my heart clench. They were moving in together. Taking the next step. They were in love and they were starting a life together.
I want that.
The realization, which seemed to come from nowhere, hit me like a punch to the gut. I literally took a step backwards in surprise.
“Annie, what’s wrong?” Jen asked, finally noticing that one person in the room wasn’t involved in their little love-fest.
“Nothing, sorry,” I said, barely hearing my own voice over the rushing that had started in my ears. “A little dizzy.”
“Sit down,” Jen demanded, moving to stand up.
“No, I’m just gonna go down to my room,” I said quickly. “I’m fine.”
Before she could respond, I was fleeing back down the stairs, suddenly feeling like I might throw up.
What had just happened? How could one moment suddenly change the way I saw everything in my life? If there was anything I had ever been sure of, it was this: love is a waste of time and energy. While it might make a select few happy (a very select few), it was most definitely not for me. Never had been, never would be.
I sat down on the edge of my bed, trying to gather my thoughts, to make sense of what I had just experienced, but my brain felt jumbled. One thing was clear to me: in that moment of watching Jen and Matt, I finally figured it out. I wanted what they had—I wanted it with Nate.
I wanted it so bad the thought of going to Chicago made me feel panicky.
“What the hell am I doing?” I whispered. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Annie?” Jen’s voice called from outside my door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I said, surprised at how calm my voice sounded.
She opened my door and peered into the room. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, managing a smile. “I didn’t eat much before the show this morning. I think it finally hit me. But I’m fine.”
I wasn’t quite sure why I was lying to her. All I knew was that I didn’t want to have this conversation with Matt in the house.
“Let me make you something to eat,” she said, still sounding worried. “You look really pale.”
“I’ll grab a sandwich,” I told her. “Don’t worry.”
“Okay,” she said, looking uncertain. “If you’re sure.”
“Jen, you ready?” Matt called from the living room.
“We need to run to the hardware store,” she told me. “In addition to the directions, we also appear to be missing several essential screws.” She laughed, but stopped when she saw my face. “You really do look pale. How about I send Matt and stay here with you?”
“I’m fine,” I told her. “Seriously. God knows he’ll come home with the wrong stuff if you aren’t there to supervise.”
She smiled. “That’s probably true. Are you sure you’re—”
“I’m fine. Go.”
She smiled at me one more time before closing the door. A moment later, I heard soft giggling from the living room, then the sound of the front door shutting.
The sound made me feel very lonely somehow, and I instantly regretted sending her away. I should have just asked her if Matt could take off for a while so we could talk. I needed her to talk me down, help me figure out what was happening in my head. I felt like the world had readjusted itself around me, leaving me off-balance and terrified.
Ginny, I thought. I needed to call Ginny.
No sooner had I picked up the phone than it began ringing. I looked down at the display, my thoughts immediately going to Nate.
It was my mother.
Suddenly I was desperate to talk to her, desperate to tell her how scared I was. For the first time since I had been a very small child, I felt a yearning for my mother, for her to tell me that everything would be okay.
“Hi, Mom,” I said into the phone, trying to regulate the rapid beating of my heart.
“Hi, honey!” she said, excitement clear in her voice. “How are you?”
“I’m pretty good,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I’m really glad you called. I wanted to—”
“Oh, sweetie, I just have the best news,” she interrupted, not really listening. “You’ll never believe who I had lunch with today!”
I groaned inwardly. It figured. Just when I actually needed her, she was going to go on and on about some old biddy from her sewing group. “Who, Mom?” I asked, figuring I might as well let her get her story over with.
“Your father!”
If I thought my revelation upstairs had thrown me for a loop, it was nothing compared to this. My heart, which a moment ago had been beating alarmingly fast, now seemed to stop altogether.
“What?” I whispered.
“Your daddy! He called me up yesterday, can you believe it? And asked me if I wanted to have lunch today. So of course, I said yes. I mean, like I would refuse!” She laughed a little, a twinkly girlish laugh that made me feel nauseous. “It was so sweet, hon
ey, he picked me up and took me that restaurant we all used to like, you know—”
“Mom!” I exclaimed, unable to take it anymore. Was she seriously telling me this?
“What?” my mother asked, bewildered.
“I don’t care where he took you,” I said, struggling to keep my voice even. My hands were shaking so hard I thought I might drop my phone. “I don’t care how sweet he was or what he said. He’s an adulterous bastard who abandoned us, remember?”
“Annie Duncan, I don’t want to hear that kind of talk,” she said, her voice hardening. “He may have made mistakes, but I’m sure he’s sorry.”
“I don’t care if he’s sorry,” I spat. “I don’t want to hear anything about him.”
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” she said. “I thought you’d be pleased. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him.”
“Because he left us!” I bellowed. “God, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“I will not be spoken to like that,” she said, her voice tight. “I am your mother.”
“I can’t have this conversation with you,” I said. My anger at her, at my father, was so great it actually scared me. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Before she could respond, I hung up. I stared down at the phone for a minute, trying to wrap my mind around what she had just said. My mother had seen my dad. She had let him—what, take her out on a date? I felt rage boiling up in me until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Damn it!” I yelled, throwing my phone at the wall.
I heard the clatter as the case fell off and the battery came loose. I had probably ruined it. I couldn’t care less.
I buried my head in my hands, trying to quell the overwhelming anger and fear that was coursing through me.
“Annie?”
I looked up and saw Nate standing there in my doorway, concern written all over his face.
“What’s the matter?”
He looked so solid, standing there in my doorway. All I wanted in that moment was to go to him. To wrap my arms around him and tell him everything. To let him comfort me and promise me that he would stay with me, that he wouldn’t leave.
Three Girls and a Leading Man Page 15
