Audrey put her phone away and walked slowly down the road. She had so many thoughts bouncing around in her head that she thought things would get all jumbled up and come out wrong. She was afraid to even speak because she didn’t know what would come out.
Anthony and Gabriel had finally admitted how they felt about her and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. She had run out of their house that morning because she had felt scared and vulnerable.
Why did she feel that way? Audrey had slept with plenty of men. Most of them she didn’t know half as well as she knew these guys, but she had never felt vulnerable or open before.
Maybe it was because she knew they would want more than she had to offer. Dammit. She needed to set up an appointment with Lindsey, the counselor on Dragon Isle. Lindsey would know exactly what she was going through and how to help her.
The clinic was only a few streets over, so Audrey cut through a couple of backyards and hurried over to the little doctor’s office. A cute human with long, dark hair sat at the reception desk.
“Good afternoon!” She said perkily. “How can I help you, miss?”
Audrey immediately smiled. This girl was adorable. She was young, probably just a few years younger than Audrey, but she was beautiful. She looked like the kind of girl she could be friends with. That is, if she wasn’t into totally weird things like fucking two dragons at once.
“I need to schedule an appointment with Lindsey,” she said.
“Okay,” the girl typed something on her computer. “When would you like to come in?”
“I’m available now,” Lindsey peeked her head out. “Wanna come in?”
“Yeah,” Audrey said, making a quick decision. “That sounds great.”
She followed Lindsey through a door and down a hallway. Then they went into Lindsey’s office. She had recently redecorated the entire thing, but it still didn’t feel like a shrink’s office. There wasn’t a couch, which Audrey appreciated. Instead, a large mahogany desk sat against one wall and there were two comfy-looking chairs in the center of the room.
“Coffee?” Lindsey asked, but Audrey shook her head.
“Nah, it’ll just make me more jittery than I already am.”
“Okay,” Lindsey said pleasantly. She sat down in one chair and motioned for Audrey to join her. “What are we going to talk about today?”
Audrey decided it would be best to get straight to the point.
“Last night I had sex with not one, but two dragonmen. Then I left early this morning before we could have the morning-after talk because I’m scared of commitment and I’m worried we just ruined our friendships.”
Lindsey laughed. “Is that all?” She said.
“Yeah.”
“Sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.”
“I moved back because this was what I wanted,” Audrey admitted, relaxing against the chair. “I wanted them. Both of them. Together. I wanted to fall in love with them and date them and marry the and have little dragon shifter babies with them.”
“And now you’ve gotten it, but you feel like it’s too good to be true?”
Lindsey was perceptive. Audrey had to give her that. She was also correct. Why couldn’t this just be simple or easy? Oh yeah, because nothing worth doing ever was.
“I feel like I’m not good enough for them.” Audrey admitted. “I left Dragon Isle when I was old enough. I’m human, but I was raised by two shifters. I love my parents, but I thought I should see the rest of the world outside the island. I wanted to explore a little. I wanted to go to college and do all the normal things I thought I should.”
“You wanted to fuck other humans,” Lindsey commented.
“Yeah, that too.” Audrey cringed when she thought about it. She wanted to know what it would be like. Dragons were many things, but sexually reserved was not one of them. She couldn’t say the same thing about some of the humans she’d met. “I thought I should try to be normal. I thought I should try to do the ordinary-girl stuff. I couldn’t get Anthony or Gabriel out of my head, though. We kept in touch through email and the occasional phone call. When I moved back half a year ago, we started hanging out. It all just felt so perfect, so right.”
“And you’re afraid that if you let them get too close, they’re going to see the real you, and the real you won’t live up to scrutiny.”
“Bingo.” Audrey sat back in her chair and looked at the ceiling.
“Audrey, let me ask you something,” Lindsey said.
“Okay.”
“Has Gabriel ever given you a reason to doubt that he loves and values you as a person?”
“No.”
“Has Anthony?”
“No.”
“So what makes this different?”
“I guess when we were just friends, I always felt like they had to accept me because even friends make poor choices. Even friends are flawed. And when a friend makes a mistake, it doesn’t usually hurt you as badly as when a lover does.”
“So you’re afraid you’re going to hurt them?”
“I’m afraid I’m not woman enough to handle two dragons, especially two dragons who run a sex club.” Suddenly, Audrey thought of something. “You know about the sex club, right? Have you been there?”
Lindsey laughed. “Yes, I’ve been to Anthony’s club. And word on the street is that you made quite a first impression last night.”
Audrey’s jaw dropped, but she shouldn’t have been surprised. Nothing happened on Dragon Isle without Lindsey knowing about it. For someone who was in a Master/slave relationship, she sure had an all-seeing eye.
“That’s a good thing,” Lindsey said. “And I also happen to know that they’ve wanted this type of relationship for a long time, sweetie. But if it’s going to work, you need to talk with them: not with me. Anthony and Gabriel are strong, but they need a woman to love them. They aren’t perfect either, you know. They’ll make mistakes, too. You’ll have to forgive them just as they forgive you. That’s part of the entire making-a-relationship-work thing.”
“I guess I’m just worried that I’m too damaged to make them happy long-term.”
Lindsey shook her head. “As a therapist, I would tell you that no one is too damaged to heal. You can always improve. You can always make progress. You can always grow. As a friend, I would tell you that Gabriel and Anthony adore you and would do anything for you, including change, including help you, including love you through any pain you might be going through.”
“I haven’t done anything to deserve that kind of love,” Audrey admitted, suddenly feeling a bit teary-eyed.
“That’s the thing about love, sweetie,” Lindsey patted her on the hand. “No one ever deserves it.” She paused, then asked. “Are you scared of losing yourself to them?”
Audrey paused before she answered. Was she afraid? Is that what she was really scared of? Dammit, she was so weird. She’d chased after them for so long. Now she was going to run. Seriously? Was that really what she wanted?
“Last night was just so intense,” Audrey said slowly. “It was much more intimate than even I expected. I mean, we all confessed these secret, hidden, pent-up feelings, but then the sex was just insane.”
Lindsey chuckled. She knew, better than most, just how adventurous dragonmen could be. Audrey knew that. She knew all about how Lindsey had come to Dragon Isle, not for love, but for money. She had agreed to be Kade’s slave for a year but had made it only a few months before they were madly in love.
Audrey definitely had her beat on that timeline.
“I think I need to reevaluate what I really want,” Audrey admitted. “And I think that I need to figure out what I need to do in order to get those things that I want.”
“And what do you think you need, Audrey?”
“I think I need to get some guts. I think I need to be brave.”
Lindsey smiled and closed her notebook. Audrey knew that meant she was pleased with what she had to say.
They both stood and i
nstead of shaking her hand, Lindsey wrapped Audrey in a long, warm hug. After a minute, she held Audrey at arm’s length and said, “You can do this. I believe in you.”
Audrey gulped down any nervousness she was feeling and nodded.
She could do this. She had to.
9
Jasmine was already drinking when Audrey swaggered into the restaurant. There was no other way to describe how she was walking. She was so happy that she had decided to go for it. She was finally being brave and bold and as soon as she told Jasmine all about it, she would go running back to Anthony and Gabriel’s place to tell them all about it.
They wouldn’t be too mad about her taking the day for herself, would they? They knew she had to work of course, but she had kind of, sort of ignored them the rest of the day so she could sort things out in her own head.
A nagging voice in the back of her head said she should call them now and clear things up. She had sort of left them hanging. Were they worried about her? Surely not. She went for days without talking to them sometimes. Surely things weren’t completely different now that they had slept together.
Only Audrey knew she was lying to herself even as she sat down to talk with Jasmine.
“Just one drink,” she said. “Then I need to get back to Gabe and Tony’s place. I kinda bailed on them this morning.”
Jasmine’s jaw hit the floor. “After that show last night? Seriously? What the hell was there to bail about?”
Audrey suddenly felt a little defensive. Was Jasmine judging her? Jasmine had slept with them, too! Granted, Jasmine probably hadn’t professed her undying love and she certainly hadn’t been best friends with them since childhood, but still.
“What’s the big deal?” She muttered. She ordered a drink and when the server brought it, Audrey’s stomach was growling. Had she eaten today? No. She had run out on breakfast and then completely skipped lunch because she was working. She ordered a sandwich and fries and when Jasmine gave her another look, Audrey ignored her.
“I’m not judging you,” Jasmine said gently. “I’m just worried that you’re making some poor choices right now.”
Audrey raised an eyebrow. “Poor choices? Like sleeping with two guys at the same time?”
Jasmine looked hurt, but she quickly cleared the expression from her face.
“No, and you know it. Sweetie, I think you’re being a huge bitch right now because you feel threatened. I’m telling you this with love, okay? You’re scared and I get that. What happened last night was obviously super intense for all of you, but you can’t run away just because you’re scared.”
Audrey’s heart sank. Jasmine was totally, completely correct. She was making the same choice she’d made 10 years ago. Why? Because running away was easier than trying and failing. She poured all this time and energy into her work because work would never disappoint her. Work would never let her down. Gabriel and Tony probably wouldn’t, but they might. They weren’t exactly human, but they weren’t infallible, either.
As much as she wanted to depend on them, she knew they could let her down. They could fail her. They could decide they wanted someone better, thinner, smarter. They could decide they wanted a dragonwoman to bear their children. They could decide that they didn’t want to share a mate, after all.
“I talked to Lindsey and decided that I need to have some guts if I’m going to move forward.” Audrey told her friend. “I’ve been really stupid,” Audrey whispered. “I can’t believe how dumb I am or how poorly I’ve behaved. Seriously, I must be the biggest idiot on the island.” She looked around the restaurant, quietly wondering if anyone had overheard their conversation. Everyone seemed too wrapped up in their own worlds to care about little ol’ her.
“Sweetie, don’t say stuff like that.” The server returned with Audrey’s food, but she just stared at the plate. Jasmine eyed it, obviously wondering if Audrey was going to actually eat what she had ordered.
“Why not?” Audrey poked her stupid sandwich with her stupid finger. Talk about a pity party. What was with her crazy emotions today? Was she going insane? She had felt so excited when she left Lindsey’s office. Now she just felt weak and jaded. Now some of the bravery and big talk was starting to fade away.
“First of all,” Jasmine chuckled, “dragons have ways of knowing if you’ve been talking bad about yourself. Do you really think a dragon Dom is going to go easy on you if you’re caught insulting yourself?”
“Good point.” She imagined Anthony was the darker one. He would be the enforcer. He would tie her to a spanking bench and paddle her. He wouldn’t go easy on her. He wouldn’t use a flogger or his hand. He’d make it hurt. He’d mark her, bruise her, make her feel him with her for the rest of the week.
He’d make her remember why she needed to listen.
“Secondly,” Jasmine continued. “You’re not dumb. You’re scared.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Everyone makes poor choices sometimes. Everyone. Even your precious lovers have both made mistakes in their time. Do you really think they’d made it this long without screwing up?”
“I guess I was gone for a long time,” Audrey conceded. “There’s a lot I don’t know about them.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes. It seemed to be her default state around Audrey these days.
“Anthony’s so hell-bent on perfecting his work that he ignores everything but the club. He trains constantly. It’s great that he’s so driven, but sometimes he needs to unwind. Sometimes he needs to get out of his head, Audrey. Do you hear what I’m saying?”
Oh, she heard. Anthony was a lot like her. There would be times when she was so focused on editing her pictures that she’d forget to eat or sleep. She’d miss meetings and get-togethers because the only thing that mattered was the pictures. She had to get them perfect. She had to make them the best they could be.
Maybe she and Anthony could help each other. Maybe they could both offer the other refuge from the storms of life.
“And Gabriel,” Jasmine frowned. “Don’t get me started on him. Oh wait, I already am.” She leaned back in her chair and downed the rest of her drink. Before she was finished, the server had brought another and placed it in front of her. “This girl is getting an amazing tip,” Jasmine commented. “This is to die for.”
“What are you drinking?”
“Dragon’s breath.” Of course she was. Talk about cliché. Everyone loved that damn drink. Jasmine sipped slowly, obviously enjoying the slow burn of the alcohol warming her belly. Audrey simply waited, suddenly patient. When Jasmine set her glass down, she was serious.
“Gabriel has longed for a woman to love him for a very long time. You might say you’re his best friend, and that’s great, but you need to prove it. I don’t want to see him get hurt, Audrey, and the way you’re going, you’re going to crush his heart. Gabriel might play the prankster, but deep down he’s the most tenderhearted dragon I’ve ever known and he needs someone who is going to love him when he’s weak, who is going to lift him up when he’s scared, and who is never going to make him doubt himself.”
Jasmine stood and dropped some bills on the table: more than enough to cover her drinks.
“I have to go,” she said. She frowned at Audrey. “You can do this, Audrey, but you need to do it now. Don’t push them away. They won’t wait forever.”
Then Jasmine turned and left the restaurant. Audrey was once again alone in a sea of people.
“Fucking tough love,” she muttered, paid her bill, and left. She needed to talk to the men.
**
“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor,” Anthony said to Gabriel. The dragonman had been pacing in a circle for nearly twenty minutes. Ever since they’d received Jasmine’s text that she had told off Audrey and to expect the little human shortly, both men had been on edge. Jasmine seemed to have no doubt that Audrey would come running over, but Anthony wasn’t so sure.
Why had Audrey run away that morning? Why had she ignored them all day? Was she pla
ying coy? Or was she afraid, like Jasmine thought she was?
Anthony wasn’t completely sure what to do. He was pissed that Audrey was being a little brat. He was irritated that she had ignored them all day, but he also blamed himself. Neither he nor Gabriel had been thinking clearly the night before. They had both been so swept up in the moment that they hadn’t really explained how things were going to work to Audrey.
When they said “We love you forever,” they had meant it.
They meant they wanted to keep her, share her, marry her, and have babies with her. They wanted to love her. They wanted to be included in her life. They wanted to adore her. They wanted to worship her and show her just how special she was because to them, she lit up the world.
But they couldn’t show her any of that if she was running off and flittering around the island all the time. No, they definitely needed to lay down some ground rules for how this relationship was going to work. The would start with communication and expectations, then move onto sex because both dragonmen had loved the night before and had no intentions to start going without.
No, if Audrey was going to be theirs, she was going to be theirs.
There would be no skipping days, no Friday-night dates, no only-at-the-club type situations.
They would be hers eternally and completely, but she had to give back to them. She had to open up. She had to communicate.
Anthony sensed that part of Audrey’s behavior problem had to do with the fact that she had never really been able to depend on anyone. Oh, her adoptive parents loved her dearly, but they had never really known how to handle a little human daughter. They had given her a good, solid dragon’s upbringing, but what about her human side?
What about the little girl that just wanted to be nurtured? That just wanted to be loved?
Anthony had a feeling that little girl was still in there somewhere and he and Gabriel had their work cut out for them.
It was a good thing Audrey was worth it.
And more.
Finally, they heard a tentative knock at the front door. Gabriel immediately stopped pacing and turned to Anthony. His hands were on his hips.
Dragon Isle Boxed Set, Books 4-6: Lost to the Dragon, Beware of Dragons, and Catching the Dragon Page 15
