by Ayn Dillard
Boyd states, “This has been one of the happiest days of my life, Natalie. We’ve said a lot of things today so if you want to change your mind about anything, I’ll understand.”
“Boyd, do you want to change your mind about any of the things you’ve said?”
He replies, “No, I don’t. I know exactly what I’ve said and I mean every word of it. I just don’t want you to be overwhelmed by anything.”
“Well, I am overwhelmed for sure. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. Jumping out of an airplane and falling in love, all in the same day—is a bit unusual.”
He laughs, “A first for me, too.”
Suddenly Boyd pulls off the road.
I ask, “Where are we going now?”
He pulls in front of a liquor store and asks, “Can I borrow two dollars? I want to get some beer. Hate to ask you, but I only have three.”
I hand him five bucks. He probably stops at this liquor store often as he drives in from the airport. He gets back into the car with a six pack. He hands me the change, opens a beer—hands me one, then opens one for himself then drives out.
I reflect, so I am sitting in a truck beside a married man, sipping horrible tasting beer, but I feel wonderful. Yesterday, I was in a Jaguar riding around Beverly Hills and felt lonely. Whew, what a life I live.
We pass a Corvette dealership, he inquires. “Hey, let’s go look at some Corvettes.”
“Not today” I laugh, “How about another time?”
We again recap the events of our amazing day, as we drive on the North Dallas tollway to my house, obviously overwhelmed with the events and our feelings for each other.
“You live really far out. I never drive this far north.”
“Never?”
“No, remember I live in the Park Cities? There’s no reason for me to go further than Northwest Highway until now.”
Reality hits me hard since we are back on earth and getting closer to my house. I’m taking a man to my house that I jumped out of an airplane with this morning. Is this even for real and what am I doing? This is moving way too fast.
Pulling in front of my house, Boyd asks. “Did you ever have an affair when you were married? Ever cheat on any of your husbands?”
“No—never, I’m not made that way emotionally—I had opportunities and at times, the marriages were certainly bad enough that I thought about it, but no—I never had an affair. I’m a loyal person, once I’ve made a commitment. Honor is most important to me. I believe the commitment made between a husband and wife to be a sacred bond. Unfortunately, none of my husband’s felt the same way.”
Boyd smiles then kisses me on the cheek.
“You can only experience the magic
by
releasing the fear
and
seizing the moment.”
MY HOUSE
Noticing the ‘For Sale’ sign in my front yard, Boyd exclaims. “You’re moving, why?”
“I can’t afford to keep it any longer. I’ve lived here alone for about four years and it’s drained me financially. The house needs a new roof and all sorts of things.”
“How about if I just yank the ‘For Sale’ sign out of the ground and move in? What do ya say about that? Just give me the okay and I’ll do it. I’m not kidding here.”
I nervously laugh, “Moving pretty darn fast, don’t you think? Let’s slow down, go into the house and talk.” As I ponder, wow, this guy moves fast and it’s a bit scary.
Opening the door to my house, it feels good to be home. Boyd puts my luggage down in the entry hall then begins to look around the house and at photographs, I have of myself with friends and family. “Nice photos, you sure have some good ones of yourself. You’re so pretty, Natalie. I bet you were incredible when you were young,”
“What do you mean when I was young?”
“Well, you’re so pretty now. You must’ve been gorgeous when you were younger.”
“I was okay—kind of coltish and plain. Actually, I believe, I’m more attractive now.” As I reflect, men are all alike obsessed with youth and looks—after all that talking with David concerning age, sex and appearance—I am over it.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Natalie, you’re just so pretty now.”
“Thank you. Let’s go into the kitchen. I want some Perrier.”
He puts the beer in the refrigerator then opens another for himself and gets me a Perrier.
“I can’t believe you have so much food in your frig. Since you’re single, I thought it’d be practically empty.”
“I enjoy cooking and I eat at home a lot. Would you like to see my house?”
“Of course.”
“It’s sparsely furnished now—all that’s left are my mahogany antiques, art work and white sofas but I think it still looks pretty good.”
“This place is beautiful. It’s so peaceful—feels kind of like a church.”
“Doesn’t it? It’s calm and peaceful with the all the white and the windows? I like the openness, the tile and the white marble contrasting with the rich woods.”
“Me, too, it’s great.”
“It’s been my sacred place. My ex-husband took a lot of things, so it looks differently than it once did. I do most my writing in the dining room, that’s why there are stacks of articles and parts of my books on the table. Would you like to read some chapters?”
“This rosewood table is amazing. You have beautiful things and great taste. And yes, I would—of course, I would love to read your work.”
Showing Boyd around my house makes me sad because I recall how it used to look, except it’s amazing how natural I feel with Boyd here. I’m usually uncomfortable with men being in my house. Back in the kitchen, I sit on a bar stool and Boyd places a chair directly in front of me. It’s almost as if he lives here and we’re just sitting in the kitchen chatting. As if we’ve been apart for a longtime and need to talk fast about everything to catch up.
Except I’m getting so tired that I’m becoming both slap happy and weary at the same time. I stretch my feet out and put my feet in Boyd’s lap and he rubs them. Continuing to talk, we kiss a bit and we can’t stop touching one another. Not lustful, sexual touching, although that aspect certainly is present. More as if we’ve been apart for a long while and can’t believe we’re together again.
“I could move in here with you and pay the mortgage. How much is your mortgage anyway? How much do you still owe on the house? What are you asking for the house?” He continues firing questions as quickly as I can answer. “What are the taxes on the house?” Looking me straight in the eyes, “You seem a bit hesitant, Natalie. What are you thinking about all this?”
“I think you’re a married man and this is going really fast. Also, I am so tired that I can barely think or talk.”
He looks intensely and directly into my eyes and states full of emotion as tears fill his eyes. “Natalie, I’m giving you my heart here. I’m handing it directly over to you. Please, say something more. I’m handing you my heart, darlin’. This is a bit scary for me too, you know? I’ve never done anything like this before and never felt anything so strong and fast—ever in my life.”
My heart’s beating rapidly as I fill up with emotion. I feel as if I’m going to cry—hearing him say all this because it’s what I always wanted a man to say to me.
I think to myself, Mister, I know this is crazy because it’s so fast, but I think I’m falling in love with you too, then I say, “Looking into your eyes, it’s as if the love I see in them comes into mine then goes down into my heart and returns back to you.”
He’s relieved to hear me say what I did and he smiles and hugs me. We discuss what we’re going to do, but come to no conclusions or answers. He announces that he’ll keep his children in the Highland Park school district and states again that he’ll move out of his house in April.
I inquire, “So does that mean that we’ll sell my house and get a house of our own in the Park Cities area?”
; In deep thought, “Yeah, it does.”
“Are you certain you won’t decide to stay with your wife?”
He answers, “The only way I’d stay with my wife is if she became a completely different person and that’s not going to happen. She’s who she is and I can’t live with her anymore.”
Reality slams me again. I’ve got to be careful because this man is married. He’s lonely and looking for romance. His wife obviously ignores him, so he’s hungry for love and attention. I need to use my head and be careful. “Boyd, all you’ve said about her is that she’s not romantic or interested in sex anymore. She might just be going through a bad phase.”
He replies, “No, it’s much more than that—much more.”
I ask, “Gosh, what if I went through a bad patch would you want to dump me, too?”
“No, not you—never, not you—when I go to Atlanta in March for flight training, I want you to be with me. Would you go with me?”
“Well, maybe.” As I think, March is months off. I take a hard look at him then ask myself. Is this man for real? Is this feeling for real? “How can I get in touch with you? What’s your phone number? If I need to call you, how can I?” Thinking, will this in-love-with-me-married man give me his phone number?
He responds, “What can I write my number on?” He looks around the kitchen.
I pull out a flyer from some spiritual organization stuck in a pile of junk mail on my kitchen counter, “Here write on this.”
With no hesitation, Boyd writes his phone number on the front of the flyer along with his address.
I state again, “Boyd, you’re married and I don’t want to get involved with a married man.”
He states, “I am not asking you to get involved with a married man. Remember, I asked if I could call you in April when my divorce is over? We just happened to be able to spend the whole day together because the airport was closed and I’m so glad that it was. This day was magic, complete and God damn fucking magic, the airplane being diverted and all of it. We spent approximately eleven hours together today. What amazes me is that I hate to drive. The weather was awful, but even with all of this going on—it was wonderful. It was the happiest day of my life. You’re so fun to be with because you make everything fun.”
“I had fun today with you, too.”
“Natalie, you’re fantastic, except we’re going to have to be careful until we figure out what to do. Oh God, why’d I meet you so soon? I wish we’d met in April because I met you too soon. Damn, I just met you too soon.”
I comment, “We met when we met.”
“You look tired, Natalie. I’m keeping you up. I’ll be off now, so you can get to sleep.”
With arms around each other, we walk to the entry hall. Boyd puts on his airline jacket, “I want that jacket, Boyd. It’s my jacket from our special day.”
“Okay, it’s yours but I will need to wear it home tonight.”
We hug and kiss repeatedly then finally pull apart and say goodnight.
While unpacking, suddenly I realize I’m famished, even weak with hunger. It’s eleven o’clock and I haven’t had anything to eat since one o’clock this afternoon. I make a turkey sandwich then notice Boyd forgot his glasses and the part of my book he was going to read. After eating my sandwich, I put the book and his glasses on the chair in the entry hall.
The phone rings and it’s Boyd laughing. “Darlin’, was on the toll road headed in the wrong direction. What a day, we had, baby. Are you in bed yet?”
“No, unpacking, then going to wash my hair and then sleep forever.”
“I left my book and glasses at your house.”
“They’re safe here waiting for you.”
He states, “I’ll get them tomorrow. I have my physical in the morning then a haircut. I’ll call you and come by.”
“Okay, that’ll be fine.”
“I had a wonderful day today and I love you, Natalie.”
I reply, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”
I quickly unpack then wash my hair. Wow, it feels good to have clean hair. While drying my hair, I play the whole day back in my head.
It feels great to slide into my own bed. Sitting in bed, resting back on pillows, I open a favorite book to ask for a message concerning this day. The book opens to a quotation by Shakti Gawain.
“Every moment of your life is infinitely creative
and the universe is endlessly bountiful.
Just put forth a clear enough request,
and everything your heart desires must come to you.”
My mind flashes back to my walk in Manhattan Beach as chills over take my body and I recall praying to God that I meet my true love.
What will tomorrow bring? Will we still feel the same way? Well, whatever happens, this day was amazingly special and full of magic. I wouldn’t have missed this day for anything. I certainly was brave to jump out of that plane. Talk about a trust and faith in the universe kind of a leap, but why is the man I feel this incredible magic with married?
It’s three in the morning as I drift off to sleep thanking God for this magical day.
I awakened by the phone ringing, but am so tired I let the answering machine pick up. I lift my head up to look at the clock. It’s nine o’clock and I’m still so tired and need and want to sleep a bit longer. My appointment isn’t until one. So thankfully, I can get a bit more rest. I wake up at eleven to the phone ringing again.
“Natalie, hi, how are you today, darlin’?” It’s Boyd.
“I am just waking up.”
“I want to come by. I called earlier, left a message because I needed my glasses for my physical.”
“Sorry, I didn’t answer—I just had to get more sleep. After washing my hair and unpacking, I didn’t get to sleep until three. Now, I need to get up and get dressed for a one o’clock appointment.”
Disappointed, “Oh, I really wanted to come by and see you.”
I ask, “Did you get through your physical okay without your glasses?”
“I used some old ones.”
“Well sorry, I wasn’t up but am still real tired from going so long without much sleep.”
“That’s okay. Natalie, would you like to spend the day with me on Saturday? We can play all day then we can get dressed up and go out to dinner that night.”
Surprised by the invitation, “Umm sounds fun.” As I ponder, what are we doing here? I want to be with this man but he’s married. Oh well, maybe, we can spend another day and evening together, then we can pull apart until after he’s divorced.
He continues, “I’ll be flying out Wednesday morning at four—be back Friday afternoon. I believe I can work it out so that we can spend all day Saturday together. Can I come by and see you today? I need to get my glasses and want to get my book. You know, you did give me parts of your book to read?”
“Sure, I remember. Except how about later—around four? I should be home by then, but if I’m not and you are on your way—call, I’ll be here shortly. So just call again. Kind of like an airplane, that isn’t able to land on time because the airport’s closed, but you keep trying.”
Laughs, “You’ll be using that one forever.”
I state, “I like to be punctual. So, I need to be getting dressed now, don’t want to be late. Call me at four.”
“Okay, talk to you then and Natalie, I love you.”
“Boyd, I’m looking forward to seeing you.”
Slowly I get up and begin to pull myself together. Was yesterday a dream? Geez, I’m still so tired. It might take me a few days to get over this sleep deprivation and I still have the cramps. These past few days have just been more than my emotions and body can assimilate. After getting dressed and preparing for my appointment, I feel a strange calm about it all. I am able to get through my appointment just fine.
I arrive home at three forty-five and walk into the kitchen to notice the flyer where Boyd wrote his phone number. I have a strong desire to call the number because I need to see if he’s for re
al and even has a phone, or just who is he? I don’t know why really? I just need to call the number because right now, being in my kitchen alone—it feels as if yesterday and all that happened was a dream. That I’ll never see or experience the magic of yesterday again and my heart sinks. Is this man for real? Does he really live in a house somewhere in Dallas? If he has a phone and it rings perhaps, this will make it seem less like a dream and more like real life. Anxiously, I dial the number and listen to the ringing. The answering machine picks up with a little girl’s voice giving instructions. Hearing this sweet little voice, I quickly hang up and immediately feel ashamed. Oh God, that was his daughter, Natasha. I feel sick inside. The actual reality is that this man has a wife and children. What am I doing?
Phone rings. My heart jumps. It’s Maggie.
She blurts out, “Okay, what’s going on?”
“Well not sure, but could be I’m in love or could be, I’m going crazy.”
“Did you spend the night together and was it wonderful?”
“No, we didn’t spend the night together. Got to my house around ten and he left at eleven. He’s coming over this afternoon. It does feel like magic but also feels insane.”
“Well, I know the feeling because it’s what Brian and I felt and it happened just as fast as with you two.”
I comment, “Exactly the feeling, I’ve always wanted to have but he’s married. I’m not going to get involved with a married man. He said that he’ll be out of his marriage in April. He told me this on the airplane before we even knew we felt anything about each other.”
“Well, you’ll sure need to be careful because you know what happened to us. When his wife found out about me, she went crazy or should I say crazier and it cost Brian a fortune. She ran up the legal bills to sky Heaven trying to cause as much trouble as possible and used the kids mercilessly. In their divorce, she claimed I was the paramour who broke up their marriage. I was deposed and it was beyond awful. It’s just now five years later that things are beginning to settle down.”
