by K. Bromberg
“How did I know? Because I let her in, let her see the good, bad, and ugly about me. I gave your mother the power to destroy me when I fell in love with her, and she didn’t. She was my prize at the end of my scavenger hunt. Without her I wouldn’t have this,” he says, motioning to my sister and then me. He glances out to my mom and smiles softly before looking back at me. “In racing terms, she was my checkered flag, Son.”
… I gave her the power to destroy me …
His words stagger me. Open me. Urge me. Seal a fate I never had control of until now.
He has no idea I call Rylee my checkered flag—no fucking clue—so I’m knocked back a pit stop second, pulse pounding, mind thinking of possibilities that were never mine to think.
I’m so focused on my thoughts and the bottle of beer in my hand, I jump when he cuffs me on the shoulder. “You’ll figure it out, Colton. You’ll make the right decision when or if you want to.” He rises from the chair and stands there looking outside for a moment. “You’re a good man. She’d be lucky to have you, just like your mom and I have been.”
He starts to walk away, his unending confidence in me still staggering after all this time, after all the shit I’ve put him through.
Even at my darkest.
“Dad.” I don’t know why I stop him when the conversation itself has made me uncomfortable, but I do.
He stops but doesn’t turn around, his back to me.
Words tumble. Thoughts scramble. But for some reason the ones that never stuck before are the only ones that do now.
“I love you.” The words are out without thought, my hands shaking, the little boy in me hoping he hears them.
I immediately hear the hitch of his breath as his whole body freezes. He slowly hangs his head forward, his shoulders shuddering momentarily. He raises his head and nods a couple of times. “And that is my unexpected reward for my scavenger hunt.” His voice is thick with emotion. “I love you too, Son.” He says it so softly before waiting a beat and walking into the kitchen area.
I exhale the breath I was holding, thankful he didn’t make a big deal and embarrass me when he heard the words it’s taken me a lifetime to say. Grateful we’re so close that he knows what I needed.
I shake my head. Shit, that was intense. All of it. Revelations and confessions I never expected to make all of a sudden fall like rain around me.
Fuckin’ A.
I look up and Rylee’s eyes lock with mine. The smile comes so naturally to her lips that my body—head and heart—react immediately to her.
And I know.
Just like that.
Something I’ve spent a lifetime fighting is all of a sudden knocked out by this defiant as fuck woman who owns the heart she showed me could beat again.
Fuck me. I just keep knocking ’em down one right after the other. Might as well tackle this bad boy while I’m on a roll.
My mind starts churning, ideas forming. The scavenger hunt of my life continues. I smile back at her as I stand and just stare.
My future.
My salvation.
The woman I want to marry.
Fuck. That grain of sand just became comfortable.
I guess the plus side is if marriage is sand, at least I know my dick is going to be covered in it.
I SIT BACK AND WATCH Zander and his counselor work together, and my heart surges at seeing him so actively engaged. He’s talking so much now and beginning to heal. I allow the pride I feel to swell and the tears to blur my vision because he’s doing it.
He’s actually doing it.
I walk from his room where they’re having their session and out toward the kitchen, listening to the music in Shane’s room and the chatter of the rest of the boys building a Lego city out on the backyard patio. Dane’s emptying the last of the silverware from the dishwasher when I walk into the kitchen and plop down on a stool with an exhausted sigh.
“I agree!” he says, closing a drawer and sitting down beside me. “So,” he says when I don’t say anything. “How’s it going with the panty melting Adonis?”
I roll my eyes. “You just wish he was a boxer-brief melting Adonis.” I snort.
“Hell to the yeah I do, but I’ve given up hope that I can turn him to the better side. Only a blind man would miss the way he looks at you.”
“Oh, Dane.” I sigh, a smile spreading on my lips at just the thought of Colton and how great things have been over the past few weeks. At the comforting rhythm we’ve settled ourselves into without even speaking about it. Things just feel natural. Like they were meant to be. No more drama, no more lack of communication, and no more hiding secrets. “Things are great. Couldn’t be more perfect.”
And when I say it, I really believe it. I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop like before. I’m not expecting anything anymore because if being with Colton has taught me anything, it’s that our love isn’t patient, nor is it kind, it’s just uniquely ours.
“So living together hasn’t been a horrible disaster?”
“No,” I say with a softness as I think of how it’s been quite the opposite. “It’s been pretty incredible actually.”
“C’mon, the man has to have something that’s horrific about him,” he teases.
“Nah, he’s pretty damn perfect,” I reply, loving the chance to say perfect again when it comes to Colton and me.
“I don’t believe it,” he says, smacking a fist to the counter. “He’s got to pick his nose or snore horribly or fart like a rhino.”
“Nope!” Laughter rocks through me and he tries incredibly hard to not crack a smile but his resolve is short lived.
“You have to be lying, Ry, because no man can be that fucking perfect.” He shrugs. “Well, unless of course, it’s me.”
“Well, of course,” I say, laughing and shaking my head. “Let’s see …” I smirk, thinking of something to satisfy him. “He did refuse to buy me a box of tampons on the way home from work the other day.”
The look on his face is priceless, lips lax and eyes wide. “The prick!” he spits out in mock disgust before shaking his head. “Shit, he just went up twenty points in my book. Sweetie, you can’t ask an alpha-Adonis like him to buy your girly shit. That’s the equivalent of asking him to hand over his balls on a platter.”
The water in my mouth almost comes out my nose I’m laughing so hard. “Dane!”
“Well it’s true.” He shrugs. “I’m glad to see they’re still firmly attached.”
“Yeah.” I snort. “Just ’cause you want them.”
“Well,” he draws out, “we would make a cute couple, and fuck if I don’t like balls firmly attached to the people I date.”
And my next sip of water isn’t as lucky as my last one. I spit it out as laughter forces a spray causing us to laugh even harder. It takes a few minutes for us to settle down because each time one of us looks at the other, we start laughing again.
I’m hung up at the office again. Haddie’s picking you up for me. Call you on the way home. Crash My Party, Luke Bryan. - Xx C
My heart soars and soul warms at the song he’s texted. My sentimental, alpha male full of continuous contradictions. I sigh to push away my disappointment because I missed him terribly today, but I’m ecstatic about spending a little time with Haddie. I haven’t seen her much lately.
I pick up my phone and reply. I miss you. Hurry home. All of Me, John Legend. -XXX
I check the clock and realize time’s gotten away from me, so I start getting my stuff together and saying my goodbyes to the boys.
When I exit the house she’s sitting in her car outside. I open the passenger side door to her squeal of delight. “Well fuck me sideways it’s so good to see you!”
“I know!” I tell her as she pulls me in for a quick hug across the console, before gunning the motor and taking off with a laugh.
I throw my head back in a laugh that matches hers and close my eyes for a minute, letting the wind of the open window rush over my face. The wind dissipates
as she rolls the window up, and I turn to see her eyes glancing from the road ahead of her over to me.
“Thanks for picking me up. If I had known Colton was going to work late, I wouldn’t have let him drop me off. Sorry.”
“I know, you’re such a pain in the ass!” she says as she flicks her blinker and makes a left turn. “So since Mr. Fine-as-fuck has dumped you for now, how about a few drinks to catch up on things? Like why even though all your things are in our house, you never are … despite you adamantly denying that you’ve “officially” moved in with him.”
I laugh and shake my head. “I don’t want to jinx things.” I shrug. “You know how I am.”
“Yep, I sure do. So that’s why we’re going to knock back a few so you relax, get loosey-goosey and talk to me.”
As much as I want to catch up with her, I’m dead tired. “Why don’t we go to his house and we can sit on the deck, look out at the water, and have some wine. Besides,” I say, looking down at my T-shirt and jeans, “I’m not dressed for a bar.”
“Exactly what I thought you’d say,” she says, reaching behind my seat and grabbing something. She places a tote bag on my lap. When I look over at her, she just smirks. “Nice try, Ry, but we’re going out for drinks.” She nods her head at the bag. “A shirt, sexy shoes, and makeup.”
“What?” I say, surprised but at the same time not surprised that she’s going to get her way.
“Hussy-up baby! I’m a driving and time’s a wasting.” I laugh and shake my head at her. “You’ll thank me before the night is through.” We slow to a stop at a light and she picks up her phone and sends a quick text, before putting it down and looking over at me. “You’re not getting out of this, Thomas. I miss my friend, I want a drink, end of story.”
The light changes and she takes off as a smile spreads on my lips. God, I love her.
I don’t really pay attention to where we’re going because I’m looking in the visor mirror and fixing my makeup and primping my hair. Haddie’s only input is “Leave it down,” when I try to put it up in a clip. We chat about this and that, to catch each other up on the day to day. I’m zipping up my pouch of makeup when my phone rings.
I fumble with it clumsily when I see it’s Colton. My immediate thought is that he’s done with work and can meet up with us for a drink.
“Hi!” I say as I shove everything back into the bag at my feet on the floor.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
And just the sound of his voice causes a wave of love to wash over me. “Are you done with work?”
“I lied,” he says, and I’m immediately confused. “I’m not working because I’m busy planning the perfect date for you, so look up because that date starts right now.”
I snap my head up and cannot contain the sob that catches in my throat as I take in the dirt field and the quiet carnival in front of me. The motionless Ferris wheel, the vacant Midway, the locked turnstiles
“Colton … what … why?” I attempt to ask as astonishment passes through me, his amused chuckle resonating through the line.
“We haven’t been on a real date since our night at the carnival, so I thought this would be the most fitting way to start this one. I know you’re not good with the unknown, but promise me you’ll go with it. For me.”
What? Holy hell! “Yes … of course,” I stutter.
“See you soon,” he says and the line goes dead.
I immediately look to Haddie who has the hugest grin on her face. “You!” I say to her, my voice breaking from so many overwhelming emotions. “You knew?”
“Do men have penises?” She laughs with mock abhorrence. “Of course I’m in on it!”
I just sit in the car with my mouth hanging open, as I look around and my mind tries to process this. Tries to process how the man that swears he isn’t romantic is a hopeless romantic at heart. “How … what?” I try to spit out the questions my head is forming, but they’re not coming out.
“Colton thought you deserved a real date—a night out to thank you for hanging with him through everything so he asked for a little help.” She shrugs. “I agreed with him, so here we are.”
Tears well in my eyes as I breathe in deeply, still trying to comprehend that I’m sitting at the same carnival seven months later. While I sit stunned, Haddie reaches behind my seat and produces a box larger than a shoebox.
I laugh. “Do you have a whole store back there?”
“Nope. This is the last thing.” She places the box in my hand and I cough out a nervous laugh, not because I’m actually nervous, but because of my dislike for the unknown and my need for control.
Colton knows me so well.
I sit there and stare at the rectangular gray box and can’t help the soft smile that graces my lips as I recall something Colton told me a long time ago—sometimes not being in control can be extremely liberating.
“Jesus, woman, open the damn box already, will you? The suspense is killing me!” Haddie says beside me, her body vibrating with anticipation.
I let out a deep breath and crack open the top like something is going to jump out at me. And when I lift the top off, an envelope sits atop some black and white checkered tissue paper, my name written on it. I lift it up and slide the paper out of it.
Ryles-
I know you’re probably wondering what in the hell is going on, so let me try and explain. You always put everyone else first—me, the boys, the stray dog on the corner—so I thought it was time to switch places and let you be the one front and center. So with the help of others, I’ve put together a bit of a scavenger hunt for you. In order to get to the prize, you have to follow and answer all of the clues.
Good luck.
Here’s your first clue: The carnival is the place I knew you were so much more than I’d ever expected. I knew sitting atop the Ferris wheel with you that no matter how hard I was fighting it, I couldn’t do casual with you and that you deserved so much more than that from me. So the first item is waiting for you at the first ride we went on.
Love,
Colton
I wipe away the tears that slide down my cheeks without messing the makeup I’d just put on, but it’s damn near impossible. Haddie reaches over and squeezes my forearm to help steady my trembling hands. I look over at her trying to comprehend what it took for Colton to organize all of this, as well as put the words he has a hard time expressing verbally to paper.
“Get your ass out of the car and go find your man before I have a heart attack from the anticipation,” she says as she pushes my shoulder toward my open car door.
I slide out of the car, my heart pounding and head trying to understand that he cares enough about me to do this. I walk up to the gated entry to find a single turnstile unlocked. I walk through it and into the eerily deserted carnival, my pace starting to quicken with each step as memories flood back to me. Stuffed dogs, stolen kisses, and cotton candy. Dares to a bad boy who had already captured my heart even though I didn’t want to admit it just yet. Fears and firsts and a shy, lopsided grin on his magnificent face.
I reach the ride section and head for the Tilt-A-Whirl. I let out a gasp as Shane and Connor step out of the shadowed ticket booth with huge grins on their faces and a box in their hands.
My hand presses to my chest from utter shock and absolute adoration at Colton for including my boys in his scavenger hunt. For allowing them to help him do something nice for me. “You guys!” I exclaim as I jog over to where they stand and take in the mischievous looks in their eyes. “You kept this from me?” I step forward and hug both of them tightly as we all laugh.
“We were sworn to secrecy,” Shane says, blushing.
“Colton said we wouldn’t get in trouble for lying to you either,” Connor adds, shaking his head.
“No.” I laugh, completely overwhelmed by everything. “You’d never get in trouble for something like this.”
Shane clears his throat and I look over to him. “We have your next clue.”
“
Oh, okay,” I say with a laugh, my nerves returning.
“You have to answer this question right in order to get the next clue, okay?” I nod. “When you see this item, which Con is going to hold up, what one word answer comes to your mind?”
Connor holds up a yellow, rubber ducky and I erupt into a fit of giggles, fresh tears appear at the corners of my eyes. I shake my head trying to staunch my laughter but can’t when I say, “Quack!”
And more recollections hit of shouting and hurt cutting through the morning chill on the front lawn of the Palisades house to a hotel room in Florida and my menagerie of animals I threw at Colton when trying to preserve my heart from misconceived truths. Of being so stubborn I didn’t really listen, didn’t hear what he was telling me.
But I’m listening now. He’s not the only one who’s learned during our time together.
Connor and Shane let out a little cheer and they hand me another envelope in which I hurriedly tear open. It says: The memories this next clue remind me of are burned in my mind just as much as the ink of my tattoos. And you were sexy as fuck. Damn! “In case you need a little sweetener after I dirty you up.” Where exactly would you buy that?
Everything below the waist tightens at the memory of Colton and cotton candy and I smile at the thought and then feel weird thinking those thoughts near the boys. “Are you guys going to be okay?” I ask them immediately.
They roll their eyes. “We’re not here alone,” Shane says. “Now go figure out the clues!”
“Okay,” I say as my excitement mounts. I kiss both boys on the top of their heads and jog through the fair looking everywhere for a vendor cart that has cotton candy on it. And with every step, I look for and expect to find Colton and his impish grin waiting to surprise me.
But there’s nothing.
I start to get panicked at the quiet calm of the grounds. After a bit of wandering I turn a corner and look up to see a lone funnel of cotton candy hanging from a stand. As I get closer I cry out when I see Ricky and Jackson standing in aprons and smiles.
“I can’t wait any longer!” Ricky says, fidgeting behind the counter and handing me another box as both Jax and I laugh at his excitement to be a part of this.
