Most of the time we spend our days, laying about in her house passing a bong between us as we watch lame daytime TV, and help her parents bag up the pot for those who visit with the intent to purchase. It seems to be a very lucrative business, as they have every mod con that you can imagine. No one wants for anything here.
Every night is like a party at Tahlia’s house. Consistently, there are at least ten people sitting around, eating some sort of stew or BBQ that her mother has cooked, and always, we’re passing a joint or the bong between us all.
I’ve learnt a great many ways to make a bong while I’ve stayed with Tahlia – from using an old water bottle and a piece of hose, to the more elaborate teddy bear honey bottle. Smoking weed has become a very normal thing to me now, and I can’t imagine getting through my day without it. It relaxes me and helps me forget about what’s missing in my life.
“I was thinking Paige,” Tahlia says to me one day while we’re doing our usual thing, laying around the house. Today we’re in her bedroom, flicking through fashion magazines and styling our hair to match the models. “You’re almost sixteen. I should take you to get your learner’s permit.”
“Why? Who’s going to teach me to drive?”
“Me. I can drive.”
“Yes, but you’re still on your provisional license. You can’t teach me until you’re on a full license.”
“So?” she laughs, focusing on her image in the mirror as she twists up her hair and pulls at strands around her face. “We’ll drive somewhere quiet.”
I end up agreeing, because it’s hard to argue with Tahlia’s logic. She has an answer for everything.
Without much else to do, we head into the city to the building that houses the office for Births, Deaths and Marriages.
As with every government office, the line is huge, and we wait for nearly an hour. When I get to the front of the line, I hand over my form, and empty out all the cards I have with my name and old address on them to prove who I am.
“Don’t you have a copy of your parent’s ID? It’s a lot easier with that,” the lady behind the counter says to me as I offer her the entire contents of my wallet.
“I don’t have any parents to ask,” I tell her flatly. Her expression softens immediately, and she apologises to me like I just told her they were dead, and I’m an orphan.
Thinking over what I said, I guess it kind of sounded that way. I don’t bother correcting her. I actually prefer her thinking that.
She goes through all of my cards and counts up the point value of each one. I need a hundred points of ID to obtain my birth certificate, and I’m lucky that I have just enough. God only knows how I’d get my birth certificate without it.
Tahlia pays for the printout, and I’m handed my birth certificate, folded up in an envelope.
Tahlia takes it out of my hands and looks over it.
“Let’s find out about Paige Larsen,” she says as she reads over the document. “Why does your dad have a different surname to your mum?”
“What are you talking about? They’re both Larsen.”
“No,” she says, pointing at the paper and showing it to me. “Your mother has Larsen as her surname and Collins as her maiden name, but your dad’s surname is Ashdown.”
“What?!” I spit out, snatching the paper from her hands and looking at it properly myself. “Who the hell is Daniel Ashdown?” I ask, more to myself than anyone else.
“Well, he’s your dad. It says right there,” Tahlia says, pointing to the paper again.
“No. My dad is Oliver Larsen. This guy doesn’t even live in Australia. Look – his address is in the UK.” I jab at the page, indicating his address at the time of my birth. “There’s some sort of a mistake. I’m lining up again,” I tell her, heading back to join the queue
She grabs my arm to stop me. “Paige. They don’t make those kinds of mistakes. Has your mum ever been to the UK?”
I think back to a time when my mother was being unusually talkative towards me. She told me about how she had been in London for work and hadn’t realised she was pregnant. Her morning sickness hit her on the flight back to Australia. “It was the worst 24hours of my life,” she’d said, smiling to herself over some distant memory before mumbling, “I should have just stayed.”
I remember watching her walk away from me and being grateful for the conversation, but confused as to what it was about.
“Yeah, she has,” I tell Tahlia. “She was there for a couple of months or something, and she was pregnant with me while she was there.”
“She was already pregnant? Or did she get pregnant while she was there?”
I frown, trying to recall the details about the conversation. “I don’t know. I think she said she didn’t realise she was pregnant before she went. The morning sickness hit her on the way home.”
“Paige, by the looks of things, she got pregnant while she was there – to that guy,” she points out, poking at the paper again.
I mull over this information as we make our way to the train station. Suddenly, it all becomes clear. No wonder I don’t look like them. I have a different father. I must look like this Daniel guy.
“Oh my god!” I exclaim, slapping myself on the forehead and stopping where we are on the footpath.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think I just figured out why I got kicked out of home.”
“You mean it wasn’t for being a misfit?”
“No, Tahlia. I was never a misfit. I just didn’t belong.”
I tuck the paper away as my mind runs over the details of my life. Finally, it all makes sense. It didn’t matter what I did, they would never love me. I was the child of another man.
“Do you know what this means Tahlia? It means that all along it wasn’t me that was the problem – it was them.”
“I could have told you that. Nice people don’t kick their daughters out of home. Simple as that.”
Chapter Nine
Today is my sixteenth birthday. I’m sitting at the kitchen table, looking at my new learner’s permit and scrutinising the odd expression on my face in the picture printed on it.
“Happy Birthday!” Tahlia starts singing as she walks over to the table with a chocolate cake that she has made.
It’s a little lopsided, and the icing is dripping down the sides. I love it. I’ve never had someone make me a cake. It’s always just been a dried-out sponge cake brought on clearance from the grocery store. So a real, freshly baked cake is a gift all of its own.
I can’t keep the grin from my face as she places the cake in front of me. A few months ago, I thought I would be spending this birthday on the streets. Wondering how I was going to eat, and what l was going to do if I needed to pee in the middle of the night. The fact that l have a roof over my head, and someone who cares enough to make me a cake is phenomenal.
“Alright. Make your wish,” she tells me.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, wishing to always have a place to stay. When I blow out the candles, she claps her hands before presenting me with a small black jewellery box.
“You got me a present!” I squeal, opening it slowly to see what’s inside. “What’s this?” I ask, surprised when I see it contains a small white pill with red lips printed on it.
“An E,” she tells me grinning.
“An E? As in ecstasy?” I roll the box around and watch the tiny pill tumble around inside. Nerves bubble the contents of my stomach as I think about whether or not I want to go down this road. I mean, people die from taking these kinds of drugs.
“You’ll love it Paige. I promise. I thought that it was a great gift to celebrate you being legal and all.”
I laugh. “I’m legally allowed to have sex. So you present me with an illegal drug to celebrate – isn’t that what they call irony?”
“It’s what they call symbolic,” she grins, taking the pill from the box and holding it out to me between her thumb and index finger. “Take it. I’ll have one too. Take it and we’ll go and sneak into
a night club. Then we can dance, and make out with boys until we can’t stand up anymore. It will be wonderful. Trust me.”
Letting out my breath, I look from the tablet to her smiling face. What the hell? I think, as I shut my eyes, and open my mouth, inviting her to drop the tablet inside. The moment I feel it touch my tongue. I swallow, not giving myself a chance to change my mind.
“Nothing’s happening,” I frown after waiting for a few seconds and feeling nothing.
“Give it time,” she laughs, taking her own pill from the little baggy in her pocket and placing it on her tongue.
“How many of those things do you have?” I ask, frowning at the bag of pills. I can’t count them because of the way she’s holding it, but there’s more than a couple in there.
“I did have six, but now I have four. Two more each if we need them. Come on,” she says, standing up. “Let’s get ready while we wait for these to kick in. I asked my uncle if he’d take us, and he’ll be here soon.”
“Nice uncle,” I deadpan, following her into her room. I wonder what kind of uncle would agree to this sort of thing.
“He’s not a real uncle. Just a friend of my dad’s. He’s the one that hooked us up tonight too. He’s only 27, hot as all hell, and can get you in anywhere. He’s really well connected,” she informs me, all the while flinging clothing around her room as she tries to find the right outfits for us to wear. “Here, this one will be good for you.” She throws a gold sparkly top at me that has only one shoulder. I won’t be able to wear a bra with it, which sucks because I’m fairly busty.
“Do you have something with sleeves or shoulder straps? My boobs will fall out of this one.”
“No! That one will look awesome! We’ll leave your hair out and make the curls all glossy. Just tuck your strap in on one side. You’ll be fine.”
With a bounce of my shoulders, I do as she says and put the top on, wearing it with my dark jeans and a black pair of Tahlia’s wedge heels.
Half an hour later, we have our hair and makeup done, and we’re waiting for Tahlia’s ‘uncle’ to come and pick us up.
“Should I be feeling something by now?” I ask her, realising that the little pill has made no difference at all.
“Yeah, you should. Here take another one.” She hands me another pill, and I drop it down my throat, not anywhere near as nervous as I was the first time.
Within seconds, we hear a horn beep out the front of her house and race outside.
“So, how is your uncle going to get us into a night club?” I ask as we make our way towards the gunmetal grey VF Commodore that is still running in the driveway.
“I told you – he’s connected. He’ll either have an arrangement with the bouncer, or he’ll have borrowed someone’s license for us to use,” she tells me quietly.
Nerves skitter through my belly as she opens the car door.
“Go on, get in,” she urges. I slide into the back seat of the car, and I’m greeted by one of the most attractive men I think I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
“How’s it going?” he asks, twisting in his seat. His deep-blue eyes sparkle like sapphires as he looks at me appraisingly. “You must be Paige. I hear a ‘happy birthday’ is in order.”
“Ah, yes it is,” I say timidly.
“Well then happy birthday!” he grins, winking at me. “I’m Jeff.” I nod in response, feeling as though my face is burning under his gaze. I imagine that I look nowhere near as grown up as I felt a few moments ago.
“Just a little girl playing dress up,” I mumble to myself.
“What did you say?” Tahlia asks as she slides into the seat next to me.
“Oh nothing. Just talking to myself.”
“You know that’s the first sign of madness right?” Jeff points out with a grin as he focuses on reversing the car. I blush again. “Are we ready to dance?!” he hollers as we take off down the street.
“Hell yeah!” calls out Tahlia, leaning her head out the open window to let out a loud whoop as we round the corner.
The excitement in the car is infectious, and I find myself joining in with their yells and singing along with the songs that are now blaring out of the radio.
I’m beginning to feel as though I’m floating on air as this warmth starts to build inside me, and the music seems to entwine itself around my body, like a wonderful warm blanket. The lyrics of the songs are clearer and feel as though they’re filled with a meaning that’s directed only at me.
This intense bundle of emotions is flowing through my body and starts to overwhelm me, making it difficult to breathe. I let my head drop against the back of the seat as my eyes begin to roll back. Never, in my entire life have I ever felt this good.
Every bit of pain, every bit of hurt, every bit of longing, has drifted away, and I’m smiling. Smiling genuinely for the first time in my living memory.
“I’m fucking off my face,” Tahlia stage whispers at me, like it’s some massive secret.
“Is that what this feeling is?” I wonder, suddenly understanding that it’s those little pills making me feel this good. “It’s wonderful. I could live like this.”
Before I know it, we’re in a parking lot, and Jeff is helping us out of the car. “Jeez, you two are lucky I’m babysitting tonight.”
I scrunch up my face in frown. “Babysitting? I’m not a baby,” I tell him, feeling genuinely confused.
“Relax sweetheart,” he says, draping his long lean arm across my shoulders. The physical contact does something to me, and I can’t help myself. I turn towards him, wrapping my arms tightly around his slim waist. We stay like that, for what seems like an eternity, and I feel a great rush of energy surging through my body.
Through his chest, I hear Jeff say something. But, I can’t understand a word of it. I’m lost in the embrace. It’s been so long since someone has held me.
Eventually, he gently pushes me away and peers into my face smiling. His hand grazes my cheek as he brushes my hair back with his fingers.
“Let’s go inside,” he suggests in a low intimate voice. “You can dance all night, and you’ll feel amazing. I promise.”
Nodding, I follow Jeff and Tahlia up to the back entrance to the club. There, Jeff claps hands with the bouncer, who immediately lets us in.
“Told you he was connected,” Tahlia murmurs in my ear. “And I told you he was hot too. He’s got his eye on you,” she giggles, as she nudges my side playfully.
The sound is deafening as we walk through the main doors of the club. Some sort of indiscernible music is playing, and I can’t help but move along as the beat takes over my body. When the song nears its end, the DJ starts to splice a new one in. It’s a familiar beat, and the room starts to cheer and move more excitedly as Underworld’s ‘Born Slippy’ starts to play.
Euphoria seems to have replaced the blood in my veins as my molecules dance for me – or with me. I can’t really tell. I just know that it’s amazing, the song feels like it’s a part of me.
In unison, the room bounces together, our hands in the air as we gyrate and shout ‘lager’ when the song tells us to.
Some guy, indistinguishable to me in the dark of the room, comes and starts to dance against Tahlia. She breaks off with him, leaving me to dance on my own. I’m feeling so wonderful that I couldn’t care less. I just keep bouncing along with everyone else, swaying my body and feeling the music vibrate along with my cells. Every piece of me seems to want to be a part of the beat, and I feel as though I have no control. I can’t do anything but dance.
After a while, Jeff appears in front of me and starts to sway along with me. He is truly the most beautiful man I have met so far. With his dark-brown hair, clipped close to his head and designer stubble sprinkled along his jaw line. I’m in awe.
I can’t help myself, I reach out to run my hand over his head. I have this great desire to touch it, to feel the short spikes prickling into the palm of my hand. He grins as I do, and takes me by the wrist, pulling me closer to him. Our dan
cing slows, and he leans down to speak into my ear.
“Have you ever been kissed Paige?”
He pulls back from my ear and stands in front of me, his eyes searching mine as he waits for my answer. I don’t give it to him. I don’t want him to know how inexperienced I am.
His mouth curls in a half smile as he places his index finger onto his tongue, and then slips it inside his pocket. When he holds it in front of me, there is a small white pill stuck to the end of it.
He holds it to my lips, and I open my mouth obligingly. But he pulls it back and shakes his head slowly from side to side, his eyes dancing as he watches me.
“This one is going to cost you,” he murmurs in my ear.
“I…I don’t have any money,” I stammer. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your money,” he says, placing the pill on the end of his tongue as he leans in close to me and brushes his lips against mine. “I want your first kiss.”
My urge to give him that kiss is so great that I don’t even think before parting my lips. I let his tongue, and the pill, into my mouth. He pauses, long enough for me to swallow, and then reclaims my lips with his.
His mouth moves over mine as I do my best to respond, my inexperience causes me to pause occasionally in a bid to catch up. As I close my eyes, my head spins, but I focus on his mouth, and the press of his body against mine, and just feel.
The sensations rippling through me are amazing, the slick texture of his tongue gliding over mine, the smoothness of his teeth as I run the tip of my tongue over them, and the softness of his lips.
We start to sway together again, locked at the lips as our hands start to roam. I’m loving the feel of the fabric of his shirt under my fingertips, and the firm build of his chest as it presses against my soft one.
We stay like this for, I don’t know how long, but eventually the music cuts out, and the lights are turned on.
Abruptly, he breaks away from me and starts calling out. My ears are buzzing in the absence of the music. But when Tahlia appears, leaning up against the guy she was dancing with, I realise he was calling to her.
We all head out to Jeff’s car, and I’m still feeling so wonderful that I don’t even think about the guy getting in there with us. I don’t even think about the fact that the house we arrive at, isn’t Tahlia’s house at all.
Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) Page 3
