“It’s ok,” Jeff told me soothingly, as he wrapped me in his arms and brushed my hair back gently, whispering to me that it was all normal. Everything was alright.
Scooping me up in his arms, he carried me into the bathroom. Where he sat me down, and ran a bath for me. Lifting me again, to lower me into the water and carefully wash my skin, planting soft kisses over my face and shoulders as he did.
Suddenly, my eyes pricked with tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t any good. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much,” I whispered to him, overcome with everything that had just happened.
He shushed me gently. “Don’t talk like that. You were perfect. Tomorrow, it will be so much nicer for you. I promise you that. It’s only the first time that it hurts.”
I feel doubtful that could ever feel nice. But so many people talk like sex is amazing, so I’m willing to give it another shot. He tells me there’s a lot more things we can do that will feel nice. I suppose I just have to trust him. He knows a lot more about this stuff than I do.
After the bath, he dried me off, and carried me back to the bedroom. Where he sat me on a chair, while he changed the sheets on the bed, so we could get some sleep.
As I watched him work, I felt a slight swell in my chest. No one in my life has ever taken care of me like that before. It all seems a little too good to be true, but I’m willing to give it a chance.
After a full night’s sleep, I now feel a little sore, but I’m okay. I actually feel better than I have a long time after spending my second night in a real bed. I’ve been sitting watching television while Jeff is out running some errands. I don’t actually know what he does for a job but judging by the quality of his furnishings and car, I’m willing to bet that he is in a similar game to Tahlia’s parents.
I don’t think he deals pot though, I’m pretty sure he deals in ecstasy and maybe some other things. I don’t know. I haven’t seen anything, and he hasn’t told me anything yet.
As I sit, I think about how he told me that I could stay while he teaches me something different every night. I wonder how many different sex acts there are and try to guess how many days he’s going to let me stay. Maybe if I’m a really willing pupil, he’ll want me to stay longer. Maybe I could be so good to him, that he’ll start to care about me and won’t want to let me go. Maybe I can help him with his work in some way…
There are a lot of maybes. The biggest ones being - maybe I should have stayed put. Maybe I’m in over my head. I made the decision to come and stay here while still feeling the effects of ecstasy tablets. Maybe if I was sober, I would have chosen Tahlia’s couch.
Sitting on my own all I can do is question myself. I’m starting to worry that I’m walking down a road I never imagined I’d travel, and that I might never find my way back. No matter how hard I try.
Chapter Twelve
When Jeff gets home, he’s smiling brightly. “Hey gorgeous, just wait there. I’ll be back in a minute” he says, disappearing into his room briefly before returning, holding a small package in his hand.
“What’ve you got there?” I ask, nodding at his hand.
“A gift,” he says, grinning with only half his mouth, his eyes darkening slightly as he moves towards me.
“What kind of gift?” I sit up straighter and look at his hand intently, as if my eyes have the power to open it.
He sits next to me. “It’s something that will make you feel amazing,” he tells me, opening his hand to reveal a small bag of white powder.
I suck my breath back sharply. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Uh huh.” He opens the draw from the side table next to the couch, pulls out a leather binder and places it on the coffee table in front of us. I sit by quietly, curiosity getting the better of me as I chew my lip and watch him prepare our lines.
The old me, the girl who used to try hard at school and did everything she could to be accepted, would be horrified at what I’m becoming, at what I’m sitting here ready to do.
But the current me wants this. I know it going to make me feel something more than the desolation that’s constantly lurking beneath the surface of my mind, constantly telling me that I’m not wanted, that no one cares.
The old me left months ago, and I don’t even want to think about her anymore.
Jeff leans forward, and with his finger pressed against one side of his nose, and a small glass tube held up to the other, he lets out a loud sniff as the line of white powder shoots up into his nostril. He sits back and continues to inhale, his eyes closed slightly as he shakes his head, quickly, from side to side.
“Oh, that’s good,” he says as he blows out a long steady breath and hands me the tube. “Your turn.”
I can’t pretend that I’m not nervous right now. I’ve never done coke before, and I don’t feel very confident about taking it. I reach out and take the tube, holding on to it firmly as I’m afraid that I might drop it and break the glass on the hard wood floors.
“Ok, so what do I do? I just…” I hold the tube and my nose as he did and sniff back, watching to see if he approves of the way I’m demonstrating it.
“Yes. That’s exactly how,” he says quietly, watching me intently, the lights of room dancing in his eyes as he seems to take great delight in introducing me to more of his world. “Here,” he says softly, taking my hair in his hands and holding it back for me. “You don’t want powder in your hair.”
I smile at his kind gesture and lean forward, pausing slightly as I look at the neat rows laid out in front of me. Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to become the kind of girl who just takes whatever she is given? Do I even have a choice right now?
Deciding, once again, to tell my mind to shut up. I place the tube in my nose and press my other nostril shut.
Then I sniff. Hard.
“Holy shit,” I breathe, as the powder shoots up my nostril and into my sinuses.
I wait, and wonder how long it’s going to take to work. Jeff watches me intently, searching for some kind of reaction. Then it hits me. I drop my head against the back of the couch and breathe. I’m alive. A few moments ago, I wasn’t. Right now, I’m alive.
“Feels great, right?” Jeff comments, taking the tube off me and leaning forward to sniff another line himself.
“It feels. It feels like joy, like bliss, like everything you hear Heaven is.”
Jeff laughs. This huge belly laugh erupts out of him as he lays back next to me, staring up at the ceiling. “Come into the bedroom. I’ll show you what Heaven is.”
As we stand he takes me in his arms and pulls me towards him, grasping my face on either side with both his hands. For a moment, he just stares at me. My tongue snakes out to wet my lips. I want nothing more right now than to feel his mouth on mine.
In this moment, I feel like I’ve won. I don’t know what, but it feels like it’s something wonderful, something amazing. My heart feels full to bursting, and I want Jeff. I want Jeff so much it hurts my heart.
The moment his lips touch mine. I wrap my body around his, clinging to him, pressing myself against him in a wonton move, I’ve never imagined myself doing. Surprisingly, I have this want to feel him inside me. It’s a need, a desire, screaming from within, as my body takes over my mind, crying to be filled. Right now, I feel like he’s the only thing that can fill it.
I break my lips away and whisper, with great abandon, in his ear. “I want to know what your cock feels like inside my mouth. I want to know what your semen tastes like. I want to make you come like you made me come the first night.”
I lower my legs to the ground and slide down his body, dragging my hands along his torso and down to his waist, in what I imagine is a very sexy movement. I glance up at him and see him watching me, a playful grin on his face as he winds his fingers through my hair and nods at me, letting me know that I’m doing the right thing.
With confident fingers, I undo the button of his jeans and slide them down to just below his waist. I can see the firmness of his
cock protruding through his boxes and waste no time releasing it. Marvelling at the spring, as it bounces from its confines.
Jeff is still holding my head, and he nudges his tip against my lips. I snake my tongue out and lick the end, tasting a slick saltiness. Suddenly, I feel hungry. I want him inside my mouth. I want to run my teeth up and down his length. I want to drink him.
As I open my mouth, he pushes inside. I slide my tongue around his shaft and suck hard. It’s as if I’m milking him. He pushes in further, and it’s a little more than I can take. I raise my hand to grasp the rest of his cock as I work my head back and forth and take as much of him in as I can.
“More Paige,” he pants, moaning as I suck and lick. “Take it in more.”
He pushes to the back of my throat, and my eyes prick with water. I let out a slight strangled noise as he pushes in again. It’s too far.
“You can do it baby. I know you can, just breathe. Breathe for me baby. I want to feel myself go all the way in. I want to see myself, thick in your throat.”
Right now, I feel like I’m capable of doing anything, and I have such a great desire to please him that I push further and resist the urge to gag. It’s hard, and it takes more than a few goes. But, when he fits all the way in, the moan he releases is enough to make me feel like I’m about to come. I hum with pleasure around him, and he grips my hair harder as the vibration of my voice causes him to explode down my throat.
“Oh yes,” he cries. “Fuck that’s good.” Removing himself from my mouth, he drags me up from the floor, so I’m standing, and crashes our lips together, his tongue driving forcefully into my mouth. The kiss is so hard, that it’s almost hurting, but it’s filled with such an unbridled, fierce passion, that I don’t care if he makes me bleed. “I am going to fuck you all damn day,” he tells me. “I’m going to lick every inch of your body, and you’re going to come, Paige. All fucking day.”
He works quickly to remove my pants, which I’m more than happy to be gone right now. My clit is throbbing so hard, that I think the moment he touches it; I’m going to start screaming.
He lifts me off the ground and presses his cock against my crotch. I grind myself into him, the slickness of my arousal helping me to glide over his taught bare skin.
“I need to get in there Paige. Do you want me - deep inside your pussy?” he growls in my ear, biting on my lobe as he presses us more firmly together.
“Yes,” I gasp, the discomfort of the night before is now far from my mind as my insides throb, crying out desperately for him to enter me.
I grip him either side with my thighs and move against him until I can feel his tip at my entrance and cry out ecstatically as he pushes inside me, filling me to my very core. He takes a couple of steps, so we’re against the wall, and drives himself in deeply, pulling back slowly before slamming himself in again. With each push, my breath escapes in ragged pants.
This is so much more wonderful than it was last night. I don’t know if it’s the position or the cocaine, or if it’s just that this is my second time, and it feels better. But that feeling is building inside of me.
With each deep push, his pelvic bone presses against my clit, and I moan. I moan so loud as he pushes inside me. His head bows at my neck as he kisses and licks and breathes his warm breath against my skin, grunting, moaning.
Suddenly, the pressure inside me is so huge that I explode. My eyes roll back as I let out a guttural scream. I yell. I scream, and he keeps pushing inside me. Pounding against me, it’s like this orgasm has no end.
My head shakes from side to side as he keeps going, somehow the feeling inside me intensifies, and I explode yet again.
Eventually, he groans, long and low, as he comes inside me and presses himself against me, using his sheer weight to hold me up as he lifts my hands above my head and captures my mouth.
His movement becomes slow and languid as his mouth moves against mine. Our urgency wearing off along with our high. He lowers me down as he pulls out of me and tucks himself back inside his pants.
I stand, leaning against the wall, half naked, and watching as be moves back to the couch and starts setting up lines for us again.
He pauses and looks over at me. “More?” he asks. His eyebrows raised as he sits with the tube poised mid-air. He holds it out to me.
“More,” I agree, moving toward him and taking it from him before kneeling on the floor beside him.
“Good girl,” he says approvingly, pulling my hair back again and kissing me behind my ear, as I lean forward and sniff up the line of powder. “Good girl.”
Chapter Thirteen
I feel like I might be in love with Jeff. He makes me feel like I matter and takes care of me, without asking for much in return.
I know I don’t have much to compare it to, but he is an amazing lover. I can’t imagine that anyone could possibly be better. I have been with him for almost three months now, and every night is something different.
At first, I was really concerned that he was going to get me pregnant. I mean, he wasn’t using any protection, and we were sleeping together daily. He told me that if I got pregnant, it wouldn’t be his. He had been in some sort of accident when he was younger that means he can’t have children.
I think that’s kind of sad, but I guess it’s for the best. I don’t feel like I’m old enough to have kids, and I really don’t think that drugs and kids go together. It’s one thing we don’t have to worry about. So in a way, I’m thankful.
We don’t always use drugs while we make love, but it’s best when we do. A chemical high and an emotional high mixed together is mind blowing. My orgasm is more intense and longer lasting, and I feel like I want to keep going forever.
Jeff has a rule with drugs. He doesn’t do what he deals, and that’s ecstasy tablets. He also never deals out of his house. His supplier gives him eckies to sell, and coke for his own recreational use. He gets his pot from Ron, which is a great way to come down if we’ve had a bit too much coke.
I always enjoy the pot runs, because I can visit with Tahlia, who is amazed that Jeff and I are still together. I haven’t said anything to her out loud about how I’m feeling towards him. But hearing her say those things makes me very happy.
To try to earn my keep, I’ve been helping Jeff sell. He says that because I’m young, and a girl, that I’m not going to get questioned as much as he would be approaching groups of young people.
I have to admit that it does look pretty suss, having an almost thirty-year-old man hang around a group of youths and hand them things. Even when it’s done as a hug or a handshake, it’s still really obvious.
But with me, it’s easy. There are certain places where local bands play all age gigs regularly, as well as the local rave circuit, and a chain of nightclubs with bouncers on Jeff’s payroll. On top of that we have regulars who call up asking for a drop off. Most of the time supply doesn’t meet demand.
Tonight we’re in a night club and Jeff is sitting on a stool up against a mirrored wall with a small ledge running the length of it that you put your drinks on. He’s holding a JD and coke, but he’s not drinking. He only buys it for show. What he’s doing is watching me to make sure I’m safe as I move through the crowd, collecting money and distributing pills.
People know me now. They’re happy to see me and greet me like a long-lost friend.
Most nights, I sell everything I have, but tonight I’m left with quite a stash of Es.
“What’s going on?” he demands, as I return to him after doing yet another lap of the crowd.
“I don’t know. No one’s buying. Maybe they’re on something else?” I suggest.
“No. Someone else is here selling.” He stands up straight and scans the crowd. His eyes narrowed as he looks for who could possibly be selling on his turf.
“You know, we could just forget about tonight and take an E or two ourselves – re-live that first night when we kissed for hours?” I press myself against him and run my fingers up and down hi
s chest, hoping that he’ll forget work for a while and just give in to having fun.
His eyes flash as he turns his attention toward me and grabs me roughly by the top of my arm. “What are the rules? You never take while you’re working. You’ll get hooked on your own stash! Never do what you deal – understand?” I nod. His fingers digging painfully into my flesh as he holds me to him. “You must have a clear head at all times, or you’ll get caught. I’ll get caught.” He jams his fingers into my pocket and removes the pills I have left along with the money, and using my body as a shield, he checks that everything adds up. “Don’t ever ask me to do that again. Don’t make me have to find someone to replace you, Paige. I don’t want to do that,” he warns, his eyes moving from side to side as he looks into mine.
I nod vigorously, and he hooks his finger in the waistband of my jeans. Pulling me up against him, he leans close to my ear and speaks in a low intimate voice. “You know, I kind of like having you around, and I’m not anywhere near finished with you yet.”
My knees quiver slightly as my insides dance around at the thought of what else he wants to do to me. “You can trust me,” I whisper. “I won’t ask again.”
He nods his head slightly and grabs the back of my head with his hand, kissing me roughly in a display of pure manhood. “Take me home,” I beg, wanting to be alone with him.
His hand clenches in my hair, and he pulls, jerking my head back, and licking up my neck, biting firmly, almost painfully on my ear. “I think I’ll take you here,” he growls.
Fear grows inside me as he leads me out the back door to where we parked the car, not loosening the grip he has on my arm for a moment. Butterflies swirl unhappily in my stomach as he guides me ahead of him.
I’ve never had him be so rough with me before. I feel stupid for being so bold and angering him. I wish now, that I could take it all back.
Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) Page 5
