by T L Osborn
“He won’t want me.”
“Kyle didn’t deserve you and you deserve to be treated like a queen and to have a man treat you that way. Unbelievably, I didn’t feel worthy of Aria when I first met her and in truth, I’m one lucky man that she’s still here. She loves me unconditionally and makes me believe I’m worth love again. Even though we work together, she still fills me with pure joy, making me fall in love with her each and every day,” Simon says as he hands me a cup of hot tea and slides a coffee to Aria before joining us.
“That’s sweet, babe,” Aria says, pecking him on the cheek.
“I mean it. The best thing to come out of my first marriage was my daughter. I never expected to find love again; it took almost four years. Sasha, you need to take some time to heal; reflect on yourself, but do I believe Toby will wait for you—yes. Be it six months or a year, that man is in love with you. Now if you ladies will excuse me I’ll leave you to talk. I have some work to do.”
I inhale deeply as Simon makes his exit and I pick up my drink and take a sip, replaying the events of last night over again. I didn’t give Toby time to explain his side of things, but then again with how I was feeling over what happened with Kyle, I wasn’t in the best place to listen.
“You okay?” Aria asks.
“Yeah, I am. I’m just thinking about what I need to do today and I know you are both right. So perhaps I might look at flights back to Christchurch even just for this week,” I reply, picking up my drink and taking another sip.
Aria disappears and returns moments later with paper, pens and highlighters.
“Here’s help to get you started making a list. I don’t know about you, but as a PA I find lists helpful. I’ll go have a shower and dress, that way it leaves you to make any personal calls in private. The home phone is just up on the kitchen bench so use that too.”
“Thank you so very much,” I say as I watch her exit though she turns her head and I’m sure I see her frown lightly. Picking up a pen, I begin making a list of things that I need to do. My first phone call needs to be to the bank and then my boss. Over the time I write the list, my phone rings several times. A few of those calls are from Toby and one is from Kyle, which I ignore. I need this time to myself and to sort my situation out because as generous as Simon and Aria are, I don’t want to out-stay my welcome.
Toby
I wake and groan into the brightness of my room. Covering my eyes with my forearm, I feel like shit and not just because of the alcohol I drank last night. My heart is heavy, aching to find Sasha and explain everything that happened. I can only imagine she believes I lied to her about things being over with Felicity.
Rolling over in bed, I grab my phone and immediately dial Sasha’s number. Not surprisingly, she doesn’t pick up. I can’t say I blame her, but I desperately want to talk to her. Henry jumps onto my bed moments later, attacking my arm to tell me he’s hungry.
“All right. I’m getting up mate, no need to devour me,” I grumble, tossing the blankets off myself. Sluggishly, I get out of bed, my head pounding, stomach churning.
At this rate, I’ll be lucky if I don’t throw up.
Making my way out to the lounge, I find Jake passed out on the couch. Usually, seeing him in that condition would have me drawing a cock and balls on his face or putting cream on his hands before waking him up and laughing my ass off at his humiliation. This morning, my heart isn’t in it as I look at the stitches on his cheeks and forehead. Fuck, I’m such an asshole for doing that to him.
After feeding Henry, I turn the jug on to make myself a coffee and try dialling Sasha. Again, no answer. Jake wakes with a snort and sits upright with a start.
“Fuck, I’m surprised there’s no cream on my hands.” He looks over his hands and throws me a grin. “Wait, you drew a cock and balls on my face, didn’t you?”
I shake my head. “I thought about it but after seeing the damage I’ve already done I thought better of it.”
He frowns. “Bro, you didn’t harm me intentionally.”
“J, you should be charging me with assault not being this calm and collected. I hurt you.”
He shrugs. “You did but it’s not worth beating yourself up over. I’ve had worse done to me. Besides, if I was in your position I probably would’ve reacted the same way. Just make me a coffee because I feel like shit.”
“You’re too good to me.”
“Did I mention you’re also cooking breakfast? I’d like bacon, eggs and hash browns.”
“Okay, now you’re pushing your luck!” I chuckle. “But bacon, eggs and hash browns sounds damn good.” My stomach growls in agreement. I pick up my phone, dialling Sasha with no answer.
“Who you trying to call?” Jake asks.
“Sasha.”
“Still no answer?”
“Nope. God, when did I become some crazy, love-struck fool over a woman?” I ask, sliding a coffee to Jake.
Jake picks up his drink. “You have always been a little crazy to be honest.”
“Thanks.” I throw him a grin.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” he asks.
“Well, when I escorted Felicity outside, Sasha pulled up and instantly, with the look on her face, I knew something was seriously wrong. Felicity flung herself against me and that was it. Sasha’s heart shattered as did mine and she got back in her car and drove off not giving me time to explain.”
“I see. So why don’t you, for now, fire off a simple apology to her, then give her space and time. Sounds like something happened with this douchebag fiancé of hers and she was coming to be with you.”
“Now I’ve gone and fucked it all up.”
“You didn’t do anything. That bitch Felicity did.”
Looking at my brother for a moment, I watch him take a sip of his drink. “When did you become so wise?” I ask.
“I’ve always been wise. You and Aria never bothered to listen,” he replies. .
“Funny. How would you like your eggs cooked?” I ask, taking the frying pan out of the cupboard.
“Fried please.” I grab the bacon from the freezer and see some meat patties in there as well. “Oh, are you going to make fry-up because, bro, I’m down for that and then if you’re up for it, rugby is on if you want to watch it with me. You need a distraction,” Jake says as he makes his way over to the couch and Henry jumps to join him. Fry-up, sports and a day of resting sounds exactly like what I need.
Taking Jake’s advice I send her one text.
Me: Hey. It’s me. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now but I need you to know last night wasn’t what you thought. I’m not with Felicity. In fact, she happened to be breaking and entering into my home, which I’m going to get a restraining order for. I can only say I’m sorry that you had to see me escorting her out and I swear there is nothing going on between us. I only hope, in time, you can give me a chance to talk with you so we can resolve these issues.
I’ll wait as long as you need.
Love Toby.
Taking Jake’s advice, I put my phone on the bench and try to ignore it. I’m hoping she finds it in her heart to forgive me or at least wants to talk. In the meantime, I’ll wait for her because the next time I have her in my arms, I’m sure as fuck not letting her get away.
Sasha
“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Glenn, I appreciate it,” I say as I enter his office.
“No worries. When you phoned, telling me you needed to talk urgently, I took it very seriously. Is everything okay?” he asks, leaning back in his chair.
“No. Things aren’t great in my home life, but I assure you that in no way will it affect my work. I’m here to give you my new bank account details that my pay needs to be transferred into and to say I’m getting on a plane tomorrow morning and heading down to Christchurch for a week. I’ll be returning for the second week of the school holidays and be able to be here on the first day of Term Two.”
He nods. “Can I ask specifically w
hat’s happened?”
“Yes. My fiancé and I have separated and have been going through some issues in which has caused him to take away my access to our accounts. I need some time to get away and think things over and find myself again before I can return to teaching.”
“Are you sure you don’t want any more time off?” he asks. “Sasha, we’re here to support our staff and if you need more time just say.”
“Actually, Glenn, I love my job and the students so much it’s one of the things that makes me feel like a better person and gives me the sense that I can rise above this. So no, I don’t want more time off but should I change my mind in a week–”
“You only need to ask,” he says with a smile. “I hope your trip home is as refreshing as you need it to be.”
“Thanks, Glenn,” I reply.
He sees me off and I climb back into the car where Aria is waiting.
“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” I ask her.
“Absolutely,” she reassures me.
“I hope so too.”
Staring out the window at the school I’ve come to love in the last four months, I only hope I’m strong enough to return to teaching in a few weeks. I’ve left Toby a letter on the bed of the room Aria let me stay in without saying anything. I trust Aria to give it to him. After reading his text, I owed it to him to at least explain myself. Maybe not all of it but something. He deserves that much at least.
Chapter Sixteen
Toby
I’m making myself a cup of coffee and trying not to think about going to work early just to distract myself from thinking about Sasha.
She never texted me back but I know she at least got it. I can only hope she actually read it. My front door opens and in walks Aria, carrying what appears to be a few days’ worth of mail.
“So I see you can’t even collect the mail without me.” She giggles, placing it down on the kitchen bench. On top is a letter in very familiar handwriting. I pick it up.
“Please don’t be mad but she came to see me after everything happened and she’s left you this to explain some things. She’s not in a great place right now and decided to head back to Christchurch for a while just to clear her head.”
Sitting down at the table, I rip open the envelope.
“Toby you can wait until I leave to read it.”
I shake my head as I begin to read.
Dear Toby,
This isn’t the way I wanted to do this, but after seeing you with your ex the other night, I don’t know any other way. I turned up at your house the other night because I needed a friend as Kyle and I broke up. I needed you. I needed your friendship and love.
Kyle said some things that have made me question my feelings and myself. Things I know you will tell me are wrong, but right now, my brain is telling me that he is right. I need time to process everything and heal and to begin loving myself again before I can even think about falling in love with another person.
I got your text and accept your apology, but this isn’t all on you. I should’ve warned you that I was coming over, I have the means, I just stupidly didn’t use them. I didn’t think about things clearly and in truth, I’m still not.
If you can give me the patience and time to heal, then we can repair what this is between us because I can’t lose you again. The first time was painful enough.
Love,
Sasha.
I put the letter down on the bench. “You okay?” Aria asks, placing her hand on my arm.
I look at my sister as tears spring to my eyes. “Not really. She’s gone again without saying goodbye.”
“Because she doesn’t want it to be goodbye; she wants to come back and be with you. She just needs to sort herself out so she can be the best person she can be for you.”
I take a deep breath. “What things did Kyle say? I knew he wasn’t good enough for her, I fucking knew it. I only wish Felicity hadn’t been here that night. Maybe, just maybe, she’d be here with me.”
Aria shakes her head. “No, I don’t think so. Though, you two would’ve talked, I reckon you would have said that she needs a break too.”
I cock my head to the side. “You’re right and I know you are, but I need to see her.”
“You will. I’m pretty sure you’re the first person she’s going to want to see.”
“Does she have a place to stay when she comes back?” I ask, hopeful that Aria will ask me.
“Yes. She’s asked; it remains a secret, which we agreed with as we thought it would be best considering Kyle could come looking for her and he won’t find her there.”
I nod my head in agreement. “Good thinking. This is a dangerous time for her, and it’s going to be the longest time of my life.”
“Well I suggest you find a hobby to distract yourself.”
“Work, does that count?”
“No. Neither does watching sports on TV.”
“Damn. Okay, I’ll take up reading.”
She arches a brow at me. “You, read? Funny big brother but the only books I’ve seen you read have pictures in them.”
“Comics have words too. Geez just because your book club reads all the mushy stuff,” I say my tone dripping with sarcasm. Aria pokes her tongue out at me as I pick up Sasha’s letter again and my mind moves from our playful banter and back to the woman in my heart. “Did she say where she would be staying?”
“A motel. Apparently, she wasn’t allowed to stay with her dad something about his girlfriend not wanting her there.”
“He always was an ass.”
“Yes but he did what he thought was best for them both.”
I honestly hope she does come home early then we can get things back on track and perhaps maybe even give a romantic relationship another chance.
Sasha
I wake alone and stretch across the wide bed. It takes me a few moments to realise that I’ve spent the night in a hotel. I can’t stay with my Dad since his new girlfriend has moved in with her young kids and she doesn’t want me there. Rolling over in bed I check the time and see it’s almost 8 am and I have another message from Toby. I open it.
Toby: Good morning beautiful. Hope you’re doing well. I know you probably still aren’t speaking to me but I’m here for you no matter what. I need the chance to explain what happened because I just got you back. I’m not ready to lose you again. I miss you so much my heart hurts every time I think of you.
I smile as the tears spring from my eyes. I want nothing more than to go home to be with him and yet, something holds me back.
Everything Kyle said and did, the scene of him and his ex, then her wrapped around him. My thoughts are so scrambled, leaving me to feel like an undone puzzle. I need my heart, head and body to be on the same page and right now they’re not even in the same book. I put my phone back down on the nightstand and roll out of bed. After finding all my stuff, I carry it all into the bathroom to shower.
The pressure on the shower is awful, the temperature is either boiling hot or freezing cold; there is no middle ground. Stepping beneath the water, it burns against my skin, so I wash as quickly as possible and get out.
As I’m drying myself down, I hear my phone buzzing on the bedside cabinet. I dress, leaving the towel wrapped around my head. As I pick my phone up, there’s a knock on my hotel room door. Pacing the room, I check out the curtain to find my dad standing at the door holding two cups of coffee. I roll my eyes. He’s never remembered I don’t drink coffee.
“Hi dad,” I say, opening the door.
A sheepish look crosses his face. “Hi, sweetie.”
Things went south between us when we left Upper Hutt years ago. They’ve been strained since and his new girlfriend doesn’t make things any easier. She’s made no secret that she doesn’t like me.
“How are you doing?” he asks, stepping over the threshold.
“Fine,” I respond.
“Look, I’m sorry you aren’t able to stay with us but you know how Sandra feels. She also d
oesn’t understand why you broke things off with Kyle. He rung her, very upset and hoping for a way to get you back.”
I scoff. “If he really wanted me back, he wouldn’t have lost me in the first place. Dad, he put his hands on me, leaving bruises. So no, I’m not going back to him no matter how perfect people think he is.”
“Do you think you can do better than Kyle? Look at your mother. She had me and fell for a loser. Do you want to end up like her?” my father spits out and I am caught by his words. He’s never hidden the fact that her walking out on him was her fault but I never thought he’d compare me to her.
“Dad, I haven’t left Kyle to be with anyone else, that’s the difference between me and her. How dare you even compare us?”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but it’s hard for me not to get angry about this. Kyle is hurt that you walked out. He mentioned something about Toby. He wouldn’t happen to be the same high school romance you had all those years ago would he?” I nod slowly. “Jesus Sasha, I thought I put an end to all that when I sent his mushy letters back. I didn’t want you to end up like me. Broken and alone.”
“You weren’t alone. You had me,” I say. Toby’s words sting in my ear.
You’ve got me. You’ve always had me.
I gulp back the tears. I miss Toby more than I probably should and Aria is right, I should have talked to him when I had the chance.
“I know I did but I also didn’t want to put my adult problems onto you.”
“What did you mean when you said you were the one who sent his letters back?”
“Exactly that. I knew he was only going to break your heart one day so I wanted you to have the chance at a normal life. I suggest you get back together with Kyle and forget about Toby once and for all.”
“Why? Is Toby not good enough for me?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that remember Toby has broken your heart before, making all those promises of love and a future and look what happened.”
