“It’s not like I wanted him.” I chuckled to myself as the smooth and easy-going radio personality announced the next song along with a pair of tickets to the upcoming jazz festival.
“It was just a little flirting, why does he care anyway? And how would he know if Malcolm has my back or not? He only met him once.”
Whatever I did my thoughts kept drifting back to Malcolm and I soon became frustrated with myself.
“Damn! Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm! Is that all you can think about?” I yelled at myself.
Here I was telling myself that I was going to talk to Riley and get her on the right path with her life and convince her that she didn’t need Derrick. But how can I do that when I don’t even have the strength that I’m asking her to possess, that would make me a hypocrite. I boldly wanted to take that next big step and call him or text him and let him know it was over between us for good, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to do that just yet, I still wanted him and I still wanted to believe in us. I wasn’t ready to completely let go.
Finishing my glass of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay with a tipsy feeling overcoming me, I sank deeper into my bubble bath and fantasized about being a loving wife. I pictured myself in a beautifully decorated house, standing in the kitchen looking effortlessly flawless as I sported a full term baby bump in a pretty floral maternity dress. I was mixing something flavorful over the stove as Malcolm walked in the door from another great day at work. As soon as he closed the door he greeted me in the kitchen with a smile and a loving hug and kiss. While I continued to cook he wrapped his arms around me from the back and placed his hands on my belly to see if he can feel the baby kick. We were in love and happy. We were at peace.
The serene feeling I was experiencing immediately turned to panic as I heard the forceful vibration of my phone above the smooth jazz playing over the radio. I sprung out of the tub reaching for it thinking I was going to miss a call from my Malcolm. Standing on my bathroom rug as white billowy bubbles slid down my body I looked at the caller ID to see it was only Christian calling.
“Hello?”
“What the hell are you doing? I’ve been standing on your door knocking for five-minutes. Come get the door girl.”
“Oh, I had the music up loud sorry. I’ll be there in a sec okay? Bye.” I said hanging up quickly then grabbing my satin robe and draping it across my wet body. I didn’t even take a moment to consider why’d he’d come over this late without calling. I knew it had to be an emergency.
I ran briskly through my room, down the hallway and through the living room as the steaming hot bath water caused the room temperature air to alter into icy gusts that whisked against my body. When I answered the door Christian seemed surprised.
“Hey what’s up?” he hesitated, “Is this a good time?” He asked looking me up and down.
Only then did I realize I was standing in the doorway talking to Christian in nothing but my thin robe against my wet body and protruding nipples.
“Um yeah, just give me a second. Come on in,” I said as I welcomed him into my apartment before sprinting off to my room to put on more suitable clothing.
I reached for a pair of gray UNLV shorts with the matching top. The “UNLV” displayed proudly across my chest in red lettering was a bit worn but this set still remained my all-time favorite for lounging around the house. After releasing my black mane from the trenches of my scrunchie I let it fall gracefully past my shoulders then slipped on my lush cheetah slippers to meet Christian in the living room. Before I made it there I stumbled once or twice thanks to gulping down that glass of chardonnay on an empty stomach.
I giggled but nothing was funny.
When I walked in he’d already made himself at home on the sofa with the remote as he channel surfed trying to find the perfect program to watch. He was wearing a pair of simple dark blue jeans and white shirt that were both ironed and creased to perfection. The black LA cap he had on when I answered the door was now sitting on my coffee table revealing a head of short black hair that had been cared for and faded with precision resulting in pretty black waves.
“What’s up man,” I asked as I joined him on the opposite end of the couch.
“I’m getting ready to go out of town,” he said as he powered off my flat screen and turned to face me, “I have training for two weeks at Luke Air Force Base.”
“Where’s that?”
“It’s in Phoenix. It’s only a couple of hours away but I won’t be here in case some shit pops off,” he said reaching deeply into his pants pockets.
“What are you talking about?”
“Here,” he said retrieving a flashlight and placing it gently in my hands.
I gave Christian an incredulous look, “A flashlight? Am I missing something?”
“It’s a stun gun. Everybody knows about all the break-ins thats been going on around here and you need to be safe. It’s not a gun but you’re not ready for that yet. At least with this you’ll be safer going to your car or coming home at night.” He said speaking in a manner that let me know he was serious about this.
“Thank you,” I said even though I was somewhat shocked by his sincerity.
“Let me show you how it works.” He said as he picked it back up from my hands and removed the safety case.
“It’s easy, you see these prongs here?” He pointed, “Just put em’ on whatever you want to stun and you’ll stun the fuck out of it.”
I giggled some more, “I hope I don’t stun myself.”
He chuckled along with me, “You won’t. But if you see somebody who don’t look right to you or you find yourself in a jam aim for the neck, chest or even the nuts.”
I blushed, “Wow, the nuts huh?”
“Yep, but you got to keep it charged okay. It won’t work if it’s not charged.”
“Got it Staff Sergeant Dozier,” I joked like I was one of his recruits.
I picked up the charger plugging it into the socket beneath my end table and inserted the battery for the stun gun. Christian relaxed and leaned back into the sofa like he wasn’t getting ready to leave anytime soon.
“So when are you leaving?” I asked plopping down next to him, “I mean for Phoenix.”
“In the morning. Sorry for dropping by last minute, but that’s why. I wanted to get it to you before I left.”
“It’s okay. I called your mom the other day to tell her thank-you for the kit. She sounds good.” I said trying to sound as normal as possible. I didn’t want to let on that I was feeling a little drunk after a glass of wine.
“Yea she’s good. But what about you?” he asked turning to face me on the sofa, “Are you good?”
I knew the concerned look on his face and it told me he wasn’t talking about just surface stuff. He was talking about something deeper, maybe even Malcolm.
“I’m okay you know. When I get to LA I have to talk to Riley about Derrick and try to help her get on the right track. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do that yet, any suggestions?”
“Yea I got one. Lead by example.”
Even though I may have been buzzed I knew when to be offended and I was a little offended, “I do lead by example, what are you talking about? I went to school and got my degree, I have a career, I provide for myself, I didn’t have children before marriage. I think that’s leading by example.”
Okay so maybe I was more than a little offended or the wine was speaking for me. After defensively listing off my exemplary accomplishments to Christian I combatively awaited his response.
Lead by example that’s exactly what I do.
“I’m not talking about any of that stuff.”
With confusion plastered on my face I asked, “Then what are you talking about?”
He hesitated for a moment then heatedly responded, “Where’s your man at! How come I’m here and he’s not? You keep sticking with this dude thinking he’s gone come around and he’s not. You need to stop wasting your time Kaia.”
“Look you don’t know
anything about me and Malcolm so you just need to mind your own business.”
He let out cynical grunt, “Then tell me something about him. Where’s he at then?”
I paused for a while not wanting to tell Christian the truth. The embarrassing truth, that we were still “together” but were going through some things. But I was too mad to let him think he was right.
“Look we’re good okay.” I said wanting to end this debate.
He let out a second grunt, “No you’re not.”
“Yes we are,” I said not sure if I was trying harder to convince myself or Christian.
“No you’re not.” He said again causing my blood to boil.
“Look! I said we are so just –“
Suspending my anger in mid-sentence Christian rapidly bridged the gap between us grabbing my face in his big brown hands and vigorously pressing his supple lips against mine kissing me passionately and forcefully. My mind went crazy with bewilderment as I kissed him back just as avidly and sucked on his bottom lip as he eased his mouthwatering tongue in and out of my mouth causing my mind to form into mush. In the heat of the moment I couldn’t make sense of anything. I didn’t even realize when he collected me in his colossal arms and laid me on my back pressing his body up against mine kissing me all the while sending surges of pleasures across my flesh.
So lost in the moment and the wine I blocked the fact that this was Christian I was kissing. He slowly began to work his way from my lips to the curve in my neck and began succulently sucking and kissing away with care and compassion. As I moaned he moved his hips in between my legs instigating something I wasn’t ready for.
How is this happening? We need to stop! What are we doing!
My mind raced with guilt as he continued until the mere thought of our dishonorable deeds sparked a significant faint feeling in me.
“Stop…” I reluctantly moaned but he didn’t listen. He continued kissing my neck then transitioned to my chest and began placing gentle kisses on my breast.
“Christian stop,” I moaned again, “We can’t.”
“We’re not.” He said breathing heavily while he reached under my shirt and grabbed one of my breasts rubbing his thumb gently over my erect nipples.
“No, stop!” I said more forcefully now pushing away at his massive chest.
He ceased his kisses and removed his hand from under my shirt.
In a deep and breathless tone he declared, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me Kaia I’m sorry.” He said apologetically as he got up from between my legs to stand.
He ran his hands across his head with bewilderment. I stood up quickly feeling guilt-ridden and suddenly the faint feeling I was experiencing surged through my body causing my legs to go limp as I fell into Christian’s arms.
“Kaia, are you okay?” he asked holding me up.
Oh God I was so embarrassed.
“I’m just – it’s just I – I’m not sure – oh my.” I declared incapable of forming a complete sentence.
“Shit I fucked up.” He said sounding angry at himself. “I didn’t want it to happen like this. Let me get you in the bed.”
I gave him the ‘are you crazy’ look.
Not like that,” he corrected, “but you need to lie down.”
He walked me into the room holding on to me every step of the way making sure I didn’t fall. Once I was in the bed he left the room and came back shortly with a glass of cold water.
“Drink this. It should make you feel better.” He said standing at my bedside waiting for me to drink up.
I drank the ice cold water and was grateful my lips were pressed against something other than Christian’s lips.
“I feel better.” I told him as I handed him the glass.
“Good, good. I’m gonna get going okay.” He said putting an end to this awkward moment and preparing himself to leave.
“Okay.”
I couldn’t even look him in the eyes.
Eventually I fell asleep but it didn’t go as well as I planned. I don’t know about Christian but I tossed and turned in bed all night. I even placed a pillow between my legs and imagined he was there.
Eleven
Sonya
After dropping off a package at the post office for Saundra I returned to her home office to begin assisting her with a social media marketing plan for the magazine. When she first told me about the sorority housewives coming up with an idea for a magazine I didn’t take them seriously. After all they were a bunch of spoiled upper middle class and fortunate women who didn’t have to stress much about money, but after working for them for the past two weeks I gained a new found respect for these women. They had a plan and were running with it.
Saundra received her Bachelor’s degree in Communications which I’d always thought was perfect since she always tended to have an opinion on one thing or another. Her role in the magazine was to be the PR/ Marketing debonair. Shanice who was Saundra’s best friend received her Master’s Degree from UNLV in Journalism and she took on the role of Editor. Shanice was a powerful writer but she quit her day job as a freelance writer when she had her twins. Now that the twins were at the tender age of four, she and her husband felt comfortable with leaving them with a nanny so Shanice could go back to work, but not for anyone else. And lastly there was Ms. Trina Evans Parker. She graduated with a major in Theatre then after her divorce went back to school and got her Bachelor of Arts in Women’s Studies. She basically took a blood oath to never, ever get married again. Her son who is the eldest out of the kids at a whopping eight years old is luckily able to spend a lot of time with his father or else he may have turned into a total feminist like his mother. Trina was dramatic quite often but she was smart. She stays up-to-date on hot topics and is able to dig deeper and get you thinking on another level, she was perfect for the magazine.
The housewives took my position as an assistant more seriously then I’d thought when I saw they’d set-up a small desk for me in Saundra’s office with a computer, filing cabinet, an office phone and even a welcoming plant. I pulled up my calendar for the day and saw that we had a phone conference scheduled in the next hour and a half where I was responsible for taking minutes, then I needed to prepare and disseminate the meeting minutes to everyone, then schedule phone interviews for Shanice with a few freelance writers she was interested in working with. After that I needed to pick up Imani and Xavier from school, fix them a quick snack and be on my way back home so I could continue working on the jewelry pieces.
This fifteen-hour work week, not counting my time with the kids, looking for a full-time job and creating the jewelry pieces was hectic at times but I was learning a lot from the ladies. The job kept me upbeat and a roof over my head so I definitely wasn’t complaining.
Before I could get started with Saundra my phone rang. She told me to go ahead and take it because she needed to make a call herself.
It was Kaia calling me from her work phone, “Hey girl what’s going on?” I asked.
“Just another crazy day over here, what are you doing tonight?” She said whispering on her end of the phone.
“Nothing, what did you have in mind? And why are you whispering, is Rosie still being a bitch?” I asked. Saundra looked at me and put her finger to her mouth ushering me to be quiet since she was now on the phone herself.
“Sorry.” I mouthed while standing up to walk out of the office and into the living room.
“She is but I don’t think she’s going to last here long. With all the help I’ve given her the word is that she’s still missed a few deadlines. Come out with me tonight.”
“Where do you want to go? Please not a club you know how I feel about clubs. I’ll go anywhere with you as long as it’s not that.”
“No not a club girl, not even a bar I’m not in the mood for that crap. My co-worker Ivan is an artist and he invited me to come see some of his work at First Friday’s tonight. I told him I would come support him so I’m dragging you along wit
h me.”
“First Friday’s, that’s that artsy thing they have downtown every month right?” I asked.
“Yes. You want to go?”
“Yea that’s cool, we can do that. Are you still going out of town tomorrow?”
“Yep, I’m leaving early around six so I don’t want to stay out too late.” She said. “Really I just want to make an appearance tonight then take my butt back home. I’m not really in the mood for a lot of socializing right now.”
“Is everything okay? Are you still bummed because we didn’t pick the winning Powerball numbers?” I playfully questioned while I took a seat on the sofa.
She laughed. “No, I just have all this stuff on my mind right now. I’m really confused about some things. But I’m trying to stay positive so that’s why I’m making the effort to go. I just don’t want to be out all night.”
“That’s fine, I understand. Just call me later I’ll be ready to go.” I said supportively before disconnecting the call.
I thought about First Friday’s tonight and was looking forward to doing something different with my time besides resumes and novels to woo me to bed. I ended up staying over Saundra’s house a little longer than expected and helped her cook dinner for David and the kids. I didn’t mind though, it was the least I could do since she hooked me up with this job and my first big time paying gig.
Before backing out of Saundra’s pebbled stoned driveway from her two-story Summerlin home I received a text message from Kaia asking me to be ready to leave by six.
I pulled into Chateau Oasis by five and forced myself to make the dreadful stop at the mailbox before going home. I took my time sifting and sorting through sales advertisements, my student loan invoices, my upcoming car payment and other white envelopes that I was sure had to be either miscellaneous bills or junk. I threw it all in the passenger’s seat then carried it up the stairs with me and left it on the counter to go through again later.
The Countdown to Thirty Page 11
