by Dan Walsh
He could tell, Amy was just as excited to see him. Her mood completely changed when he arrived. Finley was beginning to recognize an in-between mood change in her that began even before Chris arrived.
It was happening now.
She had just put him on the leash. They were heading out to the hallway. All the other dogs with their trainers were coming down the hallway with them. They headed toward the main room up ahead. It was training day.
When they came into the big room, Finley’s eyes instantly focused on the chair where Chris always sat. It was empty. Most of the other chairs were filled with the other men who’d been coming also. Not all of them as faithfully as Chris, but Finley was getting used to seeing their faces.
But where was Chris?
He looked up at Amy, as she led them both into their normal place in the lineup. She was looking at the same empty chair. Her mood had already changed; she was sad. She missed seeing Chris, too. A few moments later Miss Bridget said what she always said to get everyone’s attention.
Soon they were going through the first sets of commands, the ones they always started with. Finley was so used to them by now, he’d often begin to obey before Amy even spoke. Every few seconds, he’d glance at the door hoping to spot Chris. In just a few more minutes, they’d finish the preliminary routines and Miss Bridget would invite the men to come up to start their part of the training. They did that all the time now.
Finley actually loved this part. Chris would take the leash with Amy right beside him. But Chris would be the one telling him what to do. At first, Chris made mistakes that confused Finley. Amy would gently correct him and make everything clear again. Now he seemed to understand everything, and Finley enjoyed following his direction. He especially enjoyed the way Chris rewarded him. The treats were nice, but Finley enjoyed the words Chris said and the way he said them even more.
They walked across the room; Finley expected it to be the last time in this routine. Sure enough, Amy gave the command, “Finish.” He walked around her to the other side and sat. Just then, the front door opened. Chris walked in. Finley couldn’t help it. His tail began to thud on the floor and his front paws marched in place. Chris saw them, smiled and waved. He seemed to be mouthing some words but no sound came out. Finley looked up at Amy, who was smiling back. She nodded to Chris as if she understood.
It didn’t matter. What mattered was, Chris was here. He loved it when the three of them were together.
For the last half of the training session, Chris handled Finley. Amy felt he was really getting the hang of it. She could also see how eagerly Finley responded to his voice now. There really wasn’t any difference anymore. He treated them the same. A few minutes ago, Miss Bridget ended the class.
“You want to go outside for a little while before you have to go?” Amy said.
“Definitely,” Chris said. “I’ve got some questions to ask you anyway.”
“Really? What about?”
“Nothing too serious. Let’s wait till we can sit at the picnic table.”
Amy watched as Chris walked Finley around the perimeter of the fence, giving Finley a chance to go the bathroom. After, he joined her on the picnic table where they usually sat. She sat on the bench, Chris on the tabletop; Finley sat between them.
“So, what’s up?”
“Sorry about being late. I didn’t plan my work very well this morning. Wound up getting stuck mowing on the opposite side of the golf course from the clubhouse. Then it seemed like I hit every light between here and there.”
“That’s okay. You know you don’t have to come every day.”
“I want to. It’s the highlight of my day.”
It was hers, too. But she wasn’t going to say it.
“But that’s not really what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Okay…”
“It has to do with Finley and the whole PTSD thing. Last night, I was talking with my friend Kyle on the phone. I told you about him before. He’s the one that told me all about getting a service dog. His dog, Tootsie, really turned his life around.”
Amy laughed. “You did tell me about Kyle. I guess I never heard his dog’s name before.”
“Yeah, it’s Tootsie. Or Toots for short. Anyway, he was asking me about the training, and I was telling him everything we were doing. He asked me one question I didn’t have an answer to.”
“What is it?”
“He said Tootsie instinctively knows when he’s starting to lose it. You know, when the PTSD thing is kicking in. She’ll stop whatever she’s doing and totally focus on him. He said she’ll kind-of get in his face in a nice way. Do whatever she has to do to get his attention. She’ll poke him. Lick him in the nose. If he’s standing and starts zoning out, she’ll even jump up at him. And she’ll keep doing it until he comes out of it and refocuses on her.”
“And you’re wondering if Finley will do that for you?”
He nodded. “I realized as he was talking, Finley’s never done that with me when we’re together.”
“Have you ever had one of those attacks when you’re here? I’ve never seen it.”
“I haven’t. Which is kind of amazing in itself. Somehow, just being around him…and you, it’s like the switches all get turned off.”
He just said…and you. That’s the first time Chris had ever mentioned her in that way. He had talked about the effect Finley had on him several times before.
“I haven’t had a single panic attack out here. Not one. Which is great. But it doesn’t give me a chance to see how Finley would act when we’re out there.” Chris pointed past the barbed wire fence.
She could see his point.
“Do you know what he would do? With graduation a week away, how would we find out? Have you guys trained the dogs for that kind of thing before I started coming?”
“We have. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Chris.” How could she explain this? “On the one hand, you know this good feeling you get in general, just being around Finley? That’s real. Same thing happens to me. We learned a little bit about why. It’s partly because dogs are just so lovable, and they love us so unconditionally. We just don’t get that kind of positive input from people. Not most of the time anyway. But another thing dogs do, just by being with us, is keep us from being self-absorbed, from constantly focusing on ourselves. When our minds go drifting off in unhealthy directions, they pull us back. Keep us grounded.”
She reached down and scratched under Finley’s jaw, then behind his ears. He rewarded her with a lick. “Even besides all that, I’ve experienced what Kyle was talking about with his dog. I don’t have PTSD, like you guys. But believe me, it can get pretty depressing in here at times. I do have some friends, but they’re not close ones. I’ve got some family, but…well, let’s just say we’re not close at all. So I’m pretty much alone, and I feel alone. A lot. And then I start thinking about why I’m here, and that I only have myself to blame. Guys like you and Kyle, you’re suffering because you were serving your country. You’re real-life heroes. Not me. I’m alone because I let myself get hooked on meth, then I ruined every relationship in my life, one by one. I even stole from my own family.” She started choking up. Tears began to form in her eyes.
Instantly, Finley moved in. He gently brought his face right up to hers and licked her under the chin. Then he nudged his nose in that same place and leaned on her, almost like giving her a hug. Amy couldn’t help but respond to his affection. She hugged him back and started patting his head. “See what I mean?”
“I do,” Chris said. “That looks exactly like what Kyle said Tootsie does.”
“And he’ll stay close to me like this until I’ve totally pulled out of my dark mood. He’ll even intervene when I have nightmares. Do you ever have nightmares?”
“Sometimes,” Chris said.
“I don’t really have them much anymore, either,” Amy said. “But I used to, the first few weeks I was here in this program. Life in the main prison ca
n be pretty terrifying. At least for someone like me. I used to get these horrible dreams of being cornered or bullied by a bunch of big angry ladies, and Finley would wake me up. He sleeps in his crate. But he’d whine and make noise in his crate till I’d wake up. I’d reach over and open his door, and he’d jump right up on the bed with me, kind of like he just did now. And he would just stay with me, comforting me until I calmed down.”
“I’m sorry you’ve had it so rough in here. But it’s great to hear how much he helped you.” Chris reached over and patted Finley on the shoulder. “He is an amazing dog. But I feel kinda bad taking him from you. Seems like you still need him.”
“I don’t want you to feel that way, Chris. I’m doing a lot better now. Besides, they wouldn’t let me keep him. If you weren’t taking him, they’d just bring him back to the Humane Society, and he’d get adopted by some family. And all this training would go to waste.”
Chris thought a moment. “You think he’ll ever treat me that way? The way he treats you?”
“I know he will. He already loves you as much as he loves me.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
They sat together in silence a moment. Then Chris said, “I’m glad you’ve had Finley, at least the last few months. Will they give you another dog to train after graduation?”
Amy shook her head no. “They can’t. But it’s really for a good reason.”
“What’s that?”
“They’re letting me out early. My release date now is set for two months after…graduation.” She was about to say, two months after you and Finley leave, but she couldn’t say it.
“Two months?” Chris said. “Really, that’s all? Just two months?”
She nodded.
“That’s not very long.” He smiled, looked as if he had more to say but didn’t say it.
She wondered what he was thinking.
It was probably nothing.
43
Later that day, Chris decided to use his lunch break to pick up a large crate they could use in the maintenance building and some other supplies for Finley. Tom had already gotten permission from Colonel Banks to keep Finley in his office during the day. As Chris pulled into the parking lot, he looked down at the digital clock. He only got thirty minutes for lunch, so he really only had time to unload everything before his break was over. He’d have to wolf down his sandwich when he was back on the mower.
He backed the car near the garage door opening. After carting a load of supplies inside, he came back to find Jed pulling out the big box containing the crate.
“Thought you could use a hand,” Jed said. “Guessing this is for that dog?”
“Thanks. Yeah. Thought I’d put it together after work.”
“How much longer till you bring Finley home?”
“Graduation’s just one week away.” Chris grabbed the other side of the crate box. “It’s really getting harder and harder to leave him there every day.”
“And harder to leave that girl whose training him? Amy, right?”
Chris looked at Jed. “What? Why do you say that?”
“Lately, you talk about her just about as much as the dog.”
“I do?”
Jed nodded. “Something brewing there between you two?”
“I don’t think so,” Chris said.
“You don’t think so? What kind of answer is that? Either there is, or there isn’t. All I’m saying is, when you first started going out there, you’d come back talking all about Finley. I’d say for at least the last week, that’s changed. You spend at least half the time talking about Amy.”
They brought the box inside and set it down near Tom’s office. Chris had no idea he’d been talking so much about Amy. He definitely did like her. But did he like her that way? “She’s an amazing girl, especially the things she’s done with Finley.”
“Yeah,” Jed said, “I’ve heard that, too. But the look you get when you talk about her lately…I just figured there was more going on than that.”
“I don’t think there is. I’m not ready for a relationship anyway. Not in the condition I’m in.”
“Okay. Maybe I’m reading you wrong. But from the way you talk about her, she doesn’t seem like the kind of girl you’d have to worry that much about.”
Chris didn’t follow.
“You know, the kind you have to keep trying to impress. I mean, you’re already talking with her about all your biggest struggles. I ain’t going home to nobody these days, but I know if I was, I’d want her to be somebody real, somebody I could talk to. You know what I’m saying, somebody who gets me.”
Jed was right about that. Amy was somebody Chris could really talk to, about anything.
“How long she in for? What did she do, anyway? She ever tell you?”
“She gets out in two months. She told me a couple days ago she got arrested for shoplifting.”
“Shoplifting. People go to prison for that?”
“That’s what I thought. Apparently, it has to do with how many times you’ve done it and the cost of the stuff you stole. She was with some friends and they were stealing a diamond ring. She got caught. They got away. The judge gave her three years. She also said she used to be a meth addict.”
“That’s why she was shoplifting?”
“No. I guess she had stopped using sometime before that and was trying to stay clean, but then she lost her job and was running out of money. She was stealing to get rent money, so she wouldn’t wind up back on the street.”
“And start using again,” Jed said.
“Guess so.”
“So instead, she winds up in prison. Sometimes you just can’t win.”
“Nope,” Chris said.
“But see, that goes back to why things could work out for the two of you. You’re both broken, just in a different way. So all the tension’s off. You already know what’s wrong with her. She already knows what’s wrong with you. You’re already talking about things with her most guys don’t get to with a regular girlfriend for the first six months.”
That was probably true.
“You think she likes you?” Jed asked.
“I don’t know. She likes me fine, I guess. As a friend.”
“I don’t mean as a friend.”
“I know.” They were back at the car. Chris needed to move it to a regular parking space. “I don’t know if she likes me any other kind of way. I don’t even know if I could tell anymore if she did.”
“Maybe you should start paying attention. See if she’s giving out any signs.”
“Signs? What are you talking about?”
“I’m no expert, but I know a few things. When I decided I was ready to get back in the game, I was pretty rusty like you. So I looked up some things online. For an example, has she ever asked you if you have a girlfriend, or if you’re dating someone?”
Chris thought a moment. “No, I don’t think so. Does that mean something?”
“Could be,” Jed said. “Usually a girl asks that, she’s definitely interested.”
“So if she hasn’t, she’s not?”
“Not necessarily. There are other things. How close do you guys sit together?”
“I don’t know. A regular distance, I guess. When we’re sitting together, we’re usually sitting on one of the picnic benches they have outside. Sometimes I sit on top of the table, she sits on the bench. Sometimes we’re both sitting on the same level, next to each other. But we’re mostly focused on Finley. He’s usually sitting between us.”
“Okay. Why not try an experiment next time? Just scoot a little closer, see what she does. Not to where you’re touching. Just a couple of inches. See if she stays put, or scoots away about the same amount.”
“If she stays put, that could mean something?”
“That’s the idea,” Jed said. “Here’s another one…when you guys are together, is her body facing you? Is she looking right at you? Or is she facing sideways, sometimes looking away
while she talks?”
“I don’t know, Jed. I’ve never paid attention.”
“Well, think about it. You were just with her this morning. You’ve been with her almost every day since this training thing started.”
Chris thought about it. Pictured Amy in his mind. Thought about what they had talked about this morning. “I guess she was facing me. Her body was kind of turned in my direction. She was definitely looking at me while she talked. But mine was, too.”
“See?”
“See what?”
“That shows interest. If a girl’s not interested, her body will usually face away from you. And she’ll look away when she’s talking, like she’s got better things to do. But here both of you are facing each other, and looking right at each other while you’re talking. It’s a sign. She’s probably is interested in you, at least on some level. And I know you’re interested in her.”
Chris remembered a conversation he’d had that morning with his elderly neighbor by the mailbox. She was facing him as they talked. Looked right at him, too. Was he supposed to think she was interested? He looked around, to make sure no one was close enough to hear what they were saying. “This conversation is getting kind of weird, Jed.”
“No, it’s not. I’m just trying to help you. Just like I’m helping you carry this crate here. Same difference.”
Chris looked at his watch. “Maybe we better wrap this up anyway. I’ve only got a few minutes till I have to clock in.”
“Alright. I hear you. Just one more thing and I’ll shut up. You ever catch her looking at you?”
“No. I mean we have to look at each other, we’re the only two people in the conversation.”
“This is something else,” Jed said. “Try to pay attention next time. Like, if you’re doing something with Finley, look up at her, quick-like. See if she’s looking at the dog, or at you. Do it several times. If every time you do it, she’s looking at you, it’s almost a slamdunk she’s interested.”
