by WEST, T. J.
After a long night of clubbing, Brock’s driver takes us back to my apartment. I had such a good time with him, I almost didn’t want the night to end. He’s impulsive, spontaneous, a little wild yes, but I could use some wild in my life right now. I’ve been so caught up in Jason and his mysterious, intense ways that someone the complete opposite of him appeals to me.
“Fuck, that was so fun,” Brock exclaims while we stand outside my apartment. He looks my body up and down like I’m dessert when he continues, “You and your killer bod were hot on that dance floor.” I know that look in his eyes, I’ve seen it a million times with other men. He’s ready to go onto the next level. I’m just not sure I am.
“It was a blast. Thanks for pushing me to go along.” I smile.
His eyes narrow onto my breasts. “Now, for the best part.” He licks his lips. “Since you’ve been playing hard to get and wouldn’t let me have a taste tonight.”
Crossing my arms, which draw more attention to my breasts, I ask, “Oh really, what’s that?”
He smirks at me and says, “This.” I’m taken aback when he pulls my body into his and starts kissing me. I wasn’t fully prepared for this, but since I had gone out on a date with him and pretty much flirted and eye fucked him all night, a kiss was expected. He can really truly kiss, but I don’t feel any sparks. His lips don’t hold a candle to the ones that have taken over my body and soul. But I continue kissing Brock and give him my full attention.
He pulls back from my lips, grabbing my ass. “God damn you’re so fucking sexy. How
about I come in and we can finish this little dance we’re doing?”
Fuck. I’m not so sure having sex with him is a good idea. I’ve never turned down sex before and always a willing participant, but damn it, I can’t do this to Jason. In a way, I feel like if I have sex with Brock I’ll be cheating on him. I’m so messed up! I place a hand on Brock’s chest when I tell him, “I’d like that, but I have to be very clear…I won’t have sex with you.”
His brows crease together. “Well shit.”
“I’m just not ready, Brock.” I shrug.
“I can respect that, I guess. There’s other things we can do instead, yeah?” He winks with a devilish smile.
I can’t help but laugh. “You’re a hoot, you know that?”
Once I got that rule out of the way, I lead him inside my apartment where we have a couple more drinks and talk for a little while longer. It turns out, what I feel for Brock is how I pretty much feel for any one of my brothers, and I think he was beginning to feel the same way about me. So we ended the night just enjoying each other’s company. He fell asleep on my couch and I retreated to my room thinking of the one man who has consumed my every waking thoughts.
I WAS PISSED AS ALL hell seeing Peta leave with Brock last night. The rest of the evening, I couldn’t get that vision out of my head, and was wondering what the hell they were going to do once they left. Pulling June aside, I needed her to tell me where Peta was going with the douche, and if I could have her home address. There is no way in hell I can go out on a date with Peta knowing she’s also going out with another man. Or worse yet, fucking another man. It took a minute before I could convince June to give me the address. Deep down she knows Brock isn’t good for Peta. I’m not either, but I won’t have her being swallowed up by someone who’s been in the media causing shit. He will only bring her down.
After leaving Slim and Lyric’s house, I drove straight over to Peta’s and waited outside in my car until she came home. It felt like days before I saw her and that pervert drive up. I was almost beginning to think she may not even come home. Thank fuck. Relief settled.
Since Peta’s front door is facing the street, I didn’t get out of my car. I watched them walk to her door. More than anything, I wanted to run up there and take ahold of her and tell Brock to get lost, but something made me hold off. He kissed her, and I was really hoping she wouldn’t kiss him back. But she fucking did. My hands clenched the steering wheel so tight, I thought I was going to break a knuckle. Seeing his hands on her ass and his lips crushing down on hers…I wanted to kill him. It took everything in me to stay in my car and wait for him to leave before I made my move, but the fucking tool didn’t. Peta invited him in. My vision was seeing a film of red. She. Let. Him. In. The next thing I knew, I was speeding off for home and then drank in the bar until I passed out. That was the last thing I remember. The next morning I woke up still down in the bar and with the biggest hangover, but the anger was still lingering.
Beating the shit out of a punching bag at a local boxing ring before rehearsal helped cool me down somewhat. I needed a way to stay focused without thinking of Peta all day, but my brain couldn’t be more screwed up. Missing the beats every couple of minutes made for a bad morning with the band.
Once again, I screw up. Danny, being the hothead of the five of us, throws his hands up and yells, “God damn it, Jason, not again!”
“Cool it, Danny boy,” Lucky tells him.
“We’ve cooled it for a month and we don’t have time for this shit. We need to finish this album.”
I understand he’s pissed, so am I, but his whining about it makes him look like a big ass baby. “Then stop your yappin’ and let’s go,” I say back as calmly as I can.
He points a finger in my direction. “You gonna get it together?”
Ready to break that damn finger of his, I stand up from my stool, put my drumsticks down and slowly walk toward him.
“You wanna step outside, because I’m gettin’ kinda fed up with your attitude.”
Before getting up in Danny’s red, scowled face, Gary tells us behind the sound room, “Take ten, guys.”
“No,” Danny shouts over his shoulder. “We’re not taking ten and we’re not stepping outside. The more time we spend not working, the longer it takes us to get this album out. Just…” He pauses to take a breath. “Get your mind in the game, bro.”
As much as I want to pretend Danny didn’t just talk down to me like a father does his kid in trouble, I can’t. If he wants me to work, he better let me have a breather before I smash his face in. Inching my way closer to him, I say, “You know I don’t like conflict, Danny, but I gotta say…you can be a real asshole and I don’t appreciate you speakin’ to me like I’m some kind of moron. I’ve had a few bad moments, so have you in your day, so shut the fuck up and quit acting like a punk.” We’re almost nose to nose when I continue. “I’m takin’ that ten. I need to regroup before I do something I’ll regret.”
Walking out of the rehearsal room, I hear Danny shout, “Fuck!” Whatever. Time for a cigarette. I go upstairs to the terrace and breathe in a cool breath of fresh air the second it hits my face. It’s a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, yet the city is already feeling like Christmas. The businesses around outside the studio are decorated with Christmas lights and festive artwork painted in the store windows. It all looks pretty nice and happy, but I ain’t feeling it. Never have liked the holidays. My parents never celebrated anything, not even my birthday. If only my grandparents had been alive when I was a kid, I would have lived with them. Many times, though, they did try to take me away from my parents, but…look how that turned out. Anyhow, the holidays will once again be celebrated down in the bar and a drink in my hand. But knowing Lucky and Faith, they’ll want me to come over to the hotel for their yearly Thanksgiving dinner. Not sure why it means so much to them if I’m there or not. I’m happy just the way things are.
My first inhale of smoke calms me. Just what I needed. Closing my eyes, I lean on the railing, listening to the city noise. Sometimes this is all it takes to get me back in the game of things. Thoughts of Peta are still with me, but my music comes first. Keep inhaling and take control, asshole.
But just when I thought I had escaped the madness from down stairs, Lucky flicks a light next to me, inhaling his own cigarette. “We’ve all been there, Jason.”
“What are you talkin’ about?” Taking another inhale.<
br />
“Come on man, you know.”
What is this, some kind of trivia? I really have no idea what he’s trying to tell me, and I’m beginning to get a bit irritated with having to figure it out. “No I don’t, so enlighten me will ya?”
“I’m saying that, the guys and I…when we all fell in love, it messed us up in more ways than you can imagine.”
What? This conversation is whacked. I walk over to the trashcan to put out my cigarette and then turn back around, crossing my arms and frown. “In love?” I snort. “You’re tellin’ me, I’m playin’ like shit today because you think I’m in love with Peta? You’re wrong. I’m not in love with her, or anyone for that matter.”
Lucky shrugs. “Keep telling yourself that. We all did.”
I shake my head. Lucky has no idea what he’s talkin’ about. “You’re talkin’ to a man who doesn’t do love. Never have, never will. Didn’t grow up on any kind of love from anyone, so I have no idea what it feels like.” My parents hated me. They showed me every day just how much. Love wasn’t in the equation of things, ever. Not even sure my grandparents loved me. They never told me. My life back then was fucked up.
Lucky tries to put a hand on my shoulder, but I quickly reject his reach. Moving away from him, I walk back over to the terrace railing and lean against it looking out into the city again. “We’re your family, bro. You’ve felt it,” Lucky compassionately replies.
Fuck, I hate discussions like this, it’s too much for me. “Need a few minutes by myself. Give me that, alright?” I say over my shoulder.
“Okay, but I’m always here if you need to talk.” Lucky leaves the terrace right after.
I’m not entirely sure how to talk about my feelings with anyone, even if it is Lucky. He may be one of my closest friends, but dishing out what goes on inside my fucked up head…it’s all new to me. In love? Hell no! No question, there are some crazy things happening between Peta and me but love ain’t one of them. However, lust, infatuation and possessiveness…now you’re talkin’.
I’ve been gone long enough, so I head back down to the studio. No more mistakes or excuses. Peta needs to stay on the backburner, or so help me God I’ll be paying for it by another lame ass lecture from Danny.
Speaking of Danny, when I enter back inside, he comes walking toward me with a look of determination. “Jason…”
Not giving him the time of day, I blow past him and say, “Let’s get to work.” As I settle myself down onto my stool, I pick up my sticks and wait for the guys to get in their places. Once they’re settled, I nod toward Gary, telling him we’re ready to get going. Then beating my sticks together over my head, I shout out, “One two three four!”
We finally rock and roll.
After a long day of rehearsing, and finally not fucking it up any longer, I take a trip to Peta’s work, Reds, up in Del Mar. It’s the place where JINKS met June and became a signed band. Great memories were held at Reds, and it’s the first time in a long while since I’ve stepped foot inside the joint.
Ever since I saw Peta lead Brock inside her apartment, I’ve needed to know if they fucked. It’s been gnawing at me like a mosquito bite and it won’t go away until she tells me. Not sure what I’ll do if she opened her legs for that cock-juggling thunder cunt. She may not know it yet, but her pussy belongs to me. She’ll find out soon enough that my dick hasn’t been the same since that night six months ago and I intend to show her just how much.
Walking into Reds is definitely a blast to the past feeling. Things haven’t changed much, yet my life definitely has. It’s pretty surreal being back. JINKS had a lot great nights on that outdoor stage. We brought in a ton of people for this brewery, helping it become one of the most popular places to see small bands perform. It’s like bumping into an old friend again. There’s a band playing right now; a low key jazz/blues type of band. They sound pretty cool, and the crowd surrounding them seems to like them. Right on.
Before I take a seat at the bar, I eye the stunning fireball princess doing her job. She looks amazing as always, it seriously makes me want to take her on that bar, and feast on her until everyone is gone for the night. She’s a dream for any man. Tonight her hair is down in big red, thick loopy curls, each one the size of my fist. They cascade down over her tits and down the middle of her spine, like a warm coat on a cold winter’s night. I’d do anything to be wrapped up in her coat. She’s got on a tight black V-neck t-shirt with the logo, Reds embellished on the top corner, and the hottest red leather pants I’ve ever seen in my life. This woman has the best taste in clothes. If I thought the black leather pants from Gary’s party were out of sight sexy, these red ones put the black ones to shame. Holy fuck.
She must have a thing with birds. Just like the tattoos on the back of her neck, she’s wearing a necklace that looks almost identical. It’s a thin silver chain link with a simple set of black birds attached and a matching ring on her finger.
A few stools away from Peta, I take a seat. Still gazing at her, I notice her biting her full, red bottom lip as she rings up a customer. She doesn’t know I’m here yet, so I’ll just continue enjoying my view. I’m naturally quiet, so I won’t make any noise to gather her attention. Most of everyone in the dining room is outside listening to the band, but a few pot belly grandpas are still seated at the bar ogling over Peta or watching some sports channel. The way these old farts are looking her up and down as if she’s the meat off their hamburger, it’s rather disturbing. It sickens me to watch them drool every time she bends down, but I’m sure she’s used to it and no doubt she’s got a way to put them in their place if they try anything on her, from experience, I know.
Bending my head down, I rub the back of my neck. It’s been killing me. Must be my pillow. It’s been awhile since I changed it, or my bed. Time to go out shopping again and I fucking hate shopping.
“Jason?” My head pops up. Right in front of me stands the blazing Peta. Her brows are pulled together with a look of puzzlement in her eyes. “What are you doing here?” This isn’t my usual hangout, so I’m not surprised with her curiosity of my being here.
Gonna play it how I normally play it, cool and relaxed. That is until I find out what happened between her and Brock. “Here to get a beer, what else?” I shrug.
She folds her arms under her tits. Doing that, she must know how it sets off my cock into a hardened rock. She ain’t playin’ fair. “Well, for one, it’s kinda out of your way and second…”
Irritated with her silly attitude, I tell her, “Don’t be sassy with me, Fireball. Get me a beer.”
“Well, alright then, since you asked so politely. Do you have a preference?”
Slowly moving my eyes from her pulsating neck up to her green eyes, I reply, “Surprise me.”
Peta retrieves my beer and then tends to another customer as I take my first sip. While doing so, some blonde chick whose eyes are too far apart and too big for her face rests her arm on the bar and interrupts me. “Excuse me, but aren’t you Jason from JINKS?”
It’s not often I get recognized in public by myself, so this pleases me and brings a small smile to my lips. “That I am darlin’.”
“Oh my God!” She squeals, jumping up and down, clapping, and possibly turning heads in the process from her excitement. “This is so cool. Can I get a selfie with you?”
I’m all for a picture. “Sure.” I shrug.
Big eye girl snuggles into my side so I throw an arm over her shoulders while she snaps a picture of us. I’m not much on smiling in pictures, but it looks like she got a good shot anyway.
“You’re so sweet, thank you.” She kisses my cheek just about the same time Peta turns from putting away a bottle of liquor. She of course sees it and looks mighty pissed.
“You’re welcome,” I tell the girl.
The girl and I stay snuggled up. “You should totally sing tonight. Are the rest of the guys here?”
“Just me. No singing tonight.” I take a pull of my beer.
Leanin
g her arm further onto the bar, her big head blocks my view of Peta.
“Bummer,” she pouts, sticking out her bottom lip. “That’s a shame. Oh well.” She giggles, which I find highly unattractive and very high school-ish. Actually, most of the groupies I’ve fucked and got sucked on were exactly like her. Never stopped me from having a good time, though. “So, uh…want to join me for a drink instead?”
Had a feeling this was where the conversation was gonna lead. Not looking in her eye, I turn my head and stare at my beer. “A little busy at the moment, but thanks.”
Feeling her lean close to my ear, she huskily whispers, “Well…if you get lonely though, I’ll be outside listening to the band.”
If it weren’t for Peta and my obsession over her, I’d take up on her offer. “Sure thing, doll.”
Just before leaving, the girl gives me another kiss, but this time it’s on the corner of my mouth. These kind of chicks have no fear or shame, but really…I ain’t complaining. But regret hits me though, the second I see Peta scowl at me, throwing down the towel she wipes the bar with it and storms off down the hall near the restrooms.
Fuck, she’s jealous again, and I’m an asshole for allowing it to happen. Not much I can do now, but go find her and get some answers about last night– and possibly have a little fun with her being jealous. I don’t know what it is about Peta; one minute I’m raging mad over her doing shit with Brock, the next I wanna play and joke around with her, causing her cheeks to turn bright red. She may not tell me, but she loves when I play dirty.
