by Tiana Cole
Chapter 8
From the moment Giselle was born and on seeing that beautiful baby lying serenely in my arms, it confirmed to me how different my life was going to be. That might be a weird thing to say; any mother would expect her life to change from the day she first picks up that stick with the blue or pink tell tale line. But this was more than that.
It wasn't just the sleepless nights of teething, night feeds, raised temperatures and that strange rash Giselle developed which caused a visit to ER at three in the morning one winter, it was my working life and social life too.
My place of work started making cut backs to the staff. People, like me, who had big commitments and weren't prepared to work overtime hours, were the first in line to lose their jobs. A small severance pay was all I got and that went straight into the Giselle college fund. That major change came as Giselle turned one year old and hit me really hard. Tracy was kept on so I was happy about that.
Having a baby was a massive change to my social life, it meant that I never really had one. Outside of Tracy, the only other people I was now in contact with were other moms. Women I'd met in parks or playgroups; one was a woman I'd met in the hospital after having Giselle.
She was in the bed beside me and her baby was born the same day as Giselle. Other than that, unless it was to go to the store, I very rarely left the house.
Tracy was worried I might become a recluse. But Tracy also didn't stop hassling me about trying to put out a search for Giselle's biological father. Who, in her personal opinion, should be made to carry half of the financial burden, especially when I lost my job. And, as she put it, “had the right to know.”
I always put her off the subject. In my mind my life was a solo expedition. I could raise Giselle all on my own.
“What about the father's medical past?” she said once. “What if he's passed something on to Giselle through his genes and you need to be aware?”
“I take Giselle for regular check ups, if anything came up the doctors would tell me what to do.”
She also said: “And what about if he starts a new family and Giselle meets her own brother and marries him?”
My response was: “That only happens in bad soap operas, Tracy, not in real life.”
I have to say, thoughts like those crossed my mind a lot, but the truth was, I had no power over any of that. Giselle's father was unobtainable. I never told Tracy but I'd sat in the hotel lobby where the sexy stranger and I went on that famous night, just in case he ever came back. He never did. I also took three trips to Adrenalin and sat at the bar hoping he might show up with his friends. But of course, he never showed up.
Job hunting when you have a baby isn't easy either so it was a stroke of genius that one of my playgroup moms told me about the company she used to work at before giving up to raise her twin boys.
“I tell you Libby, it's a great company to work for, especially if you have children. They're very understanding. You should send them your resume, you never know.”
I did exactly that and about three weeks later, I got a call. I got a new job, Giselle's teeth had finally come through and I could stop worrying about where my next meal would come from.
I would miss working with Tracy but she became a member of my family, mine and Giselle's, and as Giselle's godmother, I knew I could always count on her.
With just days before I was due to start my new job, Tracy assisted me at Giselle's second birthday party. It was an amazing day. If anyone had told me two years and nine months ago that I'd be sitting next to my two year old daughter while she blew out her birthday cake candles, I would have either laughed in their face or collapsed in tears.
Although I cherished my little girl, having and raising Giselle wasn't how I'd pictured motherhood to be. I had expected to be married, have a house with a garden and probably on my way to baby number two when my first was two years old. But life doesn't always work out how we expect it to. I was divorced, a single mom and living in a lovely apartment in Brooklyn with my beautiful Giselle.
Tracy was invaluable as my assistant at the party. Being experienced she knew exactly what to do and how to take charge. She also gave Giselle the enormous teddy bear that dominated her tiny bedroom and was twice the size of my daughter.
“You know I really will miss you, Libby,” Tracy said as we cleared away the earthquake that was my apartment after five two year olds and their moms had finished with it. Giselle was taking a well earned nap.
“You think I won't miss you, too?” I said handing Tracy a well earned glass of wine. “But the pay is so good. They even help towards childcare. Can you believe that?”
“It is a dream job for you, I know that, and I wish you luck. Really I do.” Tracy said. “But with you gone, all I'm going to do is rattle around in that office all alone.”
“Don't tell me you're going to miss me being a pain in the butt all day?”
“You were never a pain in the butt,” she said. “Okay. Well, maybe sometimes, but we had fun.”
“Tracy, come on, it's not like I'm leaving the planet. I'm a phone call away and we can still meet for lunch once in a while.”
“I guess.”
We were flopped on the sofa. The only signs of there having been a children's birthday party was a chocolate hand print on the wall and the pile of wrapping paper from Giselle's presents.
As we sat and sipped our wine, Tracy seemed a little edgy and I wondered why.
“It's nothing,” she said. “Well not quite nothing. I was just wondering. Now that you're starting a new job, you're bound to mention you have a daughter... So, what will you say when they ask about her dad?”
I took a deep breath followed by a big slug of wine.
“Sorry, Libby,” she said. “I mean, I know all about you, your life and what a dedicated mom you are, but other people will wonder why you're single.”
“I told the woman at the interview that I was divorced. And it's true, I am divorced. If I don't go into too much detail, everyone else might assume that I'm divorced from Giselle's father. They don't need to know the whole truth.”
Tracy nodded but said nothing.
“For Christ's sake, Tracy. I can hardly tell people that before my divorce came through I went to a bar, got drunk and ended up in a hotel room with an equally drunk guy and nine months later I had a baby!”
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. It's your business what you say to people.” Tracy looked into her wine glass.
“Well?” I said, turning to her. “Is there something else on your mind?”
She looked at me and gave a half smile. “Well, Giselle will ask questions. She'll want to know who her father is one day. And...”
“And what?”
“Well, I know I've talked about it before, but I just can't help thinking that the biological father has a right to know. I'm sorry to bring it up now of all times.”
I got up and drained the rest of the wine in my glass. “You think I don't know that, Tracy? What was I supposed to do, take out an ad? 'Did you leave the bar Adrenalin with a drunk thirty eight year old in a tight red dress one night? If so, did you screw her in the hotel across the street? Because if you did, surprise, surprise – you're a daddy!' Short of hiring a private detective, how was I supposed to tell the father?”
“Sorry, Libby. Don't be mad. I just think about it sometimes.”
“And you think I don't?” I was really wishing she hadn't brought it up again, I was in such a good head space after the party. My frustration showed. “Look, I'm not the first woman this has happened to and I won't be the last. When the time comes, I'll think of something to say to Giselle. Right now, I've got more immediate worries.”
“Like what?” Tracy said.
“Like what to wear on my first day of work?” I tried my best to bring the conversation back to something light.
We laughed and then Tracy helped me clear away the last traces of the wild birthday party. We both looked in on the sleeping birthday girl.
Giselle would be up from her nap soon. Maybe we might go for a walk in the park later. Maybe I'd ask Giselle advice about what to wear on my first day of work. But as I closed the door to Tracy, my heart sank. Everything she said about Giselle's biological father was true but there was not a thing I could do about it.
Chapter 9
It didn't take long for me to settle into my new job at Fieldman Finance and Investment Services. I worked in a spacious office with two other women, both younger than me and neither of them married. My desk was in the corner of a large office. Laura and Penny's desks were on the other side of the room and to my right there was a large window. It over looked the water fountain in the middle of the park.
On the windowsill, I had a potted lily with pale yellow and white petals and beside that was my favorite photograph of Giselle, taken at a photo studio when she was eighteen months old and on a day out with Tracy.
In the picture, Giselle was sat on a stool in a white dress and had an enormous smile on her face. The girls in the office loved the photograph and luckily they never asked about Giselle's father at all. As I suspected, after the information about me being divorced was passed down, everyone assumed that my ex husband, Mark, was Giselle's father. And no-one asked any embarrassing questions because people don't usually bring up ex husbands in conversations.
One Monday morning, Laura and Penny were chatting away about their weekend and the name Joshua Fieldman popped into the conversation. I knew who Joshua Fieldman was – he was our company CEO. As yet I hadn't met him, his reputation preceded him but he had yet to put in an appearance since the day I started work.
He had the reputation of being this super intelligent, super efficient young whiz who grew this company out of his bedroom in his parents' house and went on to become a billionaire by the time he was twenty. He was now thirty one.
“But Libby will find that out sooner or later,” Laura was saying.
“Find what out?” I asked.
“I know you haven't seen him yet but our CEO is a super hot, super sexy stud.”
“Oh really?” I laughed. “So have you two got your sights on him?”
“We wish,” Penny said. “He's a bit of a mystery but with his looks I'm sure he has no problem getting any woman he wants. I can imagine him out at some fancy club and having all the women flock around him.”
I shook my head at this. I knew the type they were discussing and I was sure he was the type of guy I would run a mile from. He must have a girl in every port, as the saying goes. Only he wasn't a sailor but probably a male whore all the same.
“So why is he hardly ever in?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
“Doesn't really need to be here. The place runs itself with the way management is set up. All he has to do is come in and give everyone a friendly nod.”
“Or an orgasm!” Penny blurted out. “All he has to do it open his mouth and I'm weak at the knees.”
I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh at their banter. How good looking could this guy be anyway? It was like Laura read my mind.
“Don't take my word for it – see for yourself. He's bound to be in for the board meeting later.”
I said nothing but continued looking out of the window. It wasn't long before I noticed a sleek, black car pull into the executive parking space which was reserved for the CEO.
“Well,” I said to the girls. “Seems like I won't have long to wait before I check out this heart throb boss of ours. He's pulling in now.”
Immediately, Laura and Penny leapt from their seats and rushed to the window.
“Oh my God,” said Laura. “He's wearing Armani. I love it when he wears Armani. His shoulders were built especially for that suit.”
I just had to check out the owner of that car.
I watched the tall figure of a man step out. His suit was definitely designer. It was well cut and the bulging biceps of his upper arms came through nicely. I knew I shouldn't be eyeing up younger men but this one was a fine specimen. The girls were right.
He locked his car door and the wind ruffled his thick, dark wavy hair. He walked towards the entrance of the building and I got a better look at his face. I could see the nicely chiseled outline of his jaw and cheekbones but he was wearing sunglasses.
“There's something very sexy about a man in dark glasses and a designer suit don't you think?” Penny said. The girls had their face practically glued to the window. If they leaned out any further the glass would crack and they'd both fall out, probably landing at Joshua Fieldman's feet if they didn't watch out.
But I was still curious. I had to keep my eyes on this guy. There was something very compelling about him. He commanded attention somehow. I tried to be subtle but I was enjoying his sexy walk across the lot. He was so masculine and assured, I could see straight away why they were both so excited about him.
Very soon a grin broke out on his face as someone approached him and he stopped for a chat in the parking lot. He took off his sunglasses.
Suddenly it hit me. There was an uncanny familiarity that I couldn't quite grasp but was overwhelming all the same. I screwed up my eyebrows and squinted hard at him as he talked so casually in the car park.
“You like him, Libby,” Laura said in a sing song voice.
“What?” I said absently. I hadn't even noticed that I'd gotten off my seat and was just as close to the windowpane as the others had been.
I stared hard at Joshua Fieldman.
I knew those eyes, that smile, the hair, the glorious body. Even from two floors up I couldn't mistake him. It was him! The sexy stranger I had met in Adrenalin on Tracy's birthday. Right there in the car park was the younger man I ended up having an all night sex fest with, before running away and doing the walk of shame in the early hours of the morning.
So that was Joshua Fieldman. My CEO. The biological father of my baby girl, Giselle.
“Is the CEO likely to come into our office?” I spluttered to Laura and Penny.
“Not really,” Laura said. “We're not high enough up the ladder for him to pay us a visit. Why?”
“It-it's nothing,” I said, still looking out of the window. “I just wanted to be sure he wasn't likely to come in our office today.”
Both girls were still at the window and hadn't noticed the panic in my voice. I was feeling hot and faint at the same time. How could this be happening? Of all the places I could have worked it had to be here. I had given up long ago ever expecting to find out what happened to Giselle's father. I simply resigned myself to single parenthood. But this!
Laura and Penny were still oblivious to my melt down and made their way back to their desks.
“Mmm, Joshua Fielding,” Penny said in a dreamy voice. “What I wouldn't give to have that man's head between my legs right now.”
“Behave yourself,” Laura said. “For all we know he could be in some deep and committed relationship right now.”
“You think so?” I said. Both girls looked at me.
“Why?” said Penny. “You want to make a play for him?”
“Don't be silly,” I said managing to tear my eyes from Joshua and focus them on my computer screen. “I'm almost ten years older than him.”
“Well,” Penny said. “Maybe he might pop into the office as we have a new girl,” she said smiling. My hands began to shake.
“What? Are you sure?”
“Well, if you're lucky, yes, there is slim chance. But it could be the only chance you'll get to see him next is at the office party. We have one every summer at some hotel garden in the Hamptons. He puts in an appearance and tries to talk to everyone. As a newbie, you're bound to get a full three minutes with him.”
“If I had a full three minutes with him,” Laura giggled. “I know exactly what I'd like to do with them.”
They both shrieked with laughter. The only thing that went through my mind was Joshua's lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth, his hands all over my body, how it felt when he...
I
shook my head and did my best to get back to my work. But it was impossible. I couldn't risk him coming in. I took a sneaky look out of the window and saw that he had left the lot. A shiver came over me because I knew that somewhere in the building was the living, walking proof of my night of passion and shame.
“I don't feel too well,” I blurted out suddenly. “I think I should go home.”
“What's wrong with you?” Penny and Laura both looked my way. I put my elbows on my desk and began to rub my head.
“Headache. Really, really bad headache,” I said changing my voice so that it sounded weak.
“You come with me.” Penny scooped me under my arm and marched me out of the office. “One great perk to working in a place like this is that we have a medical room. I'm sure the nurse will give you something for what ails you.”
“No, I think I should just go home.” I was trying to pull away from her tight grip.
“Try this first. Have a lie down in the medical room and if you still feel bad then go home by all means.”
She marched me to the medical suite and with every step I took I imagined myself running into Joshua. It was a nightmare.
Penny deposited me with the nurse. She was quick to prompt me to lie in a dark side room. I was quick to lie down and contemplate my next move.
It would be too much of a coincidence that Joshua would just walk into my office that very day. He did have a meeting to go to. I wondered when it started and when it finished.
But, I hadn't forgotten what the girls said earlier, there was still the office summer party to consider. Simple, I thought, as a real headache gripped my forehead, I just wouldn't go. It's not like he'd mind not meeting a new member of staff. And I could keep an eye on the parking lot every day and dodge him until he lost interest in wanting to see the new girl.
About an hour or so later, when I thought I'd been out of the office long enough for him to have come and gone, I returned to the office and gingerly put my head around the door.
“Libby!” Penny called out. “How you feeling.”
