by Cathy Lamb
“You weren’t afraid to come down to Oregon?”
“Yes. And no. I’d done some research on the case. They couldn’t find the man, me, who had killed Willie Hotchkiss. They didn’t have a name. They didn’t have a picture of me. It was a cold case. It happened in Arkansas. I was headed to Oregon, and I was five years older.
“The man who was at the door today, who ran into my van, is Ronnie.”
“Yes.”
Vengeful, sick, angry man. “How did Ronnie find you?”
“By total coincidence. It’s one of those coincidences that you simply can’t believe. Ronnie works in construction, too. He owns his own drywall business. He’s the only employee. Remember that article on me and my homes in US Home Building magazine? I insisted that they not take my photo, we agreed to it, but they did it anyhow. I don’t even remember the photographer taking a picture of me. Then they put the damn thing on their cover.”
“I remember you were furious. I’ve rarely seen you that mad. You were up all night. That’s why you never wanted your photo on your website, either.”
“I’m older now, I look different, but obviously not different enough. And Ronnie obviously got a solid look at me that night. Anyhow, he saw the magazine. The odds of that happening are so small, but they weren’t small enough.”
“He didn’t call the police, though?”
“No. He wanted revenge. He wanted to make my life hell. He knew I had money, and first he wanted to strip me of that money. He thought I would start paying him off when he came by one of the houses I was working on. He told me to pay up or he was going to the police about me and he would tell them I was a murderer and had been on the run for years.”
“What did you say?”
“I said I would not pay him. I told him to get the hell off my property. I was not going to be blackmailed. I couldn’t live with him, with that threat, hanging over my head. And logically I knew that it would never stop. Ronnie would ask for money here, more later, then in the end he would tell you, tell the police, anyhow. There was no way to win here.
“Ronnie called me early that morning before the accident and told me if I didn’t pay him that he would come after you, that morning, that day. My goal was to get you to your dad’s, where you would be safe, and then I was going to the police to turn myself in. I would work with the police and arrange to meet with Ronnie, hopefully have him arrested for blackmail or extortion, and jailed, so you would be safe from him, at least for a while. My expectation was that after that I would go to jail, probably in Arkansas, to await trial. I would employ the best attorney I could get to help me prove it was self-defense.
“After he hit you with the van, he won, Natalie. I think he knew, based on our meeting the day before, that when I said I wasn’t going to pay, I meant it. But he wanted his revenge. After the accident I could not go to the police, because I knew I would be taken into custody and couldn’t take care of you, couldn’t be with you in the hospital. I was scared to death you were going to die in that coma, honey. I couldn’t risk it. And I couldn’t risk being away from you when you were in rehab, either. I could not leave you. Your health was so fragile, and I wanted to help you, I wanted to be with you. I had to make sure you were better and you could live on your own before I went to jail.”
“So you paid him.”
“Yes. I paid him after your accident to prevent him from going to the police as he threatened to do.”
“How much?”
“Two hundred thousand, out of my company.”
“Oh, my God.”
“I knew he’d be back. And he was, but I had no way out. After the Barbie incident, I paid him another hundred thousand to stay away from you. He put the Barbie in your room to show me that he could get to you anytime. After the dead bird, another hundred thousand. After the bullet, another hundred thousand.”
“He threatened, you paid, he gave you more time, and then he came back, right?”
“Exactly. He’d call and I’d be screwed, and I’d know it.”
“You sold your house to pay him after the first payment.” This made sense now. Zack had said he was overextended, he had problems with the bank, that’s why he sold his house, but he was excellent with handling money and he had never had a problem with the bank.
“I did. I didn’t have a choice. I knew he would come for more and more money. He knew I was caught. He wanted to make my life hell because I killed his brother. That I did it in self-defense meant nothing to Ronnie. He’s insane. He has been obsessed with finding me.”
“What are we going to do now, then? He’s coming after us again.”
He closed his eyes for a second. “There’s not a ‘we’ here, baby. It’s me. I’m going to the police. You’re better now. You can live on your own again. You can live with your dad if you need to. You’ll be safe. I am so sorry about the money. But after I go to the police and tell them the truth, I’m hoping that I can make an arrangement to meet Ronnie and he will be arrested for the hit-and-run, attempted murder, firing a gun into our house and harassing us, blackmail, and extortion. There will be a trial and he’ll go to jail. At least when I’m in jail I’ll know that he’s in jail, too. He will be locked up and you’ll be safe.”
“But Zack.” I was feeling desperate, a cold knot of fear in my stomach. “The woman who saw what happened. The girlfriend of Willie. She could testify for you.”
“She could. If she’s still alive, if they can find her, if she would be willing to testify, if she’s a reliable witness, if she hasn’t changed her mind over these twenty years about what happened, if the prosecutor doesn’t twist up her story in front of a jury. I don’t know any of those answers. What I do know is that though it’s a cold case, there is no statute of limitations on murder. The case will be thrown back to Arkansas. The police here will work with them, but I will be in Arkansas as I await trial.
“I don’t trust the system there now any more than I did then. That’s why I didn’t turn myself in years later. I built a new life. Why upend it, why destroy it? I knew I was defending that woman’s life. I knew that Willie came at me with a knife and what I did was in self-defense. I knew, later, as a grown man, that I was not guilty of a crime.
“What I didn’t know is if a jury would believe my story, especially if they couldn’t find the girlfriend. For sure, Ronnie would get on the stand and lie about the whole thing. I don’t think there were any other witnesses who could back me up, with the exception of the woman. They would have her medical reports, which would work in my favor, if they hadn’t been deliberately destroyed or lost in the last twenty years, and they would have police interviews from her, but who knows if those reports would have been tampered with or shredded by Ronnie and Willie’s father, the police chief, or their uncle, the district attorney? They would have my word against Ronnie’s. Plus, I looked guilty for running in the first place. Even with an outstanding attorney, it was too much to risk.”
I tried not to cry. I tried to be brave as I thought of losing Zack to jail, for years. I had more faith in the legal system than he did, but he could still go to jail simply for evading the law, even if he wasn’t prosecuted for murder. My hands shook.
“I never thought I could kill anyone, Natalie. Guilt has stalked me my whole life. I think of the pain that Willie’s parents went through at his death.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Who am I to take a life? I only wanted him to stop bashing that woman’s head against the hood of the truck. When I saw that knife, though, all I could think about was surviving. Not being stabbed to death.”
“You have nothing to feel guilty over. Nothing.”
“It is easier to know that logically, intellectually, than emotionally.”
“Oh, Zack, honey . . .”
“Do you remember how I held back when we were dating? How I didn’t kiss you for months?”
“Yes.”
“I was struggling. I was trying not to fall in love with you. I knew that my whole life might explode an
d then you would get caught in the crossfire. You would find out that I had lied, that I wasn’t who you thought. I could go to jail. We might have kids by then, and what would it do to them? But Natalie, I fell in love with you that day on the river. I couldn’t stay away from you. And it was selfish. Complete selfishness on my part. I loved you, I wanted you, I wanted us. So I gave in.”
He reached out and wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Zack, I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“I’m sorry it happened, too.” He took a deep breath. “Ronnie could send an anonymous letter to the police at any time. Once he thinks I have no more money, why not? He would be glad to see me in jail, even if only awaiting trial. Then he’ll take off with our money. He’ll go to Mexico or Central America. He’s sick in the head. He’s an angry, violent man. But this is why, now, I’m going to the police. I will tell them everything. It’s better for me to go to the police first, Natalie, before he does, as I planned to do before he rammed you with that van.”
“We could leave.” I couldn’t believe I said that, but I meant it. “We could go to Canada or Mexico or wherever people go who want to hide.”
“No. That, for sure, is not going to happen, babe. I will not make you live your life looking over your shoulder like I’ve lived mine. I won’t do that to you.”
I sagged. I knew he wouldn’t do it. “You could leave. You could disappear again.” The words killed me. Zack gone, me alone, never seeing him.
“No, I’m done running. I’m sick of hiding. I am sick of worrying about someone coming after me, someone finding me. I had hoped my old life was gone forever. It had been twenty years. But I was wrong, and you paid for it.” His voice cracked. “You were critically hurt, you were in a coma, you’ve had to fight every day since then to get your life back. You lost the job you love. You lost accounting. I feel so guilty, Natalie, every day, every minute. I hate myself for letting this happen to you. It never leaves me. I cannot tell you how sorry I am.” I saw the anguished, broken sheen in his eyes. “What happened to you is completely my fault.”
“No, it’s Ronnie’s. It’s all on him.”
“I would understand if you left me.” His face was drawn and exhausted. “In fact, you should leave me. Look what happened to you because of me.”
“I will never leave you, Zack. I love you. I fell in love with you on the Deschutes, and I’m still in love with you. I have always sensed something, sensed that you were holding back even before this happened. I couldn’t figure out what it was, and it made me feel like a suspicious wife. I always tried to push it down. I told myself that I was imagining it, but my gut told me I wasn’t. And Zack, these last few months, I’ve known you were lying to me, but I kept pressing and you wouldn’t tell me the truth.” He shook his head, and I saw his pain again, his guilt. “But Zack, I . . .” My voice faltered. “Why didn’t you tell me? From the start? After we fell in love?”
“How could I do that, sweetheart? You would then know the truth. If the police ever came and arrested me and asked you what you knew about me, about my past, you would know nothing. You’re a bad liar, Natalie, because you don’t lie. The police would believe you. A lie detector would back up what you were saying. You would not be an accessory to my crime. Also, if you knew my past you would start looking over your shoulder, too. You would be worried all the time that my past would come back to haunt me, haunt us. It’s no way to live, trust me on that one.”
Zack is my soul mate, even with all the lies he told me. I can’t help loving him. “I remember being so furious with you, Zack, the morning of the accident, because you lied to me about your name and your past, and it triggered all the times my mother lied. I didn’t know why you killed a man and I didn’t even give you time to explain it to me. My fury blinded me. I am sorry, Zack, for not listening to you that morning. If I had stopped for two minutes—”
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Natalie. Nothing. Out of the blue I told you I wasn’t who you thought I was, I told you I killed someone, that someone was threatening to kill you, and we had to leave immediately. This is all on me, and you took the full brunt of it. I am sorry.”
I started to cry for what he went through as a kid, for what we went through in the hospital, for what was ahead of us, and he stood up and hugged me close, my heart this tight, throbbing mass of pain in my chest. I now knew the truth, and the truth felt hopeless and bone chilling.
“We need an attorney,” I gasped out. “The best we can get.”
* * *
I had the same nightmare that night.
Ronnie was hunting me down. He was wielding a knife as long as his arm, and I was running away from him, down the street in the hills where we used to live. He threw the knife at me, but at the last second Zack jumped between us and it plunged through the scar on Zack’s ribs. Then Ronnie banged my head into the hood of my totaled truck until I died.
* * *
The next morning Zack and I talked again about the disaster looming before us. He left for work. He would call Ronnie, put him off, tell him he was getting more money together, as Ronnie had requested yet again.
Zack would turn himself in as soon as the money cleared for the three houses he recently sold. We would use that money for the attorney. Ronnie had $500,000 of our money. Would the police let us have our money back for legal fees, or would it be held? I had no idea. I didn’t learn this type of thing when I was becoming a CPA.
I felt sick and scared, but I was bucking up and getting myself together. Being a wimp would not help here, only strength would. I couldn’t predict what would happen. For sure, Zack would be initially arrested. The police wouldn’t let him out of jail before trial. He had run once, he could run again. Waiting for a trial, which would undoubtedly take place in Arkansas, would take months, probably well over a year.
Zack could spend the rest of his life in jail if the jury believed he killed Willie without provocation. The optimist in me said, “Of course the jury will believe Zack over Ronnie, who would be arrested for hit-and-run, attempted murder, extortion, and blackmail, and that would be brought up in trial. Wouldn’t it? Zack is a law-abiding business owner. Ronnie probably has an existing criminal record. Zack has the scars to prove what happened that night. The woman he saved would probably be found and she would probably testify for Zack. There are probably still police and medical reports. Doctors, nurses, other police officers could testify, too. Ronnie’s testimony would probably easily break down under intense questioning.”
Probably.
The pessimist in me said, “I’m scared witless.”
“I want you to go to your dad’s, Natalie, until this is over,” Zack said. “It’s only for a few more days. I’ll get an attorney and tell Detective Zadora everything. Based on her recent questions, she’s obviously right on my trail.”
“No. I won’t leave you.” I would stand with Zack.
“Yes. I’ll call your dad and tell him everything. I didn’t want you at your dad’s before because I didn’t want you isolated out there in the country without knowing what was going on. I wanted to take care of you, and I knew that the payments to Ronnie would keep him away from you here. But we’re going into something different now. I think the police will arrest him immediately once I tell them what happened. He’ll be jailed and everything will be okay, but I’d like you out of here during that time just to be safe.”
“I won’t go. I’m staying here with you.”
“You’re going.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
“I just did.”
Zack is not the sort of husband who orders me around at all, but we had a roaring fight about me going to my dad’s. It wasn’t pretty. Zack actually yelled at me and I yelled back and he yelled and I yelled again.
“No. I will not leave you any more than you would leave me.” I kissed him when we’d settled down. “Plus, there are so many guns around this apartment.”
“If he comes
here, if he comes in and I’m not here, shoot him, baby. Aim for the chest, the widest spot. He rammed that van into you, he hurt you, and he will do it again if he thinks I’m not paying up again. He has nothing to lose.”
He hugged me tight. I love that man.
* * *
There was something else. Something about that morning. I kept seeing my grandma, felt her pushing me in her mechanic’s overalls.... What in the world was all that about? And why did I think that Beethoven’s Fifth had something to do with it?
* * *
I worked on my jewelry that morning, my hands shaking.
I listened to music, from rock to Bach.
I dressed in my favorite blue jean skirt with an embroidered turtle on it, my blue tights with the swirls, a white sweater, and my blue cowgirl boots. I went to a coffee shop and had two brownies.
I should be cowering at home, but then that would mean that he won. That Ronnie won.
I had fought my way out of a coma.
I had fought my way back to thinking like a normal person.
I had fought my way back to walking in a straight line.
I had fought my way back to talking normally.
I had even remembered the morning of my accident.
I was not going to let Ronnie change my life for me again.
I was going to be strong and smart and figure this out.
I stopped working on the necklaces I was making because my hands were shaking too hard.
I knew what I had to do.
I picked up my phone and called Jed. “I need to come and see you.”
“Of course. Anytime.”
“I’ll be there within the hour.”
I heard his pause, loud and clear, and then he said, “See you then,” even though he is so busy, and might soon be a judge, because he is a true friend, the brother of my heart, and he knew I would not be coming in unless it was serious.
