Or maybe…was I remembering wrong? Had there been a text, a phone call?
No—there hadn’t been anything like that. He’d been furious that night.
So why wasn’t he mad anymore? And—Wait, what was the other question?
My cupful of pills was doing more than just putting me to sleep at night. It was stirring my thoughts like cake mix.
Jared reached out and took my hand. I stiffened, waiting for the nurse to say something, but she didn’t notice.
“When you get out,” he said, “things are going to be different. I know I’m over the top sometimes, but it’s really important to me to try to work things out.”
I stared at him, thinking, Why? I knew how crazy it must have sounded when I’d gone to him to talk about Laina. And I could only imagine how much it had hurt him to hear me accuse her—her ghost—of being a murderer. If the shoes had been turned—I mean, if the tables had been turned—stupid pills—I would have been just as angry.
So why wasn’t he angry anymore?
All of that trickled through my head, but none of it made it out of my mouth. Instead, I said, “Um…okay.”
He smiled. “I wish I could kiss you.”
I was actually really glad he couldn’t.
“Alexis! Who’s this?”
I looked up and saw Haley, who hadn’t so much as said good morning or good night to me since the first night. She was on her way back to the rec room, but she paused in front of us and gave Jared a vivid smile.
“Um, Jared. My…”
“Boyfriend,” Jared said.
Haley’s eyes went as round as basketballs. “Wow, you’re so nice to visit Alexis. I mean, a lot of guys wouldn’t stick around once their girlfriends went…you know.”
“Yes, well, nice to meet you.” Jared turned toward me, angling himself so Haley was talking to the back of his shoulder.
“You too!” Then she toodle-oo’d off through the double doors.
Jared didn’t even seem to notice her leave. “I really mean it. When you get out, everything will be better.”
“I don’t know,” I said. I wasn’t counting my when-I-get-out chickens until they hatched. As far as I was concerned, there weren’t even any when-I-get-out eggs lying around.
His hands squeezed mine. “What we have is special.
And I’m not going to let that go. Yes, I was mad at you that night, Alexis, but that’s because I didn’t understand. And you didn’t understand, either.”
“But why didn’t you ever tell me about her?” I asked.
“You didn’t ask. Besides, the whole thing was, you know, horribly painful. Why would I talk about it?”
Because she was a huge part of your life and she died, maybe? But I didn’t say it. I could hear the tension behind what he was saying. “What didn’t I understand?”
He lowered his voice. “What she’s doing.”
I grabbed my hands away. “What who’s doing? What do you mean?”
He smiled warmly.
“Jared, do you mean you believe me about Laina? You think she’s doing something? Her…” I glanced around. “Her ghost?”
He leaned in close to me, and I couldn’t escape the laser beams of his dark brown eyes. “I think she is, Alexis. I think I figured it out. See—we were supposed to be together forever, her and me.”
I stared at him.
“But that’s never going to happen, right? So here’s what I think: she didn’t want me to be alone.” He reached up and caressed the side of my face. “So she found me you instead.”
I HADN’T FELT THIS AWAKE IN DAYS.
“Wait,” I said. “Laina found me for you?”
“She and I were a couple for two years.” There was a dangerous lightness to his words; Jared’s tone was never light unless he was forcing it to be, which meant that inside, his emotions were churning like a brewing storm. “We didn’t say boyfriend and girlfriend. We said soul mate. We knew we were always going to be together.”
I started to stand up.
“Stay.” He tugged on my hand—hard enough to throw off my less-than-perfect balance. “You would have liked her a lot. She was the best person I ever knew. But then…she died.” The lightness evened out into a horrible calm. “So I guess I needed to find a new soul mate.”
I drew in a shaky breath.
Jared needed someone else to love—and Laina chose me for him.
Did that mean she would do whatever it took for us to be together?
Including murder?
He gave my hand a little shake. “Don’t you see? That’s what she’s doing. She wants us to be together because she loved me so much that she doesn’t want me to be lonely anymore.”
The room began a slow rotation around me. I put my hand out to stop the spinning, but Jared thought I was reaching for him. I felt his fingers close around mine.
“It’s like…our destiny,” he whispered. “And she’s trying to help us.”
My words came out like a declaration of surrender. “What does that mean—how is she helping?”
“I think I’d better start at the beginning,” he said.
This is important. I tried to keep eye contact. But it was hard because Jared’s gaze was so glitteringly intense. I had to force myself to stare at the spot right between his eyes.
“We’d been friends since preschool, and then we were in the same classes—except fourth grade—all the way to junior high. Which is when we fell in love. A lot of kids say that and don’t mean anything, but for Laina and me it was real.” He blinked. “Do you believe me?”
I nodded.
Now he was clasping my hand so tightly I couldn’t feel my fingers. “The only tiny thing about Laina was…she was kind of a flirt. So one day when we went out hiking, she was sort of talking to another guy, and I said something about it. Well, she got really mad. Told me she wouldn’t walk another step with me.”
I felt my blood turn cold.
“I didn’t want to leave her. You have to believe me.” Jared’s fingers were wrapped around mine like a vise grip. “But she ordered me to. So I said I’d wait for her in the parking lot.”
I tried to pull away, but Jared wouldn’t let go.
“Two hours later, she’s not there. Three hours, still not there. I got mad. I figured she’d taken a side trail and called her mom to come get her or something. So I went home.” His hand was starting to shake. “I went home. I left her there. And she…she got lost. She ended up off the trail. And she wandered for hours.…It was winter, so it was really cold, and…”
“Please stop.” I didn’t want to hear any more.
“We all went out looking the next day. We combed the park. And I’m the one who found her.”
I knew this part:
She was staring at the sky and holding her Saint Barbara medal.
And as the shadow of a cloud moved off her face…she died.
Jared’s lips were pulled into a painful smile. “I promised I would never forsake her memory. I would never leave her behind.”
As the story ended, his grip finally loosened, and I pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Yeah, well. Me too.” A smile blossomed on his face. “But it’s going to be great now. You’ll see. She even looked like you, Alexis. She was your height and your build, and she had platinum blond hair, like yours.”
Wonderful. I closed my eyes for a moment, to collect my thoughts. “Here’s the thing, Jared…I think you’re wrong.”
“About what?” he asked.
“About us. Being meant to be together. I don’t think it’s going to work. I think…” Thoughts were crystallizing in my mind. “I don’t think that’s what she’s doing. Because she’s attacking me, too.”
He looked almost amused. “You don’t think it’s going to work?”
I shook my head helplessly.
“But Laina clearly thinks it is.” He shrugged as if that settled it.
“But I don’t want—”
I fell silent.
“I mean, all of the things she’s done—” He lowered his voice. “All of those girls—she did it to keep them away from me. She did it for you. Anyone who ever tries to interfere with us—she’ll take care of them. That’s how much she cares.”
Jared’s face turned into something twisted and ugly. “Kick him to the curb,” he said in a mimicking tone.
Elliot’s words.
So Laina had been there—she’d heard Elliot. It wasn’t just about flirting. It was about anyone who tried to come between us.
“She knew me, down to the tiniest part of my innermost soul,” Jared said. “And if she wants us to be together, that means it’s the right thing.”
I decided to change tactics. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” I said, keeping my voice light. “I was just thinking about you. I mean, Kasey was here for ten months. What if they make me stay that long?”
“Alexis, it’s so important to me that you get well.” He smiled. “Of course I’ll wait for you. I mean, think about it. If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t have called your therapist and told her there was something wrong.”
“My therapist,” I repeated.
“Yeah,” he said. “Dr. Hasan.”
I closed my eyes.
“She called Dad a few weeks ago. She said your parents had asked her to call. She left her number and said she’d like to know if you ever behaved strangely.”
Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place: the reason Jared didn’t ask why I was at Harmony Valley was that he knew why. He was why.
“What did you tell her?” I whispered.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “Nothing about Laina. I just said you were talking about ghosts and acting a little off. She was very nice. She seems really committed to your care. And I think that’s great.”
“No. It’s not great.” I stood up, looking down at him in horror. “You need to leave.”
“Now you’re getting mad?” he said. “That’s not fair. I’m just trying to help you.”
“But—” I was so angry, there were stars in my vision. “If you believe that Laina’s ghost is involved in the killings—then you know I’m not crazy. If you think Laina exists—”
“Maybe if that were your only issue, Alexis,” he said. “But let’s be honest. You’ve had a little trouble letting go of your past. Besides, I like the thought of you being here. Being…protected.”
Being trapped.
I was speechless.
“I think it would be best if I came back another day.” He abruptly got up and walked to the nurse’s station. A few seconds later, Nurse Jean came over and stood above me.
“You’re getting a little worked up, I hear,” she said to me. “How about a nap before dinner?”
“Walk me to the door?” Jared said.
I did, but only because I had something to say. Before he could ring the bell to be buzzed out, I took a deep breath and said, with as much conviction as I could muster, “Jared. I’m not your soul mate. We’re not meant to be together.”
Jared was watching me with a faint smile on his face, as if I were a precocious child reciting lines from a play I didn’t understand. “That’s exactly what your sister said when she came to talk to me,” he said, touching me on the nose. “But you’re both wrong.”
Then he walked out.
Haley actually spoke to me that night. “Your boyfriend’s cute.”
“Um, yeah, you probably need to leave that subject alone,” I said.
She gave me an indignant sniff. “And he puts up with you, so he must be a saint.”
“Haley,” I said. “Trust me. You don’t want to have anything to do with him.”
“That’s what I’d say, too,” she said. “Never mind. I can get my own boyfriends.”
Ten thirty was lights-out. I lay in my buzzing twilight daze and listened to the slow, even sound of Haley’s breath in the dark. Maybe that was why I was such a zombie during the day—the sleeping pills didn’t actually seem to make me sleep. They just turned me to jelly.
Details slid out of my grasp, but the blunter points of the matter were lined up like building blocks in my head.
The last time I checked the clock before I finally managed to doze off, it said 12:38 a.m.
I dreamed about leaving Harmony Valley and going home to find my entire house—floors, walls, ceilings, every possible surface—covered in a thick layer of grit and grime, like wet coffee grounds. My parents didn’t seem to notice, but Kasey wouldn’t stop sobbing about it. I tried to console her by showing her that she could wipe it off, but when I touched it, my skin began to bubble and ooze.
Then Kasey walked away from me, bumping into things as she went—clank, thump, thud—and I looked down and saw that the skin on my legs was bubbling, too. It felt different, though—there was pressure—scraping—
I bolted upright.
Haley’s bed was empty.
Then an arm reached up over the side of my bed, the hand bent like a claw, and dragged across my pajamas like it was trying to grab hold.
For a moment I just stared, trying to figure out what exactly was happening. Then I jumped out of bed and turned on my reading light.
Haley was on the floor between the beds, flailing like a beached mermaid, her arms reaching hungrily for me. Her eyes were open and staring, her mouth slack. Her feet were completely tangled in her sheets, leaving her unable to walk or even stand up.
The floor around her was littered with things that had been on the nightstand between us, swept off by her groping arms.
My first instinct was to open the door (triggering an alert at the nurses’ station) and run away down the hall. Then I realized that this might be my only chance to gather actual information about what was going on.
I pressed my hands together, so tightly I could hardly feel my fingers, and made myself speak.
“Laina…?” I asked. “Is that you?”
Haley opened her mouth.
Hisssssssssss
I slammed back against the wall, watching her claw hungrily at the air like a horror-movie monster.
“Why are you doing this?”
She twitched in frustration. “Come closer,” she whispered.
“No,” I said.
She bared her teeth and snarled at me.
“What do you want?” I asked. “Is this about Jared? You can have him. I don’t want him. You need to leave me alone and stop hurting people.”
She turned her attention to her legs, but she was too clumsy to unwrap the sheet.
I looked around for something that could be used to defend myself if she did manage to get up off the floor. Of course, I didn’t find anything—the whole point of this place was that they didn’t keep weapons lying around.
Haley’s arms gave one last convulsive effort, and she fell back limply to the linoleum, her eyes closed.
I watched for at least a full minute, then took a step closer. “Haley?”
Nothing. Only the slow, even breathing of a sleeping girl.
One step closer.
I knelt down to touch her shoulder.
Her eyes popped open and her mouth widened like the maw of a shark going after a seal. She grabbed my hand with one of her own and yanked on me so hard I lost my balance and fell on top of her.
Her other hand grabbed for my neck, but I put out both of my arms and pushed off of her body as hard as I could, slipping out of her reach.
It took me a second to catch my breath.
She let out a hopeless sigh. “You must love him,” she hissed.
“No!” I said, my back to the wall. “No! I don’t! I never will! Go away!”
It was the wrong thing to say.
Her eyes narrowed with resentment. Then, before I knew what was happening, Haley’s hands squeezed around her own neck, the fingers and knuckles turnin
g white. I ran over and tried to pry them away from her throat before she suffocated herself.
She was choking, gasping for air, but her hands never let up their iron grip.
And the whole time, her lips were curled into Laina’s bitter, vicious smile.
I fought to get my fingers underneath hers. I’d much rather have her try to strangle me, because then at least I could get leverage. But this was like trying to pull apart two boards that have been bolted together.
The gasping and choking grew more desperate, until Haley was deathly silent.
Time for drastic measures. I flipped her over so she was facedown. Then I hooked my elbows through hers and pushed my arms apart, dragging hers with them. Finally I managed to pull her hands off of her throat.
I waited until I heard her take a ragged breath before I relaxed.
Then I heard, in Haley’s normal voice, “What the…? What are you—”
She craned her neck to look at me, and gasped.
Oh, crap.
“Haley, wait!” I said. “It’s not what it looks like!”
I was going to tell her I could explain. But she didn’t give me a chance.
She let out a scream that could have peeled the paint from the walls.
AGENT HASAN SAT PERFECTLY STRAIGHT, her hands folded on the table in front of her. She had her usual air of detachment, but it was different, somehow—every few seconds I caught a flash of something behind her eyes.…Was it caution? Fear?
“I am very much hoping you’ll enlighten me,” she said slowly, “as to why you found it necessary to attack your roommate in the middle of the night.”
I could tell her exactly what I’d told everyone else—that I didn’t know why I’d done it. Which was beginning to look like a golden ticket to a lifetime at Harmony Valley.
Or I could tell her the truth.
I decided to try the middle ground. “I have a reason,” I said. “But you wouldn’t understand.”
Her eyes widened, and she leaned forward. “Try me.”
“I can’t.” My voice was stretched thin. “But it’s a good reason.”
She tapped her fingers against the table. “When I brought you here, that wasn’t supposed to be an invitation to earn yourself a permanent stay.”
As Dead as It Gets Page 23
