“Okay, let’s all get comfortable and talk the night away.” Blade looked over and grinned at me.
I didn’t smile back; instead, I gave him a suspicious, narrow-eyed glare.
“You know, Kira, I came here with my husband but bumped into Blade. He insists we must celebrate his graduation from the program.” Ashley smiled at me.
“Husband? Graduation?” I arched a brow, not following, but now my suspicions vanished like a vapor in the thin air.
“Blade had a drug problem. He also had a problem with alcohol; he came to me for help, and Blade has passed the first and second stages of therapy. He is left with the third. We at the facility are very proud of the progress he has made.”
I didn’t know whether to cry or congratulate Blade. Seeing him with his doctor made what he’d gone through very real to me. The rehabilitation along with the therapy sessions couldn’t have been a cakewalk. The ice melted from around my heart, but was I ready for that?
“Kira, thank you, sweetheart. You played a part in my transformation. If I had not lost you the second time, I would never have admitted I had a problem. You made me realize that, and I am thankful I met you. Even if you don’t love me again, I will accept my fate and cling on to the miracle that your coming into my life brought.”
Tears stung my eyes as I peered at him carefully. He really seemed different. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and stared at into Blade’s beautiful eyes. If Blade had achieved this with the help of his doctor, then he had changed.
“I don’t know what to say,” I stuttered as the tears found their way down my cheeks. Images of our wild partying, his excessive drinking and drugs played back. Could this be the same person?
“All right, Blade and Kira, my husband Andrew just called. He is done with his meeting.” The doctor rose to her feet, shook hands with Blade, and dropped a light peck on my cheek, then whispered, “This man is crazy about you. You should give him a chance.” Then she walked away.
It seemed Blade even had his therapist on his side.
“I’m sorry, Kira, for not coming over to you at first… I saw the sadness in your eyes when I walked in with Dr. Ashley. I wanted you to know in your heart that you have the right to come to me; it doesn’t matter who I’m with.” He paused.
I laughed. “You are horrible, Blade Benefield. Do you know what I almost did?”
“No, what did you almost do, baby?”
“I almost came across this table and raked your doctor’s eyes out.”
“That means you do care for me.” He grinned. You are sexy as hell in that dress. I could never be with another woman when I have you, Kira,” Blade managed to say.
His words made me blush. “Thank you, Blade, I just didn’t…” I quickly reminded myself I didn’t want Blade back in my life, so instead of smiling, I frowned. I needed to reel myself in.
“What? You didn’t want to dress up because of me? You are always beautiful, Kira…you don’t need to make too much effort.” He leaned closer to me and caressed my chin. “I know I hurt you deeply…you deserve more, but I just can’t let you go. Give me just one more chance.”
‘It’s strictly business, a professional dinner…’ Penny’s words rang in my ears.
“I am sorry, Blade, I can’t do this.” I pulled my chair back and rose.
“You can’t do the interview or be with me?” he asked, tears glistening his blue eyes.
I opened my mouth to reply, but words fled me. I couldn’t say anything. It seemed I had been living in self-denial. Fighting a fight that had no end, a fire that would transcend to an inferno if I failed to let it burn at its pace.
I was genuinely happy for the progress Blade had made. I was delighted he had realized his mistakes, but a part of me was unwilling to let go of his lies and deceit. What if he went back to that life? Would I be able to walk away this time? Even if I did, would my life remain the same?
“Please, Kira, I know your fears. But addicts do change. People find a way to cope with their problems, and the way I found is you. You are the light of my life.” His voice was husky, drenched in emotion.
He was pouring out his heart into my soul, and for the first time, I listened to him. I began to imagine a third chance with Blade.
“Just this last time, Kira. I promise with my life to do right by you. I promise.” Tears rushed down his face.
I had never seen him this way. “Oh, Blade!” My heart melted like ice cream under a blazing sun.
“I know I was carried away and had gotten trapped in my own world, but I am ready to give us a chance to grow. I care about your dreams, I care about your goals. Because of you, I see journalists in a brand-new light. These are people who make their living working on information, and like any other profession, there will be bad eggs, but there will be good ones, too. I was wrong to plunge all journalists into one category. I know I hurt you, baby, I am sorry.”
He reached for my hands, and this time I let him take them in his grip.
“You never wanted us to be known as a couple, Blade. You never cared enough about me to make me publicly yours. The media had you attached to Trisha,” I cried.
“I apologize, darling. I want to be a part of your life now. I want to get to know your friends Edel, and Tom, too.” He paused as my eyes widened.
“You know Tom?” I asked.
“Yes, I asked Penny a lot of questions about you. I just want to know who your friends are, who your enemies are. I want to know the first thought that crosses your mind whenever you wake up. I want to know what you think about my music and the areas I need to work on. I want to be with you and only you. There was never anything between Trisha and me in a romantic type of way. It’s only for show,” Blade confessed.
“And the media? What if they get wind of our relationship?” I asked.
“I don’t care what the media thinks about me. I even planned something for them on ‘Knowing Blade’. I want to tell the world my story, how I got addicted to drugs and alcohol. I want freedom, I want your love.”
I felt Blade was making a lot of promises. Could he keep them all?
“I want and need the whole world to know about our love.” He smiled down at me.
“As long as I know your love is real, I don’t need the whole world to put our every move under a microscope.” I was never the sort of girl who was comfortable being in the limelight. I loved my things private.
“Just say yes, Kira, just try me.” He squeezed my hands.
I shut his voice out as I closed my eyes. I shut out the soul music that hummed in the background. I shut out the laughter that reeled in the bar and the clanking of glasses.
I searched for peace. I looked deep into my soul, into the depths of my heart. I searched for my inner voice, and when I found it, I found my joy.
When he whispered to me, I felt convinced as my eyes flew wide open. “I love you, Blade. I am willing to give you another chance.”
I realized I’d never got over him. I was playing tough, fighting against the angels of love no man, whether strong or weak, could resist when it came to matters of the heart.
Love was a rock. It was intense and feverish. Love was gentle yet powerful. It flowed steadily like a river at times yet turned fiery and as all-consuming as flames. It was a sword that seared hearts apart, it was a drug that mended open wounds, a spell that bound two souls as one.
I fell in love even more profoundly than before with Blade when I found the truth in his eyes. He had taken a step to care for himself, and that was the greatest love of all. The respect and love one has for one’s body, his mind and his soul.
“Please don’t hurt me again…” I blinked the tears away from my eyes.
“My vow is never to hurt you intentionally again. We will have ups and downs, but I vow to you to work through them. We can accomplish anything as long as we are on one accord.”
“I vow to you not to run away from you again. I’m willing to fight for our love.”
Blade
kissed my lips to seal the promise. I groaned when he lifted his head.
“I have a gift for you.” He fetched his phone from his pocket and offered it to me.
I was hesitant and confused.
“Take it, it’s yours. Press Play, baby.”
I stared at the screen, then pressed the Play button.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
BLADE
Dancing at the Bar…
I could tell she loved the soft harmony of beats that I had put together for her. I had given Starburst and the rest of the band my new song, and they had done a little work on it. It was now perfect and soon to be released as our latest single.
“You did this for me?” Kira was overwhelmed.
Her smile was everything I needed; it was the sunshine that always lit up the darkest part of me.
“Yes, I did. Getting Kira Back was something that just came into my mind when you blew me off when I first visited your office. I was so hurt and disappointed that I had let you go. I took the treasure I had for granted, and imagining you with another guy made me upset. I didn’t want someone else to be with you, someone better, because I didn’t meet up to your standards.” I was not ashamed of telling her what I honestly felt and laying my heart bare for her to see.
“I don’t know what to say, Blade, but this song? This song is a hit!” Kira grinned.
“That’s because it was all about you. Everything about you is a hit.” I loved it when she showed her love of the words that came from my heart and soul.
“I love it, Blade, it’s really special to me, and I will never take the love you have shown me through your action and words for granted.” She hummed the tune for a few seconds, then to my surprise, she began to sing the song as if she owned it.
Prisoner of your heart, won’t you open wide…
Open wide your arms, open wide your heart
Beautiful demon, lovely and hardened
Won’t you open, open wide your heart…
Oh, baby, I am just a man, I am just a fuckin’ man
Oh, Kira baby, forgive me,
Rose with a million thorns, open wide your petals
And take me in, for everything I’ll get you back…
“Can I download it to my phone? I promise not to send it to anyone until it’s finally released by the band,” Kira asked.
I cupped her pretty face between my palms and looked deeply into the pools of her russet-colored eyes. “You can do whatever you want with it, baby. I just want you to be happy with me.”
She nodded and continued singing along.
“You sing alto so well, you should join my band for our next tour.” I loved the sound of Kira’s voice; her alto was a rare flavor, and I liked listening to it.
She blushed and looked away shyly. “What do you think people are going to say when they see a randy journalist on your band?”
I laughed; that was Kira being humorous. “You’re not randy, you’re cute and sexy in every possible way. And your confidence is something I admire and look up to,” I responded.
She shrugged. “I’m not interested; I love my job as a journalist. Our job is to report what goes on in the lives of people like you.” She turned off the song and poked my chest with her middle finger. “You are what rock stars for a girl like me wet dreams are made of.”
Kira got this intense look in her eyes as if she wanted to devour me on the spot. My cock sprang to life with the ferociousness of a lion. My desire for her would never be tamed.
I was ecstatic when Kira started to warm up to me, from when she had frozen me from her heart. I didn’t know what made her change her mind suddenly. Maybe I had harassed her too much and worn down her defenses. I just hoped I lived up to her expectations. I would try like hell to be the man she deserved.
“Did you ever fall out of love with me?” I dared to ask her.
My question was met with a few seconds of silence. I forgot to breathe until Kira’s mouth opened with her reply.
“I fell in love with you, Blade, I fell deeply for you. Everything in me was in love with you…I still loved you even after we ended things. I lied to myself and tried my hardest to deny the love I felt for you. I was determined to fight those feelings, to cast your face into the deepest part of my memory. I would have succeeded if you hadn’t kept showing up, fighting for our love,” she confessed.
“I’m glad I did show up at the right time and…I’m most fortunate to have you in my life. I won’t take the rare gift of your loving me for granted, sweetheart.” I was so touched that such an angel would be this patient with me, to give me another chance to make it right. “I’m sorry, Kira, for all the lies and deceit, taking your love for granted and mistreating you. I will never do something like that again. I promise.” I caressed the side of her face as tears gushed down from her eyes like an open fountain.
“I accept your apology, just don’t break my heart the third time.” She sniffed in some air.
“I won’t. It’s a promise.” I dropped a light peck on her forehead.
“Blade?” Kira’s calling of my name sounded desperate, she appeared to be scared.
“Yes, what is it?” I asked.
“How did you forgive me so easily? You stood by me even though I didn’t confess I was a journalist. I was one of the vultures you hated. Yet you still stand by me because even I have to confess that I was secretive…I could be called shady even because I didn’t want you to hate me.”
What could be shadier than being addicted to drugs and alcohol? Even if she had slept with some other guy, I wouldn’t have let her go, because I’d pushed her away when she’d needed me the most. I took a deep breath. I stayed quiet to allow her to purge her heart of her confession.
“I didn’t tell you I was a journalist, and now I realize that made me a liar by omission. How dare I come down on you for your lies when I had a lie of my own. I was wrong on so many levels, Blade. Will you forgive me?”
I understood why she hadn’t told me about that part of her life. I couldn’t hold it against Kira even if I tried. “You kept it from me because of the way I spoke about journalists, but that has changed now. I no longer think that way. It’s vital to circulate information—the right kind of information.” I wiped the tears off her face.
“You don’t understand, Blade, this is more than that…” She pushed my hands away and stepped back.
“What could be more than drug addiction?” I scoffed. What was she keeping from me?
Kira’s eyes were sad and forlorn, and her lips shook as she cried. Something was eating her alive, something made her feel very guilty. What could she have done?
“You can tell me anything,” I reassured her. “I will never stop loving you. I promise.”
“Maybe I should have kept this one secret away from you, but I don’t feel right. What we have now”—Kira grabbed my hands and stared at them—“is a new slate. We are both starting out clean as a couple, and I don’t want to be the one to walk in with dirty feet. I want this for real and I strongly feel you want the same. My conscience won’t let me rest should I keep this secret away from you. I know you love me, and you’d do anything for me, but if you cannot forgive me or move past this, I will understand, Blade. I will totally understand.”
I was getting a little apprehensive. “You sound like you murdered someone or have gotten in trouble with the law,” I teased to lighten up the conversation. “Just go on, tell me what it is you have to tell me.”
“Baby…” The look in Kira’s eyes grew more fearful.
I tightened my hold on her hands and placed them against my chest. “Go on,” I urged.
“Well, the first time we met when I came to the concert in New York… I came to get some vital information on your band. Since Daybreak hadn’t gotten something viral for a long time, Penny sent me to work on a project that would draw more people to the Journal. I felt lucky that you’d taken an interest in me that night. I really liked you from the very beginning but I started having d
oubts about where our love affair would lead. After I realized you were heavily into drugs and booze, I considered just for a little while to make you and the Trash Monkeys my initial project. I am sorry, Blade, I never went through with it. I…I love you too much to let you go down. I couldn’t bring myself to show the world your weakness, to put you in the spotlight and have you judged or trolled on social media. When I didn’t present Penny with a story, she demoted me, and that’s where I am now. I don’t know what I’ll do if you hate me but I am sorry,” Kira apologized again.
I laughed when she had finished speaking. I hoped to God she was making this up because I trusted Kira with my life.
“I’m not joking, Blade. I am sorry I did something like that. I just couldn’t keep it to myself.” She reiterated what she had said earlier.
This time, her eyes had lost their sparkle; they were dim and anxious.
“I don’t believe you’d do something like that to me or anyone else for that matter. You, Kira, are a different breed. You aren’t like those rag magazines who get off baring people’s struggles in life and pain. Please don’t forget you who you are. You’re my angel.” I hoped, I prayed she was telling me a story about someone else.
“No. I am serious, Blade.” She pushed my hands away.
“You’re not! Please tell me you are not!” I snapped at her unexpectedly.
“Blade, I didn’t have a choice. I was under a lot of pressure to produce something. Penny didn’t care how or where I got that story from, she just wanted something out of me!”
“For fuck’s sake, Kira, don’t give me that crap. I can’t believe you’d stoop this low. I thought you were different from other journalists. This is why I always have a strong aversion to the likes of journalists like you! You are always desperate for something negative, you never focus on the positive side of things, you feed negativity, you make it the bae of livelihood. I am so disappointed in you, Kira.” I felt hurt all over that I had trusted her with everything in me.
Rock Fever Page 15
