What she naively hadn’t realised until now, was that she wasn’t like that. Since she’d met Taj she’d laughed more than she had in the last year. She loved their witty repartee, and the way he kept her constantly on her toes, not helping her too much but always making sure she was okay. He had a way of making her feel safe. The fleeting passion she’d glimpsed in his eyes those few times had left her reeling. She remembered wondering how it would feel to have him focus all his attention on her for a whole night. It was a heady thought. She’d never felt like that about Charles.
The next nail in the coffin had come when she’d told Charles about Max and the try-out that afternoon on the cliff tops. He couldn’t have been less interested. He’d merely asked if she was planning a career change and when she’d said ‘No, of course not,’ he’d changed the subject.
The final straw had to be when he’d asked what had bought on this surge of empowerment. He’d said he preferred the old Georgina to this new one with crazy ideas and an inexplicable desire to put herself into harms way.
“Well I happen to like the new George,” she’d told him bravely. “And to be quite honest Charles, I don’t want to be that other person anymore. I like having fun and meeting new people and going on adventures. And yes, I’m not even adverse to a little danger.” That wasn’t strictly true but she’d thrown it in there to make a point. “I’m tired of interviewing people and admiring their exciting lives, now I want to have one too.”
There had been a long pause after which Charles had said, “I can’t give you that life, Georgina and nor do I wish to. I like my life the way it is. I’ve worked hard to get here and I enjoy what I do. If you don’t want to be a part of that, then I’m afraid you need to rethink the decision you’ve made to marry me.”
Astounded and profoundly shocked that he would place the responsibility firmly on her shoulders, like he had no say in the matter, she’d responded by saying that she would. To her mind, if he loved her at all, he would fight for her. He would try to understand and reassure her that he loved her no matter what she wanted to do with her life. Just like she would have done had the situation been reversed. She was deeply disappointed and despite what she’d told Charles about rethinking her decision, she knew in her heart that the relationship was over.
She took a deep breath, she could either go to her room and sob her heart out, or go to the bar and have a drink. The drink sounded like the better option, not least because Taj would still be there and she could use a distraction right now.
“Don said you’d be here,” she said unnecessarily as she padded across to where he was still lounging at the bar. He looked up and blinked as if he couldn’t believe she was standing there. “I’m afraid you haven’t come at a very good time,” he drawled. “I’ve definitely had too much to drink and should now take myself off to bed.”
“Please stay and have one more with me,” pleaded Georgina. “Or at least keep me company.”
He gazed at her for a moment, reflecting. “Okay, you’ve convinced me. What can I get you?”
“Gin and tonic.”
The barman nodded.
“I’m just going to grab a coffee,” said Taj pushing himself away from the bar. “If I have anything more to drink I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”
His deep, husky voice was filled with promise. She sipped her Gin and tonic and watched as he filled a polystyrene cup with steaming coffee and stalked back to the bar.
“Let’s get a table,” he said, gesturing to one of the many vacant tables in the lounge. It was nearly midnight, and although the sun had only just set being this far south, most people preferred turning in at their normal times.
They sat opposite each other. Georgina sipped her drink and longed to tell Taj about her conversation with Charles, but didn’t want to appear self-absorbed.
“Don said you were feeling out of sorts,” she began. His eyebrows shot up. “Did he really, the cheeky bastard?”
“I hope you’re feeling better now,” she said.
He looked into her eyes, “I’m getting there.” She felt butterflies flickering in her stomach.
“So what brings you to the bar at this hour?” he asked.
“I’m keyed up from working,” she lied, “I thought a drink would help me sleep.”
He gazed at her speculatively. “How is the article coming on?”
“You’re a very hard person to write about,” she admitted.
“And why is that?” he asked softly, his eyes gleaming like a tidal pool lit from below.
“I suppose it’s because you’re so different from how you appear to the rest of the world,” said Georgina honestly.
“You know I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks.”
Georgina nodded, “I know, but you have an image regardless of whether you care or not.”
“So why am I so different?”
He hadn’t touched his coffee, Georgina noted. He merely gazed at her intently, making her nervous.
“You just are,” she mumbled vaguely, taking a huge gulp of her gin and tonic. There was that damn anti-concentration serum again.
“Slow down,” chided Taj, then as she glanced at him defiantly, “We have all night, tomorrow is a rest day. I’ve got nothing better to do than to look at photographs on my laptop and maybe shoot some pics from the bow.”
His lazy tone was disarmingly seductive.
“Now, you were saying?”
Georgina took a shaky breath. “When I met you on the plane I thought you were arrogant and selfish,” she began. “But I was wrong. You’re not like that at all.”
“Thank God for that,” he mocked.
“I’m serious,” she admonished. “You gave me such a hard time.”
“You deserved it,” he said gently.
Georgina felt herself heating up, “That’s not the point. Any gentleman would have…”
“I’ve never professed to be a gentleman,” he interrupted steadily. “The word is outdated.”
“Charles says…”
“I have zero interest in what your beloved Charles thinks,” he said harshly, cutting her off again.
“Will you stop doing that,” demanded Georgina. “What I was trying to say, was that you’re actually a great guy and as far as I can tell, you’re not a womaniser either.”
“How do you know I’m not?” He looked into her eyes and then at her mouth. She felt her heart drop to her stomach like a lead ball.
“Are you?” she whispered.
“I could be where you’re concerned,” replied Taj huskily.
The alcohol on an empty stomach made her bold and she asked, “Are you dating that girl I saw you with at the airport?”
He gazed at her meditatively, “I was. I called it off before this trip. She was too demanding. She wanted what I wasn’t prepared to give.”
“I see. It must be hard on relationships, all the travelling…” her voice trailed off.
Taj looked at her steadily. “Hard for them, not for me.”
Georgina cocked her head to one side. “Perhaps you just haven’t met anyone worth changing your life for.”
His expression hardened. “I’ll never change my life. If I did that I’d be miserable, and then it wouldn’t work out anyway.”
“Do you talk from experience?” she asked, intrigued and worried that she cared so much about the answer.
“I do,” was all he said.
“Sounds like my parents,” she said mildly. “Can I have another drink?”
The barman nodded and poured her another.
“See, a perfect case in point. It can never work. Look how you’ve suffered. It’s not fair on any family.”
She swallowed, “I get your point.”
“When I left boarding school at seventeen, I vowed I would never again be confined to one place. To me the ability to explore distant places and to observe nature in all her naked splendour is a freedom I will never sacrifice. I had to live without it for too
long.” He stopped suddenly, aware that he’d said more than he meant to.
Georgina was staring at him. “It’s okay,” she said longing to take his hand. “You don’t ever have to give that up. Maybe one day you’ll find a partner who you can take with you on your travels.” She was shocked at how wistful she sounded.
“I doubt it,” he said flatly. “Would you give up your job to follow your husband around the world?”
Georgina hesitated for a split second, “I might. If I loved him enough I suppose I would.”
“And you would travel around with your kids in tow, just like your parents did? How long do you think that would last?” His gaze was unrepentant.
Georgina was shocked into silence. He was right. It would never last just like it hadn’t lasted with her parents. He finally did pick up his coffee and drained it in a few large gulps. “Let’s at least be honest,” he said.
Georgina thought for a second and then said, “Okay, since we’re being so honest, the reason why I’m here at the bar tonight is because I had a fight with Charles. Actually, let me rephrase that, Charles doesn’t fight. I had a disagreement with Charles.”
“Really?” He was looking at her with interest. “What did you disagree over? The date of the wedding?”
She rolled her eyes, “Very funny. No actually, just the wedding.”
“I’m not following.”
He suddenly went very still, the only thing moving was his luminous gaze as he searched her face.
“He seemed to like the old Georgina better than the new one. She fit better into his boring, orderly life.” She couldn’t help the trace of bitterness that crept into her voice.
“And what do you think?” he asked softly.
“I disagreed,” she whispered.
He raised his cup, “Here’s to the first sensible thing you’ve said all night.”
She smiled, “Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.”
“So where does that leave you and Charles,” Taj asked, not quite making eye contact.
She sighed, “At loggerheads, I guess. He told me I ought to rethink my decision to marry him. Can you believe that?”
“He’s right,” agreed Taj.
Georgina looked affronted. “What? He does have a say in the matter too, you know. It’s not the kind of decision only one side should make.”
“Everyone has the right to decide for themselves,” he insisted. “If Charles isn’t right for you, you should say so.”
“I didn’t say he wasn’t right for me,” she bit out defensively. “I am just disappointed that he wasn’t more…understanding.”
“Maybe he’s worried you’ll break up with him,” he suggested.
“I’ve never seen Charles worried in my life,” she scoffed.
“They do not love, that do not show their love,” quoted Taj with more than a hint of sarcasm.
“Oh shut up,” groaned Georgina, “You’re not helping.”
“I wasn’t trying to help,” he said softly. When she looked up his hand reached out and traced a gentle line down her taut cheek. “If I were Charles, I wouldn’t let you go for a second, let alone allow you on a two week trip holed up with a wayward photographer with a reputation for womanising.”
“He doesn’t know who you are?” she whispered. Taj burst out laughing and his hand dropped from her face, which only made her long to feel his touch again.
“Thank God for small mercies,” he drawled.
“Can’t you be serious?” asked Georgina, draining her drink.
Taj reached across the table and took her hand in his. She watched in shocked fascination as he tugged the engagement ring off her finger, turned her hand over and placed it gently in her palm. “Excuse me if I don’t bend over backwards to help you solve your marital problems. As you can see, it’s not my speciality.”
She roughly pulled her hand away. “I take it back,” she told him, “you are an arrogant bastard.” She leapt to her feet and said curtly, “I’m going back to my room. Thanks for your stimulating company.”
She turned to march off when Taj grabbed her wrist and squeezed. Wincing she came to a stand still.
He stood up. “I’m only frustrated because I want you so much,” he said so quietly she hardly heard him.
“What?”
Taj’s gaze dropped to her mouth and suddenly, more than anything Georgina wanted him to kiss her.
“You’re driving me crazy,” he whispered against her lips. Georgina couldn’t think straight. She melted against him, their faces only inches apart. He was so close she could feel his stubble on her lower lip. Georgina closed her eyes and waited, but nothing happened.
“But I’m not going to touch you until you’ve made a decision about Charles.”
Her eyes flew open. His words cleared the air between them more effectively than any Antarctic wind could.
She pushed him away unsteadily. “But, but I thought…” she stammered.
“You thought I’d be happy being the guy you had a last minute fling with because you got cold feet? I’m sorry, I’m not that kind of guy. I don’t do second best.”
Her cheeks burned with humiliation. “It’s not like that. I’m confused.”
He shook his head, “Not my problem.”
Feeling shattered she blurted out, “And what if I decided to go ahead and marry Charles?”
She missed the wretched look that shot across his face.
“Then at least I would know what I’m working with. A one night stand is always more enjoyable if you know it’s only going to be one night.”
“You bastard,” she hissed, running out of the bar. Collapsing in a heap on the bed she buried her face in the pillow hoping the darkness would shut out the hurt she was feeling. It didn’t. Oh God, what a mess. It had been a mistake going to see Taj. How insensitive of her to talk to him about Charles. She wouldn’t have wanted to hear if he loved Miss Armani and couldn’t decide whether to marry her or not. Just thinking about it depressed her. No wonder he’d been so flippant. He was right, she had to make a decision. Just the fact that she was so attracted to another man meant that she probably shouldn’t be marrying Charles. Their disastrous telephone conversation aside, if she were honest with herself, she would admit that she had never been physically attracted to Charles, not in the rip-your-clothes-off kind of way she desired Taj. For her, Charles had been an anchor, someone she knew would always be there for her. She’d been like a baby bird, afraid to leap off the cliff and fly. Then Taj had come along and pushed her over the edge, and suddenly she’d found her wings.
Sitting up she stared at the ring on her finger. Then she slid it off and placed it in her make-up bag, thinking how equally worthless both items had been on this trip. Falling back on her pillow she squeezed her eyes shut, willing sleep to come, but knowing full well that it wouldn’t. She’d gone to the bar looking for a distraction, well, she’d certainly found one and now she had to deal with it.
CHAPTER TEN
Georgina spent most of the next day alone in her cabin, writing. Ironically, she couldn’t avoid thinking about Taj. As she pieced her article together she realised how helplessly attracted to him she was. It didn’t help that she had to list all his fine attributes, as well as make him out to be as appealing as possible to stimulate the female readership. As she described his easy-going style and quiet confidence, she realised how much she was going to miss him once this expedition came to an end.
At midday she took a break and strolled around the deck, inhaling great gulps of cold sea air, preparing herself for what she knew she had to do. Putting it off was not an option. She’d told Taj last night that the new and improved George didn’t fit into Charles orderly life, but after sleeping on it she realised it was Charles who didn’t fit into her life, at least the way she now wanted her life to be. She thought of all the wonderful places she could visit, the people she’d meet, and the articles she could write and she was filled with excitement and anticipation. Charles had bee
n right in asking her to rethink her decision, he would definitely not have wanted a wife that couldn’t play society hostess to his boring friends, or look good on his arm at book launches.
Full of determination, she placed another, what would be her final call to Charles on the sat phone. It took all of two minutes to tell him she was breaking their engagement. Strangely enough he didn’t ask for a reason, or even put up a fight. He merely accepted her decision and said he hoped they could remain friends. Then it was all over. It struck her how emotionless Charles was and she thanked her lucky stars that she’d met vibrant, adventure-loving Taj to show her how life could be when you injected a bit of passion into it. She’d been so deep in thought that she’d strolled out onto the quarter deck without even realising it. Amy and Claude were admiring the passing scenery and she remembered that this was the last they’d see of the Antarctic Peninsular as the Explorer made it’s way north to warmer waters.
“This is the probably the last iceberg we’ll see,” Claude was saying. “I believe we’re not entering the Drake Passage for our final leg back to Ushuaia.”
“I can’t believe this trip is almost over,” mused Amy sadly. “It’s been such fun, hasn’t it love?” She turned to her husband who ruffled her short, cropped hair.
“Oui, mon ami,” he whispered into her ear.
Georgina smiled. For all his quirkiness, Claude adored his bubbly wife. They were such different personalities, but shared a common love of marine life and a passion for scientific discovery. She’d seldom met a couple who were so happy together. It made her long to find someone of her own to love. What scared her was that she suspected she already had, but he lived in America, when he was home that was, he didn’t want a long term relationship and to make matters worse, was currently ignoring her. All in all, it didn’t look good.
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