by Shari Low
That made the subtle lines on his face crease and Chrissie began to relax. She had this. It was going to be okay.
‘It was a bit of a surprise when I heard from you,’ she said. ‘Joining the former pupil page on Facebook is the only thing I’ve ever done on social media. You said you didn’t keep in touch with anyone from school?’
He shrugged. ‘Occasionally see a few of the guys. We play five-a-side football once in a blue moon when we’ve convinced ourselves we’re still fit enough to do it. Then we get on the pitch and remember why we’re not. What about you?’
‘No one at all. Life changed for me when we left school,’ she decided to go with full disclosure straight away and tell him about Ben. His reaction would tell her everything she needed to know about him. ‘I have a—’
‘Are you ready to order?’ Gino swept in.
‘I’ll have the veal Milanese,’ Davie said. ‘And a bottle of house red.’
‘Penne arrabbiata please, Gino,’ Chrissie ordered, realising she’d had to stop herself from correcting his manners by pointing out to Davie that he hadn’t let her order first or said ‘please’ or ‘thank you’. Hanging out with twelve year olds did that to you. Though she couldn’t help thinking that Ben had a better grasp of politeness than this guy.
‘I’m really glad you came tonight.’ Davie commandeered the conversation before she could deliver the news she’d been working up to. ‘You know, I always had a thing for you back in school.’
‘Really?’ she was genuinely surprised. ‘I had absolutely no idea. We never really hung out in the same group, did we?’
‘No,’ he admitted, with a sexy smile. ‘It was more of a “lust from afar” thing. Apart from that one night at the school disco. I’ll always be thankful for mistletoe.’
Cute, but Chrissie could sense that charm came pretty easy to this one. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. On one hand, it was flattering; on the other, it made her wonder how much of a player Davie was. The overly confident type had never been her thing. Actually, she didn’t have enough experience to even know what her “thing” was.
‘Indeed,’ she said. ‘Anyway, Davie—’
‘I don’t know whether to be insulted that you didn’t want to jump my bones back then,’ he said, with a wide, cheeky grin that told her he was joking.
Only… it wasn’t funny.
‘Well, back then I was in a relationship with someone else and I was never the unfaithful type,’ she said, hoping her attempt at a jocular tone masked the fact that she was starting to feel more than a little defensive.
He leant towards her, that grin still there, his whole demeanour screaming ‘suggestive and sexy’. ‘You just didn’t see a good thing when it was in front of you. I’m sure we can make up for that now.’
Something inside her snapped.
‘I have a son. His name is Ben.’
Every single thing about his demeanour changed. ‘You didn’t mention that before,’ he said, his tone cold.
‘I don’t discuss my family on social media. Is it a problem?’ Chrissie was already sensing that it most definitely was, but strangely, she wasn’t in the least bit upset. Her “he’s a dick” radar was flashing like a strobe light and her libido had already decided that she wouldn’t touch this guy with Josie’s bargepole, so she really did not give a flying toss what he thought of her. Too smug. Too smarmy. Too overly suggestive. And he didn’t fucking say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’.
‘No, it’s not a problem…’ Now he was the defensive one and Chrissie wasn’t proud to admit she was glad she’d made him squirm just a bit. Arse. ‘I mean, if you’re just into something casual.’
Wow. Just wow. He clearly wasn’t in the least bit interested in Ben and didn’t even have the decency to act like he was. Not a single question about the most important part of her life, just straight on to what it meant for him.
Chrissie required clarification. ‘By “something casual” do you mean just sex?’
The suggestive grin was back. It took every ounce of Chrissie’s restraint not to slap it with a breadstick.
‘Well, if that’s what you’re thinking, I’d be good with that.’
Chrissie barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Did anyone actually fall for this crap? Or was this what dating was like these days? Had she missed a whole decade where stuff like… oh, say, getting to know each other, having lunch, going to the cinema, had all been circumvented and it now just went straight to “get them off and climb on”? If so, she was going to be single forever. Right now, that didn’t seem like such a bad thing.
She’d been here barely fifteen minutes with this bloke and already she was calculating that if she left right now, she could be home and in her pyjamas watching this week’s episode of Chicago Fire by nine o’clock. And at that moment, she fancied a night of escapist drama much more than she fancied a night with Davie Bailey.
So what to do? Stay or cut and run? It would be polite to stay. Of course it would. And Val and Josie had put so much effort into supporting her tonight. Yes, of course, she should stay.
Unfortunately, no one notified her left hand of this, because it was currently creeping across the table. He took this as a sign, put his hand on top of hers.
‘Shall we just get the bill?’ he asked, obviously getting completely the wrong impression.
‘Not quite yet,’ she said, and as she slipped her hand out from under his, she just happened to collide with his drink, send it tipping into his lap. Oh dear. Sorry, not sorry. ‘But if you want to send me the bill for your dry cleaning, that would be fine,’ she said, matching his sexy tone.
It took him a moment to realise what was happening, and his reaction was instant. His drink had been finished, but there were still ice cubes in the glass, four of them, all of which were now sitting in his crotch. ‘What the f—?’ he gasped, as he scooped them up and deposited them on the table.
Chrissie picked up her bag from the chair next to her and stood up. ‘I don’t think this is working for me. You have a lovely evening.’
With that, she strode across the room, passing Gino on the way out.
‘If he doesn’t pay the bill, I’ll settle it tomorrow,’ she promised.
‘I promise you, that won’t be necessary,’ Gino replied pointedly, and Chrissie made an educated guess that he’d seen everything that just happened. ‘Why don’t you wait in the staffroom and I’ll call you a taxi?’ he suggested kindly. She was sure now that he’d seen what she’d done.
‘Thank you, Gino, but I’m just going to go back along to Sun, Sea, Ski. The rest of the girls are still there. I’m sorry if our order goes to waste.’
‘Do not dare apologise,’ he countered. ‘It is no problem at all.’
‘Thank you,’ she said again, making a mental note to double his tip next time they were in here.
She slipped out of the door, just as a white car screeched to a halt in front of her. Breathing in the cold air, she felt an irrepressible urge to laugh. What. A. Dick. She hadn’t even lasted twenty minutes. And oh, his face when the ice fell in his crotch. Just as well she didn’t actually mind being single. If this was the modern dating game, she was bailing out and sticking to nights out with the girls.
‘Chrissie?’ Oh, for fuck’s sake, he’d come out behind her, and now he was…
She stopped. Froze. It had taken a second to register, but now she knew that wasn’t his voice. It was…
Slowly, really, really, slowly, she turned round.
Tom. Standing there, about fifteen feet away, was the man she’d thought about every single day for over half of her life.
In all the eventualities she had planned for, this had never come up. An explosion of feelings consumed her. Fury that he’d left. Devastation that he hadn’t come back. Resentment that she’d been alone for all these years. Heartbreak that her son had never known his father. And all of that translated into a stunned, shocked paralysis.
‘Chrissie, I…’
‘Can we talk? I just need to exp—’
‘Mate! What are you doing here?’ Not her. Davie had come out of the restaurant door and was addressing Tom like he was his best buddy.
‘Not doing the beers and the Sky Sports after all then?’ Tom sneered.
‘Nah, mate, change of plan. Fancied a bit of dinner.’
When Tom didn’t reply, Davie’s gaze went to the side until he saw that Chrissie was still standing there, further along the pavement.
‘Shit,’ he sighed. Hand. Cookie jar.
‘Mate?’ Chrissie this time. Her brain now starting to form connections. ‘Is this some messed-up game? You set your pal up to date me?’ her voice was barely above a whisper and dripping in both fury and disbelief.
She watched as Tom turned to face Davie. ‘Seriously? You honestly didn’t think I’d find out?’ Back to Chrissie, ‘He didn’t tell me he was seeing you. I only discovered that yesterday. I promise I had nothing to do with it.’ He turned back to Davie, ‘All these years you knew I was looking for her and you never told me this?’
Davie looked shamefaced for about two seconds, before he reverted to type and tried to bluster his way out of it. ‘Come on, man. What’s the big deal? You haven’t seen the chick since school. Anyway, you’re welcome to her, she’s—’
No one would ever know what he was about to say because at that point Tom stepped forward and punched him in the face. Chrissie gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, while Davie yelped, then bent over and spat a mixture of blood and saliva on the ground.
‘Fuck! What the…’
No one listened or cared.
One line was replaying itself over and over in her mind: All these years you knew I was looking for her…
He’d been looking for her? And he’d been back for years? None of this was computing.
He held out his hand to her. ‘Please, come with me, I’ll explain everything.’
She was still stuck to the ground.
All these years you knew I was looking for her…
She had questions. And she couldn’t just stand here all night or she’d freeze to death.
Before her conscious brain had even given the instruction, she walked towards him.
He immediately flushed with relief, opened the car door to allow her to climb in, then raced around the other side.
‘And you…’ he said to Davie, who was still standing against the wall, rubbing the side of his face. ‘Start looking for a new partner, because we’re done.’
He jumped into the car, and before she had time to speak, to ask questions, to say anything, they roared off from the kerb, turned left at the end of the road, and then…
He pulled in and stopped.
‘Sorry, but I’m going to kill us if I keep driving while my hands and legs are shaking like this,’ he said, turning to face her.
Tom. Right there. His face only an arm’s length away from hers. Her heart was beating like a train and she could not find words, except…
‘You’ve been looking for me for years?’ she asked, barely able to get the words out.
‘Oh God, I’ve got so much to say,’ he replied, his voice almost desperate. ‘Yes. I came back when I was nineteen. I searched everywhere, but I couldn’t find you.’
‘But… I had no idea. Why didn’t you return my calls and letters?’
‘What calls and letters?’ he asked, and she could see his reaction was absolutely genuine. None of this was making sense.
‘When you left, I called and wrote a dozen times, asking you to get in touch.’
‘I had no idea. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me after I left, and I wouldn’t have blamed you. I’m so, so sorry I went with them. I know Norry told me he’d cut off all payments to my mother if I didn’t go, that he’d drag out the divorce settlement and give her nothing, but I should still have stood up to him. I should have stayed here with you, called Norry’s bluff, done the right thing. I knew I’d screwed up, so I came back after a year to find you and beg you to forgive me and…’
‘I can’t believe this,’ Chrissie whispered, tears falling down her face now.
‘Please don’t cry. Please. I’m so sorry. I know you must hate me but—’
‘I thought you’d cut me off because you couldn’t forgive me for not coming with you,’ she blurted out.
That stunned both of them into silence for a moment.
‘Listen, I want to sit and talk to you all night, but I need to get back to the hospital.’
‘You’re a doctor?’
‘No, I’m Davie’s partner in a marketing company.’ That triggered a vague recollection of him shouting something about finding a new partner at Davie. ‘I met him again at uni and… Christ, I’m rambling. I’ll tell you about that later. I need to get back to the hospital because my grandad, George, he’s… dying.’ The word stuck in his throat. ‘He doesn’t have long. I sit with him during the night because I don’t want him to be alone. Would you come with me? I know it sounds like the worst idea ever, but it’s quiet there, we can talk. Problem is, our parents are there.’
‘My mother is back here?’ Tonight just could not get any stranger.
‘She flew in today with my dad. It’s not gone well. Oh God, I need to tell you about that, too.’
She watched as he stared forward, biting his bottom lip. He always did that when he was thinking. Just like Ben.
‘Thing is, I’ve got all their luggage in my boot, so I have to take it back to them. How about if we go back to the hospital, and I’ll give them my car keys and they can go back to my house. You can stay downstairs for five minutes and then come up if you don’t want to see them…’
‘I don’t,’ she said fiercely.
‘I get that, completely. Shit, this is all crazy. All I want to do is go somewhere with you and talk all night, but I can’t leave him alone. Not now.’
‘No, it’s okay. I understand.’ His love for George, his complete decency took a wrecking ball to her emotional wall.
‘Is that a no or a yes?’
‘A yes. I’ll come with you.’ She should have said that to him twelve years ago. He’d been taking all the blame so far tonight, but the truth was, she had been the one who had refused to go to Australia. No matter what her reasons, she shouldered some of the blame for this, too. If she’d gone, perhaps none of this would have happened.
‘Okay, let’s go,’ he said, pulling out and driving in the direction of the hospital. ‘I just need to stop at my grandad’s house and grab some things for him. It’s only ten minutes from the hospital and we pass it on the way. I’ll be two seconds,’ he said.
‘That’s okay.’
She had so much to say. He had so much to say. And yet, there was a few seconds of silence.
‘I went to his house after you left,’ Chrissie said.
His surprise was genuine. ‘What?’
‘After you left. I had a feeling that my mum and your dad weren’t passing on my letters or phone messages. So I took a letter to your grandad. He told me he would pass it on.’
‘He didn’t,’ Tom said, and there was no mistaking the frown of confusion or the desperation in his voice. He slouched, crestfallen. ‘I swear I never got it. It must have gone missing in the post or… but why didn’t he tell me that when I came back? He knew I was searching for you. Why didn’t he say?’
Chrissie instinctively knew he was telling the truth.
‘Perhaps our parents asked him not to,’ she said, wishing she’d thought of that possibil
ity before now. She’d always been so sure George would have passed on the letter and told Tom she needed to speak to him. He was such a lovely and trustworthy man that she hadn’t even contemplated that he wouldn’t do that. ‘I think we need to start at the beginning,’ she said, desperate to blurt out the most significant fact of all, but deeply aware that doing it when they were driving could cause a ten car pile up and leave Ben orphaned. Ben. She was completely overwhelmed by the thought that the situation was going to change his life and she wasn’t sure whether that was a positive thing, or completely terrifying.
‘We will,’ he said. ‘Let’s just get to the hospital, and then we’ll have all night to talk and to figure stuff out. Chrissie, I’m trying desperately not to say the wrong thing here, but I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you again. You’ve no idea how much I’ve wanted this.’
Chrissie took a wrecking ball to her defences. ‘Me too,’ she said, realising that despite years of telling herself she didn’t need him, there was nothing she wanted more right now than to be sitting here right next to him. It just felt so… right.
He asked her why she was storming out of the restaurant and she gave him the bullet points, before blurting out, ‘I would sometimes imagine that I saw you,’ she said. ‘It happened today, in fact. I was in Princess Square—’
‘I was there,’ he gasped. ‘I thought I saw you. I chased you but couldn’t find you and figured I was mistaken.’
Another explosion of feelings. Incredulity that she had been right and…
‘You were kissing someone.’
‘Zoe.’
‘Your wife?’
‘My girlfriend.’
Chrissie felt something deflate inside her, but then, what did she expect? Of course he would have moved on and met someone else. She was the sad, pathetic one that had stayed off the dating scene for twelve years. Although, there had been extenuating circumstances…
‘Ex-girlfriend,’ he clarified. ‘We broke up today. I was on Davie’s computer yesterday, saw your messages to each other, and as soon as I saw your name… Oh God, Chrissie, I can’t even explain it. That’s how I found out he was meeting you tonight. And Zoe… I was already meeting her for lunch today, but all I could think about was you, so I told her I couldn’t keep seeing her. Not that I’m expecting anything from you, I promise, but it would have been unfair to keep seeing her when all I cared about was seeing you again.’
