by Walls, Devri
“Kiora,” Emane hoped to give her a distraction, “Can you summon us some food?”
“No, Emane,” said Drustan, “She has used a lot of magic today and we can’t risk her using any more. You will need to find firewood and dinner the old fashioned way.”
“And you?”
“I will go fishing in the Sea of Garian, and I will be changing into something a little less pink while I am there.” Drustan left their camp and took off.
“Are you going to be ok if I leave you here, or do you want to come with me?” Emane asked Kiora.
“I will be fine,” she said finally looking at him. “I could actually use a little time to rest.” “Alright, I will be back soon.”
***
And she was finally alone. She put her head into her hands and cried harder than she ever had before. She cried until she didn’t have anything left. Leaning back against the tree, she pulled out the sapphire she wore around her neck and rolled it back and forth through her fingers. “Malena, if you can hear me, it’s not an emergency but I really need to talk to you.” She sighed. “But if not, I understand.” She placed the sapphire back underneath the bodice of her once beautiful dress that now hung in tatters, bloodied and torn.
How could she possibly do this? Pain and death were going to be part of every battle, and she would be there to witness it, all of it. It felt like an eternity since she had watched evil in the Wings of Arian. The pain that day had been excruciating, but this, this was worse. The screams of the Fallen Ones still rang in her ears, and her heart felt as if it would break into two.
“Kiora?” a soft voice said, the same time that Malena’s comforting thread reached her.
She looked up to see the tiny Guardian with long silver hair and glittering wings floating above her knee. “Malena, you came!”
“I did. You called. I should not stay for long. I used quite a bit of magic to get here. Materializing is draining.” Eyeing Kiora’s bloody sleeve she said, “You are a mess.”
Kiora smiled for the first time since the battle. “I am so glad to see you.”
Malena flew over and ran her hand along her arm. “This is Vitraya’s work is it not?” Kiora nodded. “Vitraya’s taste for blood seems to exhibit itself in a most destructive way. She must have been very angry.”
“She had just realized that the Shapeshifters had aligned with us and before she could find the colony, Orrin escaped to warn us.”
“I see. You saw that in a vision?”
Kiora nodded. “She killed the other Shifter before Orrin escaped.” Her voice caught in her throat, she probably would have cried but there was nothing left in her.
Malena fluttered over and sat upon Kiora’s knees, folding her legs underneath her as if she planned to sit there for some time. “What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?”
Kiora stared at the tiny perfect creature, “I don’t know how to be ok with this.”
“With being the Solus?”
Kiora thought for a second, “I don’t know. I thought I had come to terms with it. But today, during the battle...” She closed her eyes trying to forget what she had seen and heard.
“Who died?”
Kiora sniffled. “Three Fallen Ones by dragon’s fire. We injured at least five Hounds. And then of course, the Shifter I saw in the vision.”
“I see.” Malena flew up, fluttering inches from her nose. “Kiora, remember after you saw evil for the first time in the Wings of Arian?”
“How could I forget?”
“I remember how badly your heart was hurting that day, as bad as it is now I would guess.”
“Worse,” Kiora’s shoulders racked with an empty silent sob, “this is worse.”
“Your perceptiveness is both a blessing and a curse,” Malena turned her head to the side. “Most gifts are. It has allowed you to achieve things that you otherwise could not.”
“Like what?” she demanded. “What things has hurting this bad enabled me to achieve?”
Malena fluttered backwards, landing again on her knee, “Eleana spoke with me about your encounter with the Shapeshifters. You knew their intentions, their feelings, you could feel them.” Malena’s head turned again to the side, her eyes full of understanding, and pity. “Now you feel the pain of those that were lost in battle.”
Kiora felt lost underneath the pain, drowning and alone in a sea that only she could feel. “Emane doesn’t understand.”
“And he won’t,” Malena said. Kiora turned her head away, squeezing her eyes shut. “Kiora, you are blessed with a gift that far exceeds his abilities. He will never understand the pain you feel over the loss of an enemy. He will also never fully understand the level of joy you feel. As is your pain, such will be your joy.”
“Kiora dropped her head back against the trunk of the tree, a few straggling tears trickled out. “He wants me to be happy for winning the battle, I don’t know how to do that.”
“You should be pleased that the work is going forward, Emane is correct. But, feeling pain for the loss of life is part of who you are.”
“I know he is right, they tried to kill me! So why does it hurt so badly?” she looked back to Malena, pleading, “Why do I care?”
“Because to you, pain is pain and life is life. To most people, the pain of others is only valid when they feel that pain is justified. To these, preservation of life is important, but only for those they deem worthy to keep it. In regards to those who would hurt others or do any manner of things you saw that first day in the wings— the common perception is that they have voided their right to sympathy. But you can’t do that.” Malena shook her head, her silver hair picking up the little remaining light that was making its way through the branches. “You feel the pain of others regardless, you mourn the loss of life no matter how evil, because of your goodness. You care about them regardless of whether they deserve it or not. You love them simply because they are.”
“But Emane...”
“Emane is your Protector. The Protector not only protects, but also balances. He makes up for some of your weaknesses, as you do his. Your gift of perception is also a weakness, he balances it. Kiora, there are those in this world whose evil will not be quelled. Death alone will be the end of the destruction they can cause.”
She considered Malena’s words, weighing them carefully in her mind. “Will it always hurt?”
“Of course it will, that is who you are. But understanding helps soothe the pain just enough to make it bearable.”
“I will watch friends die,” Kiora said, more a statement than a question.
Malena sighed. “I wish I could promise that it would not happen, I wish I could promise that you will not be involved, but the causalities will be great on both sides. Dralazar will not stop until he has made sure of it.”
“How many were lost last time?”
“Thousands.”
Kiora’s chest heaved with pain, pushing her breath out. “Thousands?” she gasped.
Malena sent a wave of compassion to her. “You will always mourn, it will always hurt. But understanding the reason for their loss makes it bearable.”
Kiora pulled at the glittering threads on her destroyed gown. “I wouldn’t let Drustan kill the Fallen Ones I had disabled. Did I make the right decision?” she glanced up
“Disabled?”
“I, umm... I asked the lake water to…. go to them,” Kiora stammered. Self recognition was not something she was comfortable with.
A smile pulled at Malena’s lips. “I am sure I would have liked to see that. Perhaps I will ask Emane for an accurate description of what happened. In answer to your question, no you did not make the wrong decision. You are not a mercenary and you do not kill for joy. There was no other choice you could have made. Just remember that they will never do you the same courtesy, so do not expect it,” she paused, her eyes trailing over Kiora, a smile lighting up her face. “Kiora, you have grown so much since I last saw you, can you see it?”
Kio
ra returned to fiddling with a ripped piece of her bodice, “I think so. I see glimpses.”
“Is that it? A glimpse? I can see it just looking at you.”
Kiora bit her lip. “What do you see?” she asked quietly.
Malena shook her head, “It does not matter what I see, it matters what you see. You cannot act upon my knowledge. You must find the greatness that lies within you, yourself.”
“I have seen it,” she stammered, “I can feel it. It... it is still easy to forget,” she sighed. “Especially at times like these.”
“The more you acknowledge it, the firmer hold it will take within your soul. Bury it and it will die,” she said firmly.
Kiora struggled with two lives, to concepts, all colliding within her. “I was always taught to be humble. How can you feel humility and greatness at the same time?”
“Ahhh,” Malena nodded, understanding. “Humility is the absence of arrogance. Acknowledging the true worth of one’s soul is realizing your true potential.”
Kiora mulled over her words, trying to commit them to memory.
Malena flew forward, a tiny finger touching her cheek. It was so light Kiora hardly felt it at all. “I am afraid it is time.’
“You need to go?” Kiora asked, sadly.
“I do. Do try to find some of that joy you are so capable of.”
Malena tossed a loose strand of silver hair back between her wings and then vanished as quickly as she had come.
While she waited for Emane and Drustan, Kiora played her conversation with Malena over and over, trying to imprint her words upon her mind and in her heart.
The branches parted and Emane entered with a bundle of firewood and two rabbits.
“You caught two rabbits, already?” Kiora said, trying to sound as though nothing was wrong.
“Yes, my new dagger throwing skills are very handy.”
“You used your magic?”
“I figured, I am not flying us out of here, I can’t bubble us, I could spare a little so that we could eat.”
By the time Drustan returned, they had a fire going and two rabbits on sticks roasting for dinner. He came back in the same human form they had seen at the colony.
“Glad to see you have lost the pink fur,” Emane teased.
“The things I will do to make a lady smile.” Drustan looked to Kiora, “You seem to be in better spirits than when I left.”
“I am, thank you.”
“I have brought fish to add to the fire.”
Kiora took them and got them ready to roast. The smell of the roasting meat was making Kiora’s stomach growl in anticipation.
“Alright, Drustan,” Emane said as he rotated the meat. “Now that we are all here, perhaps you can enlighten me. You took your own sweet time gracing us with your presence on the battlefield today.”
Drustan settled himself on the ground near the fire. The red streak running through his black hair was brighter than usual and resembled a flame burning on oil. “I was gambling that you would be capable of handling the Hounds without help from me,” Drustan said, looking most unapologetic.
“I am glad you feel comfortable enough to gamble with my life... again,” Emane added dryly. Kiora shot Emane a look, but it went unnoticed.
Drustan hung his head. “I did not mean any harm. If I would have known how your body would react to the magic, I would not have been so insistent on inserting it.”
“And what of the Hounds?” Emane pushed.
“I would have been useless against the Fallen Ones if they knew I was there, they are too fast, and too small to be caught by dragon fire. I knew I would only get one good shot in before we lost the upper hand. So, I waited for the best possible scenario in hopes that I would be able to take out more than one.”
Emane nodded, “Interesting. You could have mentioned your plan.”
“No time, I had to get out of range and bubble before they entered the clearing.”
“I think it was brilliant,” Kiora said.
“I don’t know that I would call it brilliant, My Lady, especially not compared to your performance.”
Kiora shook her head. “We all played a part.”
After dinner, Emane stoked the fire and Kiora tried to work up the nerve to ask Drustan about the vision she had had.
“Drustan, do you mind if I ask you a question?”
“Anything you like my lady.”
“Whose side did you fight on last time?”
Emane looked up from the fire waiting for the response. Drustan sighed deeply, a sadness washed over his face, pooling in his eyes.
“Dralazar’s.”
“What?” Emane’s mouth fell open, aghast.
“Emane, let him explain,” Kiora said, putting out her hand to silence him before he vocalized everything she could see and feel, running through his head.
“Thank you, My Lady. Would you mind if I started the story from before the last battle?”
“Not at all, I could use all the information I can get.”
“My species have never been able to truly decide what side we wished to follow, due to some personal, extenuating, circumstances.” Emane frowned but Drustan continued. “Over the thousands of years of fighting and peace, we have switched back and forth from evil to good. Once we choose, we will stay with them until the end. But during the years of peace, our resolve has always faltered and left us to choose again the next time the fighting began. We have been highly sought after, as you can imagine. Having an ally that can infiltrate an enemies camp is a desirable advantage. During the last war we aligned ourselves with Dralazar.” His jaw hardened as he remembered. “He promised us many things that Eleana could not. All lies, of course. As the war continued, we began noticing that we were no more than pawns to him, to be used for his ultimate goal.” He shook his head, his eyes far and distant.
“What is his ultimate goal?”
He snorted in disgust, his eyes focusing back in again on Kiora, “He tells his followers that he is fighting for a better world. Dralazar insists that he is trying to create a Utopia. A world where all are provided for, leading to a better life.”
“But how…” Kiora started to ask
“By making sure that everyone does exactly what he says. Without choices there will be no mistakes,” he said bitterly.
“You no longer believe him?”
“No, last time marked the first time that our people chose to leave a battle before it was finished.”
Kiora drew in a quick breath. “Dralazar must have been very angry.”
“I am sure he would have been had he realized. Shapeshifters are much harder to take inventory of than others. That, and the causalities were so high he had stopped counting.” Kiora flinched.
“Why did you leave?” Emane asked.
“I had become suspicious of Dralazar. I began to make a point of being wherever he was. Sometimes as something I was not if we were in large groups, sometimes bubbled. I learned quickly that Dralazar was anything but what he had claimed to be. His wish is for power and glory and it matters not who dies in the process. He wishes for nothing but pain and misery and fear. He feeds off of fear, revels in it.” Drustan spat on the ground. “I have watched him torture his own followers. He wishes to be crowned supreme ruler and when he is, he will rule with a terror unsurpassed.”
“The others believed what you had seen?”
“They had already witnessed some of it themselves and there were whispers of more. When I confirmed what they had already suspected, we made the decision to withdraw from the battle.”
“Did you join Arian and Eleana?” Kiora asked.
“To my discredit, no. Had we done that, Dralazar would have known what we had done. We could not risk making ourselves a target. Our numbers had diminished greatly during the war. It was a matter of self preservation.” He bowed his head. “I am not proud of it.”
“How closely did you work with Dralazar?” Emane asked.
“Very close, I was one of his
top advisors.”
Emane’s eyebrows furrowed in suspicion. “And he didn’t notice you were gone?”
“I told him that I was headed to the northern most borders to check on the troops we had stationed there. It was near the end of the war and we never came back. I had hoped that he assumed we were dead. But when he summoned us with his smoke signal, my hopes were proven to be false.”
Leaning forward Emane asked, “You have had strategic meetings with Dralazar?”
“Of course.”
He dropped back, his wheels turning, running through the possibilities. “That could prove to be very valuable.”
Kiora stifled a laugh.
“What?” Emane asked.
“I believe that’s what he was trying to tell you.”
Later that night, Kiora waited until the others were asleep before she stood and tiptoed past them.
“Do you mind if I join you?” Emane whispered.
Kiora almost shot out of her skin, “Emane!” she hissed, trying not to wake Drustan. “I thought you were asleep.”
“Obviously.” Emane sat up and grinned at her. “May I join you?”
That grin softened her heart. “Sure.”
As they went to walk through the weeping branches they heard Drustan. “You two be careful.”
Kiora threw her arms up, “Oh, good grief!”
Emane laughed, “You know Kiora, for being so perceptive you are a terrible judge of when people are sleeping.”
She heard Drustan chuckle as Emane followed her, still laughing, out into the perfect night.
The silver trees were glittering in the moonlight, even more breathtaking now, than when they had arrived.
“How could we not know that all of this existed?” she asked, looking out at the glittering landscape. “Our world is so small and within it another world has been hiding for a thousand years.”
“I don’t know. It just never seemed important before, did it?”
“None of us were ever given the option to decide whether or not it was important before, were we?” she said, and then felt bad for it as she saw him flinch with guilt out of the corner of her eye.
Clearing his throat he asked, “Where are we going?”
