“What planning phase?” I huffed.
“You’re the optimistic one, dude,” Nico said. “If anyone can find a way to get a girl back, it’s you.”
“How many times do I have to remind you lot, she’s on the other side of the world. It’s probably snowing for Christmas. And what do we have? Buckets of sunshine and not even a whispy cloud in sight. I’m wearing nothing but fucking boardies and I’m still sweating. It’s indecent.”
“It’s Christmas,” Hawk laughed. “What else do you expect?”
“Leave him alone,” came Tank’s gentle rumble.
“Yeah, you can talk,” I snapped. “You’re the reason I’m in this mess.”
“Ye-es,” Hawk said sarcastically. “It’s definitely Tank’s fault you went and fell in love with a famous rockstar.”
“I didn’t…” I started, all ready for a fight. Then I sighed. “Well, I won’t know what it could have been now, will I?”
“Now, who’s got the emotional range of a teaspoon?” Nico teased, but I wasn’t in the mood.
Tank put his hand on my shoulder and the affection I felt with all of them hit me right in the feels. I’d be nowhere without this group of arseholes. I’d be nothing. I’d be shrapnel on the side of some building long before now. More than that, I’d still be the emotionally stunted, insecure little guy who hid all his faults behind false bravado.
These guys had seen through the bullshit. They’d known the bullshit for what it was and still loved me anyway. They’d let me continue the façade because we all needed a laugh now and then, but they weren’t afraid to be there for me when I needed it. Same way I wasn’t afraid to be there for them when they needed it.
They were my brothers in all but blood and I didn’t know what I’d do without them.
“I love you arseholes,” I said with a rough chuckle, totally pretending I wasn’t about to start tearing up.
“We love you too, man,” Chaos said with a smile.
“Group hug!” Hawk cried and we all laughed as we became a jumble of limbs.
So, I might have lost the girl and lost all hope of getting her back, but I had my family. As far as consolation prizes went, they were pretty damn good.
19
Nora
I was beginning to hate interviews. I knew they were important to maintain post-tour hype. I knew they helped sales and streams. I knew they were good for the brand, and what was good for the brand was good for us and our music.
But, boy did they suck when you were stuck in your sixth one in two weeks in all that makeup under all those hot lights. Eight months on tour had given my skin enough problems I’d still be sorting them out when the next tour started. I didn’t need to keep aggravating it now.
Still, one more. A last one. Just me this time with super daytime TV host Laine Campbell. Laine had been good to us over the years, by which I mean me. The boys were excellent eye candy for her viewers, but when it came to interviews they liked the female perspective. I’d been a guest quite a few times.
It was the perfect place and time to make my announcement.
I waited through the stack of usual and expected questions, then took my chance in a break.
“So, I guess now’s as good as ever to announce I’m going to be taking a break from the band,” I told her.
I could see her surprise as she surreptitiously looked at her notes to see if that topic was on them. “You are?”
I nodded.
I’d talked to the boys about it, but no one else. Except Emma. Understandably, they’d been upset that we’d be apart for a while, but once I’d sat them down and explained how I was feeling they understood. Unanimously, they’d all agreed that if time off was what I needed then time off was what I had to have.
“I am.”
“And what are you going to do on your…?”
“Shall we call it a sabbatical?” I said with a smile.
“Your sabbatical,” she said.
I shrugged, cool and casual and calm. “I’ve been thinking about heading home to see my parents. Spend some well-earned time with them.”
“And your brother?”
“He’ll visit, I’m sure. Won’t want to risk me becoming Mum and Dad’s favourite.”
She laughed. “Does this have anything to do with the bodyguard you were rumoured to be dating? He works for a company from your home town, doesn’t he?”
I liked how Laine didn’t name it. I wasn’t surprised. If I ever mentioned Adelaide in the States, no one had any idea what side of the country it was on, let alone that it existed.
I nodded, acting cagey just like the fans liked. “It might. It might not,” I laughed at my own joke. “No, really, it’s about me. Getting back to my roots and finding a few things I’ve lost over the years. About finding myself again.”
“Are you worried your music has suffered because of what you’ve been through over the last few months?”
I knew she was referring to the stalker and I wished I hadn’t brought up taboo topics and given her the feeling she could bring up more taboo topics.
“I’ll always worry my music suffers, no matter what does and doesn’t happen in my life. I’ll worry it’s losing touch. I’ll worry it’s not relevant. I’ll worry it’s plain crap.” It was the kind of waffling rock answer that we’d become master crafters of over the years. “Sometimes, we’ve got to sit back and take stock, you know?”
Laine nodded like she had any idea. “I do, yeah. So, back home. How long for?”
“I don’t know yet. See where the mood takes me. How long it takes to find whatever missing piece I’m looking for. Maybe the boys’ll do better without me and pay me to stay away.”
“Maybe they’ll do terribly and pay you to come back.”
Oh, we laughed like that was hilarious. It was hilarious. It was a hilarious notion.
The boys would be fine without me. They might not remember where they left their pants or their phones, but they’d physically survive. And, they’d still have Emma.
They – by which I mean Nate – were already scheduling Skype dates and trying to remember the time differences. Brax was making sure I could still collaborate on songs if I wanted to or they needed me ‘real quick’ for something tricky. Zach was writing me a ‘must read’ list for all my down time and had decided we could have a book club to talk about it. And Coop was making sure Mum and Dad had the fastest internet Australia could provide – cue snort at that notion, because it wasn’t very fast at all.
“They’ve promised not to replace me,” I told her. “But I’m sure that just means they won’t let all their famous collabs sign any permanent contracts.”
“You’re not worried it’ll cause a rift? Worried the world will see the end of Valjean as we know it?” I almost applauded her on her dramatic voice.
“It’s my brother and his three wanker mates from high school,” I scoffed. “Nah, I’m not worried.” My true-blue Aussie-ness was coming out now, as it inevitably did during interviews.
We’d agreed as a band early on that we’d try and sell our Australian-ness. We thought it could be a novelty we traded on. Like, this is the reason we’re different from what you normally hear, because we’re nuts. And the Luck of the Glenn-ish had held and it had worked for us. So, we used it to our advantage at every opportunity.
“What do your parents think about you coming home? They must be happy?”
I nodded. “I don’t think they imagined their rockstar twenty-seven-year-old daughter would ever move back in with them, but…” I shrugged. “Shit happens.”
“Well, I can certainly say I, for one, will miss you, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.”
“Thanks, Laine.
“This has been Nora Curry, bassist from Valjean, who’s just announced she’s going on sabbatical. Tune in next for great winter warming ideas with Karen.”
The show went to ads and I was released – mostly – from my stage
persona.
“Thanks, Laine.”
“You’ll call me as soon as you’re coming back, won’t you?” she asked.
I nodded. “Sure.”
I mean, I probably wouldn’t. But it wasn’t like I’d tell anyone else.
With that out of the way, I had a bunch of tearful arseholes to hug goodbye and a plane to catch.
20
Ryder
I was watching Arnold gambol about on the floor with the end of his feather toy instead of getting dressed for Nelson’s end of year shindig.
We weren’t even working; we were guests. I should have been excited, but all I could do was sit on the couch in my ‘Nora O’s Ryder’ t-shirt and stare at my kitten and wish I could be that happy and innocent again.
So, when my doorbell rang, I wasn’t really thinking about who it could be or what I was supposed to be doing. I walked to the front door in some kind of stupor and tried – and failed – to give myself a pep talk to get my sorry act together. After all, it was my fault I’d lost the girl. She was right there and I’d stupidly walked away. I was going to have to get over it at some point.
“Ryder…” said girl said as I pulled the door open.
I blinked. “Is this a dream?”
“Not a nightmare, I hope,” she said with a forced chuckle.
I blinked again. “Uh… Aren’t you on the other side of the world?”
She nodded. “Not so much…”
Well, obviously. She was standing right in front of me. “Right. No.” I nodded.
“I was hoping we could talk?” she asked.
I looked around like I was wondering where to put her or something.
“Uh, sure. Come on in.”
No questions about how she knew my address. No apologies about the state of the house. Just get right into it.
“I just… I had half a mind to do the whole boombox thing, but…” she trailed off. “We hadn’t seen that one yet.”
Guessing she meant movie, I shook my head. “One of many.”
She nodded. “Yes. Look, about that… I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. A lot. And, uh, well I’d like to think I’ve been doing some soul searching.”
Arnold lolloped out from the living room and mewed at Nora.
“Oh, you’ve got…” she started.
“Arnold’s new.”
“Vosloo?” she asked.
I frowned. “What? Schwarzenegger.”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“Of course,” I agreed.
We stood awkwardly for a moment and I realised it was the first time I’d really felt awkward around her. Like ever. Even just before I’d walked away, I hadn’t felt awkward. It just made me feel like a prat. She’d come all this fucking way and I was standing around like a dick in a ‘Nora O’s Ryder’ custom Valjean shirt.
“Uh, sorry,” I said. “I mean, more than the…” I motioned to the whole house, the situation, just all of it.
She gave me a small smile. “No. Not at all. I’m sorry I just turned up unannounced.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry about…the way we – I – left things.”
“There were a lot of things I should have done differently. A lot of things I should have told you, and earlier.”
Now she was in front of me, I didn’t think I cared. I simultaneously wanted to tell her to go back home and wanted her in my arms. I didn’t think anything could change the conflict between what I wanted and what I expected would be the outcome of this; her going back home and me still wallowing. But then she continued.
“I’m the rock and you’re the roll,” she said. “And my rock is nothing without your roll.” She seemed to catch herself and corrected, “My rock is an independent woman re-learning to trust her own self-worth, but she really, really likes your roll.”
“I thought you were on a break from the band,” was what my petulant inner-child popped out with.
Nora nodded. “Okay. I am. You can take the girl out of rock, but you’ll never take rock out of the girl.”
I couldn’t deny she was winning me over. I’d missed her. I hadn’t wanted to walk away in the first place, but I’d wanted more than just a relationship because the public approved of One-Night Nora finally having two – or more – nights.
But she’d left all that behind. She’d walked away from the one thing that had kept her anchored in the world. I admired her for that. And she’d walked – almost – straight to me. That had to count for something. Something that meant she wasn’t just going to turn around and leave me without her.
“You’re the rock and I’m the roll?” I asked.
She nodded, then stopped. “Your mates call you Rollie right?”
I smirked and nodded. “They do.”
She sighed and a small smile broke through her uncertainty. “Thank God. I thought I’d come up with this awesome analogy and then totally cocked it up at the last minute.”
I shook my head. “Nah. It works.”
“It works? Or, it works?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “It works,” I told her as I reached out to her and she took my hands. “It really works. I like it. I like you, Nora. But you know that.”
She looked at our hands, a soft smile on her face. “I hoped you still did. But the important thing is if you can forgive me?”
I was about to blurt out that of course I forgave her. As if I couldn’t forgive her. But that was old, live nowhere-but-the-moment Rollie. New Rollie wasn’t going to live anywhere-but-the-moment, but he was also going to take a second to consider the future.
“I want to forgive you, Nora–”
She nodded. “I get it.”
I huffed a laugh. “Give me a second here. I’m not saying I can’t.”
Nora looked up. “Sorry. Assumptions. Continue.”
I smiled. “I’m just…” Now I had the floor, I wasn’t quite sure how to put it. “I’m a little unsure. But I don’t want to be. I want to trust in you – in us – but I guess I just need you to know that I only need your permission for us. I don’t care about what the rest of the world thinks, and you shouldn’t either.”
“I know. I’m working on it–”
“And I’m also sorry.”
Now she frowned. “Sorry for what?”
“I’m sorry I just walked away. I should have just talked to you about it all then. I should have just been happy you wanted me and we could deal with the whole rest of the world’s approval thing later.”
She threw her arms around me and, God, did it feel good to have her in my arms again.
“I get it,” she said. “I do wish you hadn’t walked away, but I get why you did. It wasn’t fair. I wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t have waited until it felt safe to admit I liked you. I should have been strong enough to just do it from the moment I met you.”
“Oh, the moment you met me?” I teased.
She grinned and buried her face in my chest. “I’m sorry.”
I held her tighter. “Can we agree we both employed a shameful amount of arrogance and a ridiculous lack of communication, and put it all behind us?”
She nodded against me. “I definitely can.”
“Good.” We stood and just hugged for a while longer. Finally, I asked, “Exactly how long are you planning this break from the band?”
I felt her shrug. “Long enough to find myself.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, you said that in your interview.”
She pulled away to look at me. “You watched my interview?”
“I read the bits that Flo shoved in my face.”
I’d read maybe two lines that Flo had shoved in my face, had a hissy fit, and stormed off to my office telling them all that the next person who mentioned Nora or Valjean was cruising for a bruising. Those words. Exactly. I thought it best not to tell Nora just how cool I was.
Nora looked me over. “I don’t know how long I’m taking off ye
t. Maybe I’ll never go back. I didn’t like who I’d become so I’m sure as hell not going back until I can make sure I’ll never be her again.”
I wanted nothing more than to take her to my bed and stay there all night, but I just remembered I had a party to get to.
“Uh…” I started. “Look. I really want to finish this whole…thing, but I’m actually supposed to be at a…thing.”
“Oh,” she suddenly looked super awkward. “Oh, sorry. I should have… We can pick this up later.”
“No,” I said quickly. “I mean, why don’t you come with me?” I asked. “It’s a client’s big New Year’s Eve thing. He’s invited us as just guests this year and…well, he’s a good mate and I can’t really miss it. Even for…”
“Even for?” she asked.
I smiled. “Even for a girl I really, really like.”
She smiled as well. “I could come. I’ve got my whole suitcase in the car. Plenty of choices of clothes.”
I looked behind her and noticed the sleek black car parked at the curb.
“How long do you need?” I asked her.
“What do you need me in?”
“Got anything black tie ready to go?”
I followed her out to the car to get her suitcase. “Just what kind of high falluting friends do you have, Mr Andrews?”
“Just wait, you’ll see.”
We got ready with much checking each other out and teasing about wasting time on horizonal – or vertical – shenanigans, and finally got to Ayer’s House where Mr Nelson held his New Year’s Eve party.
“Ryder Andrews, there you are!” Nelson called as we walked towards the door.
“I know,” I told him as he hugged me. “I’m late. Sorry. But,” I pointed to Nora, “I had an unexpected international visitor.”
It took Nelson a few seconds to recognise her. Then his mouth dropped open. “Oh, my stars, Nora Curry! At my party.” Nelson looked me up and down. “And with you.” He gave me a wink. “Well done.” Then turned to Nora. “Huge welcome, lovely to have you. Go in and make yourselves at home. I’ll catch up with you later.”
Rollie & the Rocker (Grace Grayson Security Book 4) Page 11
