“You know, your father and I went through a pretty rough patch too. We were in college, just a little older than you are now.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. We almost broke up.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No, honey. We made it, got married and had you.”
She came to my side and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I smiled, trying not to think too much of my relationship with Alex. I was home, I didn’t have to deal with anything.
“So, what is it?” Mother asked again.
“It’s nothing really. Probably just in my head.” I couldn't just tell her something I didn’t even know how to describe. Maybe it was just in my head after all. “Enough about me. How was last night?” I changed the subject.
Judging by her smile, Mum had a good time. The idea cheered me up.
“It was nice. George is a good man.”
“A good man? That’s it?”
She laughed. “Oh, honey. It’s not easy to see anything more than that for me. But it’s a good start for now.”
Her smile faded as she rested her eyes upon the old framed picture of my father and her adorning the fireplace mantel.
Pulling her silk robe around her waist, she approached the picture slowly, as if not to scare the memories it held, and lifted it off the mantel. She gingerly caressed the picture, a sad smile curling her lips as she looked at the man she had loved all her life.
I watched her sit on the living room couch, hugging her knees protectively as her eyes welled up with tears.
“Mum,” I murmured and stood up.
“Yes, dear?”
The sun lit her auburn hair in a thousand shades of red. My mother was the most beautiful woman in the world.
“Dad would be alright with you dating again, you know?” I said, walking towards her.
“I know,” she answered, sniffling. “I know, honey. I just miss him so much.”
“I miss him too.”
We remained quiet, as I curled next to her, thinking about past times we had shared together.
I had the best childhood anyone can hope for, and parents that loved me like the most precious thing. Then, Father got sick.
If it weren’t for my mother’s strength, I would’ve been lost from the pain. She had not only taken care of him until his last moments, but had supported me through the hardest time of my life.
It had taken me a long time to realize she needed the same support I did. She had been strong for me, but I didn’t know she was crying by herself every night, after she put me to bed like you’d tuck in a small child.
I remember hearing her sob one night, and feeling ashamed for my selfishness. I had gotten in bed with her then, and had promised I will be there for her the same way she had been for me. From then on, we had gotten closer every day, helping each other through mourning and back to a normal life.
It had been four years now. Lately, I had encouraged her to go out more, maybe even start dating, since I was away for college and I didn’t want her to feel lonely.
I wrapped my arms around her, and rested my head on her shoulder.
“It’ll be OK, Mum,” I said, settling better in my seat.
She leaned against me, and we sat in silence for a while, until I heard my phone buzzing on the kitchen counter again.
I sighed, frustrated. I knew it was Alex calling.
“It’s alright, honey. Don’t let the boy wait, he might worry.”
“He’s not the type to worry, Mum,” I said bitterly, and rose.
He had hung up by the time I got to my phone, so I dialed him back. I knew he would be upset so I pulled myself out of earshot for this conversation. I didn’t want Mother to hear this.
“What the hell are you doing?” he said without preamble.
“I was talking to my mum.”
“You know I don't like you not picking up. You’re my girlfriend, you pick up when I call.”
“I know, Alex. But I was talking to my…”
“You’ve been visiting you mum a lot lately. What can you possibly have to talk to her that’s so important you can't answer my call?”
I sighed. “Look, I’m sorry, OK?”
“Yeah, right.”
“Did something happen?”
“I need you here tonight. I got a last minute invitation to a fund raiser that the fraternity is sponsoring and I need to be present.”
“But, I only got here last night.”
“So, what? I need my plus one this evening. Make sure you wear something pretty, this is a black tie event,” he said and hang up.
I pursed my lips, forcing myself not to cry. I doubted this was the sort of rough patch my parents had been through.
Drawing a deep breath, I emerged from my temporary hiding place and braced myself to tell Mum I had to leave.
“Would she feel better if she knew that I had to go because Alex was keeping me at his beck and call?” I doubted it.
***
I had never been a fan of big gatherings of people, especially if I didn’t know anyone around. On top of that, the dress that Alex had finally approved made me feel naked, as it was strapless and really low cut. It felt as if my breasts would spill out any minute and it inhibited movement.
As per Alex’s request at the beginning of the evening, I kept following him around, forcing a smile for everyone to see. Unless he told me to stay.
Leaning against the ornate pillar where Alex had left me, I watched the other guests who seemed to be enjoying themselves. I couldn’t. Not only had I been forced to leave my mother in a state of emotional distress, but I had to put up with Alex’s ignoring me all evening. Even when I was at his side, apart from presenting me as his girlfriend when he needed to show off, he didn’t pay much attention to me.
I checked my wristwatch, I had been alone for more than ten minutes. “What is he doing?” I asked myself, looking around for him.
I decided that the open bar was a much better vantage point so I went there. I needed a drink anyway.
Before I could order anything, I saw him. My heart sank.
He was entertaining a small group of people, probably students from other Greek houses, and seemed particularly friendly to a girl I had never met before.
I couldn’t take my eyes off them, the anger rising inside me was hard to settle.
“Hey, pretty. You seem lonely over here, all by yourself,” some random guy said, standing a bit too close for my liking.
I frowned and stepped back, unsure of how to respond. I didn’t want to be rude, Alex had warned me that anything I did had repercussions on his image. He didn’t want anything staining his stellar fraternity house president reputation.
“Want a drink?” the intruder insisted.
I glanced in Alex’s direction at the same time as he leaned onto the other girl and whispered something with a flirtatious smile. I couldn’t take that.
“I’m fine, thank you,” I said to the guy, my eyes still Alex. He looked my way and squinted. It was his thing whenever he was unhappy about something.
“That’s rude,” the guy said, visibly offended by my lack of attention towards him.
“No, it’s not. If you’ll excuse me.”
Breaking eye contact with Alex, I started for the door. I wasn’t going to take any more crap, that was enough. Having to deal with Alex’s demands and general fussiness was one thing, but watching him hit on other girls while being left alone in a crowd of strangers was unacceptable.
The cold night air hit me as soon as I stepped on the patio. Before I could reach the worn stone steps I was shivering so bad, I knew I needed to go back and take my coat. Deep down, though, I didn’t want to, like suffering the cold would’ve helped with the confusion in my heart.
“Hey! Where do you think you’re going?” Alex shouted behind me. It made me stop in my tracks. Maybe the thought of him coming after me gave me some unexplainable hope.
“Back to my dorm.”
“N
o, you're not. We came together, we’re leaving together.”
“But we’re not staying together, right?”
“What?” He had caught up with me now. “I am busy, you know that.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Busy flirting with Miss Longlegs back there?”
He shook his head and tsked at me with disapproval. “She’s the president of a big sorority. I need her on my side. And you know what you did with your little tantrum? You screwed with my plan.”
“Right, make me the bad guy. You could’ve warned me about this.”
“I didn’t know I would meet her.”
“Yes, you did. You had the complete list of guests. I’m leaving,” I said and turned my back on him.
“What…? No, you’re not!”
He sounded angry. I didn’t realize how angry until he grabbed my wrist and jerked me back.
“Ouch! Alex!” I cried.
“You’re staying with me. And don’t act so virtuous. I saw you with that guy at the bar,” he said, speaking low, his face scary close to mine.
He was squeezing my wrist so hard, I thought my fingers twitched.
“I wasn’t doing anything! He was hitting on me and I left,” I defended myself. “Let go, you’re hurting me!”
His hot breath touched my face, the faint smell of alcohol making me queasy. I was afraid of him in those moments. I wanted to scream.
“Heya there, you two! Isn't it a bit cold for outdoor cuddles?” someone said, jovially.
“It’s alright, we’re going back inside soon,” Alex assured the man. I wanted to protest, but the unknown voice spoke again.
“Alexander Brandt? Is that you?”
“Professor Dorneget!”
“You rascal! How have you been? Haven’t seen you since your freshman year!”
Alex eased his grasp, but didn’t let go. He only released my wrist when he had to shake the professor’s hand.
“I’ve been well, thank you. What’s new? I heard you were on sabbatical.”
Alex talked like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t just attacked me. A cold shiver went down my spine, watching his perfect act. Maybe something wasn’t right after all.
“Good, yeah. I’ve traveled a lot. Listen, kid, could I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure. What is it?”
The professor gestured he wanted privacy for this conversation. Alex glanced at me, the look in his eyes harsh. My eyes widened by themselves, as I was torn between screaming for help and wanting to cry.
“This way, professor,” he said, then turned to me and whispered, “Stay here.”
I nodded. I watched him put some distance between us, but taking care to have me in his sight at all times. I suddenly felt terribly lonely and hugged myself in an attempt to warm my freezing body and comfort my confused mind.
It didn’t take long until Alex returned to me, but I had lost track of time waiting. I didn’t move from my spot, not even when the icy wind had started blowing around me. I spent my time focused on the repetitive movement of a small evergreen shrub that stood against the wind courageously.
I didn’t realize Alex was back until I felt his suit jacket around my shoulders. He pulled me back onto him and wrapped his arms around me tightly.
“I’m sorry for earlier,” he said, resting his chin on top of my head. It hurt, but I didn’t want to interrupt him. His voice was calm, he wasn’t angry with me anymore. “I had a couple of drinks and I think I lost my cool. I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Maybe I was stupid to overreact like that.
“It’s alright. Don’t worry.”
“What do you say we go in, get our coats and then get out of here?”
“Sounds good. I’m freezing and hungry.”
“OK, babe. We’ll get a burger on our way.”
I nodded, happy we would finally be warm and alone soon. I liked cuddling with him and falling asleep together.
***
My heavy sigh, the third for the morning, was the only sound that broke the silence in the dorm room.
I scrolled to the next picture, trying to fight back the tears prickling my eyes.
Mum looked happy. These pictures, from her latest weekend trip with ‘the girls’ looked like she had fun. I was happy for her.
In contrast, I felt empty, a stubborn knot in my stomach keeping me on the brink of puking most of the time.
“Maybe I should call her. Tell her everything,” I said to myself, my finger hovering over the dial button. Something was stopping me; why couldn’t I just call Mum?
Her unexpected call startled me. I almost dropped the phone. Maybe it was a sign.
“Hi, Mum.”
“Hey, honey. How are you?”
“I’m…”
“Honey, is everything alright? You didn’t come home this weekend.”
I opened my mouth to speak, a bit of courage surfacing from within me, when I heard someone cheering at the other end. It sounded like one of Mum’s friends had won the card game.
“You’re at Mary’s?” I asked, swallowing my courage.
“Yes, baby. What is wrong? I can be on the campus in a couple of hours.”
There was a general disapproving sound amongst her friends that made me realize that, no matter how much I needed my mother, she needed a break more.
She had spent a lot of years being there for me, supporting my every wish and protecting me from unpleasant things. She was finally free of this duty and I could take care of myself.
I cleared my throat, making sure my voice didn't flutter as I spoke.
“No, Mum. I’m just a little bit tired. You go on and win everything over there, OK?”
“Are you sure, baby?”
“That I want you to take every penny off your friends? Absolutely!”
She chuckled. “OK, baby. Get some rest, you don't sound too well. Maybe you should see someone.”
“I’m fine, Mum. Nothing a nap wouldn’t solve.”
She insisted a bit more that I should see a doctor, before I made her hang up and have fun.
A tear escaped, despite my best efforts and I wiped it fast, like it was a sin to dwell in self pity.
I couldn’t shake the emptiness swirling inside me. I looked at the bouquet of white flowers Alex had sent me, apologizing for what he had done to me, hoping that it would help me feel better, but it didn’t.
Unconsciously, I touched my left cheek, my fingers trembling.
No, I wasn’t weak. And I was definitely not going to bother my mother with small matters like this. It had only been a slap, the heat of the moment too much for an A type personality like Alex. He was a leader, used to command every group he had ever joined, and I had been wrong to argue anyway.
Besides, he had apologized a couple of times since. He really regretted the incident, who was I to overthink everything like a drama queen?
No, I was fine.
To reinforce my decision, I stood up, pulled my shoulders back and pointed my chin sharp ahead.
I had a seminar to attend to, there was no time to weep for minor things I couldn’t change. Instead, I would have coffee with Alex and talk things through. He was a reasonable guy, and we had six months together behind us. It meant something.
I grabbed my phone and texted him, then went to take a shower. When I got out, I hurried to check for his reply. There was none.
Strangely relieved for his lack of reaction, I chose to ignore the thought that he wasirreverentlyignoring me. I decided, instead, to occupy my mind with some papers I had to read for next week.
Half an hour into my study, the phone rang.
“Hey, Alex.”
“Hi, babe. I’m free now. Wanna have that coffee?”
“I’m in the middle of something. Can we do this after my seminar?”
“Look, you wanted to talk. Either now or next week. I’m away with my family this weekend.”
The prospect of being apart from him, not long ago sad news, seemed like s
omething I could live with. Maybe I could avoid the talk; I had been dreading it from the moment I had pressed send on that text.
“OK. I’ll see what I can do. But I guess it could wait until next week.”
“Fine. I postpone my own things because you say you want to talk and you find something to get busy with. That’s not very nice.”
Touch Me: A Bad Boy MC Romance Page 14
