by Leaona Luxx
“What’s unbecoming?” He wrinkles his nose.
I narrow my eyes when I realize, I don’t know. “I’m not telling you.”
He shrugs and reaches for the papers being passed around. “Please take one. This is your spelling words for the week,” Miss Stafford says.
“Here you go, Sarwah.” Chord hands me a sheet, smiling. I’ve never had anyone be so nice to me.
“Be sure to write your name at the top of the page,” the teacher adds.
My eyes flicker across the desk before I scan the room. “I have one you can have.” I turn to Chord, his hand outstretched with a pencil.
My brows pulled low, I slide it from his fingers. “Thank you.”
I’m busy writing my name when I hear more giggling. I glance up to see several pointing in my direction. They point at my shoes, whispering. My stomach lurches, I already hate it here.
“Finish your breakfast, it’s time for the bus, baby boy,” Mom says, patting my back. I look up at her as she loads the dishwasher, her black hair piled on top of her head.
I gulp down my milk, wiping my mouth on my sleeve. “I gotta get more pencils!” saying as I jump from my chair.
“Hurry up, I’ll meet you at the door with your backpack,” she shouts as I run from the room. “Thayer, let’s go, love.”
I push the heavy door open to my father’s office, hurrying over to his large, cherry desk. He works from home as much as he can, and he always keeps extra pencils for me in the top drawer.
Pulling it open, I grab a handful, smiling when I see the blue raspberry PushPop he left for me. It’s the reason I need pencils, we just don’t tell Mom. I chuckle at our secret as I shove the candy into my pocket.
“Chord, here comes the bus!” Mom yells as I hear my sister stomping down the stairs.
“Brother, you’re going to miss it!” Thayer screams.
I slam the drawer shut and take off out of the room. Turning the corner, Mom stands at the entrance with my bag in her hand. I take it from her as I rush out the door. “Thanks, Momma.”
“Have a good day!” She waves from the steps as I board my ride. “I love you!”
Next year, I’ll be riding to school with my big brother, One. I can’t wait to ride in his car, he’s the coolest. The other night, I heard my parents saying that once One graduates, he’s talking about going into the military. I hope not.
As the driver parks in front of the school, I grab my backpack and walk to class. Miss Stafford is busy writing on the board as we put away our things. I find my seat just as Miss Ashley from the office, walks in holding the hand of a girl.
She has yellow hair and big, blue eyes. My belly flips when she makes eye contact with me. There’s an empty seat on my left, so I wave to get her attention, but she keeps looking at the floor. Miss Stafford tells her to sit beside me, which makes me smile bigger.
“Look at her hair.” Marissa snickers.
“Her shoes!” Kelly says, pointing at them. I fist my hands, hitting the desktop. My face is burning up. They’re the meanest girls in the class, I don’t like them at all.
Sarah takes the seat next to me, and I can’t help but notice her shoes are dirty and the laces don’t match. Her hair is kinda up, but you can see it has tangles in it. She’s so pretty. “Here you go,” I say, laying our spelling words down on her desk.
She looks from me to her desk. The others continue to laugh at her, and I grit my teeth wanting to tell them off.
“I think she stinks.” Marissa pinches her nose.
“Her clothes are dirty too.” Kelly curls her lip as she scowls at Sarah. I glance at her when I realize she doesn’t have a pencil. I have plenty, so I give her one.
“Thank you,” Sarah responds and my belly does a froggy hop. The next thing I know, I’m smiling at her like Goofy. I can’t stop myself, she’s so pretty she makes my belly hurt.
When class begins, I help Sarah with her books. The teacher finds her a locker, even though Sarah doesn’t have anything to put in it. I give her some notebook paper to do her work on. She doesn’t talk much but that’s okay, I don’t want to talk to the jerks around here either.
After lunch, we get outside time. I play close to Sarah, as she sits on a bench by herself. I’m working on the courage to go up to her when Marissa shows up. “My mom says people like you are trailer trash.” Sarah’s shoulders slump.
“Where’s your dad work?” Kelly asks.
Sarah mumbles, “He doesn’t.”
“Does your mom even comb your hair?” Marissa spits at her.
Sarah sighs, as if she’s heard it all before. My hands shake as my face turns hot. I can’t take it another minute. “Shut up, Marwissa, or I’ll tell everyone you pee the bed,” I snarl.
Marissa’s face grows bright red as she steps toward me. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would and I’ll tell everwyone that Kelly sucks herw thumb,” I growl, pointing at her.
“I’m gonna get you, Chord Hamilton.” She balls her fist up tight. I ready for her to hit me but, instead of lashing out at me, she turns and pushes Sarah off the bench.
Kelly bursts with laughter as she turns her attention to Sarah. “Now she’s even dirtier.” They run away as I rush to help Sarah.
“Arwe you okay?” I reach for her hand, her eyes filled with tears as they flicker from my hand to my face. She grips it as a shock races through us.
I jerk my hand away, shaking it as we giggle. “You shocked me!”
“You did it to me, Chord!” She rubs her palm on her shirt. We stand there, looking at each other.
Still shaking our hands, she sits back down and I plop beside her. “Don’t pay any attention to those girls, everyone knows they’re stupid.”
Sarah shrugs. “I don’t care.” I would believe her, but she’s still looking at the ground. “My mom was asleep when I got ready this morning, I couldn’t find a comb.”
“Sarwah, where do you live?”
“In a trailer with my mom.” She bites her nail as I swing my legs.
“What about your dad? Does he live with you?”
Her lips press into a thin line as she tilts her head back. I mimic her, squinting at the sun in the sky. “He’s in heaven,” she says with a sigh. There’s a sharp pain in the middle of my chest.
“My brother’s dad is in heaven.”
Her head spins, eyes wide. “You have a different dad?”
“Yeah, me and my sisterw, Thayerw. But my momma says, ‘We’rwe all family and that’s all that matterws.’”
“I want a family,” she murmurs.
“You don’t have anyone to love you?” I ask as the pain around my heart increases.
“Mom says, I’m not worth loving.” She shrugs.
As the pain increases, I rub my chest. “My momma says everwyone deserwves love.”
“Not me, I don’t believe in it.” Her mouth twists. “But I don’t have a family either, so what do I know.”
“You can be a parwt of my family.” A small smile plays on her lips. “Do you wanna go swing before the bell rings?”
She nods. “Okay.” We spring from our seats, running full tilt. We swing until the bell rings, ending recess. We walk silently down the hall to our classroom. The afternoon passes quickly, and soon, we’re readying to catch the bus.
“Do you know where my bus is?” Sarah whispers to me.
“I’m not surwe, but Thayerw will know,” raising my brows, I explain just as the bell sounds. “Follow me, we’ll ask.”
“Thayer’s your sister, right?” Her brow furrows.
I nod with wide eyes. “Yeah, my big sisterw.”
Sarah follows closely behind me as we hurry to find Thayer. She always waits on me before we load the bus, I guess to make sure I don’t miss it. I see her just outside the entrance, waving.
“Is that her?” Sarah asks as we get closer .
“Yeah, that’s herw.” Thayer looks just like our mom, she’s beautiful.
“Do you have
everything?” she asks as we approach her.
“Yes, but can you help Sarwah find herw bus? She’s my frwiend, I told herw you would.” The words spill from my mouth like a waterfall as Thayer smiles at Sarah.
“What’s your bus number?”
Sarah averts her eyes, mumbling her words. “One five eight nine.”
“Fifteen eighty-nine?” Thayer’s eyes narrow as she scans the line of yellow machines. “There”—she points. “Chord, go wait by our bus and I’ll make sure she gets on.” Thayer takes Sarah by the hand.
“Bye, Sarwah.” She smiles as I wave.
“See you tomorrow, Chord.”
As soon as I’m home, I run straight to my room. Looking through my desk, I gather a new pencil sharper, paper, and folders. Swinging the closet door wide, I search for my old backpack.
“I wonder if Sarwah likes Batman?” I mumble.
“Whatcha doin’, little dude?” my brother, One, says from the hall.
“I have a new friend, Sarwah,” I say as I walk past him and into our shared bathroom.
“Oh, really? She pretty?” He winks.
I frown as I scour the vanity drawers for a brush. “Yeah, she has yellow hairw.”
“A blonde, good choice, although I prefer strawberry blonde.” He chuckles. “Are you planning on playing beauty shop?” He leans against the door as I gather some of Thayer’s hair ties.
“She doesn’t have a comb. Marwissa and Kelly made fun of herw hairw.” I shrug. “And herw clothes.”
One holds his hands out to stop me. “Let me help you carry these.” I fill his hands with everything I can find for her hair. One follows me back into my room, watching as I stuff the bag.
“You givin’ her that?” He motions to the backpack.
“She doesn’t have one.”
“Let’s take a break and go eat, Mom has dinner ready.” One rubs my head as we stand. He throws me over his shoulder as we walk down the stairs. One’s twelve years older than me, Thayer’s two years.
“There you two are, we were about to start without you.” Mom waits for One to put me down before fixing my plate.
“Loverboy was packing a bag for his girlfriend.” He tickles my side, sitting down next to me.
“She’s not my girwlfrwiend, Sarwah’s just my frwiend.”
“What are you talking about?” Mom asks.
“Tell her, she won’t get mad,” One encourages me.
“Sarwah’s new and she doesn’t have stuff, so I’m taking herw some of mine.”
Mom’s eyes dart from mine to One’s. “Chord, that’s good of you. Can I ask what you’re taking or still needing?”
“Well, she needs girwl stuff and a backpack. The girwls at school were making fun of her ‘cause herw hairw wasn’t brwushed but only ‘cause she couldn’t find something to do it with.”
“Okay. What kind of girl stuff?” Thayer joins us.
“Hairw bows and a brwush. I gave herw a backpack and some school stuff too.”
“Tell you what, let’s eat and after we clean up, then I’ll help you find some things. Maybe Thayer can help her with her hair tomorrow?” Mom lays her hand over mine, and I immediately feel better.
I wait with Thayer by the front doors until Sarah arrives. She walks with her head down as she enters the building. I’m so excited for her to see what we have for her, I can’t wait another minute.
“Sarwah.” Her head snaps up as I greet her with a smile. “I have something for you, but Thayerw’s going to help.”
“What is it?” Her brows drop low, and I shift my feet and glance at my sister.
“Let’s go to the restroom, and I’ll show you.” Thayer ushers her to the restroom.
I go on to class, hoping Thayer hurries, I can’t wait to see Sarah. Just as the bell rings, Thayer waves at me from the door. Sarah’s smile lights the entire room as she walks past gaping mouths. My heart thunders in my chest.
Sarah’s hair is smoothed into a ponytail with a braid on one side. Her bright blue shirt matches her eyes and her sneakers are new. The denim jacket Thayer picked out for her is wrapped around her waist.
“I got the worwksheet for you,” I say as she walks by to put her new Powerpuff Girls backpack in the locker.
After dinner last night, my family talked about things Sarah needed or, at least, what I thought it was. Mom went out with Thayer and bought Sarah the bag, some clothes, and a bunch of other things. Thayer’s going to help her every few days with her hair and give her a new shirt or whatever she needs.
Sarah slides into her seat, still smiling as she whispers, “Thank you.” My belly froggy hops, though I think she means ‘thank you’ for the sheet.
“Class, we’re going to the computer lab this morning,” Miss Stafford announces. “Please put away your things and line up at the door.”
“Come on, Sarwah, I’ll show you what to do.”
“Sarwah... Sarwah... Sarwah, can’t you say her name right, little baby?” Marissa teases as she turns to join the class line.
“Shut up, Marwissa.”
“It’s not my fault you talk like a big baby.” She sticks her tongue out at me, making my face turn red as I growl.
“It’s not our fault you’re ugly and mean!” Sarah spouts, making me giggle.
“I’m gonna tell the teacher.” Marissa narrows her eyes.
“Go ahead, she already knows you’re ugly,” Sarah snarls.
Marissa grits her teeth. “I’m gonna pay you back, just you wait.”
We start down the hall, and Sarah grabs my arm. “Call me Sutton. It was my dad’s name, and I like it better.”
“Okay.” I stare at the ground as my cheeks glow bright red.
“Only if you want to, I like the way you say my name.” Sarah’s eyes are soft as she smiles.
“I like Sutton, it is easierw.”
“Chord,” Sarah pauses, “are we best friends?”
I smile as my heart flutters. “We arwe. Foreverw.” She takes my hand as we skip to the computer lab.
From that day on, we’re inseparable.
Nine years later...
“Mom.” I pause, waiting for her response. “Mom.” Still nothing. She lays there as if she’s dead, and I find myself wishing it were true. “Mother.” She begins to rouse, no way am I going in the room with that man in bed with her.
“What?” she grumbles from the bed.
“I’m gonna spend the weekend with Thayer, so I won’t be home after school tomorrow.” It’s six in the evening and she’s still in bed. Apparently, this jerk doesn’t work either.
“No, you’re not. You’re only going over there for that brother of hers, and I’m not taking care of a baby if you get knocked up,” she slurs, rising from the bed as the body next to her begins to stir.
“Eww, Mom.” I storm away from the room so I can finish packing my bag.
“I said, you’re not going. That’s all you do anymore is stay at that house.” She props herself against my door.
“I like it there,” I mutter. “You’re never home on the weekends anyway.”
“You’re spending too much time there, I don’t like it.”
I spin on her, trying to hold my tongue. “Since when do you care what I do?”
She pushes from the wall, stepping closer to me. “I don’t care, you’re here because you have to be.”
I tighten my fist and try to contain my anger. “Why do I have to be? If you don’t want me, I can leave.”
“Do you honestly think ‘Richie Rich’ or his family wants you? You’re a toy to them, something to dangle on a charm so they can show people what they do. ‘Look, we saved some poor, trailer trash. Aren’t we wonderful?’ You’re such an idiot.”
My face flames as anger builds deep inside. “You know nothing about them.”
“Like you fuckin’ do! That boy will use you like every other guy, if you don’t wise up.” Her face pinches up, making her grow older by the minute.
I narrow my eyes. “
No, he won’t.” I’m nothing like you.
“Whatever, you’re not going anywhere until you’re eighteen.”
I bat my eyes, holding back the wetness. I’ve known my entire life she hated me, but hearing it is a different story. “That’s all I’ve ever been, isn’t it? A check.”
“A thorn in my side is more like it, but yeah—so what the fuck?” She gets in my face, spitting her words at me, “You’re not going anywhere until I say so.”
“I just want to spend the night, I’m not going to stay.” Tears well in my eyes.
“No, you spend too much time over there as it is,” she snarls, turning to leave. “And clean the damn kitchen.”
I grab my hair, pulling it at the roots. “I hate you,” I breathe just above a whisper. I bite my tongue as I stomp to the kitchen. Cleaning up after her drunken night of partying burns my ass.
As I empty the sink to start the dishes, my mom’s ‘bed buddy’ joins me. “You might want to wait, she’s in the shower.”
I push the faucet completely open. “Maybe it’ll chill her attitude.”
“Shew, you sure do have your momma’s temper.” Duke’s saccharine words nauseate me.
“I’m nothing like her,” I growl.
I watch him as best I can as he pulls a beer from the fridge, popping the top to take a long drink. “You sure as hell look like her from back here, honey.”
The hair on my arms stands on end as I hear him take a step closer to me. “I look like my dad.”
He chuckles, his breath sweeping over my shoulder. “Trust me, from back here, you look nothing like a man.”
“Mom will be out soon, maybe you should go wait on her in the bedroom.” My breath hitches as I send a silent prayer up.
He takes another step toward me, and I shudder from his proximity. “Of course, your mom’s ass has never looked this good.”
I hover over the sink, hoping he’ll get the hint. “She’s been in there awhile.”
“So, tell me, Sarah, you ever been fucked?” My stomach rolls as I try to think of a way out of here.
“Leave me alone.”
His body heat singes my back as he steps closer to me, agitating the contents of my stomach. He sweeps my hair from my shoulder, revealing my neck. “I bet you taste even sweeter than she does, don’tcha, baby girl. You ever had that tight little pussy licked?”
