by Leaona Luxx
“She’d never let that happen, it’s gonna be hard to get away from her after graduation. She thinks she owns me until July.” She’s quiet, making me worry.
“We’ll get outta here, I promise. Whatever I need to do, as soon as we graduate, we’ll run away if we have to, but you’ll not be there another minute to be treated bad,” I growl through my teeth. I wasn’t raised to hit a woman, but her mom makes me want to find an excuse.
“You promise, Chord?” She sniffles, breaking my heart into a million pieces.
“Me and you, forever.”
“Thank you, I’ll never be able to repay you.” Her breath hitches.
“Repay me? Sarah, I love you, there’s no debt.” I sigh heavily. “My love comes freely, it always will.”
“I love you, I do.” She hiccups with a giggle. “Oh, yeah. Please remember, I have to get my shot tomorrow.”
“I remember, it’s in my phone from when you set the last reminder.”
“You still have my birth control dates in your phone?” Her voice shakes.
“I do. It’s not just your responsibility.” I clear my throat. “Which is another reason I should be driving you to the Free Clinic. I’d prefer you go to the doctor closer, but you also won’t let me pay for it.”
“You make my heart pound. I’ll be fine. It’s downtown and then school. I’ll be done before you know I’m gone.” She sighs. “I love you.”
“I love you, most.” The phone goes silent and with it, my heart sinks.
I hate leaving her there, alone or with her mom. She brings the trashiest people around; they’re drunk or on drugs and wander into Sarah’s room as she sleeps. They’ve woken her up, arguing. It’s a shit show at best.
I wanted to put her on my phone plan, but if her mom finds out she’ll take it from her. Because leaving your daughter alone without any way to get help is the right thing to do. She’s even thrown away clothes we’ve bought Sarah.
I decided this Christmas, I’d get her a Go Phone. Inexpensive and easy to hide, giving Sarah a little peace of mind. I can get to her in under six minutes if needed or she can call the police, neither an option before now.
I lay there, thinking about her and our future when my phone vibrates with a text.
Night, love you. ~S
My heart races at the realization she’s thinking of me too.
Good night, love you most.
I toss and turn until late, I’m not even sure when I fall asleep. I slap at the alarm, trying to wake up. The minute my phone vibrates I force one eye open to say hello to my girl.
Mornin’. ~S
Good morning, gorgeous.
How’d you sleep?~S
Horrible. How was your night?
She’s still not home. ~S
When are you leaving?
Seven thirty. Should be at school by ten. ~S
I hate I can’t take you.
I’ll be alright. Love you. ~S
Text me. Love you most.
I drag ass to the shower, hoping it’ll wake me up. I’m dressed and out the door by seven. I hate being here without her, it doesn’t feel right. I think the longest we’ve ever been apart has been a weekend.
But that’s changed now, we spend every weekend together and several weeknights. She hates going home, there’s a different guy every week. They’ve hit her and hit on her. Lisa’s usually too inebriated to care.
I sit in homeroom waiting to hear from her. Sure enough, I get the notification.
I’m here. See you soon. ~S
Please be careful.
Will do. Love you. ~S
Love you most.
That girl wrecks my soul, I love her so much. I hate she went by herself and that I let her ride the bus. When Thayer’s home, she gives her a ride but Sarah was afraid someone would see us. Like I care?
The morning drags by, and I’m having trouble concentrating. With each class she misses, my concern deepens. This is the exact reason I should’ve gone with her, needless worrying. By lunch, there’s still no word from her. I’m starting to freak the fuck out.
Hey, where are you?
Everything alright?
Sarah, I’m getting worried.
Baby, you okay?
Nothing. I’ve texted every ten minutes and haven’t heard a word. I know it sounds extreme, but she’s never taken this long. The clinic is in a rough part of the city, what if something did happen?
By two that afternoon, I’m full-on freaking the hell out. There’s still no word, she hasn’t answered one text. And all I can think of is driving to her house. I have to know if she’s alright.
The bell rings, and I spring from my seat. I full out run to my SUV, jerking the door open so hard it looks like it’s about to come off the hinges. I dial her number as I start the vehicle, no answer.
I call Thayer, not giving a damn where she is. I need to find Sarah. “Hey, brother.”
“Thayer, have you talked to Sarah?”
“Well, hello. And no, I haven’t.” She pauses. “Wait, I think she called, but I was in class.” I wait, trotting my leg so hard my Durango shakes. “Yeah, she called around twelve thirty. It doesn’t look like she left a message.”
“What about a text? Did she send you anything?” My voice trembles as I rush my words.
“No, no texts. What’s going on, Chord?” Her voice is low and calm. For now.
“She went to the clinic, it was time for her checkup. She wouldn’t let me drive her, she was afraid someone would see us. What the fuck? Where could she be? I should’ve taken her.” I fist my hair, slamming my head against the seat.
“Calm down, give me a minute and I’ll see if I can get in touch with her. In the meantime, ask Mom or even One.” Thayer’s words are a little more rushed than before, she’s worried now. Good, it’s not just me.
“Fine. Go.” I end the call, immediately dialing Mom.
“Hello, love,” Mom answers in her sing-song way.
“Mom, Sarah had an appointment today, then she was supposed to be at school by ten or so. I can’t find her, has she called you?”
“No, Chord. I haven’t heard from her. Where’d she have to go?” I squeeze my eyes tight. I’d rather not have this conversation but to hell with it, Sarah’s more important.
“The clinic downtown, she had to get her birth control.”
There’s a brief silence before she speaks. “I would’ve taken her, she shouldn’t go down there by herself.”
“I offered, but she was worried people would talk. For Christ’s sake, I don’t care. Mom, we’re sleeping together, we have been for several months.” There, said it. I don’t give a shit about anything but finding her.
“Chord, I’ve raised three, I know what sex is and who’s having it. I’m proud of you both for being proactive.” I’m speechless. “Let me call and see if they will tell me anything. I doubt it, but I’ll try.”
“Thanks, Mom. Thayer’s trying to text her, I’m gonna try One.”
“I’ll call you. Love you.” Mom ends the call before I can. If Sarah only knew how much we all loved her. I hit speed dial for my brother.
“Hey, what’s up?” One answers on the second ring.
“Sarah’s missing. She had an appointment downtown and was coming to school after, she never showed. Has she called you?” I stutter through half of my words, I’m so panicked.
“No, nothing. What about Thayer or Mom?” His voice is rough, then a door shuts.
“They haven’t heard anything, why do you think I’m checking with you? I’m going to her house, I have to know if she’s okay.”
“I’m still in town.” His truck revs up. “I’ll be home in ten.”
“I’m still at school, I’m leaving now.” Thayer beeps in. “Hey, that’s sis.”
“Let me know.” One sounds as freaked as I do. My head feels light making me sick at my stomach. We all know this isn’t Sarah, she would never do this.
“Talk to me.”
“Nothin
g, brother. Are you sure she was coming to school after?” I know Thayer’s trying to help, but so help me—I can’t with this.
“Yes, I’m positive. You know she would tell me,” I growl.
“Okay, alright. Just double checking.” She sighs. “What are you doing?”
“I just turned onto the highway, I’m hauling ass to her house.”
“Please be careful, you know how Lisa feels about you,” Thayer warns me with good intentions.
“Fuck her, like she gives a shit about Sarah,” I bark at her. “I’m sorry. I’m fucking scared.”
“Brother, I’m scared too. But you have to calm down, you’re not gonna do her any good being this upset.” She tries to calm me as best she can, but it’s not helping.
“I know!” I yell as the light turns green, and I spin my tires.
“Chord, slow down. You’ll not be any help if you wreck.” Her voice wavers as my stomach takes a pitfall.
I turn into her mobile home park, driving straight to her place. I shove my stick into park, licking my dry lips. “I’m here, give me five.” I don’t even let her answer before hanging up and jumping from my SUV.
I scan the area, looking for anyone who can tell me anything. Nothing, it’s like no one’s home. I take the steps two at a time. Pounding on the door the second I can. No answer.
I walk around the trailer, checking doors and windows, but there’s no sign of anyone. I rub my forehead, my heart racing. I close my eyes, trying to regain my senses. “Go home, maybe she’ll call,” I convince myself.
I drive the long way home, searching every bus stop and bench in the city. She’s nowhere to be found. There’s still no texts or a call. I’ve never been so pissed and frightened at the same time in my life. “Please, Lord, let her be alright. She means... everything to me.” I wipe the fledgling tears away as I make my way home.
I’m not even parked before One’s at my door. I shake my head. “She wasn’t there, One.” When my brother wraps his arms around me, I allow my fears to take me, and I cry.
“She’s gonna be alright, we’ll find her.” He pats my back, trying to calm my trembling body.
“Chord,” Dad calls my name, helping me to pull myself together. “We can’t make a formal report until tomorrow. Come on in, let me write down what you know.”
“Baby boy, come in, you’re a mess.” Mom slips her arm around my waist as One releases his hold.
“I know something’s wrong, I can feel it.” I stumble through the door.
We spend the rest of the evening going over everything I know. Her texts, where she was going, and the last time anyone heard from her. It was Thayer, she called my sister last. I’m a little surprised as to how I feel about that fact.
Watching as the sky turns dark, my body quakes with fear. Sarah hates the night, with good reason. I try to keep my mind busy, thinking of what could be happening to her has me freaking out.
I pace the foyer, waiting as Dad’s friend to arrive, he’s a detective. I refused to go to school today. It’s been twenty-four hours since I’ve heard from Sarah. I couldn’t even sleep last night, so school isn’t a priority.
I sprint to the door when I hear a car in the driveway. “Hi, I’m Chord. Thank you so much for coming.” I’m shaking his hand before he can get out his door.
“Good to meet you, I’m Detective Eddie Long.” He nods and I back up, giving him space to move.
“Hey, Eddie. Thank you for coming, I see you’ve met Chord.” Dad stands at the door as I show him in.
“I did.” He takes my dad’s hand. “Where we doing this?”
“This way.” I point to the family room where everyone is, even Thayer. She drove back home early this morning.
An hour later, the detective has all of our information and he’s on his way to find out what he can. “Fair warning, she’s a minor and without the police or a court order, I may be limited to what I can find out.”
“I understand. I hate it because her mom doesn’t give a shit about her.” I swallow past the rising nausea.
We wait for what feels like hours, hoping to hear anything. Sarah still hasn’t called or texted me, it’s like she’s vanished. I jump when the house phone rings. I run to answer the phone, putting it on speaker.
“Hello?”
“Hi, this is Eddie. Is this Chord?” His voice is monotone.
“Yes, we’re all here. Do you know anything?” My stomach knots as I bite my lip.
“Here’s what we know and please remember, I called in a few favors, so this is top secret,” he explains.
“Meaning?” I don’t have it in me to play cops.
“We broke more than a few laws.” I smirk, that’s cool with me. “Sarah did arrive at the clinic. She was seen by a provider and left around ten yesterday morning. The hit from her cell showed she was at or around a bus stop near the clinic.”
“Wait. So she didn’t call a cab?” I rub my temples, allowing the information to sink in.
“No, she did not. She took bus 211 south and got off around Lake Wheeler Road.” His neutral tone is driving me insane when suddenly, it hits me.
“She went home?” I shift my feet, racking my brain as to why she’d go home.
“It looks that way. Her cell hit off a tower near there when she called Thayer.” Then why wasn’t she there when I went after school?
“I drove by yesterday, no one was around.” I fist my hands, praying the pang in my stomach goes away. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m never going to see her again.
“The place was still dark when we checked it. I’m sorry, but that’s where her trail ends.” His words cut through me like a knife, my chest constricts, and I struggle to breathe.
“No. There’s no way in hell she’d ever leave me, something’s wrong. I’m telling you!” I hold my head as my world spins outta control. “I can’t breathe, I need some air.” I bolt for the front door.
Pacing, I begin to feel sick. Bile rises as fast as my feet will carry me to the edge of the grass where I lose the contents of my stomach. I clean my mouth with the back of my hand.
“No.” I shake my head vigorously. “She wouldn’t leave me. I’m telling you, I know her better than anyone. She didn’t run away or disappear on her own. I just know it.”
I check my pockets, finding my keys. I bound for the Durango, pulling away before One can get to me. “Chord! Wait!” he yells as I drive like a bat out of hell to her house, running lights and losing my shit all the way there.
Turning into the park, I race to her place. Slamming on my brakes, I slide to a stop. I’m out of the door shortly after coming to a rest. I leap onto the porch, banging on the door until I rattle the windows.
I spin, looking around to see if I can find anyone to talk to. I jump from the front porch, running around the back. My heart pounds in my ears as I rear back and kick the fucking back door in.
“Sarah?” I hurry to her bedroom, she’s not there. “Sarah!” There’s a bedroom on the other end of the mobile home. I rush to search the room, there’s nothing in her mom’s room.
I walk back to her room, searching for any sign of her or that she was here. “Please, Sarah. Tell me something.” I lift her blanket, checking her bed. In the corner of the room are the clothes she had on Sunday. I step over her textbooks laying on the floor.
“Textbooks?” I bend down, moving the pile. “I know for a fact she had these in her school bag.” I gasp, “Her phone.” I pick it up, checking to see if there’s anything on it. “Fuck, it’s dead.” I fall onto her bed, my hands in my hair as I cry out, “Please, tell me something!” My words are laced with venom as the most horrific images race through my mind. I stare at the contents of her backpack splayed on the floor in front of me. I kick the stack of books for taunting me.
A white envelope sticks out from the side of her biology book. I rub my eyes with my palms, trying to see clearly. I squint to make out the word, and my heart sinks. I fall to my knees, reaching for the paper.
My name is clearly written on the front in her handwriting. I try to slow my breathing as my palms begin to sweat. I carefully open the sealed letter, pulling it free. Unfolding it, I close my eyes and send up a prayer.
I focus on the words, and my hands tremble. Two paragraphs in, I scramble from the floor, running to the opened back door. I vomit until I dry heave. My head spins with the words she’s written on notebook paper.
“You should’ve called me!” I cry out, knowing she’s gone and there’s not a damn thing I can do to help her.
I pull myself together enough to go back to her room. I pick the paper up and grab her phone. Trudging to the Durango, I gather myself for a few minutes before I can drive away. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, I’m broken.
“I know this wasn’t your choice, Sarah.”
Numb, I don’t know how I manage to get home. I’m standing at my front door, broken and defeated. I reach for the knob as it swings wide. I stare blankly at One, lost and confused. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
One steps toward me, wrapping me in his arms. My legs buckle as the world goes black. I can’t breathe. I want to die. Without her, I have no meaning. No true north to find my way back.
Present day—Six years later
I whip into the first spot I see. I’m in a hurry and need to hit the road. My brother asked me to stop by his office, so this better be fast. I push the door open, tripping the chime. “Hey, where you at?”
One walks out of the back hall, holding his newest daughter in his arms. “Hey, brother.” Sliding my sunglasses on top of my head, I follow him to his office. He turns, handing my niece over. “Five minutes, I’ll grab your paperwork.”
“Tierney looks just like Lea, strawberry hair and all. Don’t you, baby girl?” I coo at the precious bundle in my arms.
“She is, attitude and all. You wake her up, you can take her with you.” One glares at me over the paper he’s holding.
“Where is Lea?” My sister-in-law is a superpower, badass all the way. She’s exactly what One needed.
“The twins had well visits. No way the newborn is going to a clinic with other kids possibly sick.” One peeks up at his snoozing daughter.
