by K. M. Galvin
Caleb stops staring out the window to gape at me. “This is your first concert?”
“It’s on the bucket list,” I point out.
“What bucket list?” Logan turns around in the front seat.
“Are you dying?!” Natalie practically screams.
“No, for Gods sake.” I roll my eyes, “You need to take it down about ten notches tonight, Nat.”
“Sorry, sorry!” She flushes.
“So wait, you’ve never been to a concert? Ever? And your first one is an underground concert thrown by Childish Gambino where Frank Ocean might show up? Lucky bitch, mine was N’Sync.” Logan starts laughing.
“No big deal.” Caleb laughs with him.
I shrug like it’s no big deal because… it isn’t to me. Ugh gross, I sound so hipster. “N’Sync would’ve been cool. At least I know who they are.”
“It’s only half about knowing who the artist is,” Caleb says, and I look at him in disbelief. People do not go see bands they don’t know. Generally speaking.
“Give me a break.” Natalie echoes my thoughts.
“No, listen,” Caleb laughs, “There’s something about being around all these people who are all there for the same purpose. You’re all feeling the same thing and the energy exchange is powerful. The artist is giving to the crowd; the crowd is giving back to the artist and to each other. It’s arousing.”
We’re all staring at him in shock at what’s coming out of his mouth.
“What?” he asks.
“Bro, how many times have you used that line to get laid?” Logan asks.
Caleb’s face shuts down and a fake smile crawls across his face. Model mask firmly back in place. This is one of the moments he talks to me about. Where he shares a part of himself, but no one sees him. My heart squeezes and I take his hand, playing with his fingers. I want to say something, but that would embarrass him. Right? It would embarrass me.
Caleb’s fingers close over mine and we sit like this for the rest of the ride in silence, holding hands in quiet understanding.
It makes me sad.
The venue is packed when we get there. Caleb and Logan signal they were going to get us drinks so Natalie drags me upstairs to the loft area that overlooks the floor and stage. Elbowing her way to the front, we snag ourselves enough room for the boys and us.
“Good job, wrecking ball,” I tell her, mouthing sorry to the wake of pissed off people behind us. “So hey, before they meet us… you and Logan?”
She shrugs. “Not really much to say. You’ve got Caleb. You get it.”
“Eh, not really. We’re not having sex. Strictly platonic,” I correct her, kind of shocked by this blasé attitude compared to the dramatics of before.
“It’s only a matter of time.”
“Come on, Natalie. You’re not one of those people who think men and women can’t be friends without wanting to bone one another.” I roll my eyes and look for Caleb in the line of people at the bar. Last thing I want is for him to roll up behind us during this conversation.
“No,” she agrees, “I’m not, but I’m also not blind. He likes you. I was wrong before. Maybe he’s not just playing nice to get through this tour. Maybe it’s genuine. He really seems to care about you and his general unpleasantness is somehow endearing now. Like yours.”
I snort. “People get used to a lot of things, don’t mistake it for being endearing.”
“What’s endearing?” Caleb asks.
“You are.” Natalie smiles in thanks as she takes the beer he hands her. “Where’s Logan?”
“He ran the restroom. Now back to me being endearing?” He tugs my hair gently before caging me in between him and the balcony.
“I swear you’re like a heat seeking missile for a compliment,” I mutter, taking a sip of my cocktail.
“Can you blame me? This trip has been very tough on my ego with you three.”
“Oh yes, weighed against the hundreds of women lining up to cop a feel of your ass, I’m the sure the three of us really make a dent in that ego of yours.”
Caleb grins down at me unrepentant.
“What?” I ask as he continues to stare at me.
“Your dislike of me only makes you more attractive, Bell.”
“Oh good, next weeks topic for you and your therapist.” My face flushes from his blatant flirtation.
“It makes me work harder.” He lingers over the last word, making my insides warm. But let’s blame it on the alcohol.
“This is you working for it?” I laugh in astonishment.
“You’ll see,” he assures me.
“I fucking hope not. I don’t want to go blind.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.
“Your constant come backs are making me hard. Now shush, the show is about to start.”
“Pig,” I gasp, punching him in the arm.
“Hi, hello. Remember me?” Natalie asks, chuckling at the two of us. “What were you telling me earlier, Bellamy? Something about it not being like that?”
I discreetly scratch my nose with my middle finger and then send a silent “thank you God” when the lights dim and music blasts through the room.
I feel Caleb move closer to me as the crowd moves closer to the front. His arms come around me, settling on either side of the railing to make a protective cage. The heat of his body adds to the already heady atmosphere, making me drowsy.
I finish my drink quickly, hoping it cools me off, but it just adds to the lightheadedness I’ve begun to feel. Natalie calls to me and I see Logan has taken a similar position behind her, but Natalie doesn’t seem to be bothered at all.
I give her a thumbs up when she frowns at my obvious drunkenness. I’m happy she’s letting loose and dancing her ass off. I laugh, shaking my head at her antics, and find my body beginning to mimic hers.
“There you go, Bell, let it out,” Caleb encourages, happiness radiating from behind me. I pat his hand at my waist, glad his mood from the car isn’t lingering.
A song comes on and the entire mood shifts to a sexier vibe. Caleb shifts even closer and I stiffen immediately.
“Relax, Bell. It doesn’t mean anything. Just dance,” he says as one hand lifts off the guardrail and wraps around my waist again, pulling my back flush against his front.
“What’s the name of this song?” I turn my head towards him, grazing my lips along his jaw. It tenses at the touch, but I’m already turning away to lean my head against his shoulder. Who knew Caleb made such a good pillow?
“Pink Matter by Frank Ocean. It usually features Andre 3000, but I think Gambino will rap his lyrics,” he answers softly against my cheek, moving slowly against me.
“Hmm.” The beat is very…sexual.
Caleb’s chest vibrates against my back. “What? You ok, Bell?”
“Tired,” I sigh, leaning my entire weight onto him.
“Uh oh, lightweight. Come on, let’s get you some water.” He mimes to Nat and Logan that we’re going downstairs and grabs my hand to weave us through the crowd. I follow limply behind him.
I just need to rest for a second, I think, and yank my hand from his to rest against one of the tables between the bar and the bathrooms. How did I already make it downstairs?
Should not have had liquor on an empty stomach.
“Hey, are you ok?” Someone asks me, and I turn to find the table filled with guys.
“Tired,” I tell them and straighten from my slouched position. “Sorry for laying on your table, my friends grabbing me some water. I’ll go now. Enjoy the guys on stage.”
“Guys on stage?” One laughs. “You don’t know who they are?”
I shrug. “I don’t really care. I’m here for my bucket list.”
All four of their faces fall at once and the one I’ve been speaking to asks, “You’re sick?”
“Sick?” I ask. “Not yet. Hoping this water helps.”
“No, I mean. You’re dying?” he asks more gently.
“I mean, aren’t we all?” I say a little loudl
y. I see Caleb making a beeline towards me, a worried look on his face as he scans the other guys. “Here comes my friend. He’s probably worried about me speaking to you all. Normally, I’d probably be hyperventilating in the corner or something, but alcohol tends to loosen me up. You guys enjoy the concert, ok? And really, don’t wait until you’re dying to do what you want!”
The guy on my left wipes his eye and another clears his throat. Man, people were emotional tonight. Guess Caleb’s right about the power of concerts.
Caleb wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to his side. “Are you ok? Did they do or say anything to you?”
“No. They were pretty emotional. You people really love these guys, huh?”
Before we can say anything else, one of the guys comes up, weaving slightly. “Sorry about your girlfriend, man. She’s special. I just wanted you to know. I’m going to live every moment like it’s my last.”
Caleb stares at him wide eyed. “Yeah, man. You do that.”
He waits until the other guy walks away before turning back to me. “What the fuck? What did you say to them?”
“I don’t know.”
“A table of drunks,” Caleb laughs.
“I told them about my bucket list,” I told him.
Caleb stops and turns towards me before bursting out into laughter. “Bell, you have to stop calling it a bucket list! People keep thinking you’re dying. All those dudes were drunk and here comes this beautiful, dying girl talking about her bucket list. Oh man, I’m not leaving you alone for the rest of the night.”
“You didn’t to begin with, bodyguard. I left you,” I retort.
“Oh excuse me. I am woman, hear me roar.”
“Exactly. I’m a grown woman!” I yell.
“Ok, grown woman, drink this water. All of it.” He challenges when I only take a sip.
“You know, before I knew you, I’d probably never have done this.” I gesture around us.
Caleb playfully nudges me under my chin. “Bellamy, you need to start giving yourself more credit.”
I glance at him from under my lashes and ask the question that’s been on my mind for a while. “Why are you modeling if you so clearly hate it so much?”
Caleb blows out a breath roughly before looking away from me. “Come on, let’s get some fresh air. It’s hard to have a conversation in here.”
Once again I’m being towed through the sea of people, but quickly we make it outside to a small deck with a few people smoking. Maybe I should add pot to my list…
A breeze teases my sweat-slicked skin, instantly cooling me, and I suck in a deep breath, grateful to him for the idea. My head feels clearer, more settled already.
“Enough stalling, Summer. I tell you practically everything.” I cross my legs at the ankles and lean against the building, gazing at him as he stares out towards the city.
His head rolls towards me, a serious expression back on as his eyes run over my face. I try not to fidget, but it’s unnerving when he stares so intently at me.
“Caleb,” I say his name softly, breaking the spell.
He blinks those long lashes before shrugging. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I didn’t grow up with dreams of modeling. I had trouble in school, got kicked out my senior year. One day I was out with some friends and some guy who eventually became my agent spotted me… the rest is history.”
“Did you ever like it?”
“In the beginning I did. I got away from my parents, traveled the world, and fucked all the girls I wanted…“ He trails off.
“But?” I prompt.
“But you’re right. I hate it. It’s never what I wanted.”
“Come on, Caleb. Don’t make me ask a thousand questions,” I tease.
He smirks before shifting uncomfortably. “I, uh, I want to work with animals.”
I shove the girly squeal that wants to rip out of my throat down and instead ask, “Why can’t you?”
“Bellamy, come on, this is embarrassing,” he mutters sheepishly.
“There are no secrets in Team Leave Us Alone,” I counter.
“Fuck, fine! Because I never graduated high school. I was kicked out, remember? I was diagnosed with severe ADHD after my guidance counselor demanded I should be tested, but my parents didn’t believe there was anything wrong with me or chose to ignore it and yanked me from teachers that cared. They placed me in a tougher school and I did terribly. I got in trouble, failed. I needed help, but they didn’t give a shit. My dad finally realized I was just too stupid and stopped giving a shit and my upper crust mother was mortified her son wouldn’t be following in the family Ivy League footsteps. You happy now? Got the whole sob story?”
He pushes away from me when I try to go to him.
“Don’t. I don’t need your fucking pity. I showed them anyway. I make a ton of money on my own. I made a name for myself.”
“Caleb, there’s nothing wrong with you. Plenty of people have ADHD and function fine with medication. You’re not stupid.”
“I know that,” Caleb says vehemently, turning to me sharply. “I know that.”
“Ok. Ok, calm down, Summer.” I put my hands up, hoping to placate him.
“I’m sorry, but that’s never been the issue for me. It’s not like ADHD is some terminal disease. It’s made things difficult, but I’m medicated now. What fucking bothers me is they prevented me from succeeding and now it’s too late.”
“You can get your GED.”
Caleb snorts.
“You can! I’ll help you study. You can do it, Caleb. Come on, number one on Caleb’s bucket list is get GED. Then what?”
He glances at me from out the corner of his eye, a slightly embarrassed grin on his face. “College. I want to be a Vet.”
“Ok, you can do this! These are great goals. I feel like an idiot. Mine are so lame. I need something noteworthy.”
Caleb looks at me disbelieving before taking my upper arms into his hands and giving me a shake. “Who taught you to see yourself this way?”
Confused, I shake my head. “What do you mean?”
“How do you not see how utterly amazing you are?”
My mouth drops open, but no words come out.
“Bell, you’re a published author five times over of a best-selling series. We’re currently on a book tour where fans come up to you every day to tell you how you inspired them. People are in awe of you. You challenge yourself every single day on this tour when you get up and put yourself out there. Logan, Natalie, and I know how hard it is for you to leave the comfort of your room and we’re amazed every time you do it. You. Are. Amazing.”
I stare at his beautiful face, emotion nearly choking me. “I think you’re amazing too.”
He smiles and it’s the one I’ve come to know as only mine. “Thanks.”
“I genuinely like you, Caleb,” I tell him simply.
“I genuinely like you, too, Bellamy.”
THE NEXT MORNING FINDS US having a caloric feast at the Waffle House down the street from my apartment. Our flight, the one concession my publisher allowed considering the distance, to Seattle is in four hours. Hartsfield-Jackson Airport has notoriously long security check-ins and is always a zoo, but none of us were in any rush.
Something changed last night. There’s a shift between Natalie and Logan, two puzzle pieces finally sliding home. Though finally seems like an odd choice of words since no one really knew they were serious to begin with. Maybe they didn’t even know until last night.
My eyes shift away from them to take in my seat buddy and current biscuit stealer. “Hey!” I smack his hand and take full notice of my plate. Half my hash browns are gone, a quarter of my waffle, the top half, in my opinion the best half, of my biscuit are gone along with all of my coffee.
“In what world was the breath I take between chewing an open invitation to devour my food? Did you not order the largest thing on the menu?” I turn to the lovebirds. “And why didn’t you two say something?!”
Caleb swallows and grins my way. “Those two? You’re assuming they’ve seen anything but each other in the last hour.”
“We’re stopping at Dunkin and you’re getting me coffee and a bagel. Medium iced-“
“I know your order,” he cuts me off, waving my biscuit in my face.
I glare mutinously.
“Bell, we’ve been traveling together for nearly a month. I know what you eat at nearly every fast food restaurant chain, your coffee order…”
I hold up a hand in his smug face. “Ok, I get it. You’re so attentive. What a great person. You want me to email your agency or something? Tell them you’re being a model, ha ha, employee? Calm down.”
Caleb snorts and thinks for a second. “Would you? It might help me get the Calvin Klein account. I’m up for it, but you know-“
“They don’t want to hire a walking douche nozzle.” I grab the rest of my biscuit out of his hand and pop it in my mouth.
“Hey! And, well, yes.”
“I thought you were going to get your GED?” I ask, brows furrowing.
“Bellamy, what the fuck?” His knee knocks into mine, but it’s too late.
“Bro, you’re getting your GED?” Logan asks.
“That’s awesome!” Natalie exclaims loudly.
I blush furiously under Caleb’s glare, my stomach knotting. I betrayed his secret, pretty fucking quickly. What kind of friend am I?
Caleb turns away from me, his disappointment obvious. “I’ve been thinking about it, yeah. End of discussion.”
“Caleb, come on.” Logan chuckles. “This is good news.”
“Should’ve been no news,” he mutters, giving me the worst side-eye.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, scooting close enough to bat my eyelashes at him. “Caleb, I’m-“
He rolls his eyes at my pathetic display and wraps his arms around my shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. “I know you are. But shit, Bellamy, less than twelve hours? You have to work on your secret keeping skills if you’re going to be my best friend.”
I smile up at him. “Is that what I am?”
“I don’t tell everyone these things. And just because I would think about it, doesn’t mean I’m going to do it.” He knocks his head gently against mine before waving at our waitress. “We gotta go guys.”
