“Your therapist tells you that?” he asked. “Does he tell you stuff like that often?”
She nodded, “One hour each and every week, just like clockwork.”
“That’s depressing,” he said. “I think I’d fire the son-of-a-bitch.”
“The therapy has actually worked quite well,” she said. “Even a year ago I would never be sitting here talking to you and I sure as hell would never be talking about my past like this.”
“So, you’re getting better?” he said.
“Yes, way better,” she said. “Why? Don’t you believe me?”
“Maybe,” he said. “I’d be more convinced if you’d actually smile at me without turning away.”
She giggled, “Why would you want me to do that?”
“Because I think you’re really beautiful,” he said. “And you have a beautiful smile.”
Her smile broadened involuntarily. He could see her face turning red again.
“There it is,” he said. “I mean, wow!”
“Oh hush!” she said playfully. Her face turned bright red. “You’re just trying to embarrass me.”
“No, I’m not,” he insisted. “It’s true. You really are beautiful, Honor. And you’re so sweet. You have to know that.”
He reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. She smiled at first, then moved her hand away. A wave of emotion rushed over her. She began to choke up. Her eyes moistened. She wanted to tell him she felt the same; that she thought he was the most beautiful man she’d ever met. That she already trusted him more than any man other than her father and brother. She opened her mouth to say the words, but no sound came out.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “This was too much too soon.”
No, it wasn’t, she wanted to say. It was not enough. She wanted more. She wanted to touch him; to caress him; to kiss him; to be with him.
“I have a confession,” she said.
“What is it?” he replied.
“I have never really had a boyfriend,” she said. “Not in the sense of a longer-term relationship.”
“I can’t imagine that,” Trevor replied. “You’re stunning; you’re smart; you’re everything any man would want in a woman.”
“I’ve also been an emotional wreck for a very long time,” Honor replied. “Even though I’m much better I still have some road to travel. I felt comfortable with you from the first time we met. Caroline and Wolf, too. I usually don’t do so well with people I don’t know, especially strangers.”
“Well, you have nothing to fear with me,” he said.
“I know that. I have another confession,” she said, biting her lip.
“I have no aunt in Wheeler,” she said. “I lied to you.”
“Why would you lie about that?” Trevor asked. A confused look formed on his face.
“The truth is, you were so nice to me,” she replied. “I haven’t had all that many people be nice to me. I made up the whole thing just to keep our conversation going. I wanted to talk to you more.”
“You didn’t have to make up that story,” he said. “I would have enjoyed talking to you regardless.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Why are we going to Wheeler then?”
“Huh?”
“Honor, we are headed to Wheeler right now. You have no aunt there. Why are we going?”
“Oh. I booked a hotel room there,” she said. “That’s where I’ll spend the night. It was all part of covering up my lie.”
“I see. Well, if that’s the case, I have a better idea,” he said. “How would you like to see my lodge?”
“What? Uh... no. I mean, yes, I’d like to see it, but... I don’t know about going there.”
“It’s perfectly safe,” Trevor said. “It will be fun. We are going to light a big fire in the fireplace in the lobby. The inside has been recently cleaned. The sofas are still there. We have giant sleeping bags. The four of us will all sleep in the front room by the fire. It’ll be like summer camp. Super cozy.”
“I’ve never been to summer camp,” she said.
“You see,” he said. “This will be a whole new experience. Tomorrow, when the pass opens up, you can head home. What do you say?”
She paused and shook her head, “I don’t know.”
“Think of it as extended therapy,” he said. “This will be a whole new adventure, coming out of your shell, taking risks, making new friends.”
She studied Trevor’s face. The truth was, recently Honor had been thinking about men... thinking about them a lot. She fantasized about having a man to love, to spend time with, to make love to. It was perhaps the biggest breakthrough of all. She had been hurt by men during the event, and it had taken years for her to allow herself to experience desires such as these instead of suppressing them. She had shared all this with her therapist. She’d been ashamed of having these feelings but her therapist told her it was a very encouraging sign. The feelings had been building over the last several weeks but had boiled their way to the surface earlier in the evening when she met Trevor. She was having a tough time holding them back, and with Trevor she wasn’t sure she wanted to.
“Can I think about it?” she asked.
“As long as you decide in the next two minutes,” he said. “The exit for the lodge is just up the road. If we pass it, we’re headed to Wheeler.”
She sat back for a second, contemplating. This was what her therapist described as a “moment of truth.” Would she continue to maintain a path of loneliness, or would she decide to be bold, to take a risk? Sitting beside her was an incredibly good-looking, strong, charming man. He was a Navy SEAL. She felt safe. She had been thoroughly enjoying his company. If there was ever a good opportunity to step out of her comfort zone and take a risk, this would be it, she decided.
“No pressure,” he said, teasing. “I’m perfectly willing to go on to Wheeler, even though you’ll be all alone and away from the company of your new friends... and a warm fireplace... and blankets... and cocoa...”
She sighed and then smiled, “To hell with it,” she said. “Let’s go.”
Trevor smiled. He picked up his cell phone and dialed.
Wolf answered, “Yo, Bootstrap. Talk to me.”
“Hey man, I have you on speaker.”
“How long before we get to Wheeler?” Wolf said.
“We’re not going to Wheeler,” he said. “We have a change of plan. Honor is hanging out with us tonight at the lodge.”
He put his hand on hers again. This time she didn’t pull it away, nor did her smile fade. Instead, she squeezed his fingers.
“Roger that,” Wolf said.
“We’re going to have to find a safe place to park Honor’s car,” Trevor said. “Once we get off the freeway this car will not be safe on the backroads leading to the lodge.”
“Any ideas?” Wolf asked.
“There’s a Mini-Mart about a half mile of the road,” Trevor said. “I’m thinking a $50 bill will buy her a parking spot for the night.”
“Sounds good,” he said. “I’ll pull in beside you. Roger and out.”
CHAPTER 5
The attendant was all too happy to allow Honor’s car to remain in his lot overnight... for a price, of course. Trevor passed a $50 bill across the counter. The attendant winked and pointed to the spot where he wanted the Challenger parked. Once they got off of I-90, it took only about 20 minutes to reach the lodge. The roads were not as bad as Trevor thought they might be, but it was snowing and the evening was young still.
It was pitch black near the lodge. It was far away from the city and the highway. There was almost no ambient light at all. The heavy dark clouds blotted out the moon and stars. Honor saw the silhouette of the building from the outside but little detail. The only thing she noted was that the lodge was smaller than she anticipated.
Wolf and Trevor unlocked the padlock from the front and went inside. Caroline wanted to help unpack but Trevor convinced her to stay with Honor in the truck with the en
gine running and the heat going. Trevor and Wolf began unpacking supplies and moving them into the lobby area. Through small gaps in the heavily boarded windows, Honor saw lights flickering as lanterns were lit, and then eventually she saw the warm glow of a fire appear. The men made several more trips back and forth to retrieve supplies. Caroline and Honor waited more than an hour before Trevor finally invited them inside.
“We couldn’t get the generator going but the fire is good and hot and the lobby is already nice and warm,” Trevor said. “We’ve taken all the plastic off the furniture and cleaned it up. Come on inside, ladies. Watch your step. The ice and snow is making the path a little treacherous.”
The inside of the lodge gave Honor a whole different impression from the outside. Nine-foot high wooden doors led into a large, open lobby with ceilings that Honor estimated to be about 24-feet high. She thought the inside looked like a beautiful old log cabin. A massive stone hearth stood front and center and the men had a fire blazing in it, with a three-foot high stack of wood standing by ready to stoke the fire.
An enormous wooden coffee table was flanked by three large, comfortable looking sofas and two oversized wooden end tables. It all sat on an enormous 24 by 30 square foot brown and white throw rug. Between the lanterns, which had been spaced about the lobby and light from the fire, the inside of the lodge positively glowed, casting beautiful amber light everywhere. Heat from the fire had already warmed the room to a comfortable temperature. The walls were adorned with giant nature paintings. Beautifully framed paintings of eagles, elk, mountain lions and owls hung tastefully separated and balanced throughout the lobby.
“Oh my,” Honor said, gasping.
“Holy shit,” Caroline added. “This is beautiful, Trevor.”
“I was hoping you’d like it,” Trevor beamed. He turned to Honor, “Come with me. I have a surprise for you.”
Honor followed Trevor up the wooden stairs with log railings. Two doors down the hallway, he walked into one of the guest rooms. Honor could see the glow and feel the warmth of the fire that was crackling in the fireplace of the room.
“Oh, my goodness,” she said, walking in. The bed had been made with fresh sheets.
“I came prepared,” Trevor said. “This bed had been covered well, and I brought sheets and pillows with me. It’s not perfect, but it’s an adequate arrangement for the night. As long as you keep logs on the fire it will be nice and toasty in here, like now. This is your room. Do you like it?”
“I love it,” she said, beaming. She noticed Trevor had left a six pack of beer on the dresser.
“Good,” Trevor replied. “There’s no running water I’m afraid, but there is plenty of bottled water on the dresser. I’m going back downstairs. Why don’t you get some rest? You can either turn in for the night or come down and join us.”
“Don’t go yet,” she said. “Please, stay. Talk to me.”
She brushed her fingers over his wrist lightly.
“Okay,” he replied.
“I have a question for you,” she began. “It’s a little personal.”
He smiled, “Shoot.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
Trevor’s smile eased but didn’t fade completely. He paused momentarily. His expression changed as if he was reflecting on a painful event.
“I did,” he said softly. “I was going to be engaged. It didn’t work out.”
Honor’s face flushed with embarrassment, “I’m so sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“No, that’s okay,” he said. “It’s been a while. I don’t mind.”
“What happened?” she asked, sitting on the bed. She patted area of the bed next to her, inviting Trevor to sit.
“Her name was Candy,” Trevor said, sitting close enough to Honor that their legs almost touched. “We dated for three years. I thought she was everything I ever wanted in a woman. It turns out, she didn’t love me like I loved her.”
Honor stood and pulled off her coat and pulled two beers, holding up one for Trevor to see. He nodded. She popped open both cans, handed Trevor one and sat on the bed next to him. He took a long swig.
“I can’t imagine that, honestly,” Honor said. She took a long drink of beer herself.
“It’s true,” he said. “I knew she was unhappy with all the long missions I’d been taking. She wanted me to get out of the Navy, but...”
“You weren’t ready at the time,” Honor said, finishing his sentence.
He nodded, “That’s right.”
“She didn’t understand that, I take it?”
“No, she didn’t,” he replied. “I didn’t understand it for a long time. We began to grow apart. Toward the end, I thought things were getting better. It was then I decided maybe she was right. I had been wanting to reopen my grandpa’s lodge since I was a teenager. My tour was coming up. I’d been injured. I thought to myself, maybe this was the right time. I’d quit the Navy, get married to Candy and move back to Washington State.”
“What did she say?” Honor asked.
“I never got to ask her,” Trevor said. “I went out, bought a ring and brought it home to surprise her. Only when I got there....”
He paused.
“She was with another man?” Honor asked.
Honor scooted next to him and placed her arm on his shoulder.
“The thing that bothered me the most is, I wasn’t all that upset. She wasn’t either. I turned and walked away. I came back the next day when she was out and packed my things. I haven’t seen or talked to her since. It’s been over a year now.”
“And since then you haven’t...”
“No,” he said, interrupting.
She reached over and touched his inner thigh. It was the most brazen move she had ever made toward a man. She couldn’t believe she was doing it, but Trevor had stirred emotions that she didn’t know she had.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
She stroked his arm with her hand and forced herself to look into his eyes. Instinctively she wanted to turn away, but the look in his eyes made her feel as though she were melting.
Trevor raised his right hand to touch her cheek, expecting that she would recoil or turn away, but she didn’t. Instead, she smiled, sending a warm sensation throughout his body.
“You are truly beautiful, Honor,” he said.
A tiny tear formed in her left eye, “I want you Trevor Saunders. I never thought I’d hear myself say those words out loud but I do. I want you.”
“I want you too,” he said, “but are you sure you’re ready for something like this?”
“Just be gentle. I have never... I mean, I have but... it’s been a very long time and when I did, it wasn’t...”
“That’s okay,” he said. He slipped his arms under hers and pulled her to him. She gasped at first, as if afraid. Trevor stopped momentarily until she leaned into him, embracing him. She looked up and he kissed her. The kiss was long and gentle. She wanted it to never end. His hands caressed her back as he continued to kiss her. She allowed his tongue to find the inside of her mouth and the act made her moan with pleasure. She tugged at his shirt and then slid her hands underneath it. They flowed up and down the bare skin of his back. She felt the remains of healed over scars which made her even hotter for him.
“You are an incredible woman,” he said.
She began to cry.
Trevor felt an awkward moment as he wondered if her tears were of joy or of regret. He decided it was the former, not the latter.
He wanted to say something, but decided against it. She would let him know if she wanted to talk, he thought. Instead, he squeezed her shoulder and pulled to tighter to him, as if to let her know he was there for her.
“I’m not ready,” she said. “I thought I was, but I’m not.”
“It’s okay, Honor,” Trevor said. “Really, it’s okay.”
“You don’t hate me?”
“Never,” he said.
She lay there for more than twenty minutes,
making Trevor wonder if she had fallen asleep. Finally, she spoke, “You know how I told you... the sex... that it had been a long time for me?”
“Yes,” he said. “That’s ok. You don’t have to go into details.”
“I was raped when I was fifteen,” she said, beginning to sob.
“I’m so sorry, Honor,” Trevor said. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
“I want to, though,” she said.
He looked into her eyes, then nodded.
“I grew up with a very serious speech impediment,” she said, stopping to rub tears from her eyes. “I had a very bad stutter. It made people think I was stupid or slow.”
“Your speech is magnificent now,” Trevor said.
“It wasn’t back then,” she said. “Two boys, high school seniors who lived down the block, they used to make fun of me. Greyson Latner and Christian Allen. They were seventeen and popular football jocks. I was fifteen and awkward. They’d follow me after school, grab at my behind, my breasts and my crotch. They would grab me and asked me if I liked it. I would tell them no, I hated it, but when I spoke I stuttered. It made them laugh and it encouraged them to harass me more and more. They called me all manner of foul names. They insisted that I loved the attention they were giving me.”
“You don’t have to go on,” Trevor said.
“I know. I want to,” she said. “One day the two of them both got carried away. I slapped one of them. He got angry and pushed me to the ground. One of them held me down while the other raped me. After the first one was finished, they traded positions and the second one raped me too. They threatened to kill me if I told.”
“And did you?”
“Not for years,” she said, continuing to cry. “I was too ashamed and humiliated to tell my father or brother. It really screwed me up. The whole experience changed me. I was already painfully shy but the rape caused me to regress even further. I became withdrawn and went into a shell. My father didn’t know what happened but he knew I was getting worse and worse. He placed me in therapy. It all came out, then – the harassment, the abuse, the rape, all of it. My father was furious. The two boys were still in town. They actually went into business together. They work not far from where I live. I still see them from time to time when I’m out and about.”
Special Forces: Operation Alpha: Protecting Honor (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Trevor Saunders Series Book 1) Page 4
