"It was the first thing I considered. Different world, different monsters. So far even the grass has tried to kill me. I don't want to contemplate what could be worse."
"We're going to find out, I imagine. It's that or stay and see what this cursed place has in store for us."
"What a dick of a place," I breathed.
He studied the map and then nodded. "Or something."
I took a moment to regret telling Marisol that I wouldn't go on that book tour. I could be enjoying swollen ankles and hard hotel beds in Detroit right now. "Okay then, let's go. I can probably keep it at a canter for a while at least."
"Will I need to feed you carrots and sugar lumps when we stop for a break?" He asked in a wry tone.
I stopped and thought about that for a minute. So many dirty connotations, so little time before death found us. "You know, I won't say no to a snack, but if you expect me to stomp my foot or whinny at you, you're in for another think."
He snorted and took off running to set the pace. "Don’t fall too far behind and don't stray off the footpath."
"You keep forgetting that I'm more indestructible than you are. Is it because I have lady parts?"
"No, Grace. I just don't want to heft your ass over the terrain for the next thirty miles. You might survive it, but you've got a nasty habit of fainting when you're injured."
"I do not," I protested before catching up.
"Do too," he blurted in response.
“You going to tell me why we had to haul ass out of that dining room instead of facing Hecate head on, Drew?”
“No. Yes. Not right now.” He sounded uncertain, terrified even.
“It might make you feel better if you tell me. Take some of the fear away.”
“Grace, it’s healthy to fear Hecate. Now I know what that obelisk was and it’s bad. I need to order my thoughts before I can explain it. Let’s just say that between her and Apollo, our chances of making it off this planet alive have just plummeted.”
“Well then, nothing like looking on the bright side of life.”
We ran in near silence; the only sound was my heavy breathing and the rustling of leaves. It stayed quiet for another twenty minutes and then we discovered why the Southern path wasn't booby-trapped.
CHAPTER NINE
"What the shit? I don't think I've ever been more afraid of a porcupine in my entire life," I said backing away from the giant spiny creature.
"Grace, I don't think that's a porcupine."
"Well, it sure as hell looks like a porcupine," I whispered furiously.
Frankly, we had no idea what it was. It was the size of a grizzly bear, with foot long silver colored spikes that much like porcupine quills fanned upward, the closer they got to its tail. I noticed that the longest spikes in the back were dull, and some had turned to rust. Were they just made of an oxidized metal or was it dried blood? A sudden noise in the bushes behind the creature spooked it, and a spray of steel flew, impaling the nearby trees. The bark started peeling and smoking where they'd hit.
"Oh, fuck that!" I breathed, horrified. Not only did we have to deal with a giant, jumpy, porcupine, but it had flaming quills? "No. Just no," I said backing away.
Drew grabbed my wrist and pulled me close. "Shh. We can do this. What do you know about porcupines?"
I thought for a minute. "They like corn? I saw a few videos once. Have you heard the noise they make when they eat? Super adorable."
Drew pinched the bridge of his nose. "More specifically, they're not aggressive animals. They react. So, we just need to find a way around it."
"Yeah, you're under the impression that this is like an earth porcupine, Drew. We're on a different planet, Captain Obvious. Our animals don't have foot long steel spikes coming out of their skin that can pile drive a tree, and catch it on fire."
It was driven home yet again that if I'd had any of my powers, we could have gotten through this okay. But I didn't, and we’d landed in another mess. I hate to harp on the obvious, but if it could have gone wrong, it had.
I studied the monster in front of us. He seemed to have startled himself with the display of aggression and was now chattering at the bushes in an epic display of bitching. My lips quivered as I tried to suppress the laugh. He seemed so pissed off and instead of being horrifying and scary, it was actually kind of funny.
"Grace.” Drew snapped his fingers in front of my face to regain my attention. “Pay attention. You just have to have faith. We can skirt around to the side there where the trees start and just go up."
I gave him my most dubious look and shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”
We’d either make it, or we’d end up as pincushions. Either way, we couldn’t stay here. A Rift with my name on it was opening in less than 24 hours, and I couldn’t let Hecate get a hold of me or anyone else that came through. I wasn’t quite sure why avoiding her was so important, but if Drew was this terrified of her, it had to be good enough for me. That meant I needed to grow a pair.
"There’s not much that’s going to make me feel good about this so we may as well just get on with it. What – what are you doing?” His face was a mask of confusion.
I was patting the waistband of my pants and looking around, under bushes and tree limbs. “I’m looking for a pair of suspenders to hold up my big girl pants.”
Drew snorted. "Good girl. Follow me and be quiet."
"But I haven’t found those suspenders," I mumbled.
He shook his head, bemused as he forged through the underbrush toward an outcropping of trees. It still felt too close to the animal for my comfort, but he was the man with the plan, and I didn't have a better one.
Another cluster of projectiles flew twenty-five yards ahead of us before piercing the tree bark. Drew veered off and signaled to me to follow. It looked like we'd use those spikes as a stairway to the upper branches. Personally, I didn’t think the smaller limbs would hold our weight, but what did I know? I never climbed trees as a kid. These trees could be super, bloody sturdy. We wouldn’t know until we tested it.
We were almost to our destination when I heard the squeaking, teeth clicking, and grumbling. I stopped and covered my mouth, trying to stifle a giggle. Drew threw a murderous look towards me. It sounded like it was bitching at the world over there and I couldn’t help but find the humor in it. Porkchop, (Yes, I’d named the murderous porcupine Porkchop while we were tromping through the forest.) and I were in the same boat. Out in the middle of nowhere and damned annoyed about it.
"You go first," Drew whispered, giving me a boost onto the first quill.
"Such a gentleman," I murmured.
The shaft gave a little under my weight but didn’t break. I nodded at him and leaped to the next. I wavered but didn’t fall. Drew’s hands shot out and steadied me. I hadn’t realized he was so close behind.
"Thanks. What next?"
"See if you can pull yourself up onto that branch."
I nodded and leaned forward, trying to balance and reach at the same time. I’d almost reached the branch when my foot slipped. I had one thought as gravity took over. "I should have worn those boots."
The end of a quill caught my arm on the way down and opened a shallow gash from my elbow to shoulder. I squeaked and grunted as I hit the ground. Within seconds, new batches of spikes were flying inches above my body, embedding themselves into the tree we’d been climbing.
I sat up with a gasp. "Drew!" I called, realizing too late that I was supposed to stay quiet. The movement sent shocks of burning pain through my arm, and I bit back a new cry.
The leaves rustled above my head. "Are you okay?" he called softly down.
"No, I got a nasty gash." I looked at my arm and swallowed hard. The wound was sporting red, swollen veins that radiated outward. That wasn’t what made me nauseous, though. A foul smelling green pus was already leaking from the cut. "Oh that’s putrid," I said, breathing through my mouth.
Adding insult to my injury, the chittering and grunting was moving closer as
the creature ambled my way. "Come on!" I yelled to the Universe. Were the Fates present here? Could they see me? Was Marisol laughing at my "death by porcupine" right now? "Bitches," I spat out.
A cold, wet nose nudged the back of my neck followed by a noise that sounded like a query.
"No, I’m not all right, thank you," I responded. Hey, I talked to the various cats and dogs that I ran across. Why wouldn’t I talk to a killer forest rodent? "You startled the hell out of me, and now I think I’ve been poisoned."
The next sound from it resembled a 'tsk.' Then more grunting and tooth clicking. I could almost make out words, and I was wondering if this communicator translated porcupine too.
"Well yes, I realize that I’m in the … wait – no. I don’t speak your language and now is not the time to have an imaginary conversation with an animal. I need to go now. Please don’t kill me."
I searched for the fire that was always right there at the back of my mind. If I could raise my body temperature, perhaps I could burn out whatever infection was causing the pus. After a few moments with nary a spark to be found, I breathed out a few curse words not fit to print.
"Are you having a conversation with that animal?" Drew asked.
"Why haven’t you come down here to rescue me yet?"
"Because that thing is standing guard over you."
"What?" I slowly swiveled my body to look at it. Sure enough, he did look like he was trying to protect me. Porkchop was the same position that Scooter took when he was in protection mode. "Weird."
"Yeah. I’m going to reach down and try pulling you up. Can you stand?"
I waved a hand at the animal. "Shoo. You’ve done enough here."
It turned its head and gave me a bored stare before clicking and grunting more.
"I’m serious. I gotta go. Villainous people after me and all that."
"Yes, because logic is going to work. Just stand up. It will probably move."
"Or attack me. You’re playing pretty fast and loose with my health here, buddy. I’m not sure I appreciate that."
"Weren’t you just telling me that you were virtually indestructible and that I needed to stop babying you?"
"Heh. I may have said something like that."
"Well then get off your self-proclaimed bad ass and let’s go."
“Why wouldn’t you use my words against me at a time like this?” My voice was a little breathy, but I stood anyway and immediately regretted it. You know that feeling that you get when you’ve been hanging upside down for a long time and then stand up? Yeah, my blood was taking the express route to my feet. "I think I’m going to faint."
"I told you that you had a bad habit of fainting."
I swayed a little. “Well I’m not going to faint now,” I said breathlessly. “Won’t give you the satisfact—“
"Grace Murphy if you black out I am leaving you here. Do you understand me? Now hold up your hand. I’ll pull you up."
God Damn It, he was right. I did faint a lot. I reached up, and everything went gray around the edges. Five seconds after that, I was out.
Yes. I know what you’re thinking. Grace, can’t you come up with a better plot twist than blacking out all the time? Listen, I don’t want to faint any more than the rest of you lot. But look at the extenuating circumstances. I generally only fainted when I was near death.
Well, this time was no different.
When I finally came to, my back was soaking wet and sticky, my hair was plastered to my neck and face, and I smelled like gag-inducing rot.
"I think I’m in Hell," I said groggily.
"You’re not in Hell, but I can’t get close enough to you to diagnose." His voice sounded far away. Why wasn't he here next to me?
"Why not?"
"Well, after you fainted, the rodent dragged you off into the forest."
That explained the smell and the damp. "How far did we get? Are we near the village yet?"
"Not quite, but I’m already feeling stronger. What about you?"
"I feel like I’m in Hell. Where is Porkchop anyway?"
"Who?"
"My porcupine savior. Where is it?"
"You named that beast Porkchop?"
"What else am I going to call it?" I croaked. "I don't know what the hell kind of animal it is."
"Uh, well Porkchop is about ten yards behind you. Every time I try to get close, it gets anxious and points its butt at me."
I let out a weak laugh. "Why does this stuff keep happening to us?"
"It never happened before you entered the picture. You bring the weird with you."
"Thanks. At least, I can guarantee a good time."
"Well, I never said that. Do you think you can stand?"
"I don’t think I can even sit. But I’d hate to die covered in rodent slobber, so I’ll do my best. Is there any water left?"
"Yes, but you'll have to get to me to get it."
“You’re an evil man.”
I propped myself up on an elbow and spent a few minutes just breathing. A shot of poison probably wouldn’t kill me. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was indestructible. Unfortunately, whatever was dampening our abilities was also killing my natural healing. I was so damned tired.
"You’re almost there, just keep going."
I knew he was trying to encourage me, but I hadn’t gotten more than a few inches off the ground. "I’m not even half way to halfway there. Shut up and let me concentrate."
My arm started shaking as I pushed myself into sitting position and I knew I wasn’t going to stay up long. After a bit, I just gave up. "I’m just going to roll. Maybe once I get started, I’ll just keep going."
"You’ll be a joy to wash up."
"At least, it won’t make me smell any worse."
"I wouldn’t say that."
"Hush. Let me get my roly-poly on."
I’m not describing the rolling and grunting that happened before I ended up close enough for Drew to scoop me up. I’m just not. Normally I’m happy to engage in an unhealthy amount of self-derision/mockery/scorn, but this was far too much, even for me. It– it wasn’t pretty.
"You’re right. You do smell like troll puke." Drew reared back and covered his mouth and nose. "I can literally taste your smell."
"You’re making me question why I’m still friends with you, Drew. I’d stop while I was ahead."
"I wonder if there’s a pond around here that we can dunk you in before we continue."
I wasn’t sure if a pond would help at this point. Beyond that, introducing further foreign microbes to my body couldn’t be a good idea. I wasn’t going to get dramatic and say that I could feel the poison coursing through my veins, but it was certainly doing a number on me. My limbs felt like they were filled with lead and my head was full of cotton. Hell, even my skin hurt. I wanted to cry.
"Don’t cry."
"I wasn’t going to cry," I said mutinously.
"You were."
"I wasn’t. I’ve just got a bit of dust in my eye."
"You can’t fool a mind reader, Grace. Why are we arguing about this? I need to get you out of here so, stop talking and try to keep a good hold on. It’s going to get bumpy."
"Wait, what? Why is it going to get bumpy? And you can read minds again?" That last part was good news.
"Because you’re burning up and I’m going to run." He looked into my eyes, and I could see his concern and fear. That made me more afraid. If Drew thought I was going to die, I was probably going to die!
OH MY GOD! I’d become a damsel in distress!
I tried to remember the last time I’d felt this physically defeated and honestly, it had been awhile. On the one hand, that was a good thing. It meant that I was getting stronger. But on the other, it had been so long since I’d been here that everything felt new and fragile again. I didn’t have those callouses built up. I nearly started crying again.
"My gods don’t cry! I won’t be able to handle your crying and get us out of here at the same time."
I sniffled and fought against screwing up my face.
"Besides, you’re an ugly crier."
I gasped. "What did you just say?"
"It’s so bad. You get this snot trail that hangs from your nose and drip –" he made a gagging gesture, and my mouth fell open in shock.
"That is the meanest thing anyone has ever sa—"
"Oh, I'm not even halfway done with the horror that I see when I look at your tear stained face." He interrupted. "Beyond the snot, there are your eyes. Do you know that instead of that luminous glow that some women get when they're about to drop a few tears, yours get bloodshot and puffy? I can't tell if you're having an allergic reaction, or you're straining from trying to drop a deuce."
Shoving down an outraged squeal, I gave him my very best death stare. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to break his nose for saying such awful things or just kill him outright. My voice came out cold. "I am going to live just so I can beat you to a bloody pulp when I recover."
There was a chittering behind us that sounded like an agreement. I looked back to see that Porkchop had been following and was surprised to realize that Drew had been jogging while he was insulting me.
"Good," he said with grim determination. "Just don't cry, and we'll make it through this."
"I hate you."
"No, you don't. You love me."
"Not after this, I don't!" I cried. Too late, I realized that I'd admitted to loving him out loud. Well, that couldn't stand. I bloody well hated Drew right now. "I just don't period," I snarled. "Bloody, rotten, pustule."
"I know, I'm the worst," He agreed.
I opened my mouth to concur and got smacked in the face by a low hanging vine. That just added insult to the injury. Even the fucking vines on this planet were out to get me. But I am glad to say that some of my resolve held, and I didn't start crying. There was my pride to consider after all. "I'm going to kill you, you know."
"I know," he took a deep breath and leaned his forehead against mine for a moment before returning his focus on getting us away from the palace. "But first, we have to make it off this planet alive."
"Easier said than done," I murmured.
Illusions: A Grace Murphy Novel Page 8
