by Tasha Fawkes
Even more importantly, how the hell could I keep up this ruse when I couldn't even handle being away from Ethan for just a few hours? What if—
A car door slammed.
Heart pounding, I turned toward the door, hoping that Joel and Kelli had returned with my son. I couldn't be without him another moment. My heart lurched when I heard a baby cry. It pierced my heart. My mother's heart. I stepped toward the foyer just as the front door opened and Kelli walked in holding my son, too tightly it seemed. He squirmed and fussed while Joel brought up the rear, carrying the stroller and the baby bag.
I took one look at Kelli and knew what her expression was trying to tell me. Take the baby!
I stepped forward and reached my arms out to him, trying not to appear too anxious or too relieved. "Here, Kelli, why don't you let me take him? I'll go see if he needs a change."
Without answering, Kelli transferred Ethan into my arms and I quickly turned, holding him close, cradling him ever so gently in my arms as I headed for the nursery. Ethan settled down immediately. I smiled down at him as I placed him on the changing table, nuzzling his nose as I unsnapped his onesie and checked his diaper. Surprisingly, it was dry.
"Oh, I'm so glad you're home, Ethan," I cooed, kissing his forehead, each plump cheek, and then the tip of his nose. He gurgled happily, his hands waving at my cheeks and then grabbing my hair. I laughed softly, my love for him overwhelming.
"You work miracles on that kid, you know that?"
I turned, startled to silence. Joel stood in the doorway, setting the baby bag just inside the door.
"I changed him once while we were out," he said, reaching into the baby bag and retrieving a plastic grocery bag with a diaper wrapped inside it. "Just number one, not number two," he amended.
I smiled. "Did he drink any milk?"
"Nearly a whole bottle," he said, retrieving said item from the bag.
"How was he?" Dammit, the question was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I wished I hadn't asked. Was it any of my business how Ethan behaved in the company of others?
Joel glanced at me as if the question startled him.
Crap! I tried to cover. "I know sometimes he gets cranky in the afternoon… what I meant to say was, did he nap?"
"Most of the time," Joel replied.
From the foyer came the sound of the sliding glass door opening to the lanai.
Joel glanced over his shoulder and then spoke softly. "I want to thank you again for your advice," he said quietly. "Things seem to be working out okay. And my dad… he seemed to really enjoy Ethan." With that, he smiled, turned, and disappeared. A minute later I heard him calling to Kelli out by the pool.
My heart sinking, I turned to glance back down at Ethan, picking him up and cradling him on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and relished the feel of his breath on my neck. Should I go outside and join the others or should we just stay here in the nursery? I opted for the nursery. At this moment, all I wanted to do was hang on to Ethan, try desperately to ignore the guilt, the fear that every day spent in this house pretending that Ethan was Joel's, following Kelli's instructions, was leading us to a disaster of emergency proportions.
I should get out of here, right now, but to do so would only cause trouble. Unless Kelli fessed up, which I doubted she would, I would likely be arrested. Not to mention that I didn't have a car to go anywhere in.
I sighed and shook my head as I gazed down at Ethan and sat in a rocking chair, rocking slowly. "What have I done?" I asked him. His gaze latched onto my face as he made a soft cooing noise and gurgled a reply.
Unfortunately, there would be no answers to my myriad of questions until this was over. When that would be and how it would occur, I didn't know.
But one thing I did know, every day, even after Kelli's arrival, I found myself feeling more connected to Joel. Maybe it was the way he took to Ethan or maybe it was his demeanor. Whatever it was, I could no longer deny the attraction. An attraction that must never develop into anything. For Ethan's sake and mine.
It was only a short time later, with me half dozing in the rocking chair with Ethan that footsteps came close and I sensed more than knew that Kelli was approaching the nursery along the carpeted hallway. I opened my eyes and glanced toward the doorway as she appeared.
She stepped inside, closed the door, and leaned against it. "Next time we go anywhere with the baby, I want to make sure that you come with us," she whispered.
I didn't get the impression that she was whispering to prevent Ethan from waking up, but to prevent Joel from hearing. "Why? Was Ethan any trouble?"
"He fussed a couple of times, but I gave him to Joel. His dad held him too."
I asked the question that had been on my mind since they had been gone. "Kelli, how are we going to end this?" I shook my head, glancing between my sleeping baby and the woman standing with her back to the door. "How in heaven's name are we going to get away with this? I can't stay here forever. What if Joel decides that you and he can take care of Ethan by yourselves?"
"That's not going to happen, not for quite some time," she said. "My god, the baby's only three months old. We'll need a nanny—"
"For how long, Kelli?" I asked, my voice strained. "I just about went crazy today, waiting for you guys to get back with my baby!"
"Shhh!” she interrupted. "He's not your baby," she hissed. "At least not while you're under this roof. Remember, we made a deal."
"I understand that, Kelli," I said, bristling. "What I don't know is how, eventually, Ethan and I are going to disappear from your lives. I know you wanted to get Joel back, but what if—"
"A little longer," she again interrupted. Her expression changed and she frowned, her lips turning downward, like she'd just smelled something rotten.
The switch was startling and prompted me to instinctively hold Ethan closer, protectively. "Are things not going well?"
"Well enough," she admitted, carefully schooling her expression. "I can't come on too strong or he'll get suspicious. After all, he's the one who cheated on me. I have to be careful, act like I'm working hard to forgive him. I have to take this slow if I'm going to win him back completely and convince him that I'm the only one who can make him happy, please him, both in bed and out."
As far as I was concerned, that was too much information. The thought of Joel and Kelli in bed together disturbed me on a level that I couldn't understand and didn't want to. I swallowed, then glanced up at her. "I understand, Kelli, but honestly, I don't know—"
Again she interrupted, her expression serious. "You and I made a deal. You will not break it. It won't last much longer, I promise, but for now, you have to keep playing the part, all right?"
I couldn't determine whether her tone of voice was meant to be encouraging or threatening. My disquiet grew. I had no idea what she meant by "a little longer" and at the moment, I didn't dare ask. She seemed to be in a mood. Maybe things weren't going as well as she had expected. Maybe it was taking longer than she expected to make Joel realize that she was the one for him. Frighteningly, every day that I stayed here, Joel would grow closer to my son. The most frightening part was that I felt myself growing closer to Joel.
It’d only been a few days since Kelli moved in but I’d already noticed that her presence seemed to sway the balance of energy in the house. The atmosphere was more tense, like the two of them walked around on eggshells with each other. I supposed that was natural to a degree. I hadn't heard any raised voices or arguing, and I hoped for Ethan's sake, things would remain civilized. I knew she was trying to win him back, and she seemed to be making good strides in that direction.
"Kelli," I said softly, "I know you've got a plan, and it seems as if Ethan has been beneficial for your plans, but I'm confused. How are you–we—going to explain his eventual disappearance from Joel’s life? I can't stay here forever!"
Kelli stared at me for several moments, almost to the point where I felt uncomfortable. Finally, she replied, "Sarah, I'm paying you well. Very
well. It seems to me as if it would be in your best interest to want to continue this plan as long as possible, at least for the benefit of your bank account. Just think. Your own place, not having to worry about where you're going to find the money to pay for groceries or a babysitter. Think about how much money you can save to go back to school like you told me you wanted to. This is your future we're talking about, remember?"
I did remember. I finally nodded. "All right, but just remember that sooner or later, we're also going to have to figure out how I'm going to extricate myself from your lives."
She offered a smile but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Turning, her hand on the doorknob, she glanced back and spoke softly over her shoulder. "You let me worry about that."
She closed the door softly behind her and once again I began to rock, Ethan settled comfortably against my breasts. I looked down at him, telling myself, convincing myself that everything would work out all right. I was doing this for him. For me. For our future.
Ten
Joel
It was early, the sun glowing warmly into my bedroom against the floor-to-ceiling glass looking out over the pool. I glanced next to me at Kelli, still fast asleep on the far side of the bed, her back to me, her hair splayed over the pillow. It had grown cool last night and the comforter was pulled up to her shoulders. I thought about brushing it back, tracing my hand along her curves, then decided against it. Kelli had never been a morning person. Unlike me. I liked getting up with the worms, so to speak, and starting my day relatively early, which gave me more time later in the day to do things I wanted.
I threw the covers back and eased out of bed, wearing only a pair of dark blue boxers. The house was quiet. I ran my fingers through my hair and down my stubbled cheeks, trying to organize my thoughts around what I needed to get done today. I headed for the foyer then through the living room, glancing at the pool water shimmering as the sun rose incrementally higher. I headed into the dining area of the kitchen, smiling with a sense of pride in my home. My shelter. My sanctuary.
Sarah had already set the table for breakfast for Kelli and me. She was quite handy to have around. I moved toward the refrigerator but stopped abruptly at the sight of Sarah standing on the other side of the countertop, screwing the nipple on to a bottle filled with formula.
She startled and gasped, almost dropping the bottle, and lifted her free hand to her throat.
"Sorry about that," I said, my gaze sweeping over tousled hair draped over her smooth shoulders, the spaghetti straps of her clingy pajama top emphasizing the mounds of her breasts. My cock twitched. At any second, I was going to be guilty of standing in the kitchen in my underwear goggling at the nanny.
I turned, reached into the refrigerator, grabbed a box of orange juice and lifted it to my mouth, guzzling. The cold liquid ran down my throat, cooling me a degree. I swallowed and winked at Sarah, whispering, "Don't tell Kelli. It's a pet peeve of hers."
Sarah merely stared, her eyes sweeping from my face, down my chest, and then farther downward before coming back again. There was a surprising tightening in my belly and my dick wiggled with interest, and I covered my reaction by taking another gulp of orange juice, holding it in my mouth several seconds until I swallowed. My composure restored, I folded the top of the carton back and replaced the box in the fridge.
I didn't know why I just stood there, letting her look her fill, but I couldn't help the surge of pleasure that raced through me as her gaze lingered on my chest. I was practically naked and I wasn't quite sure what to do about it. I wanted to act casual. After all, this was my house. If I wanted to walk around naked, I would. Besides, she wasn't seeing anything more than she would have if I'd been wearing swimming trunks and taking a dip in the pool. Still, the flush of color in her cheeks, the tight way she swallowed, and the slight flutter of her fingers as she quickly lifted her hand to play with a wedge of hair caused my heart to accelerate.
"You're up early," I said, then paused and barely held back a grimace. What a stupid thing to say. Obviously, she was making breakfast for Ethan. "He sleep okay?"
She nodded. "He always does. I think he was sleeping through the night at about two weeks old, maybe into his third week."
I nodded, then thought about what she’d said. "So, have you been a nanny for Kelli since the beginning? Since she delivered?"
She hesitantly nodded. "It was pretty early on," she replied, still not moving.
We stared at each other for several moments. She could've turned and left the kitchen, but she didn't. Finally, I grinned. "Are you always an early riser, or is it just because you got up to feed Ethan?"
It didn’t matter, not in the least, but if I wanted to continue to stand here, watching the way her cheeks flushed with color, ever deeper as she tried to keep her gaze from dropping to my waist again, I had to say something. I felt a tinge of pride that she seemed to find my body so attractive. I supposed all the work I did in the gym — lifting free weights, sit-ups and crunches — had paid off. I did have an impressive six-pack. Her gaze jolted up from the area around my belly button and back to my face. The flash of color rising in her cheeks was adorable.
"What?" she said, twirling the bottle on the countertop. "Oh, no, I've always been an early riser."
"Me too," I said, casually crossing my arms over my chest and leaning my shoulder against the stainless-steel of the refrigerator. "I find that I'm much more focused in the morning, and I usually hit my limit about midafternoon."
She nodded, glanced down at the bottle, then back at me. "I would imagine that designing software takes a lot of focus and concentration. I couldn't do it."
I chuckled. "I don't think I could do what you do full time, that's for sure. You seem like a natural, like you've been taking care of babies all your life, but you're not that old." I belatedly realized how that sounded. "I didn't mean that to come across as a negative," I amended. "But you can't be… what, twenty-five, I'd guess?"
Her eyes widened in surprise. "How did you know? Kelli told you?"
I grinned and shook my head. "Nope. I've always been pretty good at guessing ages. I think I'm a pretty good judge of character too, and in my line of work, that's important." I shrugged. "But what I meant, with your level of comfort with taking care of Ethan, I can imagine that this isn't your first go as a nanny, is it?"
She smiled and was about to reply when there was the brush of fabric against my shoulder. I glanced to my side and found Kelli standing behind me eyeing Sarah with a threatening look. It was there for just an instant, and then she pasted on a smile and glanced up at me.
"Are you sneaking orange juice out of the carton again?"
I nodded, not sure how she knew. Was that jealousy I‘d seen in her gaze? I could tell by her body language, she didn't like what she’d seen. Was it the fact that Sarah was still in her pajamas? The fact that I was wearing only boxers? Or was it that we were talking pleasantly with one another?
“Good morning, dear.” I turned toward Sarah again, but with scarlet cheeks, she quickly excused herself and rushed out of the kitchen, saying she needed to feed Ethan.
Kelli looked me up and down, then raised her hand and placed it on my chest. A fingernail traced one of my nipples and then skimmed down my abdomen toward the waistband of my boxers.
"You shouldn't be wandering around naked, you know," she said, the silk of her wrap pressing against my side seductively.
I shrugged. "I didn't even think about it. The house was quiet and I thought everyone was sleeping."
She shook her head and swiped her hand across her forehead, tucking a wisp of hair behind her ears. I watched as she stepped to the opposite counter and reached into the cupboard for the bag of coffee. Her back to me, she prepared it and turned on the coffee maker, her shoulders held stiff, her back straight.
"Besides, I'm not naked,” I said to tease, sort of, but she said nothing. I didn't care for the disapproval from her, the annoyance as she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her ch
est, emphasizing the size of her breasts.
"Close to it." She gestured with her chin toward the nursery and lowered her voice. "She's my nanny, Joel. I think this is her first time as a live-in nanny. Let's not scare her off, hmm?"
I frowned. "I have no intention of frightening her off," I said. "But this is my house, and I don't want to have to think twice before I venture from my bedroom at the crack of dawn. Which begs the question, what are you doing up so early?"
She faked a smile, shrugged. "I reached over to you and you weren't there. I thought you were in your office working." Another shrug. "I know this takeover business has got you stressed, but I hope you're not pushing yourself too hard."
The coffee machine gurgled as we gazed at one another. I wasn't sure if I believed her, but what else could it be? She couldn't possibly feel threatened by Sarah, could she? Then again, it was Sarah who took care of Ethan more often than not, even when we were all home. I wondered about that, then felt stupid for standing here in my underwear wondering if my girlfriend was jealous of the nanny when she’d just expressed concern for me.
Kelli turned to open the cupboards and pulled out two mugs. Poured coffee in both, then turned to me, handing me a cup while she cradled the other in her hands.
I decided to spit it out. "Kelli, are you having trouble adjusting to motherhood?"
She had just taken a sip of coffee and coughed lightly. "What?" she managed, wincing as she quickly swallowed.
"I've just noticed that sometimes you seem hesitant to hold Ethan or take care of him… like changing his diaper or soothing him when he's crying. I'm just wondering, are you having trouble adjusting? I can imagine that it's quite—"
