by Stacey Pond
“Never mind, water just broke. Hopsital. Now.”
Matthew helped her into the car, the whole time she tried to keep him calm. It was odd to her that after all of these months, he was the one freaking out now. He was going on and on about they didn’t have cribs, they hadn’t brought car-seats yet, they were coming too early.
“It’ll be okay,” Chelsea said between contractions. “If they’re coming now, maybe they’re just ready.”
Her soothing words seemed to go right over Matthew’s head. He drove faster than he ever did, cutting people off, throwing them the finger. Chelsea stared at him. She’d gone and married herself a crazy person. Still, it was sweet seeing the lengths he’d go through to take care of her and the babies. They pulled up in front of the hospital. Matthew threw his keys to the valet before he helped settle Chelsea into a wheelchair.
Once they were inside, he frantically looked around the lobby, unsure of where to go. Chelsea had to point to the desk between contractions, her hands gripping her stomach as she doubled over. The pain was more intense than Chelsea thought she could handle at that point. She tried to remember to breathe, to relax, but muffled moans escaped her lips as she was wheeled to the ob area.
She could vaguely feel Matthew’s hand pressed against her shoulder, The hallway however was shifting, turning. She felt sick. Chelsea reached out a hand, desperately grasping for Matthew’s hand. Something wasn't right. She could feel it now. She tried to ask what was happening, but everyone was moving so fast. She wrapped her arms around her belly.
Thinking back on it, Chelsea realized everything had happened so quickly she didn’t have time to be afraid. She was worried, anxious, but not afraid. All she could think about were her babies, if they were okay. She blamed herself for ever thinking badly about them, for not appreciating every moment she had with them. As Chelsea felt herself being strapped down to a table, she could only think that it was all of her fault. They didn’t let Matthew in, told him to go out to the waiting room. They’d have news for him soon. Her mouth was dry, but she kept calling out for him. She needed her husband.
A nurse ran her hand over Chelsea’s trying to soothe her. Between the pain and her anxiety over her children, she couldn’t calm down. They lifted her head, pressed an oxygen mask against her nose and mouth. She knew right away that it wasn’t just oxygen. Doctor Petcher was explaining to her what was happening, but nothing registered. She found herself nodding again and again as the anesthetic began to kick in. She found herself drifting off to sleep, but she fought against it. She wanted to know what was happening. It was no use. Chelsea’s head rolled to the side as she fell asleep.
*****
When she came to, the world was foggy and dull. She looked around herself lazily, unable to figure out where she was or what had happened. She felt a tug as she tried to move her arm, an IV was firmly planted there. Chelsea rolled her head to the other side, where a woman sat beside her bed. Slowly, the more the drug wore off, the more she remembered what had happened.
“My babies? Are they-” Her voice cracked.
“Your babies are fine. They’re in the NICU just for the night. Your husband hasn't left their side.” The woman stood up, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around her arm. “Once you’re fully l awake, he can come and visit you too.”
Relief flooded Chelsea. She felt herself crying, the warm tears blurring the room into nothing more than light. She sniffled as she pushed her hands over her face, pushing her hair back. Chelsea didn’t think she’d ever been happier than at that moment. Doctor Petcher came in and talked to her about what happened, but told her she and the babies would be fine.
“When do I get to see them? I want to hold them.”
“Well, the twins are doing fine. They’re breathing on their own, eating, everything a healthy baby should. They’re a bit small, but they’re healthy. Let them rest for the night in the NICU just to be safe, then you can hold and feed them in the morning.”
Chelsea nodded. She wanted to see the babies now, but she knew it was best for them if they stayed where they were. After constantly checking her vitals, they let her leave an hour later, wheeled off on her bed to a private room to heal and recover. She wasn’t alone in the room for twenty minutes before Matthew came bursting through the door.
Matthew grabbed her up in his arms, kissed her face until she couldn’t help but laugh and cry. She held on to him, her fingers digging into his skin, but he didn’t care. He wiped his thumbs under her eyes, collect the tears, pushing them away. His blue eyes found hers and held them.
“I thought I was going to lose all of you.”
“It takes more than that to knock us down,” she said. “After all, we are Rawlins.”
Matthew laughed, a relieved sound that flooded her with calm. He kissed her deeply, not wanting to even come up for air. A knock on the door was the only thing that made them break apart, even then, Matthew wouldn’t let go of her hand. She turned as Sangi rushed in with Andrew. Right on her heels were her parents and Matthew’s. She was hugged, kissed and worried over until she thought her heart would burst. She really did have a wonderful family.
Catherine stepped close to the bed, still keeping her distance. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she said quietly.
Chelsea could see that she really meant it. She opened her arms to the women, waving her closer. She hugged Catherine just like she would her own mom. As far as she was concerned, the past was the past. If she could come that close to dying, there was no reason to ever hold a grudge. When they pulled apart however, Chelsea was surprised to see Catherine crying. So was everyone else it seemed.
“Oh stop staring. You act like you’ve never seen me cry.”
“I haven’t seen you cry since I was eight,” Matthew said.
Catherine smacked him on the back of the head. He grinned. Matthew took out his phone, holding up a picture of the twins. They were small, tiny in fact, but they sure looked like they were okay. Both of them were crying on the video, tiny hands and feet flying through the air to protest their arrival into the world. Chelsea laughed, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. She hugged the phone to her chest tightly. She couldn’t wait to meet them.
The next morning, she was up before the sun. She sat bouncing excitedly, waiting for the nurse to bring the babies. She wheeled them in inside see-through bassinets. The pink hatted twin was still sleeping, but the boy was wide awake, looking around as he sucked on his fist. She ran her fingers over the soft, black hair on his head.
“He’s beautiful. What should we name him?” She asked Matthew.
“Well, I was thinking we could name the boy Matthew Jr. and the girl Chelsea Jr.”
Chelsea stuck out her tongue. “How about no? I think we should name him Mason and she looks like a Melanie.”
Matthew thought it over. “I like that a lot. Can he still have my name for his middle name?”
Chelsea laughed. “Of course.”
They signed the birth certificates of Melanie Chelsea Rawlins and Mason Matthew Rawlins together. The nurse showed her how to feed them, then left to give them time with their babies. She lifted Mason to her breasts as she cooed.
“Mommy will never say anything bad about you or your sister ever again. I promise.”
Chelsea kissed his forehead, the top of his head, his cheeks. She never felt more love for someone than she did with her babies. In the back of her mind, she knew the reason she’d been so concerned was that she wasn't sure if she’d be a good mother. She wasn’t sure if she had that mothering instinct that seemed to come so naturally to her mom, but not at all to Matthew’s. In the end, she knew she wouldn’t take back a minute of it.
“Maybe we’ll have one or two more, in a few years.”
Matthew laughed.
The day quickly arrived for them to take the twins home. Chelsea had another bout of anxiety. What if she was only a good mom in the hospital? After all there were doctors, nurses, aides, outside there would be no one but her and Ma
tthew. She voiced those worries to him, but he brushed them aside.
“You’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t think you’ll be by yourself.”
“What about when you go back to work and I’m still on leave?”
“Then we’ll hire somebody like we talked about, okay? Now here, let me help you get dressed.”
Matthew helped her slip into the long, black dress and black flats he’d brought for her. He held up her jacket and zipped it for her before he settled her into a wheelchair before placing Mason on her lap in his car seat. He took Melanie’s seat as the nurse pushed her down the hall. Chelsea pulled the blanket over Mason’s chair before they hit the cool November air. With the nurses help, Matthew loaded first the babies, then Chelsea into the car. The heat was already running, the warmth relaxing as it took away the bite of the cold.
Chelsea’s anxiety didn’t die down as they drove to their new home. All she knew was that Matthew, Sangi and Andrew had helped put together the babies room. That at least made her excited to see the beauty of it. As the city rolled by, Chelsea felt exhaustion crash down on her. She leaned her head against the window, the movement of the car lolling her into an easy, peaceful sleep.
Matthew was gently shaking her shoulder. She slipped an eye open and looked around. He held out a hand to her, smiling to help her out of the car. Chelsea yawned, stretching out slowly so she wouldn’t hurt herself. She took his hand and he helped her into the house. Chelsea could hear a woman’s voice upstairs talking to the babies.
“Sangi’s here?”
Matthew nodded. “She’s going to stay for the night. Then, when I have to go to work, she’ll stay for a few days to help you.”
Chelsea smiled. She felt her anxiety melt away at the thought of her best friend being there when Matthew wasn’t. He helped her up the stairs slowly, her sharp intakes of breath telling him when to slow down or let her rest. He tried to get her to lie down so he could bring her the babies, but she shook her head. She wanted to see the nursery first.
The room had been completely redone while she was away. The walls were painted a sunny yellow, striped with white. Two dressers stood on either side of the room, white with black drawers. A black and white mobile twisted and swayed above each of their bassinets. Melanie’s bassinet was dusty rose colored, white Mason’s was a soft baby blue. There were two white chairs in the nursery, a bookshelf stocked with books, two changing tables and various stuffed animals decorated the room. Chelsea grinned from ear to ear as she inspected every inch of it.
“Oh my God, Matthew. It’s beautiful.”
“I knew you’d like it. We put the black in to help with brain development, at least that’s what Sangi told me. She’s the pediatrician.”
Sangi smiled, proud of her contribution to the lovely room. She rocked Melanie in her arms, the sound of her fussing just beginning. Chelsea hugged her, before she ran a finger over the baby’s cheek softly. The mere touch calmed the fussing baby as she went back to softly gurgling, fist in her mouth.
“Someone’s hungry,” Chelsea said.
“Here, let me help you to the bedroom and you can feed them.”
This time, Chelsea nodded letting Matthew take her from the room. When she entered their bedroom, she could tell that he’d changed a lot in there too. The bed was covered in black sheets and comforter, the wood in the room dark and romantic. There was a large tv up on the wall so she wouldn’t have to move much. He helped her settle into the bed. She sighed as the aches and pains of her body were comforted. Gazing around the room, she fell in love with it.
“Thank you so much honey. I really do love this house.”
“Good, I’m glad,” he said as he kissed her head.
Chapter 10
Chelsea wished everything could have gone as smoothly as it did the day she came home from the hospital. Matthew massaged her feet. Got her food. Kept her company. Over the next two weeks however, things went downhill. At first it was little things, Chelsea noticed he wouldn’t sit with her or he’d take his time getting to the babies. She found herself angry all of the time. She spent most of her time in the nursery, away from him. In her mind, as soon as he went back to work he changed. Things didn’t get bad however, until the day he told her he’d have to leave for two weeks for work.
“Are you insane? We have two babies to look after! I can’t do it all by myself, Matthew.”
“That’s why I asked you to hire someone before you even went into labor. I can’t just stay here, skip out on work. Do you like living in this house? Do you like eating? Okay, then leave me alone.”
Matthew was packing his bag rapidly, throwing everything together. She knew he was pissed off, but she didn’t care. Chelsea closed the bag making him sigh in exasperation.
“I really can’t do this right now?”
“What is that even supposed to mean? You had these babies with me, now you need to help take care of them.”
Matthew gripped her shoulders. “That’s what I’m trying to do. Look, these properties aren’t going to stick around forever. I need this. My family needs this.”
Chelsea moved away from him, sitting on the bed. “You just don’t want to be around me,” she said quietly, pulling her robe together tightly.
“That’s not true. You know that.”
“Whatever,” she said as she pushed herself up and walked down the hall.
Chelsea didn’t know what it was, but she heard something crash to the floor. The famous Rawlins temper. The noise prompted crying from the nursery, the sound echoing down the hall.
“Are you happy, now?” She yelled at him from across the hell.
She picked them both up, sat down in the chair with their pillows and began to feed them. They quieted down right away. Matthew poked his head in the door.
“I have to leave now to catch this flight.”
She ignored him.
He walked into the room. For a moment she could feel him looking at her. She could feel the puppy dog eyes on his face without even looking at them. His feet were muffled against the carpet as he walked over. He kissed both of the twins softly. As he went to place a kiss on her cheek, she moved her head away.
“Fine.”
He walked out of the room quickly. She heard the door downstairs slam shut, making her jumped. Both babies started to cry. She shushed them softly before she resumed feeding them. Tears ran down her face, clouding her vision. She wanted things to go back to how they used to be.
The next morning as Sangi walked through the door, she knew something was wrong. Chelsea was lying in bed, her hair a mess of tangles. Her eyes were red from crying. Sangi stroked her back as she lay in bed, staring at the wall.
“What’s wrong Charlie?”
Chelsea shrugged. How could she put it into words? She felt sad, so sad that she didn’t want to get out of bed. No, she couldn’t get out of bed. She hadn’t even eaten since the day before. As if in agreement, her belly rumbled loudly. Sangi sighed.
“I think I know what’s wrong?”
“Matthew’s an asshole,” she said wiping at her eyes.
Sangi shook her head. “You have the baby blues. It’s normal after having a child, even more when you have two. You have to get out of this bed and take care of yourself.”
“I don’t want to move.”
“Well, too damn bad. I’m going to turn on the shower, which you will enjoy. When you get out, I’ll have fresh clothes set out for you. You’re going to get dressed, do your hair, hell even put on some makeup because you are stronger than this.”
“What if the babies need me?”
“They have their auntie Sangi to look after them. I’ll heat some of the milk and feed them myself. I’m going to order some food while you’re in the shower and then we’ll eat together, watch tv and talk about you and Matthew.”
Chelsea didn’t want to do any of that. She wanted to stay in the bed. She wanted to cry. There was no point to getting up, fixing herself up pretty when she felt like crap.
However, she knew Sangi. If she stayed in bed, her friend would just pester her until she got up and got herself together.
“Okay,” she mumbled quietly.
Chelsea did as she was told. She slipped into the shower. To her surprise, it helped a lot more than she thought it would. The sleepiness, the aching of her body washed away as she took her time enjoying the warmth of the water. When she stepped out, she dried off with one of the plush, black towels on the counter. She slipped into the black jogging pants and blue tank top Sangi had picked out, feeling better bit by bit.
She wiped the steam from the mirror as she looked at her hair. It was wet, clinging to her. The first thing she did was blow dry it before she combed it up and flipped it into a ponytail. As Sangi suggested, she even put on a bit of makeup, just a swipe of pink lip gloss, but it made her feel better. She heard the babies crying and left the bathroom quickly.
“No! Go back in there and relax. The food will be here any minute.”
Chelsea looked lost. She wanted to calm the babies yelling, but Sangi was standing in the doorway, Mason in her arms, pointing to Chelsea’s room. Her shoulders slumped as she walked back in and sat on the bed. She drew her knees up to her chest, anxious until the babies had been calmed and put back to bed.
Sangi walked in a few minutes later with a box of pizza and sodas. She sat the box down in front of Chelsea, flipped on the tv, then waved her over. Chelsea made space for her. Sangi climbed into bed, flipped open the pizza box.
“I got your favorite, veggie lovers. I don’t know why you’d ruin a perfectly good pizza with vegetables, but there you go.”
Chelsea laughed. “You will never leave me alone about that, will you?”
“Just like I’ll never stop calling you Charlie darling.”
Chelsea felt her eyes welling up as she hugged her best friend. Sangi slapped at her hands. When they were separated again, Sangi picked up a slice of pizza.
“Stop all that crying, woman. Those damn hormones have you going crazy.”
Chelsea let out a laugh as she wiped her face. “I know! I’m turning into some kind of crazy person.”
