by Mo O'Hara
At that moment, Sami took her fingers out of her ears and wandered toward the door. “Must find swishy fishy,” she mumbled.
“Do you think,” I said to Pradeep, “that Sami could somehow be zombie-linked to Frankie? Maybe she can help us find him.”
Pradeep jumped up. “That’s brilliant! Frankie must have hypnotized Sami to create a zombie psychic connection! All we need to do now is let Sami lead us to him before the kidnapper does something that will break the connection.”
“But the only way that could happen is if Frankie gets knocked out or…” I stopped. I didn’t want to think about what else would break the link.
CHAPTER 9
EVIL BROTHERS “R” US
We said good-bye to Mrs. Martin as we left the shop.
“Mother, you are looking lovely today,” Geeky Girl said as she held the door open for Sami.
We practically had to drag Mark away from his conversation with Mrs. Martin about how gardens really do need a little rain at this time of the year. I was very worried. I mean, not that it wasn’t great not to have Mark threatening to pummel me every few minutes. But seriously, what if he was stuck this way forever? I thought about living with the new, polite version of Mark—not wedging me in the dog flap of the kitchen door, not loosening the wheels of my skateboard, not randomly plotting world domination. It seemed nice, but also kind of boring.
We headed down the road, closely following Sami.
“After you,” Mark said, standing aside to let Geeky Girl go first.
“No, no, after you.” She smiled.
“Really, I insist,” he said.
“Oh, just one of you go first! Sami is toddling away!” I shouted.
Sami mumbled “Swishy little fishy” to herself as she toddled through the park and out the other side. She turned left at the next street. As we approached the next turning Pradeep said sadly, “She’s not taking us to Frankie. We were wrong, Tom. She’s just heading home.”
Sure enough, Pradeep’s house was on the next road, right next to mine. Sami walked across her front lawn and then started heading around the side of the house.
“So Frankie wasn’t leading us to him after all.” I kicked the fence with my sneaker. “Now how are we going to find him?”
“Wait,” Pradeep said. “She’s heading around the back toward the garage. If she was heading home, she’d just go to the front door, right? So maybe she is leading us to Frankie after all.”
“If it’s your house, and the kidnapper is there, do you think it could be…” I started, and Pradeep finished my thought: “Sanj?”
We decided to go into stealth mode to sneak around the back of the house.
But it’s kind of hard being in stealth mode with a toddler who keeps saying “Swishy little fishy” and the politeness twins.
“Here, let me hold that branch out of your way, I insist.”
“Please, let me open that gate for you.”
We managed to shut them up for long enough to listen at the back door of the garage. We could hear classical music playing inside.
“Well, somebody’s in there,” I said.
“And that somebody doesn’t want anyone out here to hear any unusual noises from in there. They’re masking any strange sounds with music!” Pradeep replied.
“Like the sound of all the missing pets!” we said together and high-fived. It was a kind of high-five moment.
“All those poor lost pets,” Mark snuffled.
“Boris and the others must be so scared,” Geeky Girl added, tears welling up in her eyes.
Pradeep grabbed a pack of tissues from his back pocket. “I always have some on me for hay fever emergencies,” he explained. He passed them back to Geeky Girl and Mark.
“Thank you. You’re too kind,” they sniffled.
We had to get inside somehow, but just barging in didn’t really fit in with the stealth plan.
“Next to the garage is a vent that leads out of the laundry room. I could fit through it with Sami. Then if she still tries to head into the garage, we’ll know Frankie’s in there,” Pradeep said.
“Or you could just use your front-door key?” I whispered.
“Oh yes,” said Pradeep sheepishly. “Or that.”
“I’ll wait here with these two and you can open the laundry-room door from the inside,” I said.
We waited a minute and then heard the latch turn on the laundry-room door. We tiptoed in, following Pradeep, who was still following Sami. It was only then that I fully realized that we didn’t have an actual plan of what to do once we got inside.
As soon as we opened the back door of the garage we were hit by a wall of sound. Every kind of quack, hiss, chirp, screech, growl, miaow, woof and stomp that an animal could make was coming from in there! The classical music boomed over the top of it all, and sitting with his back to us in a desk chair in front of a computer was Sanj, air-conducting the music.
I put my finger to my lips and looked at Mark and Geeky Girl.
“Shouldn’t we ask if it’s all right to come in?” Geeky Girl whispered.
“We don’t want to be rude,” Mark added.
I rolled my eyes and mouthed, “Shhhhh!”
Pradeep and I silently pushed the door wider and we all stepped into the room.
Now, I don’t know how many times Pradeep, Sami and I have been caught in the last year in a booby trap, but whatever the total was, we were just about to add one more.
In our defense, there was no way we could have expected a booby trap like this. This booby trap involved an actual booby!
CHAPTER 10
NEVER TRUST A BOOBY
As soon as we were through the door, a big white bird with blue feet (which I later found out was a blue-footed booby) squawked, then nudged a bowling ball that was at the top of a ramp. The ball rolled down the slope and tipped a scale that sent a tennis racket swinging above our heads. The racket thwacked a lever that started a turntable that swung a fishing rod that held a net above our heads. When after a couple of seconds the net didn’t drop I heard a voice say, “Oh for goodness sake! Bird!”
Then the bird flew off its perch and pecked at the net, which dropped neatly onto our heads.
That all actually happened in much less time than it took to explain it.
As the blue-footed booby cleaned its feathers, I looked at the bird. One of its eyes was looking at the wall and the other was looking up my left nostril. It had the zombie stare!
This was not good. We had fallen for the ultimate booby trap and now we were, well … trapped.
The classical music finished and Sanj slowly swiveled his desk chair around.
“Perfect timing,” he said. “I see you like my booby trap!” He giggled to himself with his normal wheezy laugh that just never sounded quite evil enough. “I found the blue-footed booby in a bird sanctuary. They said it could tap dance, but its sense of rhythm is appalling.”
Mark spoke first. “Lovely to see you, Sanj.” He motioned to Geeky Girl, “Let me introduce … Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry—I don’t know your real name?”
“It’s Glenda,” said Geeky Girl. No wonder she didn’t want to tell us her name before! “I’m so pleased to meet you.” She tried to hold out her hand, but it was trapped under the net so she just nodded and smiled.
“Mark, it hurts me to see a fellow evil-doer reduced to … this, but I had to do it,” Sanj said, shaking his head.
“So you did do this to Mark?” I said.
“And it has something to do with that sound frequency you used at…” Pradeep paused. “Glenda’s house.”
“Mark was collateral damage.” Sanj shrugged. “We went to your house, Tom, to get that goldfish again. The plan was to trap Frankie alive so that we could harness his hypnotic energy to help us to control an evil army of zombified super-pets.” Sanj smiled. “I had already accumulated the army. It was so easy once I used the Supersonic Nicifying Helpful Minion Ray on the children who owned the pets—they couldn’t have
been more helpful. They handed over their pets quite happily. Some of them even gave me cupcakes or brownies just to be extra nice. It was sweet. Pathetic, but sweet.” Sanj did his evil wheeze. “By the time I had left with their pets, they couldn’t remember a thing that had happened. It’s a very convenient side effect of the ray. Short-term memory loss…”
“But you—” I started to say.
“It’s not polite to interrupt an Evil Computer Genius when he’s explaining his overly complicated evil plot, Tom. Where are your manners?” Mark said.
I really couldn’t take much more of this Mark.
“But Mark changed his mind when we got to your house. He said that these plans never end up with him ever being able to actually splat the fish, which is all he really wants to do, so this time he was going to start the plan by splatting the fish while he had the chance.” Sanj took a breath. “So you see, I had to use the Supersonic Nicifying Helpful Minon Ray on him. Unfortunately I got the dosage a bit wrong and … well, you can see the result. Then you all came back in and I had to make a quick getaway—unfortunately without the fish.”
Sami, who had somehow avoided the booby-trap netting, was standing in front of a fish tank with Frankie inside. “Swishy fishy sad,” she mumbled.
Frankie had a little harness around his middle and had cameras pointed at his eyes and little earphones over his head.
“You know goldfish don’t have ears, right?” Pradeep said.
“Of course.” Sanj glared at Pradeep. “But they hear through a stone in their heads. I can send the sound waves to that stone. That way Frankie can hypnotize all the other animals and I can make Frankie nice and polite with my Supersonic Nicifying Helpful Minion Ray so he’ll do whatever I ask.”
CHAPTER 11
ZOMBIE MINIONS
I pictured a nice, well-mannered Frankie who would do anything that Sanj wanted. It was awful!
“The hypnotizing of the blue-footed booby went perfectly, so we’re just about ready to begin with all the other animals.” Sanj grinned. “What a perfect time to arrive!”
We had to get Frankie out of there now, before it was too late.
I shot Pradeep a look that said, “I’m going to try to get free and rescue Frankie; you keep Sanj talking.”
Pradeep nodded. “It’s a very clever plan, Sanj,” he said, wearing his best “I’m being polite and interested” face that he uses at school. “Do tell me more.”
“At first I thought that if I researched on the Internet long enough I could find a pet with super-powers that could be the arch-nemesis of that annoying goldfish, so we could defeat him once and for all. So I snuck out of boarding school and set up this lair in the garage with one corner that looks like my room at school, so I could fool Mom and Dad into thinking I was still there, and also virtually attend my lectures. I didn’t want my grades to drop just because I’m busy with an evil plan this week.”
We looked around the garage. One corner had been set up with a bed and a desk and posters of other Evil Computer Geniuses on the wall. I maneuverd myself behind Pradeep and wriggled one of my legs free.
“But didn’t the teachers wonder why you didn’t show up for class?” Pradeep said.
“I sent an e-mail from the Institute of Highly Contagious Diseases that said I had a rare virus and needed to be quarantined in my room, but I’d be set up with a webcam.” He smirked.
“And your mom and dad didn’t notice that you were sneaking animals into their garage and playing loud classical music?” I asked.
“We had the garage mostly soundproofed when I told my parents that I wanted to learn the drums last summer. I just knew that it would come in handy to have a soundproof lair.”
“And I love what you’ve done with it!” added Mark.
“Thank you.” Sanj smiled. “We talked on Skype a couple of times this week. They could see my … ‘room’ … so had no reason to suspect that I wasn’t at school.”
My other leg was now free too. If Pradeep could just keep Sanj talking for a little longer then maybe I could get to Frankie, grab him and run. My plan hadn’t got any further than that.
“Go on,” said Pradeep encouragingly.
“But none of the pets were strong enough or had any really useful special powers. Take this one—” Sanj tapped a cage, and a pair of pink bows and a collar appeared at the door. If you squinted, you could make out a very, very, very pale-beige, bored-looking poodle standing there wearing the bows and collar. “A nearly invisible poodle—what good is that?” Sanj huffed. He walked over to a cage containing a brown rabbit who sat with a deck of cards under its back paws. “Red Queen,” Sanj mumbled and the rabbit thumped the back of one of the cards. Sanj pulled out the card from the cage and it was the Queen of Hearts. “A psychic rabbit! Hardly going to strike fear, is it?” He shook his head and walked back to Frankie’s tank. “But a whole army of paranormal pets together—now that could be fun. Now, please excuse me while I make Frankie zombify the other animals. Then all that’s left to do is to zap him with the Supersonic Nicifying Helpful Minion Ray to put him completely under my control.”
“Oh, don’t mind us trapped under the net here. You look very busy with your evil plan. We can wait,” Mark said, and Geeky Girl nodded.
“Wakey, wakey, everyone.” Sanj banged on the cages and tanks. Each of the cages was fitted with a screen that showed a close-up shot of Frankie’s eyes.
All the animals woke up except for a tiny kitten in the corner of her cage. Sanj rattled the cage and the kitten mewed at him, glanced over and then curled up facing away from the door.
“Oh no, you’re getting zombified too, little kitty. Wake up.” Sanj opened the door and reached into the cage to shake the kitten awake. As soon as his hand entered the cage the kitten leaped at it and sunk its teeth into Sanj’s thumb.
“Argh!” he cried out. “Stupid moron cat!” He slammed the cage door shut and wrapped some tissues around his bleeding hand.
“That one was called a ‘vampire kitten’ on the pet-forum website. I should have left it in solitary confinement at the cats’ home where I found it.”
“Oh, the poor little thing is probably just scared and needs a cuddle. Don’t you, kitty-witty?” Mark said.
The kitten glanced over at Mark, then sharpened its very pointy teeth on the bars of its cage.
Sanj went over and stood by Frankie’s tank in the middle of the room. He looked down at Sami, who was still staring into the tank mumbling, “Swishy fishy sad.”
“It’s no good hypnotizing my little sister again, fish. She can’t help you! Not when I’ll soon have an army of zombie pets under my control.” Then he let out a feeble “Mwhaaa … haaa … haaa … haaa!”
CHAPTER 12
PARANORMAL PLANS
Even ultra-polite Mark couldn’t not say something. “That’s an A for effort, Sanj, but you really need more diaphragm support when you do your evil laugh. But I’m sure with a bit of practice it’ll be just fine.”
Sanj scowled. “I definitely preferred you as mostly evil.” Then he flipped the switch and the cameras in front of Frankie’s eyes turned on. Frankie thrashed his head from side to side as if he was trying to resist looking at the cameras, but the harness held him in place.
“Don’t look, Frankie!” I shouted. “Don’t do it.”
“Excuse me for interrupting,” Mark said, “but the fish needs to be way angrier to do his zombie stare.”
“Thanks for the reminder.” Sanj smirked.
“Mark!” Pradeep and I yelled.
“It was only polite to tell him,” Geeky Girl said.
“Thank you for your support, Glenda,” Mark replied.
“Shut up!” Sanj shouted at Mark and Geeky Girl. “Are they like this all the time?” he said to us.
We nodded.
“Right, now … how to make Frankie angry…”
“Stay calm, Frankie, stay calm,” I muttered. My escape-from-the-net plan was not going well. My legs were free, but unfo
rtunately, none of the rest of me.
“Maybe I should try the sonic ray on Sami,” Sanj said, leaning toward Frankie’s tank. “It would be cute to have a toddler at the front of my zombie pet army.”
“No!” yelled Pradeep. “Sanj, I’m going to tell Mom on you!”
“Mom’s not here.” Sanj grinned, pointing the ray at Sami’s head.
Frankie’s eyes glowed green with rage until they looked as if they were going to pop out of his head.
Sanj laughed his normal wheezy laugh. “To quote the mostly evil version of you, Mark, ‘Result!’”
Images of Frankie’s zombie stare appeared on every screen in every animal cage.
The woofs, quacks and screeches that had filled the garage suddenly fell silent. I looked around. All the animals in their cages and tanks had the same zombie stare. They were all under Frankie’s control! Maybe if I could release them before Frankie got zapped with the Supersonic Nicifying Helpful Minion Ray we could still all escape. Trying not to attract Sanj’s attention, I carried on wriggling the rest of my body out from under the net.
“It would have been so much simpler if I could have just nicified the fish first, but it’s very hard to make a super-helpful nicified fish annoyed.” Sanj shook his head as he strolled back to his desk and started fiddling with his computer.
Something bumped into my foot. It was Toby! The tortoise stood by my sneaker, staring at the wall with one eye and up at the blue-footed booby’s beak with the other. I noticed that Sami was now standing by Toby’s cage, silently closing the door.
“Now all I need to do is turn the fish nice and polite with my Supersonic Nicifying Helpful Minion Ray and he’ll tell my pet army to do whatever I want,” Sanj wheezed. He checked each of the cages and tanks to see that the zombie stare had worked. When he got to the kitten he stopped and put on an oven glove before reaching into the cage. The kitten sprang as soon as the door was open and sunk her teeth into Sanj’s gloved hand.
