by GA Hauser
“What?” Julian asked after a long silence had elapsed while they ran.
Wondering if he should broach the subject or not, Brodie kept quiet.
“You okay? Get a stitch?”
“Huh?” Brodie glimpsed at him as they passed senior citizen power-walkers with earmuffs on.
“I thought you said, ‘Oh crap’.”
“Never mind.” Brodie knew Julian wouldn’t know the answer to his question. And after less than a week, how could they consider cohabitating? It didn’t seem sensible. It would sound like they were rushing, being rash. Brodie went over a scenario in his head that deeply disturbed him. What if when they went back to their busy lives they simply had no time to see each other? Almost letting out another, “oh crap” in disgust, Brodie checked his watch. He was growing tired and his legs ached.
“Sprint the last half, then we’re done.”
Julian agreed. They squeezed more energy into their spent bodies, racing to the front of the boat. Crossing the imaginary finish line, Brodie halted, bending over his knees, gasping.
“Shit.” Julian leaned against the metal ship’s wall. “I love the run but its killing me lately.”
“I don’t like running in this wind.” Brodie wiped at his face. “Let’s go inside before we freeze.”
Nodding, Julian followed him to the staircase.
“Sauna?”
“No,” Brodie replied, preoccupied and growing antsy.
“You okay? What’s going on, Brodie?”
“Nothing.” He trotted down the stairs, feeling the sweat pouring out of his skin as he cooled down. With a brisk stride, Brodie made the long walk to their cabin.
After he was in, taking the damp t-shirt off over his head, Julian confronted him. “I know what’s going on.”
“Do you?”
“We’re getting closer to home.”
Exhaling in a blast of air, Brodie wiped his dripping face with his shirt. “It’s not what you think. It’s not telling my family that’s upsetting me.”
“What then?” Julian leaned back on the desk, crossing his arms and legs.
Brodie placed his hands on his hips, looking into Julian’s eyes. “I just feel that once we get back to our routine we’ll never see each other. And that fucking bridge? 520? I hate that thing. It’s always jammed.”
“I know. What do you suggest?”
He knew what he wanted to say, but he thought it would sound as if he were pushing them, desperate.
As he waited for a reply, Julian wiped at the drops rolling down his temple. “Hello?”
“Never mind.” Brodie threw his shirt on a chair and headed to the bathroom.
Julian stepped in behind him while Brodie relieved himself in the toilet. “We’ll make time, Brodie. I want to see you.”
“Make time,” Brodie scoffed, flushing the toilet and slipping out of his running shorts. “Whoopee.”
“Are you implying we should live together?”
Brodie spun around to face him.
Julian gestured with his hands as if he were egging him on to reply. “Well?”
Biting his lip, Brodie didn’t want to admit that was what he was thinking. It was rash! It was too soon!
“Why the hell are you ignoring me?”
“I’m not.” Brodie started to feel chilly as his sweat-soaked skin cooled off.
“You’re sure as hell not answering my question.”
Wanting to shower and get dressed, Brodie reached into the stall and turned on the water.
“Jesus, Brodie!”
Giving up, confronting Julian, Brodie said, “Yes, all right?”
It was Julian’s turn to go silent.
Knowing that would happen, Brodie climbed into the heat and sighed as it washed the sweat and cold off his body.
~
Julian slowly took off his damp clothing. Live together? Was he ready for that? And who would move in with whom? Did he want to sell his condominium downtown? Make a long jammed-packed commute over the lake in rush hour traffic to live in Bellevue?
Watching Brodie shampooing his hair through the glass doors, Julian felt an ache inside. He did want Brodie with him. He did realize if they lived apart, they would never get to see one another. Back to sleeping alone, eating alone, and missing that man lying next to him in his bed. Sliding the door open, seeing Brodie’s massive muscular body shimmering in the running water made Julian feel anxious, as if he had to make some kind of decision now.
Stepping in behind him, Julian rolled the door closed and waited his turn. When Brodie relinquished the shower head to him, Julian asked, “Would you move my way?”
Brodie blinked in surprise. “You…you want me to move in with you?”
Shrugging, squeezing shampoo into his palm, Julian asked, “I assumed that was what you meant.”
“You don’t think we’re being too irrational? I know if I knew a woman for only a week, I’d never ask her to live with me.”
“I’m not a woman.”
Brodie’s eyes flashed down to Julian’s cock.
Scrubbing his hair, staring at Brodie’s expression, Julian added, “I just don’t know which one of us is willing to relocate to make that crappy commute.” Julian closed his eyes as he rinsed the soap out of his hair. Opening his eyes, wiping them off, he found Brodie’s lost expression. “I guess it’s more complicated than we first thought.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure it has to be.”
Julian ran the soap over his chest, down his abdomen to his crotch, washing himself. “I’ve dealt with the commute to that city in the past, Brodie. I’m not eager to do it again. My bank is downtown. I walk there.”
“Where do you live?”
“Fifth and Madison.”
“You have a place in that new tower?”
“Yes.”
“View of the Sound?”
“Yes…” Julian smiled.
“Two bedroom?”
Chuckling, Julian replied, “Two bed, two and a half bath. I assume you won’t be in the guest bedroom.” Setting down the soap, Julian faced the showerhead and rinsed off. “You done?”
“Yes.”
Julian turned off the water. Dripping as the steam swirled around them, Julian asked, “Does this mean you can move in with me? That you’ll deal with the commute eastbound?”
“I may not have to commute.”
“Oh?”
As if snapping out of a dream, Brodie opened the shower door and handed Julian a towel. “Thanks,” Julian said, rubbing it over his hair and face.
Brodie stepped out, drying off, wrapping the towel around his hips.
“I didn’t know Microsoft had an office downtown.”
“No,” Brodie answered, finding his shaving cream and razor. “I may be able to work from home.”
“Really?” Julian felt a spark of hope. Standing beside Brodie at the second basin, Julian wiped the steam off the mirror so he could see his reflection to shave.
“I’m not sure. It’s something I’ll have to discuss with my supervisor.”
“Of course.” Julian took the can and sprayed cream on his hand to smear on his jaw. “Well, if you can swing that, then our problem is solved.”
“You really want to live with me?”
Peeking over at him, seeing his foamy face, Julian smiled sweetly at him. “I think I can stand you.”
Appearing pleased with the reply, Brodie continued to shave. “You ever live with anyone before?”
“No. Just Mom and Dad. I’ve been living on my own for the last six years, since I graduated from the U-Dub.”
“You went to the University of Washington?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“So did I.”
“Huh.” Julian plowed the sharp razor through the thick foam efficiently.
“But you’re a year younger than me, so I graduated a year ahead of you.”
“Yes. Sounds right.” Julian checked for missed spots on his chin and lip, rinsing the razor u
nder the running water, splashing his face.
“We have a lot in common.”
“We do.” Julian dried his face on a towel, turning to watch Brodie finish his shaving at the same time.
“So…” Brodie shrugged, “That’s it? I’m moving in with you?”
Dabbing moisturizer on his skin, rubbing it in, Julian thought it did sound impulsive. He wondered if his parents would think he was on drugs. “Uh, I guess.”
“You guess?”
Holding up his hand as if to correct himself, Julian replied, “No. Yes. You can. If you want to.”
“Crap,” Brodie grumbled, pushing passed him to the cabin’s main room.
Stepping out slowly, seeing Brodie getting dressed, Julian didn’t know what to say. It was all happening too quickly.
“I’m starved. Get dressed or we’ll miss breakfast.”
Moving to the dresser to find clean briefs, Julian felt slightly ill. He didn’t know what to do for the best. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine Amelia and him parting on this cruise and meeting a man he’d fall in love with. He simply wasn’t prepared.
~
Brodie brooded. Silent during breakfast, eating his waffles and sausages quietly, sipping his coffee, looking out of the window at the sight of the coast of Alaska, he was lost. It felt like rejection even though it had been an invitation. There was no enthusiastic welcome, no jumping up and down and high-fiving. Is that really what he expected? Julian to be ecstatic after knowing him less than a week? Well? Yes.
Brodie was convinced this was the nail in the coffin for them. They’d go back to their lives, get busy, and fade away.
“Julian Richards! You bastard!”
Cringing at Amelia’s scream, Brodie figured this was all they needed for a perfect morning.
“You cut me off! We had a deal!”
“You were getting a little carried away, Amelia. Twelve hundred bucks? Come on. What the hell could you buy on this boat that costs so much? Give me a break.”
“A deal’s a deal, Julian.” She knotted her arms tightly over her chest.
“I already spent a thousand on your fare. Okay? Can we draw the line at twenty-two hundred? How greedy can you get, Amelia?”
“Fine. Be that way.”
As she stormed off, Julian jumped to stop her. “I know what you’re going to do. Don’t.”
In a huff she replied, “I don’t know what you’re so afraid of. If you think you’ve found your Mr. Right, why are you so scared to tell Mommy?”
Brodie rubbed his face in agony. They did not need this right now.
“Amelia! I will tell her, face to face. I don’t want her finding out something like that from a phone call.”
“Tough.” She jerked out of his grasp.
“Amelia!”
When Julian ran after her, out of the room, Brodie slumped in his seat. A busboy cleared the table efficiently. Brodie thanked him, trying to smile. As passengers passed by, Brodie gazed out at the clouds and choppy water. He was nuts to think it would work. Completely nuts.
~
“Amelia, stop.” Julian blocked her path to the elevators.
“Get away from me, Julian.”
“Let me tell her. It’s not your place to do it.”
“Screw you. You know how humiliating this is? First you shack up with a guy, then you take away my spending money on our first real trip together. You owe me.”
“What happened to Harry? I thought you two were a pair now?”
She made a bland face. “I’m not so sure about that. He lives in California, and his family are fishermen. Blah.”
“So? Because you and he aren’t getting along, I have to pay the price?”
“Yes! Look, Julian, I’m stuck on this stupid boat with a gay ex-boyfriend and a guy who sells fish! Life in hell, take one.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know it would end up like this either.” Julian was an emotional wreck. Where the hell did it all go off track?
Amelia softened her tone. “Do you miss me?”
Julian jumped in surprise as Amelia caressed his chin. Right before he answered her question, Brodie appeared next to them, the picture of fury and betrayal.
“Brodie!” Julian shoved Amelia’s hand away.
“Nice.” Brodie’s jaw twitched as he ground it.
“No, it’s not that.” Julian panicked as Amelia looked on smugly.
“Not what, Julian?” Brodie asked sarcastically. “Not what it looks like? Not what it seems?”
“No.”
Giving him a disgusted sneer, Brodie walked away.
“Shit.” Julian ran after him looking behind him to see Amelia’s gloat.
~
Brodie’s head was pounding he was so angry and confused. Storming back toward his cabin, for lack of another idea, he felt Julian grasping after him.
“Brodie, stop running away.”
“Screw you.”
“Brodie!” Julian grabbed him roughly and jerked him around to face him.
In reflex Brodie pulled back for a punch, his fist clenched, his teeth grinding. Julian looked shocked.
Lowering his arm slowly, Brodie asked, “What the hell do you want from me? Huh? Maybe all it was a stupid onboard fling after all.”
“No. No, Brodie. You know that’s bullshit.”
“Bullshit?” Brodie spat out. “You want to go back with her.”
“No way.” Julian shook his head to emphasize it. “Not in a million years.”
“She was touching you!”
Seeing Julian looking around as so many passengers were present and appeared to be listening, Brodie felt Julian’s nudge to keep moving. As he encouraged him to go, Julian held Brodie’s elbow, whispering to him as he walked, “She probably had an argument with big-head-Harry, Brodie. She’s a moron. I don’t want anything to do with her. I was just about to swat her nasty claw away when you showed up.”
They descended the staircase winding down to the main level. Silent as they walked the long stretch to the cabin, Brodie tried to calm down, be rational. Julian wasn’t lying to him. Brodie had to convince himself Julian wasn’t. Faith. Julian had asked him to have faith in him. He wasn’t used to that, giving people the benefit of the doubt. He’d been let down too many times.
Finally at their cabin, Brodie opened the door. The bed wasn’t made yet. That meant the maid would be knocking soon.
“Sit down,” Julian commanded.
Brody obeyed.
“It’s my fault.” Julian began, pacing in front of him. “I was vague when we talked about living together. I know in my heart it’s what I want. No question. But I’m thinking about the reaction of my family to all this. It shouldn’t be a priority, and it isn’t, but it is a factor.”
“I expected you to get excited. So much for expectations.”
“I am.” Julian knelt down in front of him, clasping Brodie’s hands. “I want you with me, to be in my bed every night. Are you kidding me?”
“You sure?”
“Yes!” Julian lay across Brodie’s lap. “Yes. Very sure. But, Brodie, at least admit that this is going to shock some people. That not only are we admitting to them we’re gay, but we’re going to live together as well. And it’s not only the fact that we’re two men. Even if I had met a woman on this trip, my parents would wonder about my decision making process.”
“I know.” Brodie expected the same.
“Good. I knew you’d understand.”
“I do. Believe me. But I feel as if I have my own priorities straight finally. And the top dog on that list is you. Period.”
Julian’s blue eyes grew wider.
“Next on that list, and not to be underestimated,” Brodie smiled, “is me. And with those two things as the ultimate guide in my own decision making process, the answer is clear.”
A bright grin appeared on Julian’s face. “Brodie, Brodie, Brodie…”
“Yes, dear?”
“I agree. What can I say?”
“Good. Kiss me.”
Julian reached around Brodie’s neck and pulled him close. When their lips met, Brodie knew it was magic.
~
It was pouring rain in Ketchikan. The men stayed onboard, swimming, taking in a sauna, the Jacuzzi, and relaxing by the indoor pool. By four the loud blasting horn sounded as the luxury cruise ship pushed back from the port, through the Inside Passage, headed south to Vancouver and finally Seattle.
Dressed for dinner, Brodie stood near the dresser, looking down at his mobile phone. Julian was finishing up in the bathroom. Brodie turned the phone on. No signal. Shutting it off, he pocketed it, getting a strange urge to call his parents to touch base with them.
“Ready?” Julian asked. “We need to swing by the gallery for that eight by ten I ordered.”
“Yes. Right.”
“You okay?”
“Yup.” Brodie kissed him.
“Good. Gallery, then booze?”
“Sounds good.” Brodie followed Julian out of the cabin. As they ascended deck levels, climbing the soft carpeted stairs, Brodie removed his phone to keep an eye on the LCD. As they passed the promenade deck, it displayed a signal. He dropped it into his pocket while Julian walked ahead of him to the wall of photos.
“Yes, I ordered an eight by ten…”
Brodie looked around at the rest of the snapshots. Ordinary people, happy smiles, cuddling couples. Who knew what really went on once they were home? Vacations were odd that way. They weren’t reality.
With the bag in his hand, Julian said, “Let me drop it in the cabin so I’m not carrying it all over.”
“Okay.”
“Go get us a drink in that lounge off the dining room.”
“What do you want?” Brodie asked as Julian began leaving.
“Ah, Irish coffee.” He winked.
As Julian jogged away, Brodie found the exit to the outer deck. He took out his phone, keeping his back to the wind, dialing. Putting the tiny phone to his ear he heard it ringing.
“Hello?”
“Mom?”
“Brodie! Are you home already? I wasn’t expecting you until Monday.”
“No. I’m still on the ship. I just wanted to touch base with you.”
