by Lucia Franco
Kova walked over and lifted my ankle. Pressing my knee down to my chest with his hand on my upper thigh, he got close to my face. Déjà vu hit, and I catapulted back to when we first started private lessons and how our relationship began. I grunted, feeling a pull in my hip. Only his touch could push my body to the extreme.
"First you pull me from the meet because of Hayden, then you tell me it's actually because of you and the ravenous desire you have for me, now you're making me go because of him? You make no sense, Kova. None at all. You're more frustrating to figure out than a female."
Kova pulled back, a smirk tipping his lips. "Ravenous desire? No."
"Then what is it?"
He shrugged. "I want you to see it through my eyes. What you are up against. I thought it would be a good idea, truthfully."
"But I know what I'm up against," I retorted. It seemed pointless to go to the meet.
"Have you ever been just a spectator and not a competitor?"
I shook my head. "No, I actually haven't."
He dipped his chin and pressed deeper into me. His fingers gripped me with strength and professionalism.
"I want you to sit with me and listen to what I have to say. Listen to my critique." His inflection caused certain words to have more emphasis. "Watch the other athletes around you, focus on them. Remember, Ria, they are going to have the advantage of being much younger than you and with a lot more vigor. You are talented, and while I have faith in you, you need to see firsthand what you are up against."
Kova switched legs and my heart crumpled a little. I didn't like this idea. It felt a little like torment and taunting at what I should've had but had viciously been ripped from me. I should've been competing at this meet, but thanks to Kova and his asinine decision, I was forced to withdrawal.
"Breathe deep from in here," he placed a flat hand on my stomach and I jumped. Kova took a long, deep breath, his chest barely rising, and inhaled through his nose. I mimicked him, my eyes locked with his.
"Good. Now up," he ordered and gestured to the floor mat. "On your back. Hands by your side."
"Words I'm sure you love saying."
I slapped my mouth. The sarcasm flew from my lips without thought. I squeezed my eyes shut. Controlling my mouth around this man was my greatest challenge.
The corners of his mouth curled in an amusing smile. "Just because you and I have had a…liaison, I will let that one slide. But no more. Focus, Ria. Focus."
My jaw slackened, I gave him a droll stare. "A liaison? Good God, Kova, you need to take an English class and expand your vocabulary."
"When would you expect me to do that?" he asked. "Hmm? At midnight once I finish my office work? My free hours are spent working on your weaknesses and I am not even being compensated for it."
"You make me sound like a charity case."
"You are," he clipped, looking deep in my eyes. Talk about a punch to the gut. "That is exactly what you are. I am going out of my way to help and improve you, but only because I believe in you."
I glanced away. "That was cruel, Kova," I said quietly, laying on my back.
He was completely unaware of how hurtful his words could be. They crushed my heart, and while I knew it was his way of giving constructive criticism, they still caused damage in the end.
"You eat up my extra time. There is no room for anything else right now, especially since it is meet season."
I ignored that little jab and tried not to grind my teeth. "See, 'eat up' doesn't sound right."
"It does not matter to me, it is not relevant right now." Kova shook his head and dropped to his knees.
"If you took classes, you could learn contractions so you don't sound like a robot."
Kova squinted his eyes in my direction. "That is the last thing on my mind. If that is what you are thinking about right now, then I am not doing my job correctly." His eyes flared with new ideas.
I flattened my lips.
He huffed. "Okay. I will accompany you when you go to tutoring. Happy now?"
"No."
Sitting back on his knees, Kova huffed out a breath and pointed a finger at me. "Do not break, do you hear me? You will lose it all at the slightest fracture."
"What?"
"Do not break," he repeated slowly, like I should've understood what he meant the first time. "I can see it in your face. Focus on the big picture. Let the words roll off your back and forget them." Kova lowered his voice and his eyes softened as he said, "Remember, when we are inside these walls, I am not here to be your friend, I am not here to be nice. I am here for one reason, and one reason only. Eventually, you will thank me, but only if you just listen to what I say."
"With how mean you can be, I really can't see that ever happening." I truly couldn't see myself thanking him. "What? Thank you for being an egotistical, hard-ass dickhead? Highly doubtful."
His eyes twinkled with mirth and I felt the corners of my mouth tugging up.
"You will see," he retorted, smirking. "Just remember what I said."
Slipping a hand under my lower back, his palm was warm. "Lift," he ordered. "Feet flat on the floor, shoulders flat, chin up."
Once I elevated my hips, he placed a hand on my pelvis again and signaled for me to breathe. His palm spread across my abdomen the way a wildfire spread over grassland. Each finger grazed my skin with heat, igniting a scorching trail in its wake. Intensity blazed inside of me and I released a soft breath. I kept my eyes focused on the ceiling. They didn't deter in his direction like they had in the past that had only led to terribly wonderful things.
"Bring your hips down for three seconds, then raise them again."
We did this at least eighty more times in silence, maybe more. I stopped counting, and by the time we finished, I was surprisingly out of breath. My pelvis was tight. I finally looked at him, but Kova was already staring at me hard, unabashed, leaving a path of hunger as his eyes danced down my body. Small droplets of sweat trickled down my temples. He could look if he wanted to. In fact, I hoped he did.
Kova picked up an ankle and extended my leg. Then he took my bent knee and crossed it over my stretched leg and leaned down. I grunted while he applied pressure, flattening my lips as I grimaced.
"Why, after all this time, does it still hurt to stretch out?"
Kova studied my face. He was so close I could see the thin black webs against his lime green irises. Hypnotic. I thought his lips were his best feature, but his eyes captivated me on a whole other level.
"Muscles go through constant stress during exercise. At the rate you are going, yours will bear much more stress than normal. The beauty behind stretching out is"—he stood up and used his hands to talk—"yes, you are lengthening the muscle, and yes, you are manipulating it, but you are also helping it relieve the pressure by gently warming it down and breaking down the buildup. Since you have been off for holiday, once the soreness hits, you will be in more pain than usual. Keep Motrin on hand. Cooling down like we are now after a workout will help but will not alleviate it completely. If you want, come see me every night before you go home this week and I will stretch you out," Kova offered, then added, "Remember what I told you about training your brain to think a certain way?"
"Yes, and it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard at the time." An airy laugh left my lungs. "It made sense though."
Kova slowly brought his hands down to his sides and closed his mouth. Lowering his voice, he spoke each word like he wanted to sink his teeth into my skin and rip it off. "Do not mock me, Adrianna. Nothing I teach is ridiculous, it all has a purpose. You know, my patience is running thin. Everything I do for you, to your body, has a reason. Sometimes I think you are too naive to see it right now."
I sat up. I tried not to take offense to that because he didn't take me in jest when I meant it that way. "No, I'm not. You misund—"
"Just shut up, take what I give you." His voice was angry and brash. "And fucking say thank you when I am done."
My jaw dropped. "I do t
ake it," I bit out. "When do I not?"
The energy in the room shifted, and the aggravated energy emitting off him could be felt within a five-mile radius.
"Have you ever once said thank you to me? After all the times you have demanded from me, have you ever once said thank you?"
I pulled back and mused over his words. My forehead creased as I struggled to think. Moments flashed through my head like a camera taking pictures. Conversations, practices, moments when we were alone. Realization dawned on me. I swallowed, ashamed I'd never thanked him.
"That is what I thought. Instead you mock my training methods." He let out a harsh laugh. "Guess what, sweetheart? I got my medals already. I have traveled to international meets. I have been World Champion, and I have been to the Olympics. I have accomplished everything I wanted to—with the help from a coach ten times worse than me. You, however, have none of that. And the road you keep traveling down, you never will."
Kova looked down at his hands and brushed off the excess chalk. His head bobbed with an arrogant, puckered mouth.
Giving me his back, he coolly walked toward the door.
"Where are you going?" I asked in an elevated tone.
"We are done here," he said flatly.
"No, we're not. We have thirty minutes left."
Kova spun around. A gut-wrenching smile slid across his face. "If you will excuse me, I am going to devote my time to someone who truly wants it. My girlfriend."
"You're an asshole."
"Tell me something I do not know," he retorted, leaving the therapy room.
"See! Contractions would be useful there!" I yelled. I heard him grunt, but he never came back.
* * *
That night while sitting in the bathtub—a steaming hot bathtub I might add—I reflected over my conversation with Kova and how we left the gym. Truthfully, it was all I could think about since I got home. I was sick to my stomach because he was completely right. I came across as unappreciative and that was the last thing I'd ever want him to think. I wasn't. Aside from all the bullshit outside the gym, I was more than grateful for all the effort he put in. I demanded so much and he gave it to me when he didn't have to.
I felt awful for never once saying thank you. I felt the right thing to do was shoot Kova a text message.
Me: I'm so sorry I upset you earlier. You were right. I've never thanked you for all that you’ve done for me. Thank you. I really do appreciate it more than words could ever express.
Surprisingly, he responded.
Coach: XX
Chapter Eighteen
Walking from room to room, I double checked everything before I left my condo for the weekend. I wouldn't be gone long—the meet was in Pennsylvania and we'd be back early Sunday afternoon.
I switched the light off and shut the door behind me and locked it. I glanced at my watch as I made my way downstairs to the parking lot. The girls’ team was meeting up at Kova's house, and from there, Katja would drive us to the airport where we'd meet the boys' team before we boarded the flight.
Throwing my carry-on bag into the backseat, I climbed in my truck and started the ignition. Within seconds, I hit the main road.
The closer I got to Kova's house, the more my stomach swirled nervously into tight little knots. Things between us were tense this past week. I tried to show my gratitude often, but Kova was strictly business and told me that if I wanted to show my thanks that I needed to practice like I meant it. I figured he thought I was trying too hard and it was showing. I was, and I wasn't. I just wanted to make sure he knew I was thankful, but instead it made him distant. With the way he'd acted, I had to wonder if Katja, or anyone, ever showed him gratitude. We were good in public, but I also felt like he was going out of his way to ignore me. I stressed over how he'd act the next two days at the meet.
I still didn't know why I was going with the team. It was stupid.
I pulled into the driveway and parked my car near Hayden's. I took a minute to gather my wits and wipe my face clean of any emotion before I got out.
Katja opened the front door seconds later like she was waiting near it. My stomach plummeted. Kova’s guilt was rubbing off on me. I was insanely paranoid just looking at her face.
"Adrianna," she greeted, annoyingly drawing out the N’s in my name. She appeared utterly clueless with her megawatt smile on full blast, and while that was great and all, I couldn't help feeling like a horrible human being.
There was a black throne in hell with my name on it.
"You can put your bag here and go into the kitchen." She pointed to a cluster of bags near the door as I stepped inside. "You remember where it is, yes?"
"Yes."
She shut the door behind me. "Would you like some coffee?"
"I never say no to coffee."
Her face lit up and she clasped her hands in front of her stomach. "I offered the other girls coffee but they do not like it. I did not know what to say to that."
I laughed and the knot in my stomach eased a bit. "My mom got me hooked on it to help curb my appetite. I hated it at first sip, but once I found the right flavor, there was no going back."
Katja’s perfectly tweezed eyebrows angled toward each other. "To help curb your appetite?" Her eyes roamed down my body, then back up to meet mine. "So what Kova tells me is truth?"
Paranoia struck again, but I maintained my composure and kept my face neutral.
"I'm not sure. It depends on what he told you about me. I allowed a hint of uncertainty to layer each word.
"No, he did not tell me about you, but how gymnasts in general must keep an extremely strict diet. I knew some coaches enforced it, but I have always been curious about how the parents handled things behind closed doors, if they are strict or not."
We walked side by side toward the kitchen. "Oh, well, I can't speak for others, but my mom is extreme. She'll test any diet fad out to lose a few pounds. And if it works for her, she assumes it will work for me, and usually has me on it too. The only difference is that I'll eat when she's not looking so she thinks the diet isn't working."
We stepped into the kitchen together. I glanced at the group and said hi. My eyes softened when I spotted Hayden and I smiled at him.
"But why would you ever do that?" Katja continued.
I shrugged as if it was obvious and leaned against the marble countertop. "I wanted her to stop using me as her guinea pig and get off my back."
"Is she really all that bad?"
"Sometimes." I gave her an honest answer.
"Is who that bad?" Kova asked as he strolled into the kitchen. Good God, my blood pressure skyrocketed being this close to him and Katja at the same time. How does he stay cool and collected?
"My lovely mother and her obnoxious diet fads."
"Ahh. Joy. Does she still have those special meals ordered and delivered to you? I remember that being mentioned when you first arrived at World Cup," Kova asked. There was a distinct glimmer in his gaze that gave me such a rush. I tried not to smile like an imbecile, obnoxious teen but failed miserably. I liked that he remembered.
"Yes, but I do my own food shopping now," I answered. Kova's gaze shifted from me to his girlfriend. Katja handed me a cup of coffee, then leaned her elbows on the counter. We were shoulder to shoulder when a strong fragrance assailed me. I closed my eyes and inhaled, trying to sort out the scents. Jasmine and hydrangeas mixed with vanilla coffee. It was the most intoxicating aroma I'd ever smelled, and it seeped from Katja’s skin.
I frowned and opened my eyes just in time to see Kova step to Katja. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and dropped his chin onto the curve of her shoulder as he gave her the warmest hug. My stomach flipped when he looked at me, a reserved smile tugged at the edges of his mouth. I’d love to know what he was thinking. If he took satisfaction in me and his girlfriend being in the same room together. The urge to turn away was strong, but I knew I had to fight it, otherwise it would look odd.
"I am sure you can afford to eat whatev
er you want," Katja said, and took a sip of her coffee. "You are young and athletic. You have a great shape to your body."
"Yes, she is in terrific shape," Kova added, too pleased with himself. "Perfect for the sport. She is much better now than when she first came to me."
My cheeks flushed and I gave them a timid smile. "I guess."
"Ah, that is because you have a gifted touch and a sight unparalleled to others when it comes to the gym, statnyy."
Kova chuckled under his breath. I wish I knew what that word meant. "You flatter me." His voice was low and rough, and it tugged at something deep inside me. He kissed the corner of her mouth and she gave him a sultry smile in return.
"Katja, what kind of perfume do you use? I love the smell," I asked to distract my thoughts.
She turned and smiled sweetly. "Oh, I do not use perfume."
Kova snuggled her closer. I didn't understand.
"It is her body wash. I have it shipped in from Russia for her," he offered up.
Ah, okay. "That's cool." I wasn’t sure how else to respond to that.
They probably took a shower together this morning and he washed her body with her special smelly shit. I kept my grimace to myself.
"Why are you wearing that?" Reagan walked over to us with her nose pointed high in the air. I'd never been so relieved to see her until now.
I glanced down at my attire, then at hers. She wore the custom team uniform typical when traveling for gymnastics competitions, where I was in boots with knitted socks, dark jeans, long-sleeved shirt, and a chunky scarf. I didn't like to be cold.
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I asked, confused. "You realize we're going to Pennsylvania in February, right? It's going to be freezing."
"Yeah, but not that cold. We’re supposed to dress up, you should know this." Her voice grated on my nerves, like nails on a chalkboard. "We're not going to Siberia, jeez."
I barked out a laugh. "I would need many more layers than this to go to Russia," I said. Katja chuckled softly next to me. "I'd need an Eskimo suit."
"I said Siberia," Reagan responded in her snobby tone. I covered my mouth and laughed. She looked around in confusion. "What?"
