by Lucia Franco
"Can you talk?"
The silence on the other end told me he was not alone.
"Yes, but not for very long. Katja is in the other room."
"How did I not wake up?"
"Wake up?" he asked, his voice sounded perplexed.
"How did I not wake up from you touching me? From you having sex with me? How did I sleep through that?"
Kova sighed deeply on the other end. My pussy throbbed and my stomached clenched tighter than a slipknot as I waited for his answer.
Low and quiet, but with complete control, Kova said, "Remember the melatonin I gave you before your ice bath? It was a strong dose to help you sleep. I knew from earlier in the day you needed rest. It is all-natural, so you are okay, no need to worry."
No need to worry. My jaw dropped, a throb behind my eye began to thump harder with every passing second. I stared at the wall in complete shock.
"But…but how?" I stammered. Another memory stirred in my mind. It was faint but I couldn’t quite grasp it. I'd been drained that night, exhaustion had settled in, both mentally and physically.
"Ria," he stressed my name.
"Did you plan that?"
"No. Malysh. Trust me, I did not."
Trust me. Those two words never did me any good when it came to Kova. They must've been equivalent to fuck you in Russian. I wish he'd remove those two words from his vocabulary.
"Then how did it come to that?"
He didn't answer me. My blood began to simmer but I rationalized with myself. My first thought upon seeing the video wasn't anger…it was the complete opposite, and it baffled me. I was turned on.
"You shouldn't have done that."
"You are upset," he stated, remorse heavy in his voice.
"I feel like I should be upset, but I'm not."
"Then how is it that you feel?"
I chewed my lip, trying to come up with how I felt, until I decided to show him. "Hold on a sec…"
I pulled my phone away from my face and opened the camera app. With him still on the phone, I flipped the camera to front-facing and held my cell phone up high, angling the lens to take a selfie, only it didn't capture my face. It captured me from the shoulders down. My breasts free and bare, I pinched my nipples to harden them even more, then pulled my knees up. I dropped my legs to the sides just a little to give him a clear view of my hand under my panties while I touched myself. My fingers coated the slippery wetness and my back arched in pleasure. I snapped a few photos then debated if I should show him how wet I really was.
What the hell. He had a video of us having sex.
Quickly, I slipped my panties down just enough and spread my knees wider. I placed the camera between my legs and the desire turned to a hard throb as I took a photo to show how I truly felt. Wetness seeped from me, dripping down my swollen lips with the knowledge of what I was doing, so I took another photo to show him. I was so worked up my breathing deepened, and my fingers ached to finish myself off. A little moan escaped me, but I resisted.
"Ria, what are you doing?"
I took a deep breath and texted the photos. "I shouldn't feel this way," I whispered.
Kova was quiet for a long moment before he said, "We know each other, Ria. I am not just some one-night stand or a guy you met three weeks ago. That is why you feel differently." He was right. Kova was completely right on why I wasn't furious with him. Had it been anyone else, I don't think I would've reacted that way.
"Fuck," he growled into the phone. He got the photos. "Holy shit… Fuck."
"That's how I feel." Then, I hung up.
Kova called back, but I didn't answer.
I scoffed, shaking my head as my trembling fingers flew over the keyboard. Everything I read for the next ten minutes said nothing but how melatonin was an all-natural remedy used to help treat insomnia. High doses could cause a solid six hours of sleep, which is what he must've given me.
I was torn. I remembered him telling me what he was giving me, along with the Motrin and other vitamins, I just hadn’t known then what melatonin was exactly or how potent it could be.
I dropped my forehead into my palm, utterly and completely confused. I stared at my crossed legs in a daze trying to figure out what I should do. A thousand questions flew at me all at once, but the most important question I had to ask myself was did I feel violated.
The answer struck my gut, drove up, and pierced my heart so fast.
The truth was, no, I did not.
I couldn't find it in my heart to feel any other way. Not because I feared the repercussions, or what anyone would think, or I was worried about my future, but because it was Kova, and I cared deeply for him. And no matter how fucked up this relationship was and what we were doing, deep down, I knew he cared about me too.
And to be honest, I liked it. A lot.
My phone rang again, but I ignored it.
I was too fixated on my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings.
A knock resonated at my door minutes later, breaking me free of my thoughts. I quickly slipped on the shirt I had on earlier, then ran to answer it, and found a completely disheveled and wide-eyed Kova gripping the doorframe.
Before he could utter a word, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. Kova shifted on his feet. His usually heavy shielded emotions were bare to me.
"Why did you not answer my calls? Are you upset with me? Because fifteen minutes ago you asked me to come over, then you send me a very erotic photo of your pussy. Then you ignore me. You are sending me mixed signals."
My cheeks reddened. I flattened my lips. He was right, and it took me a minute to answer. Kova stepped toward me and looked down at my chest, then back up. My stupid nipples were still hard.
"I did not video or photograph your face. We both know the truth and that is what matters." Kova's eyes sharpened in my direction but his voice was gentle, apologetic. "Do not try and twist it for what it is not. I thought you would find the absolute forbidden beauty in it, but I am very sorry I upset you."
I glanced away. I stupidly did find beauty in it. He knew that because I asked for more.
"Listen, I thought the videos were really sexy, but next time I'd like to be awake."
I chuckled softly. What the fuck was wrong with me?
His eyes softened and he looked at the floor. He was embarrassed, ashamed. Two emotions last on my list I'd expect from him. He stared long before he surrendered and dipped his chin in agreement.
"I truly am sorry," he said quietly, unable to meet my forgiving gaze.
Kova dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a white, folded piece of paper. He flipped it over between his hands as if he was buying time. Lifting the paper, he looked at me and exhaled a tortuous sigh. His shoulders sagged, and I felt the weight he carried on them for a hundred men.
"Like everything that involves you, I probably should not do this, but I want you to read this." I glanced at him suspiciously. "I convey my thoughts better on paper," he stated. Which I already knew.
Rooted in my position, I stalled. I looked at the note, then I looked up at him. This was originally how I found out about his contradicting emotions and how everything really began between us.
He lifted the paper higher toward me. "Take it, please. Read it when I leave."
A light bulb went off in my head. "I have an idea." I reached for his forearm and turned, pulling him behind me to follow me to the spare bedroom. Once in the room, I backed him up to a decorative chair and pushed him to sit next to the desk.
He looked up in confusion.
Unless I had homework and wanted a change of scenery, I barely came into this room. It was like a store-all. I began rummaging through the shelves in my unorganized closet. One day I'd clean it up, just not today.
"Do you need some help?" Kova offered. I twisted over with my backside to him and glanced over my shoulder, his penetrating eyes took in every inch of my skin like he was concentrating hard. He dragged his teeth along the bottom of his plump lip, lewd thoughts
danced in his animalistic eyes. We were forbidden chemistry. A lethal attraction.
With Kova, I had this dark desire to always want to be his little vixen and attract all his attention. I'd do anything for it.
Pretending I had an itch, I dragged my fingers across the back of my thigh. I could feel his searing gaze follow my hand across my bare skin, still only in panties and a shirt that rode up my back. At this angle, I knew if I leaned any lower that he'd be able to see my breasts. The possibility of events that could occur after floated through my mind.
"What did you say?" I pretended to not hear him the first time.
Kova cleared his throat and ran a hand over his mouth. "Do you need help finding something?"
"Nope. I got it." I feigned innocence and smiled.
A few seconds later, I pulled out a small spiral-bound notebook. It was a gift Avery had given me when she came to visit last year for my birthday.
I walked back to the desk and pulled the top drawer open to search for a pen. Kova's eyes hadn't left my body. A modest smile curved my lips. I leaned down and penned a few salacious thoughts to paper.
It was genius and inconspicuous, and the perfect solution to get him to open up.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I stuck a pen through the spirals of the notebook and stepped between Kova's spread thighs. He immediately invited me to his lap and I handed him the notebook with a lazy smile. God, I loved how natural we were when no one was around. My heart was so full and content.
With a deep sigh, I inhaled his subtle scent that followed him everywhere. A sophisticated yet highly seductive fragrance that was cozy, warm, and all man. Kova's hand immediately palmed the curve of my hip, his fingers rested on my pelvis. They slid back and forth across my sensitive skin until the tips were under my lacy elastic. I basked in it.
"Any time you have something on your mind, something you want to say but can't, write it down. We'll both write stuff down and swap the notebook back and forth."
Kova glanced down. "This is probably the worst idea you have ever had," he said in a heavy lilt.
I turned toward him, bringing my knee up and resting my ankle on his inner thigh. Kova shifted me closer to him, his fingers pressing into my hips and staying there like it was the most normal thing in the world for us. Our gazes met, he wasn't backing down.
"You can't seem to communicate like a normal person and when you do, you hurt people. Writing it down is the only option for you."
Kova leaned forward. "And what do you think will happen when someone reads it? What if it got into the wrong hands?"
I shrugged and placed a hand on his firm chest. It was obvious how this would work.
"We never mention names. Never write my name and I'll never write yours. Don’t use the words coach and gymnast. No one would know whose it is if lost and found. It's a perfect idea."
"No," he whispered, then transitioned to Russian. Kova shook his head and peeped down at the notebook before giving me an unimpressed look. "I do not like this idea one bit. It is too risky."
"Oh, but your porn videos were a brilliant idea," I said sarcastically, slightly hurt he didn't like my idea. Kova just stared right through me. "Why not?" I scoffed. "You do it with your therapist. Why can't you do it with me?"
This was no different and he knew it. My gut told me he was being difficult because I had cornered him with having to face his feelings for once.
Leaning forward, I rested my arms on his pictorials and shifted until I was straddling his wide thighs. His hands wound up on both my hips, his fingers splaying over the curve of my ass as I lowered myself. I smiled at the easy laid back look in his eyes. I wished he always had that look. Kova arched his neck back onto the cushion and swallowed as he looked down at me. A soft breath rolled off my lips. He was so fucking sexy.
"Please," I asked with huge doe eyes. "For me?"
"It is not the same, and you know it." His voice struggled with consistency. "This is a ludicrous idea, Adrianna."
My smile faltered, but I covered it. Using my index finger, I traced his collarbone with a feather light touch while his open palms dragged up my back. His sensual touch made me feel sexy and I loved that feeling.
Kova budged forward to sit up straighter and I chewed my lip, contemplating another alternative. He whispered under his breath in Russian, then adjusted himself so we were chest to chest. My arms automatically wound around his broad shoulders and I drew him in.
Leaning next to my ear, he said, "I caught the slip in your smile. What is wrong? Tell me what you are thinking about." He cupped my shoulders from behind, his calloused hands kneaded my skin in a sensual massage.
"I would love to get inside your head. It would be insanely sexy to know your deepest, darkest thoughts."
I could only image what he daydreamed about. I was entirely too naive about sex still to think of anything wild the way I was sure he did.
His two-day old stubble rubbed along my cheek as he whispered, "You are already in my head, baby. More than you know." The seductive pull on each word caused goose bumps to trickle down my arms.
I pulled back. "You said baby and not malysh."
Kova gave me a one-sided smirk. His eyes a blaze of fire piercing every inch of my body. It was sexy as hell. I wondered if he had any idea of the power he wielded.
"You like when I speak Russian?" he asked.
I nodded. "I do. I wish you'd speak more to me."
A smile pulled at his face. "Even when you have no idea what I am saying?"
I nodded again. "But why did you switch to baby? See, that's something you could write in the notebook."
"And then what? Am I supposed to pass it to you in the hall after practice?"
Shit. I puckered my lips and gave him the truth with a smile. "I actually hadn't gotten that far yet."
Kova's head rolled back, a light laugh escaped him. "Of course you have not. No, this is definitely not happening." He went to move but I begged him not to get up.
"Please, don't leave yet."
Kova settled and looked directly into my eyes. "I have to get home. Katja was awake when I left. I am sure she is wondering where I am by now. Fuck…" His voice lowered to a whisper as he spoke to himself. A deep sigh groaned in the back of his throat and his hands tightened on me like he didn't want to let go. "I was not expecting to stay so long." Kova stared at my mouth as I licked my lips. I'd give anything to know what he was thinking. Pressing forward, I arched into him until I was an inch away from his mouth. Heart racing, my arms locked behind his neck.
"What did you tell her?"
"That the alarm was triggered at the gym and I had to go."
My brows shot to my hairline. I shook my head, smirking. I wish I knew why I didn't feel bad that he lied to his girlfriend again, but I just didn't care.
"You're so sly."
"The things I do for you."
In the silence that passed between us, Kova switched to his native tongue. His eyes found my mouth once again and never left. I watched while he spoke, his tongue tapping his teeth, his desirable lips closing and opening as words flowed off them suggestively.
"V tihom omute cherty vodyatsya." Our eyes met. "Still waters run deep," he said quietly. His voice was deeper, huskier. "It is a saying in Russia that pretty much translates to the same in English. 'Under calm waters, the devil waits patiently.'" He paused and swallowed hard. He shot a fleeting glance at my mouth then looked into my eyes and said, "I fear nothing good can come from you."
"You want to kiss me. I can feel it," I whispered.
"Beda nikogda ne prihodit odna." I waited, my breath heightening. He was so sexy like this. "Trouble never comes alone. This notebook, kissing you, constantly finding ways where we are isolated from judging eyes, would bring nothing but trouble from the devil." Kova wrapped his arms around my lower back, then moved so his lips were touching mine, and whispered, "YA takoy ublyudkare'. Proklyatyy, yesli ya proklyat, yesli ne budu."
Then, he smashed his
lips to mine.
"What did you say?" I asked between our pressed lips.
"I am a bastard."
I chuckled lightly, melting on him. "You are." I loved hearing his accent. It was incredibly erotic when he had a raspy intonation woven in the words.
"Proklyat, yesli ya delayu, ya proklat, yesli ne… Damned if I do, damned if I do not."
I moaned softly as he continued to speak between frenzied kisses. That saying fit both of us perfectly. Kova growled and attacked my mouth like he'd been dying for this moment. I could barely keep up. He nipped at my lips, sucked my tongue, and dug his fingers into me. Like he wanted to climb inside me and live there. The pressure between us was destructive, and the power he elicited caused my hips to undulate on his. I ached for him. He lounged back and pulled me with him, his legs spreading wider so his hips thrust up. The only barrier between us were my thin panties and his mesh shorts. His hardness surged against my sex, I could barely think under his hold.
"I have to go," he said, crushing my pelvis in his grasp. Contradicting himself as always. He pressed my hips into his and groaned. I chuckled. His hands slid lower toward my opening. A carnal sigh rolled off his lips. I almost bit him from the sound of it. My body ignited within and I let go. The way I desired this man was something I couldn't comprehend. It went against everything and nothing I believed in. It would be considered wrong in everyone's eyes, but none of them mattered. I couldn't make sense of it, only that it felt right.
"No, stay a little longer," I pleaded. "Please." I squirmed over him, my body anxious. I needed more, just a little more. Especially after the photos and videos, and the way he rubbed me on him. Just a little longer…
But I also needed him. Deep in my heart, I knew I needed him just to be here. His presence soothed me more than ruffled my feathers.
"I thought you hated me." Kova ground into me at the word hate. Fuck.
My eyes became heavy with desire. "I do hate you. With every bone in my body."
God, I was a mess.
Kova chuckled. "You have a weird way of showing it."
