“You lied to me,” she said. “Our whole relationship was a lie.”
Blake squeezed his eyes shut. Yeah, first they had to get past some stuff. “It was my job.”
She pushed out of his arms. “And you did it really well.” What he could see of her expression was blank, but the rapid rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed gave away her agitation.
“You must hate me.”
“I should!” She waited several beats. “I want to.” With a disgusted sound, she turned away. “But I don’t. I can’t.”
Relief made him release the breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “Good. Because our relationship may have started out that way, but there was a lot of truth to it.”
She turned her head warily. “What part?”
Blake took her hand. Her fingers were curled into a fist. Gently, he loosened them. “This part.” He pressed her palm against his chest, above his heart.
She stared at her hand. “I can feel your heart racing.”
“It’s this way every time I’m with you,” he told her. “When I touch you. When you touch me. When I think about touching you. And only you.”
Seconds went by.
“Arresting you tore me up. I studied the paperwork, tried to get them to reexamine the case until I was put on indefinite leave. But your background and the other burglaries…I’m sorry.”
“Blake,” she whispered, finally.
And it seemed like the most natural thing in the world for her to lean forward and for Blake to bring his mouth to hers.
He wanted the kiss to be a tender apology, sweet and giving. Soft. Gentle. All about showing Kaia he’d had genuine feelings for her. Still had genuine feelings for her.
He’d hurt her and he’d hurt himself and he wanted her to know that. He wasn’t going to ask for her to kiss him back, but wasn’t going to object if she did.
Above all, he would not lose control. He’d remain aware of her body language and at the first tensing, the first tug backward, he’d release her. He had no right to expect her to forgive him, especially when he hadn’t yet forgiven himself.
But with the first touch of her mouth, desire raged in spite of all his good intentions. It was as though knowing the truth had removed what little restraint he’d had. He wanted to part her lips and tangle his tongue with hers. And he wanted her to kiss him back with the passion she’d shown six years ago.
But how could she?
So much had happened. So much betrayal and hurt. Not hating him was a long way from wanting him. Loving him.
If he wanted another chance with Kaia, he’d need patience, lots of patience. And he’d give her time, all she needed. And space. But not too much space.
Blake held himself with an iron control as he softly kissed her, daring to touch her lower lip with the tip of his tongue only once because the wave of longing he felt made him clench his fingers against her back.
Kaia’s hand was still pressed against his chest. She slipped it from between them and Blake prepared to pull away. But instead of withdrawing, Kaia slid her hand around his neck to the back of his head and urged him closer.
Her mouth opened beneath his.
She was kissing him back.
After everything that had happened, she was kissing him back.
His tongue met hers and Blake went a little dizzy. Maybe a lot dizzy. His pulse pounded and desire flooded his senses. He couldn’t think straight when she was in his arms. He didn’t want to think straight. He wanted to let go and just feel. The truth was that this was the first time he’d felt right since that horrible night in the mall parking lot.
Blake hauled her into his lap so her legs draped over his thighs, desperate to have as much of his body in contact with as much of hers as he could. His elbow banged against the gate, momentarily reminding him of where they were, but he didn’t care.
That was the power she had over him.
She could have asked him to do anything for her and he would have agreed. The feeling was devastatingly familiar.
This time, instead of panicking, he kissed her harder. He kissed her until his lips went numb, also a familiar feeling.
Wrenching his mouth from hers, he pressed kisses along her throat, gently sucking at the steady pulse in her neck.
“Blake!” Kaia pushed his mouth away. “I’m supposed to be modeling necklaces!”
“Sorry,” he muttered, not sorry. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“And I like that about you,” she said, her voice breathy. “You were always totally in the moment, completely with me.”
He raised his head. “Why would I want to be anywhere else?”
Kaia smiled and his lips tingled.
She wiggled in his lap and his lips weren’t all that tingled. “I want to be completely with you some more,” he added.
She lifted her chin. “Then kiss me again.”
And this time, I won’t let you go, Blake vowed as he lowered his mouth. He wanted to say it aloud, but it was too soon for her. So for now, he’d cherish her and give her such pleasure that she wouldn’t want to leave.
10
KISS ME AGAIN. What was she thinking? Where was this headed? She should never have kissed him back because now she didn’t want to stop.
Kaia hadn’t let any man get close to her since Blake. She didn’t trust men. She didn’t trust herself. With good reason, if the way she felt now was any indication. She remembered this gnawing craving to be close, as though nothing less than climbing into his skin would be enough.
Good and bad memories of him warred within her. She would not, not weaken, not give in. Wanting to know if any part of what they’d had together had been real was dumb and self-indulgent. His kisses were distracting her from her purpose for being here tonight. She had a lot at stake and she wasn’t going to throw away a better future for momentary pleasure.
Truth or lies didn’t matter any more. The past couldn’t change.
Sure, Blake had said all the right things—well some of them, anyway. And she’d told him as much of the truth now as she dared, which was everything except about the snuffbox.
Lies were still between them, only this time, they were hers. How ironic.
“No other woman makes me feel the way you do,” he murmured against her mouth. “That’s why I quit the force.”
“You quit because of me?” She was stunned.
“When you go undercover, you’ve got to be able to trust your gut and mine was all twisted. You got to me then and you’re getting to me now.”
Kaia was helplessly aware of her frozen emotions thawing and about to flood her sense of self-preservation. She wanted to believe him; of course she wanted to believe him. What woman wouldn’t want to think she had that kind of power over a man?
Her heart thudded wildly as the little voice inside her insisted he could be lying now. He could be telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. And he’d be right—it was exactly what she wanted to hear. She hated that. Now, this very moment, he could be kissing her with lying lips and caressing her with lying hands.
She was wrong, all wrong. The truth did matter. It shouldn’t, but it did.
Kaia drew back to clear her head. “You’re admitting that I get to you? Aren’t you afraid I’ll use it against you?” She was crazy to point that out.
“Absolutely.” He gave her a crooked smile that charmed its way into her heart.
But her heart was smarter this time around. Wasn’t it? “So now what?”
He leaned down until his mouth was positioned a breath away from hers. “Now you kiss me.”
She swayed toward him in spite of herself. “Why?”
“Because you want to.” His fingers spanned her shoulders and his thumb ran beneath her collarbone. “And I want you to.”
Kaia shivered. “Why?” she asked again, mostly to stall for time. Her original idea had been to seduce him, to let him think he could manipulate her the way he had before, not to actually let him manipulate her.
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Not such a great idea after all.
Especially since she wasn’t sure who was doing the manipulating. Was he telling the truth? Or was he lying the way he had before?
Kaia had a headache. And aches in other places.
“You can tell a lot from a kiss,” Blake murmured.
Kaia certainly hoped so. “Especially if you kiss a lot.”
Blake touched his forehead to hers. “Wanna test your theory?” He stole a butterfly kiss.
Kaia laughed, suddenly feeling happy for no good reason. And then she kissed him, also for no good reason, fitting her lips to his as though time hadn’t passed and he hadn’t betrayed her.
Warmth, a sense of relief, and a lot of other complicated emotions she didn’t want to uncomplicate just then flowed through her. When Blake cradled her next to his body, it just felt right. As simple and as complex as that.
This, this was what a kiss was supposed to feel like. No anger. A soft promise of later passion. As though they had all the time in the world. As though they were the only two people in the world.
It was…nice. Kaia hadn’t experienced nice a whole lot in her life. At the moment, nice had more power over her than passion and that was dangerous. She drew back.
“That wasn’t much of a kiss,” he echoed her earlier taunt.
“This will be,” she quoted his reply. Because passion will be safer than tenderness.
Then her mouth was on his and she was kissing Blake, really, seriously kissing him after six long, long years, and all her hate and resentment was melting away when she wanted to keep it wrapped around her for protection.
She pitied women who did dumb things because of the way a man made them feel. Now she pitied herself as longing swept through her and she knew she was going to do something stupid before the night was over. Clearly, passion wasn’t any safer than nice.
But speaking of nice… Blake’s mouth was hot and sweet and addictive. In seconds Kaia was back to those days when they’d kissed for so long, her lips had gone numb. Her body continued warming and thawing as though a long winter had ended. She couldn’t stop wanting him, even though she’d regret it.
She explored his mouth and invited him to explore hers, and then realized it was more about remembering the taste and scent of their mingled breaths than discovering something new.
Blake made a low sound in the back of his throat and deepened the kiss because she’d pressed herself as close as she could get to him. She could feel the heat of his body through his shirt and suit jacket. Burrowing her hands beneath the fabric was like sticking them into an oven. His shirt had gone damp and limp, like her will-power.
It was the touching that was her weakness. Kaia had been raised as a loner and her parents weren’t the demonstrative types. There hadn’t been a lot of hugging or loving touches. Hugging was for picking pockets.
She’d been a surprise to them, especially to her father who was in his forties when she’d been conceived. Her mother was younger by ten years. Maybe more, maybe less. She’d always been vague about her age. Kaia hadn’t felt unloved, exactly, but she’d sensed she’d been a bother until her father had discovered her gymnastic talent. That coupled with her tiny hands and uncanny ability to assess jewels had made him a much more enthusiastic parent. As long as Kaia performed. Perfectly.
Kaia felt Blake’s hands on her shoulders, skimming down her arms and back up again, caressing her skin. He’d liked her soft skin, she remembered. And she liked having him touch it. With her parents, any touch was light, if she felt it at all, and it meant they were lifting something from a pocket or a purse. Testing her. They’d trained her never to relax. Never let her guard down. Never trust anyone.
And so she hadn’t, until Blake.
When he caressed her, it was because he found pleasure in it and wanted to give pleasure to her. And he did. He so did.
Kaia sighed into his mouth as his hand left her arm and circled her waist, drawing her closer to his chest. She’d never had enough of the pleasure, the closeness.
They’d spent their few precious Sunday afternoons together sitting this way with Kaia in his lap, her legs draped over his, doing her class work while Blake watched some football game on TV, the sound muted in consideration for her.
They kissed during commercials.
And sometimes more.
She’d had no idea there were so many long commercials during football games.
Kaia withdrew her hand from beneath his jacket and traced his jaw with her fingertips, circling his ear. The sharp edge of his fresh haircut prickled softly the way she remembered. He felt the same and with her eyes closed, she could imagine that it was the same.
Except it wasn’t. “Blake—”
She forgot what she was going to ask because his hand left her waist and slowly skimmed upward. She tensed in anticipation, biting her lower lip, wondering if he would stop, equally hoping he would and hoping he wouldn’t, until his hand closed over her breast.
She inhaled at the sharp pleasure, wishing it didn’t feel quite so good.
“Blake,” she breathed and this time, she wasn’t thinking of anything else as she tilted her head back.
He kissed her jaw, the side of her neck, and her throat. “Your skin is still so soft, so smooth.”
“And your beard is still rough.”
He raised his head. “I used to shave three times a day because I couldn’t stand seeing the red marks I left.”
“Didn’t work.”
“No. I couldn’t stay away from you.” He kneaded her breast, his thumb maddeningly skimming the edge of her neckline. “I can’t stay away from you now.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she heard herself tell him, even though she should get to her feet, run down the hall, grab a set of free weights, smash the sauna window and make her escape.
But then she’d have to stop his fingers from toying with her neckline…slipping beneath
She drew a shuddering breath and wiggled against the bulge in his lap. He wanted her. She wanted him.
It was decision time. Either she was going to end this now—gently, but firmly. In a classy way and not a pathetic, whiny, clingy way.
Or she was not.
And if she was not, then she wasn’t going to stick her toe into the water; she was going to jump in and make a big splash, hollering the whole time.
Blake nuzzled the side of her neck, her collarbone, and traced his tongue in the hollow there as his thumb dipped beneath her neckline to the strapless bra she wore. Involuntarily, her back arched so much she was nearly bent in two.
Time to jump and make a big splash. Kaia pushed away Blake’s hands, but that was only so she could peel down her dress and bra.
Calling a halt, classy or otherwise, was no longer an option.
He murmured something. She didn’t know or care what.
“Touch me,” she whispered, hoping it didn’t sound as if she was begging.
And he did, murmuring, “So beautiful,” with his mouth against her breast.
Kaia laughed a little wildly. “You can’t see anything.”
Blake ran his hands over her bare skin. “I can feel and I can remember.”
Kaia’s breath hitched as she felt and remembered, too. Because really, that was what this was about. A last time together to remember the good and erase what came after. Kaia wanted to re-create the intense emotional and physical connection with Blake that she’d never had with anyone else. Or if it was broken, then she wanted to know that, too.
The world they’d created now could only live in the dark. Once the lights came back on, they’d return to their real lives.
Kaia had always preferred the dark. She placed a hand on either side of his face and kissed him lightly before winding her arms around his neck.
Blake cupped her breasts. Drawing one tip into his mouth, he rubbed his thumb across the other, sending a hot zing straight to her middle.
She gasped as her muscles jerked. She was so used to trainin
g and exercising to maintain perfect control over her body that when it reacted without any effort on her part, she was caught unaware. For some reason, she’d thought she’d be able to control whether or not she felt anything with Blake this time. But her body remembered and was participating whether she wanted to or not.
Of course she wanted to, but the more she enjoyed herself, the harder it would be to walk away later. This had better be worth it.
Blake must have been able to read her mind. His tongue swirled over her with just the right speed and just the right pressure. Kaia quivered and flexed and bit her lip as a low moan escaped. The back of his neck felt like iron and she realized he was supporting all her weight the way she was hanging off him. She shifted one hand to his shoulder and burrowed the other beneath his jacket as it covered her like a tent.
She was surrounded by his scent and inhaled deeply. She’d remember this combination of soap and man forever.
Blake’s breath was hot and when he moved from one breast to the other, Kaia barely felt the coolness on her damp skin.
No power, she recalled. No air conditioning. No way to open the windows. A room full of people. Heat rises.
Beneath the suit jacket, she was becoming uncomfortably warm. Blake must be burning up. She ran her hand over his back. His shirt was seriously damp. “It’s so hot!”
“Oh, yeah,” he mumbled around her breast.
She chuckled. “I meant temperature.”
“Is it?”
Kaia worked the jacket off his shoulders. Blake raised his head long enough to shrug out of it.
“Uhm, maybe the gun and holster, too?” she asked.
“Were you always this picky?” His teeth gleamed and she knew he was grinning.
“I have standards,” she said, as she loosened his tie.
“Hmm.” Blake dropped the gun and ran his hands up her thighs.
Kaia stilled instantly as his palms bumped over the cuffs in her hidden pockets and the tools beneath her leggings. She’d been so caught up in memories and feelings, she’d forgotten. Forgotten. If he’d started running his hands at her calf instead of her thigh, he would have discovered the snuffbox, not that he would have known what it was. But it might have stopped him. He might have asked. And she’d have had to tell him.
Kept in the Dark Page 13
