I felt like the richest girl in the world.
February 17, 1865
Jed just got home and told us that the Union army has captured Columbia, South Carolina. The Confederate government in Richmond is starting to fall apart, too. The war may end soon.
This news has made me, Pa, Jed, and Jane Ellen happy. Tonight we all talked excitedly and looked at the map, and tried to figure out when the Confederates might surrender.
Hundreds of Confederates are deserting each day. They are flocking to Washington, eager to swear loyalty to the Union. On my way to and from work, I see them sleeping in the streets and alleyways. They look horribly worn and beaten down. It will be a great relief to everyone when we are one country again.
February 20, 1865
I feel as if I have just recovered from a bad illness. I work quickly in Mrs. Porter's house. I do not look at her grandchildren's photographs. I do not stare out the window and daydream about their lives. I race home each night to the ones I love.
I do not want Envy to attack me again and plant thorns in my heart.
Great news. Soon Jed will have a better job at the newspaper! Mr. Hoke has finally returned from Georgia. He was angry to learn that Jed had not been made a reporter right away. He said, "What a waste of great talent!"
Mr. Hoke promised that Jed will be writing news stories very soon.
We are all so happy about this change of events. Pa played his fiddle tonight, and we danced.
February 22, 1865
The last Confederate port in Wilmington, North Carolina, has fallen to Union forces.
The good news about Jed's job seems to have put a fire under Pa. He is planning to leave the house today for the first time in weeks. He says he will carry his violin around the city, looking for work again.
Evening
Pa just came home. He was in jolly spirits. He learned that Professor Withers, the orchestra conductor at Ford's New Theatre, will be holding auditions for a new violin player next week!
I pray to God and my mother in heaven to help Pa get the job.
We all had a cheerful discussion tonight about what to name our baby. If it's a girl, we thought it would be nice to name her after my mother, Elizabeth. If it's a boy, we thought perhaps Jonathan or Thomas. These two names are not for anyone in particular, just names that all four of us happen to like.
March 1, 1865
Hurrah! Pa got the job! He will be a violin player in Professor Withers's orchestra!
Our happiness had no bounds tonight. Pa played his violin, and Jed and I danced. Jane Ellen could only wave her arms, for she is quite big now.
Pa wants me to stop working at once.
I feel a pang of sorrow leaving Mrs. Porter.
But in truth, I have not seen her very much recently, as she has been spending a great deal of time in New York City.
I will give notice tomorrow. And I will go back to having school lessons with Jane Ellen. Pa says that by next year, I will be in a fine school.
Surprisingly, Jane Ellen feels better now. Though far along in her pregnancy, she no longer gets sick to her stomach. She laughs whenever she feels our baby kicking.
Great changes have come to all of us recently. Madame Masha is a genius!
March 2, 1865
Mrs. Porter was quite lovely about my leaving her employment. She wished me the best of luck and said I was a most admirable girl.
I'm glad she never knew how much I envied her grandchildren. She would have thought less of me, I fear.
March 3, 1865
Pa learned the most wonderful news of all today: He will be a substitute violin player with the Finley Hospital Band at the second inaugural ball! Their violin player is ill, so Pa will take his place just for the night.
The ball will be held at the Patent Office. Four thousand people are expected to attend!
And Jed will be reporting on the inauguration ceremony for the newspaper!
Great changes keep coming into our lives! Thank you, Madame Masha.
The town is crowded with people coming for the inauguration ceremony tomorrow.
Gloomy wet skies all day. But Pa and I went for a walk after dark. We heard bands playing lively music. Torches burned through the evening mist. On the roof of the Capitol a silver light shined on the American flag.
March 4, 1865
An early morning storm swept through the city, uprooting trees.
The dark clouds and wind did not stop us from going to see President Lincoln sworn in. Hundreds of people, including me and Pa, waded in the mud to the Capitol.
The steps of the Capitol were well guarded.
Only the press -- including Jed -- were allowed to stand on them.
Later, Jed told us that guards were also posted at roads and bridges, watching for sneaky-looking characters.
The President looked quite splendid in his plain black suit and white gloves.
By the time he spoke, the rain had stopped. The sun was shining. He called for a "just and lasting peace." He said we should "bind up the nation's wounds."
He kissed the Bible. Then he rode back to his mansion with Tad by his side.
I kept my own guards close by and would not allow that monster Envy to come near me. I was glad for Tad Lincoln. And for all of us. Abraham Lincoln is our father, too. He is the father of this whole nation.
Jed went to the White House last night to report on the reception for the President. He said hoards of people rushed in to shake hands with President Lincoln. As many as 6,000!
Now Jed's worrying about the President again. Jed said he looked feeble and thin.
March 6, 1865
Tonight, Pa plays at the inaugural ball. I begged him to let me go with him. He said I could not, but he'll wake me when he returns and will tell me all about it.
I told him to keep his eye out for Tad Lincoln.
Thousands of people went to the ball, Pa said. The band played waltzes and polkas. The ladies wore yellow and blue silk dresses. Their curls were powdered with silver dust.
Pa said everyone was especially cheerful. They all seem to believe the war will end very soon. "Imagine, the Patent Office was used for a hospital during the worst time of fighting," said Pa. "But tonight it was filled with music and lovely ladies."
When Pa spoke of the ladies, he sounded quite wistful. I think they reminded him of my mother. He met her long ago at a dance, when she wore a lovely gown and he was playing the violin.
Pa said everyone danced and danced. By the time the midnight supper was served, some guests had become too merry -- they behaved in the wildest manner. They pounced on the food! They snatched whole chickens from the table! The floor became littered with cakes and broken dishes and glasses. There was even a big brawl in the kitchen, Pa said.
Pa never caught sight of Tad Lincoln, nor President and Mrs. Lincoln. But he said that it was a party he will never forget.
March 10, 1865
Every day more and more Rebs desert the Confederate army. They are all streaming into Washington. Pa and Jane Ellen think the war will end soon. The South has no more men to fight for it.
I must do all the cooking now. Jane Ellen is too tired to stand, and Pa and Jed are working long hours.
I do not mind. The days are getting longer and warmer. There are buds on the cherry trees, and there is hope in the air.
There is hope in our household, too. I feel it whenever I look at Jane Ellen. Seven more weeks and our baby will be born.March 13, 1865
Jed saw President Lincoln today. He was riding in his carriage with Tad!
The President definitely needs a holiday, Jed said. He still looks very weary and thin.
March 20, 1865
I've not written in my journal for a week. I have been so busy. I must do all the housework and shopping now, as well as the cooking.
Our baby is due in less than six weeks. Jane Ellen is so big, she does not leave the house at all. She moves very carefully and seems very thoughtful. This morning I over
heard her talking in a soothing voice.
"Do not worry," she whispered. "The world will love you and embrace you when you come."
She is right. I don't think a little baby will ever be more welcomed. I pray every night for Jane Ellen to be safe, and our baby, too.
April 3, 1865
Today newsboys shouted, "Richmond has fallen! The capital of the Confederacy in ruins! Union troops have taken over the city!"
People cheered in the streets.
Pa is playing with the orchestra at Ford's New Theatre tonight. He said that the audience will be in a great mood.
Pa loves playing at the theater and being a part of the plays. He seems very merry now.
April 4, 1865
Outside our windows tonight, we hear people still shouting in the twilight: "Richmond is ours! Glory hallelujah!"We hear the ringing of bells and band music playing. A steam fire engine barreled by a moment ago. It was blasting off steam in celebration of the fall of the capital of the Confederacy.
At dinner, Jed told us that people swarmed into the newspaper office today. They grabbed all the papers with the latest news.
Jed said President Lincoln and his son Tad have gone to Richmond. He heard that many Negroes knelt before the President to thank him for freeing them from slavery. But President Lincoln told them not to kneel before him. "You must kneel to God only and thank him for your freedom," he said.
The war is not over yet, Jed said. Many lives may still be lost.
When Jane Ellen told Jed to stop being so gloomy, he only shook his head sadly.
I wish Jed had a lighter heart. I fear the Battle of Gettysburg scarred him forever.
April 5, 1865
The city is filling up with thousands of deserters from the Confederate army. Jed says the South now has fewer than 100,000 soldiers, while the North has a million.
Everyone is trying to guess when General Robert E. Lee will surrender.
April 7, 1865
On my way to the city market this morning, the dogwood trees along Pennsylvania Avenue were filled with blossoms.Through the pink, dappled light I saw a carriage go by -- the Porter children were riding inside! I imagine they are visiting Mrs. Porter for the Easter holidays.
I am glad to say I did not feel at all empty when I saw them. I did not dwell on their good fortune and riches. I banished even the temptation of thinking such thoughts.
When I got to the market, I filled my basket with strawberries. Also with apples, cheese, and fine brown sugar. It is fun to shop now with a little extra money.
On the way home, I saw a Confederate band leading a group of deserters through the city. All the traffic had come to a stop. The band played "Ain't We Glad to Get Out of the Wilderness"!
I feel that I, too, have come out of a wilderness, the wilderness of Resentment and Envy.
April 8, 1865
Night and day, Pa is practicing a new song composed by Professor Withers for the orchestra. It's called "Honor to Our Soldiers."
The orchestra will play it on Friday night at Ford's New Theatre, when Miss Laura Keene will be starring in Our American Cousin. Pa said he might be able to sneak me into the back of the theater, as it will be Miss Keene's last performance.
Imagine! Ford's New Theatre -- where the Porter children saw Rip Van Winkle! I wish they would be in the audience when I'm there.
I wish they would see me leaving with my father --a violinist in the orchestra!
Oh dear, I am coming under Envy's spell again. Now I want others to envy me.
Forgive me, Madame Masha.
April 9, 1665
I am baking an apple pie for our Palm Sunday dinner.
Jed must work all day. He has to wait to receive news from the telegraph office about the possible surrender of General Robert E. Lee today.
Later
Jed just came in. He was overjoyed -- and for Jed, that is saying a lot. He told us General Lee has surrendered! He and General Grant met in Appomattox, Virginia, today, and Lee surrendered his army.
Finally, the war is over!
April 10, 1865
Early this morning, the whole city got the news about General Lee's surrender. The morning paper headline said: "Hang Out Your Banners! Union Victory! Peace!"
By noon, flags waved in the rain all up and down our street.
A great crowd gathered outside the White House. President Lincoln appeared, bright and happy. He told the band to play "Dixie." He said that "Dixie" belongs to all of us again and not just to the South.
A while ago, Pa played "Dixie" himself, and Jed and I danced around the room. Jane Ellen burst into tears. All she could say was, "We are one nation again. We are all free -- black and white."
April 11, 1865
More rain today. But we are still so joyous, it seems that the sun is shining.
Later
Great news! Pa says I can go to the theater with him on Good Friday to see Miss Laura Keene's last performance! All 1,000 seats will be filled, but I can stand in the back, Pa says.
I am trembling with excitement. I sense that I might love the theater more than anything else. Beautiful Miss Laura Keene -- the actors and actresses -- the costumes -- the lights and music!
But what will I wear? I have shot up like a beanpole in the past few months. My one good dress no longer fits me.
April 12, 1865
Jane Ellen is a saint. She is giving me one of her nicest dresses to wear to Ford's New Theatre on Good Friday. Even though it strains her to sit up, she has promised to stitch the dress to make it smaller at the waist, and she will sew the hem.
Tomorrow night the city will have a Grand Illumination. All the government buildings and homes will be lit up with gas lights. Pa will play with the orchestra on the Capitol steps.
Except for the week we found Jed in the field hospital, these are the greatest days of our lives!
April 13, 1865
Tonight, if you had been an angel looking down from heaven, you would have thought Washington City was one giant flame. You might have even thought the whole world was on fire.The night was as light as day. Music played and flags waved. Walking past all the bright lamps with Jed and Pa, I thought, "This is the most joyous city on all the earth."
And best of all, my joy will not end. Tomorrow is Good Friday, and I am going to the theater for the very first time. And in just two weeks, our baby will be born.
April 14, 1865
It is cold and windy this Good Friday. Dark clouds hover overhead. I only pray it doesn't rain, so that I won't get my "new" dress muddy tonight. It is soft yellow with lovely lace. When I wear it, I feel like a young lady and not a child.
Jane Ellen spent some time this morning practicing on my hair. Tonight, she is going to sweep it all up in a bun. I don't think Pa and Jed will even recognize me!
Early evening
I am not going to the theater. Pa said I can't because the afternoon newspaper announced that President Lincoln and his wife have decided at the last moment to go see Miss Laura Keene's final performance.
Pa said security will be very tight. He will not be able to sneak me in.
I cried and carried on after he told me this. Jed and Jane Ellen both tried to comfort me.
Through my tears, I told them that I know I can go to Ford's New Theatre someday in the future. But I wish it were tonight -- when the President himself will be there! That would be a dream beyond all my dreams! Maybe even Tad will be there. Maybe I could even have met them because my father plays in the orchestra!
Jed promised me that he will take me to the President's House someday when he covers a story there.
I refused to cheer up, though. I still feel most angry and ungrateful.
Late night
I write with a trembling hand. Pa just came home. A terrible calamity took place at the theater tonight. President Lincoln was shot.
The man who shot him leaped from the President's box onto the stage. He rushed into the wings, then vanished outside. He jumpe
d on a horse in the alleyway and dashed away in the dark.
Pa did not know who the man was.
Mrs. Lincoln started to scream. Soldiers cleared the theater. They carried the bleeding President to a nearby house. He had been shot in the head.
Pa and Jane Ellen and Jed are all weeping. I am writing so I will not lose my mind.
How can this be?
Dear God, spare the life of President Lincoln, please, dear God. He is the father of our nation.
Clouds cover the moon. The night is so dark, it feels like every candle on earth has gone out.
Before dawn
I have not slept. Jed left after midnight to go to the newspaper. He was in a fever of anxiety. I am very worried about Jane Ellen and Pa.
Pa seems a bit out of his head. For hours he has been pacing the floor, as he did long ago when he discovered Jed was missing in Gettysburg. I hear him talking to my mother in heaven. He is telling her to pray for our fallen leader.
Jane Ellen sobs loudly from her bed. I fear for our baby who is to be born in a week.
I am waiting desperately for news from Jed. I refuse to think the President will die. God will not let him die.
April 15, 1865
Jed returned briefly after dawn. He spoke softly, as if he dared not hear his own cruel words. He said President Lincoln is sinking rapidly. He cannot live much longer. The President was shot by an actor named John Wilkes Booth. The assassin has not been caught yet.
After he told us the news, Jed wept. Jane Ellen held him and wept, too. Pa and I wept. We all wept and prayed together.
Evening
President Lincoln is dead.
Soldiers and man-hunters are searching the land for John Wilkes Booth.
A cold rain is falling. The sky weeps rain, as it did the morning after the Battle of Gettysburg.
This seems like a terrible dream. I still cannot believe it's true.
We keep weeping. All of us. Our hearts are broken.
Easter Sunday
Our minister, Reverend Crane, said that the President died for our country just as Christ died for the world.
After the Rain: My America 2 Page 3
