by Naomi Niles
“You can stay in the car if you want,” Jesse told me. “It’d probably be better.”
“You better hope you don’t get in the way of one of my bullets.” I glared at him.
“Gillian, let’s go,” Michael hissed.
I sighed. There was a black holster sitting in the pocket behind Michael’s seat. I pulled it out.
“What are you doing?” Jesse stuck his head in. “He knows we’re here.”
“You’re going to get us killed,” Michael said.
I ignored them and reached down to tie the strap around my ankle. “I’m ready.” I put the gun inside and got out. The trees and brush were thick. Mounds of blackberry bushes blocked our path, and a layer of roots snaked across the forest floor. Even if we could get inside, we couldn’t move around. Jesse turned back down the road and started walking.
“Hey,” he called out.
Michael ran over, and I followed. “You’d better shut up. He might hear us.”
“Does it really matter? He already knows that we’re here. I found a way in.” There was a clear space between the trees, and what looked like a thin deer trail of trampled grass. Michael pulled a branch aside and waited like a gentleman so I could walk through. Then he let it go so it would smack Jesse in the face.
“Hey!” Michael and I both laughed.
The trees had created a thick canopy that blocked out the light. As soon as I stepped inside, I could feel the cold eating at my bare arms, so I crossed them over my chest and followed Michael’s lead. As we got deeper into the forest and the ground began to shift into an incline, I started to realize where we were going. The farther downhill, we went, the closer we’d get to the water. It always pooled up in the low ground. Sure enough, the trees started getting thicker until they closed in on us from both sides and we had to push past to get through.
I caught a flash of green — algae. We were coming up on a lake, and I could smell the festering water. “We don’t even know if we’re going in the right direction,” Jesse said.
“Let’s circle around the lake, so we can get closer to the property,” Michael suggested. He pushed through to the shore and hopped over a cluster of lichen-encrusted rocks. I followed his lead, careful not to fall in. When I got over the rocks, I caught a flash of white and yellow. A snake was sticking its head out of the water. I jumped back as it lunged towards me. There was a crack, and I ran closer to Michael. Jesse had shot it.
“You are the dumbest man alive,” Michael said and ran back over to where he was standing. “Give me your gun.”
“No, I’m not going in there unarmed.”
“You’re going to get us killed.” Michael tried to grab it, but Jesse pulled away.
“I need to protect myself. You can’t have it.”
“Guys,” I interjected.
“I don’t want you coming with us. You’re nothing but trouble. I shouldn’t have brought you along in the first place.”
“Guys,” I said a little louder.
“Shut up,” Jesse turned back.
“I saw something.” Something was moving in the trees on the other side of the lake.
“If you fire that thing again, I’ll shoot you myself.”
“Look,” I said and pointed to where the bushes were moving. They turned back, but the bushes stopped.
“It’s nothing, Gillian.” Michael took the lead again, and we started hopping over the roots and rocks lining the shore. There was a fallen log perched up on a boulder blocking the path. Michael skittered up to the top and reached down so I could grab his hand. I took it and braced my feet against the bottom of the boulder, so I could climb up.
“Give me your hand,” Jesse called up to Michael once I’d hoisted myself up. Michael turned around and jumped down onto the ground, and I followed him while Jesse struggled to get to the top. “Help me out here,” he called out.
“Hurry up and don’t say another word,” Michael called back. “I think we should ditch him,” he said to me.
“What is wrong with you? He’s Dwayne’s brother. He could get killed.”
“He’s putting us in danger.” Michael grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward. “Now come on.” He dragged me further, and I heard the sound of something swishing through the air. There was a flash of brown, something woven. Suddenly it lifted us up, and we were trapped, suspended over the water.
I went to scream, but Michael covered my mouth and pointed in the direction of the bushes we saw moving before. A bright red face came into view as a man stepped out. He was swaying and his face was covered in dirt. He pointed his rifle at us and looked through the scope.
“Michael,” I gasped.
When he turned to me, a bright blue dart was sticking out of his neck. He fell over and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.
“Michael…” I felt a sharp pain and looked down. A dart was embedded in my shoulder.
I woke up to the stench of liquor, festering urine and sweat — something else too. It was familiar, but distant, like a dream I once had. Then, I opened my eyes and saw Dwayne lying next to me. We were both laying sideways with our faces on the ground and our hands bound, staring at one another silently.
A thick, purple layer of congealed blood was covering his forehead, and his eyes were bright red. I thought that I’d be relieved when I found him, but I wasn’t because I knew what was coming.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He smiled. “Just so long as you’re here.”
“Shut up,” the man said and kicked him in the face.
“Hey.” I heard Michael behind me and turned over to look at him, noting the mud and branch walls of the makeshift structure we were lying in. “Leave her alone.”
The man slammed him in the face with the butt of his gun. “The men are here to watch,” the assailant announced.
“What are you going to do, Jason?” Dwayne was panicking
“You’ll see.” He grabbed me under the shoulders and pulled me up onto my knees.
“You call me a monster, you sick fuck!” Dwayne screamed and thrashed around, struggling to get up. He turned back to me, and my heart broke. He knew that he was going to lose me and that he’d have to watch it happen. I should never have come.
“Come on, Dwayne. Don’t you want to share?” He grabbed my hair and jerked my head back. “That’s it.”
“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”
Jason bent down to get up in my face. His eyes closed, and he puckered his lips. The stench of the whiskey on his breath was overpowering everything else. I jerked my head away, but he grabbed my chin to hold me still.
Jason was closer. His lips just a few inches away from mine. “No!” I screamed.
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “It’s okay. I just want a taste.” His breath enveloped me in a sickening cloud. I could barely breathe. He was so close I could practically feel him. Something caught the light near my feet. It was a hand reaching in between the cracks on the lean-to wall.
It was Jesse, and he was holding a knife.
“Why stop there?” I said.
“You want it?” Jason asked and pulled back. He let go of my hair.
I met his eyes to keep him from looking at Jesse who was slipping the knife over the rope binding Dwayne’s hands. “I want it bad.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm-hmm.” Jesse was starting to get through it. “I want it bad.”
“You’re such a dumb bitch.” He grabbed the gun leaning against the wall, and pointed it in Jesse’s direction.
I screamed. The gun went off, and I fell. I could see a pool of blood seeping under the wall and a hole revealing Jesse’s strained face. He was holding his leg.
Jason still had the gun pointed at him. He stepped forward and cocked it, but Dwayne grabbed Jason by the ankle and pulled his foot out from under him. Jason fell back, knocking away what was left of the structure, then stood up as fast as he could with his gun in hand. He lunged at Dwayne.
“Dwayne, my ankle.”
I snapped my eyes shut and shielded my ears from the blast. Everything went quiet, save for the sound of the wind.
“Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!” Jason screamed. “You shot me!” He was laying on the ground covering his elbow, and a black stain was welling up on his sleeve. He started to get up. “You’re gonna die.”
“Jesse, throw me that knife.” Jesse threw it, and Dwayne caught it in the air. He reached down, untied his ankles, and stood up, so he could advance on Jason with the gun pointed at his face.
“No…” Jason inched back.
“I’m not going to kill you. I’m not that kind of man.” Dwayne reached into his pocket and dialed 911.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Dwayne
I felt guilty when the cops pulled me aside and told me what’d happened. I knew why Jason had done what he did. He never had a chance, just like those children.
When we were in the navy, he would stay up at night telling me about his abusive father and how the man beat his mother until he killed her, then shot himself in the head. By then Jason was already 17, and it was too late for him to enter the system, so he was on his own, struggling to survive. When he did finally try to do something with his life, it drove him crazy.
Part of me thought that he’d never aged mentally. He was still stuck in that time between adolescence and innocence, watching his mother scream and beg his father to stop. That kind of trauma can hold a man back. Maybe that’s why things got to him as much as they did, or maybe that was just what happened when a soldier was left alone with his thoughts.
The police made us wait for hours so that we could speak with a detective and they could go over the crime scene. We stood around in the forest for hours, waiting while they took their time talking and trying to piece things together.
We were all still weighed down by the effects of the tranquilizers. I sat down with Gillian and leaned against a tree so she could rest her head against my lap and fall asleep. Eventually, the cops told us we had to clear the crime scene, so I carried her back to the car and sat next to her while we drove to the hospital.
She woke up halfway there and turned to me. “I feel terrible. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t left you.”
“Where did you come up with that?” I asked.
“It doesn’t matter. I sorry.”
“Hey,” I said wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. “You’re wonderful. Don’t ever apologize to me.”
She pressed her face against my chest, and I felt her tears soaking into my shirt while I rubbed her back. It didn’t take long for her to fall back to sleep. When we got to the hospital, we walked into the lobby hand in hand. She took a seat. “Don’t you want to go in?”
“No,” she said. “You go.” I didn’t want to walk away. I felt like if I did she would disappear, and I’d never see her again.
After a moment, I walked in back and found Jesse sitting up in bed with his head drooping up and down and his leg in a cast. When I knocked on the door, he shot up and scratched his nose mindlessly. “Oh, hey, bro.” His head fell back down.
“How much morphine did they give you?” I sat down next to him.
“Dude…” He smiled without looking up.
“You’re a real fuck up, you know that.”
He laughed.
“It’s not funny.”
“Sorry…” He trailed off.
“Don’t apologize. Just do something about it. Do you want to be living in a van for the rest of your life?”
He looked up and me, his eyes still drooping. “Why’d you come here?”
“To thank your sorry ass for saving my life.” I hugged him and got up. “Get yourself together, Jesse.”
“Okay…” He was out.
“How is he?” Gillian asked when I walked out.
“I don’t know what to think.”
“Is it bad?”
“He’s drugged out of his mind, and they’re going to give him enough opiates to keep him hooked for life when he leaves.”
“It’s hard when it’s your family, but there’s nothing you can do short of tying him up for the rest of his life.”
“He’ll get it. He’s not stupid.” Michael motioned for the door. “I’ll take you guys back.”
I must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, we were sitting in the car outside my house and Gillian was starting to stir. “Thank you for the ride,” I told Michael and helped Gillian out of the car. When he pulled out, I said, “Don’t go.”
She crashed her lips to mine and threw her arms against my neck. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, you’re not.” I let her inside.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Gillian
When I walked inside the room, Dwayne came up behind me and bit into my neck. His head twisted, he lifted the skin, and his lips fell just a little bit lower.
“Oh,” I sighed.
He wrapped his arm around my stomach and pressed up against me. “You’re here,” he laughed. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I can’t believe we’re alive.” I turned on the light. His face was bruised and smeared with blood. He needed some love and care. “Let me get you cleaned up.”
“I’m fine.”
“Sit down,” I instructed and pointed at the couch.
He obeyed and let me run around trying to find everything I needed. He had a first aid kit under his bathroom sink. I pulled it out and walked back into the living room where he was sitting, smiling at me with his arms behind his head. He never lost his confidence, even after what’d happened. He was still a warrior. “Here,” I knelt down in front of him, tore open an alcohol pad, and pressed it to his forehead.
“Ow,” he cringed and pulled back.
“Don’t be such a baby.” I swept the pad down his nose.
“I’m not a baby. I just shot a man.”
“I talked to the guard at Adams Tower. He told me you went out there because the man was your friend and you didn’t want him to get arrested.”
“He was my partner for years. Half the time we were out in the field, we were alone together. He annoyed the shit out of me, but he was like a younger brother, and there were plenty of times when he saved my life. I couldn’t ruin his life without giving him a chance. I just wish that there was some way I could’ve saved him.”
“Just the fact that you tried-”
“No, Gillian. You don’t understand. He sees things like I do, but he can’t stop it. He’s stuck, and he doesn’t just see things. He acts them out. He thought I was with the Taliban. He almost shot me, and the worst part was, I knew exactly where he was and what he was feeling. I used to go there all the time.”
“You really care about him.”
“I do.”
“I’m sorry.” I finished wiping his face, grabbed another pad, and started on his wrist.
After a moment, he said, “It got me thinking.”
“About what?”
“About us. If you hadn’t come along, that could’ve been me.”
“No, Dwayne…”
“I mean it. I know it sounds strange, but he was living like he was still in the military. He didn’t have a house, just that fort; he camouflaged himself with mud and brush just like they taught us. I know what was happening to him. You get stuck in the military, even when you leave. I’ve seen it in myself. You’re the only reason I haven’t slipped into that.”
He grabbed my wrist and turned my chin so that I was facing him. He had a look of pure devotion on his face. He needed me just as much as I needed him. “Thank you.” He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes and pressed his lips to mine.
I had to hold onto the back of his shirt just to keep from falling. He wrapped his arm around me to support me and pressed in further. His tongue flicked out to press
against my upper lip. Then he pulled back. “I don’t ever want to lose you. I don’t know what I’d do. I love you, Gillian.”
“I love you, too.”
He leaned in and kissed me, this time slower with a gentle touch I never knew he had. When my lips opened, he let his tongue pull out just enough to give me a taste. Then he pulled back and stood up to lead me into the bedroom.
When he laid me down on the bed, I closed my eyes. My body was sore. My skin was raw, and my wrists stung where the rope had dug into them. I’d done too much, seen too much, and I was tired. It would’ve been easy to give into the haze of the tranquilizers if it weren’t for Dwayne’s touch.
His lips poured in, and he swung himself over me, his knee digging into the space between my legs. He pushed it deeper, it grazed my lips, and I sighed. He let his hands move down my arms and grabbed my hands. The chill erased all of the pain, my lips opened to accept him, and he pressed his tongue through, this time deeper into my mouth.
I forgot all of the bloodshed and the fear and drifted back into a state of peace, enchanted by his lips moving down my neck, behind my ear. He lifted my hands and kissed up my arm, my shoulders, and back down over my chest.
This was worship, soothing and pure, not sex. He hadn’t even touched me yet, though I could feel his knee grazing my opening. That wasn’t the point of this. He needed me to give myself over to him, and I needed to know that he was there, that he was safe.
“I love you.” He kissed me again. “I love you.” Another kiss, and I felt chills moving down my neck. “I love you.” The cold flowed down my body, over my arms, and into the place just below my gut. He was moving down my neck, playing with the hem of my shirt, pulling it up slowly.
He lifted it off and threw it onto the ground, then focused on the space between my breasts, his hands gripped on my sides. He was bulging out of his jeans. I could see his cock jump and shivered. He laughed and looked up at me. “So sexy…” He pulled down, kissed my stomach, then reached up behind my back to unclasp my bra. He slid it off and flicked his tongue over the tip of my nipple.
The warmth was a shock that sent me reeling. It pierced through the cold that’d settled in my gut and flew down towards the space between my legs. It was ready to leap out, so I closed my legs shut, hoping I could contain it.
