by Naomi Niles
“Of course not,” I replied a little too quickly.
“Sure,” she said, obviously not convinced. “I came to take you out to lunch, if you have the time.”
“I’m starving, actually,” I said, realizing that my stomach did feel empty. “Let’s go, it would be good to get a breather.”
I said goodbye to Helen and headed out with Vanessa to a little restaurant around the corner. We settled into a booth by the window and ordered our food quickly. We were sipping our drinks when Vanessa asked me about Sam.
“Did he call?” she asked curiously.
“Actually, he did,” I nodded.
“No way!” she gasped. “So soon?”
“He called this morning and asked if he could give me a lift since he knew that I didn’t have a working car.”
“Wow,” she said, clearly impressed. “So he’s the one who got you to work today?”
“Yup,” I nodded. “We dropped Renni off at school first.”
“Damn,” Vanessa said, running her fingers through her white-blonde hair. “The boy’s really interested.”
“He seems really young,” I said, biting my lip.
“If he’s over twenty-one, what the hell does it matter?” she demanded.
I sighed. “It’s not about age,” I said. “It’s about maturity.”
“You don’t think he’s mature?”
“He seems… He just has this vibe about him.”
“Vibe?”
“He seems like the player type.”
“Based on?”
“His face.”
Vanessa burst out laughing. “He’s good looking, so you just assume he must play the field?”
“It’s instinct,” I said, defending myself. “And, my instincts are pretty good.”
“Your instincts as a lawyer are pretty good,” she countered. “This is different.”
“Different how?”
“This is personal,” she told me reasonably. “Which means that you might not be seeing things clearly. Maybe your personal fears and insecurities are clouding your judgement a little.”
I sighed and looked down at my half-empty glass. “Man, I wish I could drink something harder.”
“You can….”
“I’m going back to work after this,” I reminded her. I took a deep breath and tried to collect my thoughts. “Sometimes I go back and forth so often that I actually confuse myself.”
“Give me an example.”
“Well… When Sam asked me out, I said no right away. But then I wished that I hadn’t turned him down. Then I kept thinking about how hard it is to meet a guy who’s okay with the fact that I have a daughter. But then I think about the reality of having him in Renni’s life. I don’t want her getting attached to him if he’s only going to leave.”
Vanessa listened carefully and nodded once when I was done. “Okay, first of all, you need to think about what you want. Are you interested in a real committed relationship? Or do you just want something fun and frivolous?”
“Umm… I don’t… At this point in my life, maybe fun and frivolous is the right way to go.”
Vanessa nodded. “Then you can be as casual as you want with your fire fighter, and Renni need never know.”
I smirked. “He’s Renni’s friend, or have you forgotten? She loves him.”
“All the better,” Vanessa said. “If he happens to be around, then that’s how you explain it. He’s your friend, just like he’s Renni’s friend.”
“Sounds…complicated.”
“Only if you want to make it complicated,” she said. “My advice is, don’t make it complicated.”
“Gee, thanks,” I said sarcastically.
Vanessa laughed. “Come on, Mia. He’s hot, he’s a fireman, and from what I saw, he got along great with Renni.”
“He did,” I sighed.
“You’ve hit the jackpot here,” she encouraged. “Don’t just kick it aside. I’m not saying you have to marry the guy. But let’s face it, honey: you need to get laid.”
“Vanessa!”
“What? It needed to be said.”
I shook my head at her.
“You can’t tell me you don’t miss having sex?”
I sighed. “I don’t have time to think about it.”
She smiled. “You know I’m available anytime to babysit, right?”
“I know,” I nodded. “And I love for that. Speaking of which…”
“You need me to pick up Renni this evening?”
“Please,” I nodded. “I think I’m going to be working late today.”
“No problem,” she said readily. “We can swing by and pick you up when you’re ready.”
“I can take a cab, Vanessa.”
“Don’t bother. I’m more than happy to pick you up.”
By the time the day was over, my body was aching from having to sit in an uncomfortable chair all day. Vanessa dropped Renni and me off at home and we walked into the house hand in hand.
“Did you have a good day, munchkin?” I asked.
“Uh-huh,” Renni nodded. “Aunt Vanessa took me to the park. We had hot chocolate before we came to pick you up.”
“Sounds like a productive day,” I smiled. “Now, why don’t you slip into your pjs, and I’ll read you a bedtime story. How does that sound?”
“I want to read Alice in Wonderland.”
“You got it,” I nodded.
We both changed into our pyjamas and curled into place on her bed. I was about to open Alice in Wonderland, when Renni looked up at me.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, angel?” I asked.
“Do you defend bad people?”
I wrinkled my brows and looked at her curiously. “Did someone tell you I did?”
“Martha,” Renni said immediately. “She said that her mother said that you let bad people go free. And, that wasn’t good.”
I gritted my teeth, but I kept my expression calm. Martha’s parents were both prosecutors. “I don’t defend bad people, sweetheart. I defend people who have had bad things happen to them.”
“Oh.”
I kissed the top of her head. “Sometimes people can’t always defend themselves. Sometimes everything is against them.”
“That doesn’t seem fair.”
“It’s not,” I nodded. “Which is why I help them. Because no one else will.”
Renni smiled as she looked up at me. “I knew you weren’t helping bad men. I told Martha so, too.”
“Oh?”
“She told me I didn’t know what I was talking about,” Renni said. “But I told her that her mommy didn’t know what she was talking about.”
“Did you now?” I asked, impressed despite myself.
“Now Martha’s not talking to me anymore,” she said. “But I don’t care. I know she’s wrong.”
“The problem is that most people don’t always know when they’re wrong. But we can’t let that get to us,” I told her. “We need to do what we feel is right and let them say whatever they want.”
Renni nodded thoughtfully. “I don’t want to play with Martha anymore.”
“Well, you might change your mind one day,” I said. “I would be fine with that.”
“I don’t think I will change my mind,” she said firmly.
I smiled. “That is completely up to you, sweetheart,” I said. “But whatever happens, I don’t want you to be rude or mean to anyone, okay?”
“Even if they’re jerks?”
“Renni!”
“Sorry,” she said, nuzzling into my side.
I tried to suppress my smile, but it was hard to do. “Yes,” I said momentarily. “Even if they’re being…not very nice. We must be the better men.”
“Or the better women.”
I laughed. “Exactly,” I nodded. “We are the better women.”
Chapter Eleven
Sam
The training facility was larger than I had expected, and I was really impressed as I made my way through the rings.
I felt extremely inadequate as I glanced at the mixed martial arts fighters kicking up a sweat with their trainers. There were a few who were unaccompanied, and I watched them a little longer. They were obviously seasoned pros with skill.
I got so caught up in watching them that I forgot to keep an eye out for Talen. Then suddenly I felt a hard assault on my back and turned to find myself face-to-face with my brother.
“Fuck, man,” I said, trying to rub my back. “Was that meant to be gentle?”
Talen raised his eyebrows as one corner of his mouth curled up. He had never been one to smile easily. “Wasn’t it?”
“Hell, no,” I complained. “I’m going to have bruises for months.”
Talen’s smile was slow in coming, but it was by no means wide. People assumed that he was just not expressive or perpetually sardonic about life, but that was just the way he was. There was something refreshing about being around someone who just didn’t give a shit about what the world thought.
“Did you come here to hang with me?” he asked. “Or gawk at the other fighters?”
“Man, I thought I was fit,” I said, glancing around the massive training ring. “This is crazy, though. I don’t think I’ve ever had muscles like that.”
As though he were answering me, Talen pulled off his shirt to reveal the crazy muscles that were going on underneath it. He had a fully-fledged eight pack that was as defined as a bar of chocolate.
“Bloody hell, little bro,” I said. “When did that happen?”
“I’ve been training,” he replied shortly.
“I can see that,” I nodded. “But that eight pack came in fast.”
“I already had six,” he replied. “It wasn’t so hard to add two more.”
“You don’t have to sound so smug.”
Talen didn’t answer. He led me to an empty ring and gestured me inside. “Are you fucking serious?” I asked.
“What?”
“I’m not fighting you.”
“Scared you’re going to lose?” he challenged.
“Actually, yeah,” I nodded.
He shook his head and gestured to me to follow him.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“The gym,” he replied. “It’s just down the hall. I think it might be more your speed.”
My pride had taken a serious hit, but I was man enough to admit when I was outdone. And, I was certainly no match for profession MMA fighters. I was secretly thankful when I saw the gym was a ghost town. I had a feeling I would be outshone here, too. Talen and I started on weights first.
Talen may have been the youngest of the Burbank boys, but he was definitely the largest among us. Alan was the only one who might have surpassed Talen in height, but in sheer mass and power, Talen definitely won.
Like Alan, Talen had inherited dad’s fiery blue eyes. The sheer intensity of that color set against the darkness of his brown hair made him stand out in appearance. I was loath to admit that it was possible he might have been the better-looking brother. The thing about Talen, however, was that he didn’t give two shits.
He was the kind of guy who paid no attention to his appearance. His hair was cropped short and cut close to his scalp. That, combined with his extensive collection of tattoos covering his body and the fact that he rarely smiled, made him look like some sort of dangerous thug who had walked in off the streets. He had been close to taking that route actually, before Peter had stepped in.
“So,” I said. “How are you?”
Talen shrugged. “Fine.”
“That’s it?” I asked. “That’s all you’re going to give me?”
“Well… I do have some news,” he replied.
“Do I have to guess?”
“I’ve been booked for a fight,” he said.
If he was enthusiastic at all about the upcoming fight, he did an excellent job of hiding it. “Seriously?” I said. “Where?”
“Las Vegas.”
“No fucking way!” I practically yelled. “Talen, that’s a huge deal.”
He shrugged. “I have to win,” he said. “Otherwise, it will be a completely waste of my time.”
“You’ll win,” I said confidently. “You were born to fight.”
Talen kept bench pressing and didn’t add anything further. “I’m proud of you,” I said. “Dad would be, too.”
Talen put down the weights and glanced at me. “You think so?”
I reminded myself that he was only twenty-two. He was so young and yet, looking at him, you’d never be able to tell. He hid all his pain and insecurity behind a well-worn mask few could see through.
“I know so,” I said. “I wish I could have told Dad that he didn’t have anything to be worried about when it came to you.”
Talen snorted. “That would have been a waste of time. It seems everyone was worried about me.”
“Not me,” I said immediately. “I always knew you would turn your life around.”
“How did you know that?”
“Because I saw the fighter in you early on.”
Talen looked away from me as though he were uncomfortable with so much sentiment. I decided to change the subject. “So, have you spoken to Mom lately?” I asked.
His blue eyes flew to my face. “No,” he replied shortly.
“She told me to tell you that she thinks about you all the time,” I said, relaying the message from the day before. “And, she would like to see you soon.”
Talen looked down at his hands for a moment. “Okay,” he said, after a long silence.
“That’s it?”
“What do you want me to say, Sam?” he asked, somewhat defensively.
“If you need more time-”
“I don’t need time,” Talen replied, cutting me off. “I just…don’t see the point.”
“The point of what?”
“Meeting her,” he said. “Getting to know her, building a relationship with her.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because we’re strangers to one another,” he replied. “And if we try and get to know each other… Well, let’s just say, she’s probably not going to be what I expect and I’m probably not going to be what she expects. Why go through that disappointment?”
“Because she’s your mother,” I said gently.
“But she left,” he reminded me. “I was five. I learnt to live without a mother. I got pretty good at it, too. Why disrupt everything now?”
“Because she loves you,” I said, coming to her defence. “And she left because she was trying to protect us. You know the story, Talen; she explained it to you herself. Her life was in danger and by staying, she knew she would be putting us all at risk. She did what she had to do.”
“I understand,” Talen replied. “And I don’t blame her-”
“Kind of sounds like you do,” I said.
He sighed. “She just… She wants to talk about things,” he said. “She wants to talk about how she feels and how I feel and…that’s just not my style.”
“You don’t want to dredge up the past?”
“I don’t,” he said. “I don’t want to psychoanalyse all our relationships. I don’t want to have some big therapeutic discussion. I just want to live my life. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“She just wants to know you a little.”
“That’s the problem,” he sighed. “First, she’ll want to get to know me. Then, she’ll expect me to come around for dinners and birthdays and holidays. You know me, Sam. I don’t do traditional. I’m not a family man.”
“Funny,” I said. “That’s what I thought about Peter, John, and Alan. And now, they’re all settled and happy with their partners.”
“Be honest,” Talen said. “Can you see me settling down?”
I smiled. “No.”
“Thank you,” he nodded. “Because I’m not the sort to settle down. I’m a fighter, and I’ve committed to a life of chaos. It would be unfair of me to drag someone into this life with me.”
&
nbsp; “Well, at the very least, we can be old bachelors together.”
Talen smiled. “I’m fine with that.”
We continued with our work out and an hour later, I threw in the towel. “Fucking hell, man,” I breathed. “That’s enough.”
“That was just the warm up,” Talen pointed out.
“Screw you,” I barked at him. “I’m going home.”
He laughed. “That’s okay. I don’t want to keep you from your bubble bath.”
I flipped him the bird as I headed for the exit. That was usually the way we bid each other farewell. It was our way of saying we loved each other. I washed quickly, trying to soothe my aching muscles, and then I headed to Jackson’s Bar for a nightcap.
Jackson was there, but the bar was pretty quiet that night. There were two groups of people wedged in at each end of the bar, but there was no one on the dance floor.
“Slow night?” I asked, taking a seat on the bar stool.
Jackson leaned across the bar and pushed a drink towards me. “It’s a week night,” he said, as though that explained it. “What you been up to today?”
“Met Talen for a work out session,” I replied.
“How is he?”
“The same,” I said. “Easy to be around, difficult to talk to.”
“If you say so,” he laughed. “How’re are things going with the MILF from the accident?”
I shrugged.
“That can’t be good.”
“I asked her out. She turned me down.”
“You?” Jackson asked. “The great Sam Burbank?”
“Save your pity,” I said. “I haven’t given up yet.”
“Why?” he asked, obviously baffled by my interest. “It’s not like this is a serious thing. And she has a kid… It’s not going to do you any good to get mixed up in all that.”
I shrugged. “Just because she has a kid doesn’t mean she wants something serious.”
Jackson was staring out across the bar, as though he were thinking about something else. “Well, it’s your call at the end of the day,” he said distractedly.
I stared at him for a moment, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was obviously preoccupied. I wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that his bar was practically empty.
“Hey, Jackson?”
“Yeah?”
“How are things going with the bar?” I asked. “Business picking up any?”
