by Rachel Dylan
“I’m not sure,” he said softly. “I need some time to reevaluate. To rethink things and try to get some perspective again.”
“Rex, is this about more than just the case?”
“It’s predominantly about the case.”
“And what else?”
“My instincts seem to be wrong about everything lately,” he said quietly. “Starting with the case.”
“And ending with?”
“You, Lily.”
Her eyes widened. “How so?”
“I care for you, Lily. A lot. And you obviously don’t feel the same way. I thought you were starting to have feelings, too, but I can see now I was also wrong about that. I’m not going to lie. It really hurts to come to that realization, but now that I have, it’s just time for me to move on. To face reality. To accept the fact I’m going to have to let you go.”
She pulled her hands away from his, leaving him cold. “It’s not like that, Rex.”
“Then, how is it?”
“I never said that I didn’t want to be with you. I said I didn’t know if I could be with you. And I care about you a lot, too.”
“Fine,” he said. “Are you going to say that I’m wrong, and that you actually do have romantic feelings for me?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Is it?” To him it wasn’t the least bit complicated.
“There’s too much at stake, Rex. I already told you before that I just don’t know if I can go down that road again after what happened with James. I still feel a combination of numbness and pain from the ordeal. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to deal with that baggage. And especially not a man like you. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me. Than what I could ever offer you.”
He couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Lily’s mouth. “You can’t really think that. That I’m too good for you? No, Lily, if anything, it’s the other way around.”
She hung her head. “You’re amazing, and I am thoroughly damaged.”
This time he reached out and grabbed her hands. “Why don’t you let me decide what I need? And what I need is you.”
“Rex,” she whispered. As he looked into her bright blue eyes, they started to fill ever so slightly with tears. She got up from the table and walked into the other room.
He slumped down in his chair. He was certain he’d seen something in her eyes. She wouldn’t have gotten upset if she didn’t have feelings for him. Now that he’d caught a glimpse of what was in her heart, he wasn’t going to give up on what they could have together.
* * *
One week later, Lily was miserable. She hated to admit to herself that she actually missed Rex. A lot. More than she’d ever missed anyone before.
But as much as it hurt her, she was still keeping a safe distance. Because even if she did really care for Rex, she knew that things would eventually end badly. Probably all because of her and her emotional walls that seemed to be more like insurmountable towers at this point. She would just have to take the short-term hurt instead of the long-term, which would inevitably be much worse. But her heart felt as though it was being torn in two.
While her house was being renovated, Alison had taken her in, like any good friend would. Now she was waiting for Jackson to pick her up for dinner. Alison had a business dinner to attend and didn’t want Lily to be alone, even though Lily had insisted she would be fine. But Jackson offered to step in, and Lily thought it would be nice to spend time with him and catch up. Try to get back to normal. Or at least as normal as things could ever be again.
When she saw him pull up in his blue pickup truck, she smiled. “Bye, Grace. You be good while I’m at dinner with Jackson.” She gave her dog a pat and a quick kiss on the head and locked up Alison’s house.
“Hey,” she said. She walked down the front porch steps to meet him.
He gave her a quick hug. “I hope you’re hungry, because I’m starving.”
“Me, too. Where are we going?”
“Believe it or not, I’m cooking.”
She laughed. “Where is Jackson and what did you do with him? Since when in the world did you start cooking?”
“I’ve learned a lot over the years, Lily.” He looked down at her and smiled.
“Well, if you’re cooking, then I’m eating. Because you know very well that I can’t cook anything unless it involves pressing the buttons on the microwave.”
“You haven’t even seen my new cabin because things have been so crazy with you.”
“I know. Talk about a nightmare. To think that I came back home looking for peace and quiet.”
He opened the truck door for her. “Well, you can relax now. It’s all over. You should be able to move on with your life without looking back. I wanted to show off my cabin. If that’s okay with you? We can stay in town if you’d prefer.”
“How far away did you say it was?”
“Just about half an hour.”
“That’s actually perfect. I could use a little change of scenery.”
Lily relaxed as they drove, with Jackson telling stories and the spring air blowing her hair through the open windows. She finally felt alive for the first time in a long time. Maybe everything would be okay after all. Yes, she’d still be alone, but that was her choice. She had Grace and a job she loved. Once the house was renovated, everything would be in place. She’d expand her business and stay busy. She hoped that the pain over parting ways with Rex would lessen with time.
When they pulled off onto the side road that wound up a big hill, Lily couldn’t believe her eyes. Jackson’s multistoried log cabin was magnificent. It was surrounded by a big green pasture on one side and what looked to be a forest filled with big trees and other foliage on the other.
“Wow, Jackson. This is amazing.” Her eyes were drawn to the front porch and yard filled with beautiful flowers in bright spring colors of fuchsia, pink and yellow. “Are you a gardener now, too?”
“Do you like them?” he asked.
“Yes, they’re gorgeous.” She hopped out of the truck and took in another deep breath of air.
“Maybe you could photograph this place?”
“Oh, I’d love to. It’s picture-perfect, Jackson. Completely beautiful and so tranquil. It feels as though we’re the only people on the planet surrounded by this wondrous natural setting.”
“I feel privileged to have you here and show you what I’ve done with the place.”
“Have the others been out here yet?”
“No, you’re the first one. I actually wanted to do a big reveal party here with everyone, but the timing hasn’t been right. But having you here is good enough for me. Just seeing your reaction is priceless. You can go back and tell the others what they’re missing out on.”
She saw sadness in his big brown eyes. Reaching out, she grabbed on to his arm. “I’m so sorry. I realize I probably played a big part in messing up your plans. There’s nothing stopping you now, though. I want you to have an epic housewarming party. You deserve it. You should be so proud of what you’ve done here. It’s absolutely amazing.”
“What’s important, Lil, is that you’re here now. I am excited to show you what I’ve done to the place.”
“You haven’t called me Lil in years.” She laughed.
“It suits you.” He motioned to her. “Come on in. Let me show you around.” He opened up the front door, and she walked through it.
The inside wasn’t nearly as put together yet as the outside, but that would take time. “Are you going to get Alison to help with the inside?”
“Of course. How can you have an interior designer as one of your best friends and not use them?”
She started looking around the first floor, jumping when Jackson’s hand touched her back. “Sorry, you start
led me. Honestly, I’m still a bit on edge after everything that happened.”
“Hey, now. We both know you don’t scare that easily.” He gave her arm a light, playful punch.
“I’m a tough girl,” she said.
“Especially after your time in the CIA.”
Chills shot down her spine. “What?” she asked. How long had Jackson known about her being in the CIA? Did the others know, too?
He smiled. “Don’t act so surprised, Lil. This is me you’re talking with here. How many years have we known each other? Practically forever. There’s no need to keep secrets at this point. Not between friends.”
“Jackson, I’m so sorry. I hated keeping my work at the CIA from you and Alison and Guy. But you have to realize that my work was classified. I couldn’t just go around telling everyone I was in the CIA. That would’ve been a big security risk.” She took a breath. “I have to ask you, though. How exactly did you learn about my past?”
“It wasn’t that difficult to dig around and find out what you had been up to those few years you spent in Washington, DC. You told all of us that you were working for the State Department, but that never added up to me. You didn’t exactly fit the role of a diplomat. It explains why you were so secretive about your work and your time in DC.”
“Well, I would appreciate it if you kept that knowledge to yourself. I wasn’t planning on letting you all know until a few years down the road, once there was some distance between me and the work and I got the official okay from Langley.”
“Are you worried about someone from your past finding out who you are?”
“Actually, yeah. I’d prefer to just focus on my photography. I left the CIA life behind.”
“You left a lot behind, Lil.”
“Oh, Jackson, where is this coming from?” She walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch.
“It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” He went into the kitchen. “I’ll go start dinner. Can I get you some iced tea while you wait?”
“Sure.” She felt bad that Jackson thought she’d abandoned him. She wondered if all her friends felt that way. Probably so. Now that she was safe, she needed to make a concerted effort to spend more quality time with them. “Jackson, I know I haven’t been a great friend.”
“Don’t say it like that. You had a job to do for your country. I get that, even if it still hurt to be shut out for so long.” He walked into the living room carrying a large glass of tea. “I know you like it sweet.” He handed her the drink.
She took a large sip. “This is delicious. Thank you.” She paused. “You don’t have to go through all that trouble cooking on your own. I can help you. I’m not totally incompetent if you give me precise directions.”
He shook his head. “I’ve got the cooking under control. There are other things I’d like to talk about with you, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember in high school when I asked you on a date and you told me no? That we were better off as friends?”
“That was a long time ago.” She looked up at him. “Why are you asking about that?”
“How would you feel if I asked you that same question now?”
Whoa. She hadn’t seen that coming. Did Jackson think this was a date? She needed to head this off before he went down that road any further. “Jackson, I’m not currently in any position to answer that.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Really? Because it seemed as if you and the FBI agent were super close.”
She shook her head. “It wasn’t like that at all. He was just doing his job. He had to stick close to me because there was a psychotic serial killer out there trying to hunt me down.” She took another sip of tea, enjoying the sweetness combined with the tang of lemon.
He took a seat beside her. “If that’s true, then maybe there is some hope for us.”
“Jackson, you really could do so much better than me. I can’t offer you what you need.”
“But I want to be with you, Lil. Always have.”
“What? What do you mean you always have?” Her head started to pound. She tried to take a few deep breaths but realized it was becoming harder to get air. She looked down at the tea and then back up at him as he stared at her. “Jackson, no.”
“Yes, Lil,” he said in a perfectly calm voice.
Recognition hit her like a freight train. “No, not you.”
“I give you about five or so minutes before you’re out cold from the special concoction I prepared for you. It’s similar to what I used on your pizza. When Sean stopped by to check on me, he didn’t think anything of leaving me alone with the food while he conducted a security sweep of my place. I actually miscalculated and put too much on your pizza. I was more careful this time, though.”
As her world started closing in on her, she fought to get answers. If she was going to die, she had to know. “Did you really kill all of those women?”
“Yes,” he answered without any hesitation.
“But why? I don’t understand why you’d do all of this.”
“Because of you, Lil. It’s always been about you.” He reached out and put his hand on her knee. “You don’t think I randomly picked women who looked like you, did you?” He shook his head. “No. I had a plan. But you messed it up. From the moment you came back into town. It was supposed to be you and me back together again. Like we were always meant to be.”
“You haven’t asked me on a date since I’ve been home.”
“Because I could tell that you weren’t interested. But just having you back in my life, I honestly couldn’t control my need to be with you. So I discovered my talent for finding what ended up being very poor substitutes for you. Once I started down that road, though, I realized how much I enjoyed taking those lives. It was as if I was born to kill those women.”
In a fog, she kept talking. “It was you in my house that first night, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. There was never any hired gun. That was all part of my manipulation of the evidence to set up Sean and make that theory plausible. And that night is actually what caused me to delve into your background. You fought me off like a trained warrior. Imagine my surprise when I found out you were a CIA agent. But that only added to your mystique in my eyes. An even greater challenge and more wonderful prize than I ever imagined. Although, I’ll never again make the mistake of underestimating your strength. You’re clearly a worthy opponent. None of the other women I killed even came close. Most cried and gave up. It was so easy to take their lives. To watch them take their final breaths. To know that I had the power to decide if they lived or died. It was such a big thrill. Nothing in the world is like it.”
She couldn’t even begin to fathom everything she was hearing. The man she had known since he was just a boy—the man who she had grown up with, whom she considered one of her only true friends in the world—was a serial killer. And he was going to murder her. She feared that it wouldn’t be fast, that he might have torture in mind. Would Rex put two and two together and find her? An overwhelming feeling of regret washed over her. She never should’ve shut Rex out. Now she was probably going to die without having told Rex her true feelings for him. All because she was afraid. Fighting to stay awake, she turned her attention back to Jackson.
“At any rate, I never planned on really hurting you that night at your house. I actually wanted to bring you here with me. And have us work on a relationship together. It seemed like the most prudent thing to do.”
“Prudent?” She realized that Jackson was totally delusional.
“Yes, but when that aspect of my plan failed, I realized that I would have to take more drastic action.”
“Like shooting Rex or trying to burn down my house with me in it.”
“It’s all okay now, Lil. You’re here. Just like it was al
ways meant to be. There’s no reason for you to be concerned about anything else.”
“What about Sean?” That poor man was innocent of all wrongdoing.
He shrugged. “He was a convenient scapegoat. I had nothing against Sean personally. He had no interest in you that I could tell.”
“He confessed to all of the murders.”
“Because I threatened to kill his family if he didn’t give a detailed confession. I provided the information through a letter. He never knew who I was. Just that he had no choice but to make the false confession or that I would kill them. He obviously knew I wasn’t kidding, because I included details of the murders only the real killer would know.”
She tried to form more words, but nothing came out. She could feel herself fading as her body sank deeper into the sofa. Dear Lord, I need You now.
* * *
Lily hadn’t responded to Rex’s texts or calls since last night. He didn’t like being completely shut out of her life. Yeah, she’d wanted her space. And yeah, she’d made it clear that she needed some time. But he refused to take that as her final answer. And he doubted she would be the type to just give him the silent treatment or ignore his calls completely. He didn’t think he was coming across as that pushy.
When his phone finally rang, he was excited, thinking that it had to be her. But then he realized he didn’t recognize the number. His heart sank.
“Hello,” he said.
“Is this Rex?” a female voice asked.
“Yes. Who is this?”
“It’s Alison. Lily’s friend.”
Immediately his gut clenched. Something was wrong. “What is it?”
“It’s about Lily. She went out last night and never came home.”
“What? What do you mean she didn’t come home?”
“I didn’t want to sound the alarm for no reason, but it’s not like her to go this long without texting or calling. I had a client dinner to go to so she decided to meet up with Jackson. When she didn’t come home, I thought she’d crashed at his place. But I walked down to his house and no one was there. I’m worried they got into an accident or something.”
